Darkness Before Dawn
by kdinthecity
Summary: It's a year after the war ended, and Ursa returns to the Fire Nation. Both Zuko and his mother face their difficult pasts while Katara tries to figure out her place in the capital city. A story about learning to love and be loved and finding the path to new beginnings in a war-torn world. Rated M for references to abuse.
1. Prologue

There was a boy.

He stood on the dock watching the horizon for any sign of the long-awaited ship's arrival. He could hear the bustle of the nearby harbor town with the smell of the morning's catch still lingering in the air, a mixture of fish, salt, and sea. The boy was royalty, but had refused to wear the heavy official robes that day much to the chagrin of his guardsmen. The heat of the summer had not yet relented with the season's impending change, but the boy did not hope for the arrival of autumn simply because it promised a cooler breeze. He waited with eager anticipation because she said she would come back at summer's end.

The end of summer in the Fire Nation meant a lot of things, he remembered. A year ago, he had declared the war was finally over. As the young ruler watched the waves lap at the beach below him, he knew the tides were changing, just like the times were changing, an ebb and flow of progress. The seasons reflected the past year's cycle of peacemaking efforts. Last autumn, the winds changed, and the nations seemed to be chasing different ideas of what peace should look like in their post-war world. The winter brought cold static coexistence where everyone worked to survive, but there was no warmth in their interactions. The most growth had occurred during the spring, and even the boy had felt hopeful when the first seeds of true peace began to take root.

Then the summer heat caused restlessness. Among the people who drew their strength from the sun, a hunger for power began to boil again. The boy of 17 years, forced to rule at such a young age, wondered if he could take the heat. The fire in his blood reminded him that it is his destiny. Yet, the desire in his heart craved the coolness of water to wash over him, for the long summer days to fade into moonlit nights. At summer's end, he stood watching the sea, yearning for the eyes that reflected its beauty, projected its power. At last, the ship appeared on the rippling water within his view, and in that moment, the boy felt at peace.

There was a girl.

She stood at the ship's railing feeling the power of the ocean that surrounded her. She always felt at peace near the water, but the warmth of the air reminded her that she was far from where she once called home. Her three-month visit to the South Pole had been strange. It felt familiar, yet different, and she couldn't decide what had changed more, her idea of home or home itself. And now she sailed back toward what? A position? An occupation? A future? Those were the questions her father asked. But she knew the real answer. It was for a boy.

She decided that she must've been the one who changed. Two years of traveling the world and living away from home would do that. A master of her element now, she could command water out of thin air and sense it in the lifeblood of another being. In her awareness of such power, she felt the burden of responsibility. She wasn't just a teenager who helped win a century-old war. She would be an agent of change in a world that needed rebuilding. People can do better, she believed.

She'd seen it firsthand, after all. The boy, a young leader with a difficult past, had changed. He wanted a better world, too, and maybe that's what drew her to him. She welcomed the sun's warmth on her face, and the iciness of family members who didn't understand her reasoning started to melt away. She still felt suspended between two worlds, though, as if lost at sea. She didn't understand destiny as clearly as the boy did. As the harbor gates came into view, she pushed away her thoughts of an unknown future. When a figure on the dock began to wave to her, she knew that in that moment, she was exactly where she needed to be.


	2. Dreams and Doctors

Fire Lord Zuko was thrashing violently and groaning as all-too-familiar scenes from his troubled childhood revisited his dreams. The nightmares had subsided after the end of the war and the fall of his father, but in recent months, they had returned with a vengeance. On the nights that he spent with his girlfriend, Katara, her presence gave him the comfort and the respite he needed to sleep peacefully. For several months, he felt like he could actually handle the pressures of his Fire Lord duties since he was getting some of the best sleep of his life. He didn't actually make the connection until Katara went home to the South Pole for the summer.

Tonight she had returned to his side, but in following its pattern of recent weeks, Zuko's nightmare resurfaced with unexpected intensity. Katara awoke when she felt the heat of his body rising. She gathered a little water from a nearby vase before waking him since she knew it would help cool and soothe him. All of the sudden, Zuko sprang up, grabbed her shoulder, and raised a fiery fist above her. With quick reflexes, Katara used the water to create an ice barrier between the two of them before he struck. She made eye contact with him, focusing intently on his slightly glazed golden eyes, trying not to let her fear overtake her. _He's not awake._ _Oh, spirits, he doesn't know what he's doing._

And then she saw it. His expression changed instantly when he came to and realized what was happening. It was a combined look of horror, fear, and shame. He quickly recoiled and turned away from her, swinging his feet over the side of the bed. He pressed his fists into the sheets, and she heard a sizzling sound. She started breathing heavily, yielding to the adrenaline rush she felt. She wasn't sure what to do next. Zuko buried his head in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned over the side of the bed. "I… I'm so sorry, K-Katara," he managed before he slipped away as swiftly and soundlessly as he had come when he sneaked into her room earlier that night.

She intended to call out to him, but her voice was caught her in throat. She knew he needed comfort. She wanted to tell him that it was OK, that she was there for him. She also knew he would insist on being alone, but she was afraid of what dark thoughts he'd drown in if left to his own devices. She got up, quickly dressed, and began yet another search for a sulking Zuko. He often fled and moped when he didn't want to talk about something. This time seemed different, though. Finding him was more pressing, yet the outcome was more uncertain. Was there something seriously wrong that he wasn't telling her?

Zuko had crumpled into a heap beside the turtleduck pond. He knew it was an easy spot for Katara to find him even though he really didn't want to be found. Maybe he'd scared her enough that she wouldn't follow him. She should never want to be with him if he was like this. _What if… what if there is something inside me like… a sickness…_ Zuko feared it was just festering in his subconscious, and one day he would just snap like Azula and become the terrible image of his father that haunted him. He tried to conjure up the details of his dream that would make him react so badly, to better understand it, but all he could see was Katara's face with his flaming fist reflecting in the pools of her brilliant blue eyes. _Oh, Agni, what did I almost do?_

She did come as he expected. Her hands felt cool and comforting as she rubbed his shoulders, and then she sat next to him, leaning into him. "Zuko, when did the dreams start again?"

"A few months ago," Zuko said. _When you left,_ he thought.

"Is there… anything I can do?" she whispered.

"Do you remember back on Ember Island when you called my father _damaged goods_?" Zuko let out a long sigh. "I think I must be, too. Some things just can't be fixed."

"Oh, Zuko, you know that's not true! You've already overcome so much. You can't change the past, and maybe it's a part of you, but you can fight it. And… you don't have to fight it alone." She laced her fingers in between his and gave a reassuring squeeze.

"What if it's not really like a battle, but more like a _sickness_. And what if it can't be cured… I can't be fixed. I can't bring you into this, not when you can get hurt, too. I c-can't risk hurting… you." Zuko felt a burning sensation behind his eyes and lowered his head.

"Hey… I love you, and I'm with you on this, okay?" She wrapped her arms around him as he shuddered. "I'm so, so sorry." His voice broke. "So sorry."

They stayed in each other's embrace for a while until Zuko said, "I think, we, uh, should go back to our own beds. For tonight." Katara started to protest, but then thought better of it. She kissed him softly on his scarred cheek and watched him as he walked back toward the palace. "I'll, uh, have someone come change out the sheets and mattress for you," he called back.

* * *

When Katara arrived at work the next day, she encountered a bit of a heated discussion between her supervisor, Dr. Yang, and Azula's therapist, Dr. Jung. She was surprised to hear Zuko's name mentioned, so she held back behind the door just out of sight to listen.

"You're not here to evaluate the Fire Lord, are you? So stick to Azula's treatment and leave Zuko alone," Dr. Yang said.

"Well, the Fire Lord was interested in our sessions and volunteered to take part. I thought he might be helpful, offer some insight, even. I had no idea this family was so… _dysfunctional_." Dr. Jung shook his head as if trying to rid his brain of some awful notion.

"I've been treating both of those children since they were born! Azula plays mind games with Zuko, she's manipulative at best, and engaging them both in a conversation about their father is a most ill-advised practice! Are you sure you're a doctor, Mr. Jung?" Dr. Yang put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot impatiently.

"A-hem, I am highly trained in the practice of herbal medicine and am currently the leading research therapist in medicinal matters of the mind. And if you question my credibility, I'll have you know that my work and that of my predecessor was commissioned by Fire Nation citizen and Avatar Roku himself!" Dr. Jung drew himself up to his full height and surveyed Dr. Yang from behind his spectacles.

"Hmmmph. _Research therapist_." Dr. Yang fired back a look of disdain. "So you're just testing your theories on these children, huh? I know you don't have the luxury of knowing their background, but what good could come out of dwelling on some of their darkest moments? We need to move _forward_ with the girl, and certainly not do anything to regress with the boy, err, I mean, the Fire Lord. He has enough pressure on him as it is already."

Dr. Jung's features softened a bit, and his brow furrowed. "Well, I hadn't anticipated where the conversation would lead. I had only hoped that in discussing—and accepting—some of the past, we could see a clearer path to the future… toward healing. You know, after seeing the Fire Lord's outraged reaction, he probably could use some applied therapy, you know, when the time is right," Dr. Jung sighed, "Or at least have someone safe he can talk to…"

Katara's thoughts were buzzing. No wonder Zuko had such a terrible dream last night! And how dare this man try to pull out all those hurts and fears, leaving him so raw and vulnerable especially in front of Azula! Zuko hadn't even confided much in Katara on such matters much less some stranger! Although Zuko did say that this doctor was their best hope for helping Azula. And commissioned by Avatar Roku, wow, Katara wondered what that was all about. She hung on Dr. Jung's last words, "At least have someone safe he can talk to…" _That's me_ , she thought. _I can help. Maybe Dr. Jung can tell me what to say or the right questions to ask or…_

"Katara! What are you doing!?" Dr. Yang's discovery of her jolted her back to her senses. "I, uhh… was coming to check in after my leave and see where you want me for today's rotation?" Katara's face reddened as Dr. Jung brushed past her, and she noticed Dr. Yang's look of disapproval. "I thought I better not interrupt," she added.

Dr. Yang's eyes narrowed. "Look, Katara. I don't know how much you heard. But I know you fancy the Fire Lord. You should stay out of this. Be his friend… his lover… whatever… but don't play with fire. You'll get burned. Now, follow me."

It was unnerving how Dr. Yang could anticipate Katara's thoughts like that. Dr. Yang had mentored her for nearly a year now, and they had fallen into a fairly predictable working relationship. Dr. Yang was even used to Katara's tendency to get lost in her own thoughts. _The burn analogy was a bit over-the-top,_ Katara thought. _Like I've never heard that one before in regard to dating Zuko… well, except that last night, I almost did get burned._

"Ahem, Katara? Hello, Katara, yoo hoo?" Dr. Yang waved a hand in front of her apprentice's face.

"Oh, right, sorry. Yes?" Katara blinked.

"Welcome back, by the way." A rare genuine smile formed on the doctor's face.

* * *

Katara worked hard to finish her rotation early hoping that she'd be able to catch Dr. Jung and ask him a few questions. She was still miffed at him for opening up Zuko's old wounds but figured the doctor did have his best interest at heart. He, like her, probably didn't know what they were really getting into. She found him in his office with the door slightly ajar, and he appeared to be deeply engaged in a large leather-bound book. She hadn't seen many books like that before. They were usually only found at universities where large collections of research would be compiled and bound. It made things simpler that way rather than keeping up with a bunch of scrolls like the ones Dr. Yang usually gave her to study.

She knocked timidly and made a slight noise like she was clearing her throat. "Dr. Jung, I, uh… was wondering if I could ask you a question?" Dr. Jung looked up abruptly and squinted at her as if he needed a moment to focus on the source of the sound. Katara sensed he was looking more through her than at her. "I'm quite busy, my dear. Perhaps another time." Then he seemingly came to and actually acknowledged her presence. "Oh, hello. I recall that you are Dr. Yang's apprentice. I really can't entertain an apprenticeship right now. I have lots of work to do."

"Oh, uh… Dr. Yang keeps me plenty busy. And I understand that you are very busy, too, sir. I, uh, just had a question about Zu—Fire Lord Zuko." Katara wasn't sure why she was so nervous talking to this man. Maybe because he was a _friggin'_ _brain doctor,_ and she was afraid her own evaluation might be next. Dr. Jung sighed, took off his spectacles, and rubbed his temples. It was only then that Katara could see the stress—or was it _concern?_ —that he held in his countenance.

"Young lady. I cannot discuss my patients with you. It would be a violation of their trust and the agreement I have with them as their doctor. So, I bid you farewell and a good evening, as I'm sure you are done with your rounds for today. I, however, have several hours of work left to do, so if you wouldn't mind…" Dr. Jung trailed off and redirected his attention to his book once more.

Feeling quite dejected, Katara almost spun around on her heel to leave, but a thought struck her. "Wait, Zuko, I mean, the Fire Lord isn't your patient. Azula is, right? And Dr. Yang made it very clear that you are not to be treating the Fire Lord." Katara watched Dr. Jung carefully for a reaction, but he appeared unmoved. "So, I was just wondering if…"

He suddenly snapped. "Fire Lord Zuko is headed down just as treacherous a path as his sister, and it is only a matter of time before he buckles under the pressure of being Fire Lord with so many burdens to bear. He needs… he needs… SOMETHING!"

Dr. Jung's outburst surprised her. Perhaps he was more invested in this than a doctor should be. Dr Yang was always telling her NOT to get attached to her patients. It was the hardest lesson, and she was still struggling, yet she knew that it was necessary, otherwise she would be consumed by grief for her patients' suffering. Besides, she was emotionally committed to Zuko, as it were.

"You're right! He needs something. Or someone! And… I think I am in the best position to be that someone." Katara left it at that. She didn't want to reveal too much, too soon in front of this doctor whom she barely knew.

Dr. Jung seemed suddenly concerned that he had divulged too much, so he backpedaled. "As I stated already, I am not equipped to take on an apprentice right now. The medicinal approach to matters of the brain… well, it's all very, shall we say, _innovative_ , and I need to give my full focus to the patient in my care. So if you would please…"

 _Ugh._ _Enough._ _This is where overbearing meddlesome girlfriend goes berserk._

"No! You clearly want to help Zuko, and so do I! I don't give a rabbiroo's ass about Azula, so you can do all your _innovative_ research on her. I know that is the medical code word for 'we don't know shit, so we'll just try this and see what happens,' and I don't want Zuko to be your test subject anyway! He tells ME things… _terrible_ things! And I wanted your help, your so-called expertise, so that I can actually journey WITH him toward healing. But I see now that you don't have a fucking clue what is wrong with this family and what to do about their fucked up past. Zuko has these crazy nightmares where he wakes up with someone's death wish… and I don't even know where that's coming from… and… it's so… scary… and I just want to…"

Katara hated that she would break down in front of a professional, a doctor, no less—someone in the field she was trying to pursue—where she was trying to prove herself. She turned toward the door. He had already told her to leave. Clearly he would not help her. Crying was not going to make the situation any better. She felt the hot tears on her cheeks, so she grabbed the doorknob with intent on making a hasty retreat.

"Wait," Dr. Jung said firmly, yet there was a hint of kindness in his tone. "Did you say Zuko had a dream?"

"Um… yes?" Karara sniffed, wiping her tears on her sleeve, yet not turning to face him.

"I…uh… would like to work with you on that premise. The dream thing… and well, also helping Zuko get better, as a consequence," Dr. Jung replied.

Somewhat shocked and still unconvinced, Katara confessed, "But he doesn't tell me about his dreams. I only see his reaction. So if you want to interpret them or whatever…"

"No, actually, that's not it, or well, not entirely. I just think there's more to our dreams than we know. I've studied it before with fascinating finds, and it would be a nice, uh… diversion to resume that study while tackling the complicated case that is Princess Azula." Dr. Jung shuddered slightly, as if the word _Azula_ evoked a certain emotion for him.

Katara wasn't sure how she felt about this. It still sounded like Zuko would be a case study. But it also seemed like he could get some help. And if they could get to the bottom of these crazy nightmares, then they could _both_ finally sleep in peace.

* * *

 **A/N:** The "damaged goods" reference from Ember Island is from _Not Stalking Zuko_ , a fic written by Emletish. (Link in my profile.) This story falls in her universe, and I will do my best to fill in any plot holes if needed (but really, you should just go read her stuff because it's way better than mine). Also, Dr. Yang as Katara's mentor at the royal hospital where she works is Em's OC. Dr. Jung is also hers, although he is just briefly mentioned in _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_.

I have no idea if Em's Dr. Jung is based on Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud, but that is also where I am headed with the dream analysis angle. So there will be some early 20th century psychology references of which I do NOT claim to be an expert. Any and all therapy methods used or mentioned in this fic are purely fictional and have no medical basis or background aside from my own brief experience in behavioral cognitive therapy and some limited research I have done. End of disclaimer.


	3. A Visitor in the Dark

Katara didn't realize how late it was until she finally set foot back in the villa where she had been staying. It was Zuko's childhood home, and he insisted that she have his old room. It wasn't far from the palace, so they were able to rendezvous as they pleased. She shared the villa with Toph and Uncle Iroh, as it was typical that extended "family" live in the adjacent villas while the royal family resided in the palace. At this point, Zuko lived alone in the residential wing of the palace, although he made frequent visits to Katara's room at night. Their relationship was still technically a secret to the general public, albeit most everyone around the palace grounds knew by now.

Katara smiled at the familiar scene of Iroh and Toph playing a game of pai sho, their usual evening pastime. The rumble in Katara's stomach reminded her that she had just missed dinner. _I wonder if Zuko ate already. Maybe I could catch him, and we could dine together_. _I just want to talk to him, make sure he's OK, tell him it's alright, hug him… and kiss him… and then maybe…"_

Just when her thoughts were starting to get a bit pervy, Iroh interrupted them. "Katara! What are you doing here?"

"Huh? What do you mean? I got back yesterday." She felt sheepish being caught in her daydream. _Of course, Uncle doesn't know what I was thinking about…_

"We know that, Sugar Queen. I thought I'd shown up to an ostrich horse race last night with how excited Sparky was at dinner. I hope you were able to rein him in and ride it out," Toph snorted.

"Uh… rrrrright. I had to work late. Sorry I missed dinner," Katara explained.

"Katara! I thought you'd be with Zuko!" Iroh gaped at her.

 _OK, what's he getting at? I'm thinking about it, Toph is making innuendos. But it's a little early for that. Usually Zuko and I usually don't... until later…_

"I, um, I'm not sure I know what you mean…" Katara willed her face not to turn red, although she was sure Toph could feel her heart rate rising.

"Oh, this is just great. Just like him. Of course. I should've known," Iroh muttered.

A sense of dread hit Katara like an earthbent rock. Somehow she knew he would do this. It was the ultimate sulk. He would leave the palace after what happened last night. He would need to "clear his thoughts" or use whatever excuse he typically gives. He would run away from the conversation they so desperately needed to have. "Uncle Iroh, did Zuko go somewhere?"

Iroh's expression proved difficult to read. Was it pity? Or understanding? He sighed. "Katara, he's gone to Two Rivers to help your brother and Suki. There have been some obstacles in the peacemaking efforts there, and Aang is nowhere to be found. I think reaching out to our Zuko was a last resort since they know there is already so much pressure here with the war reparations and such… Zuko reacted as if he HAD to leave today. It was of the utmost importance to him."

 _Our Zuko_. Katara reflected on how they all truly felt like family especially after everything they had been through with the war. It was a nice feeling. _Belonging._

"I had only assumed he would take you with him," Iroh continued. "Since Sokka is there and all. Is everything OK between you two?"

"Yes!" Katara exclaimed. "Or well, mostly. I mean, _we_ are fine. _He_ may not be."

 _How could he do this? I've been away for three months, and he just leaves me? Just like that? After all we've been through. After what happened last night. We need to work through that. He needs to feel safe with me. I need to feel safe with him!_

Iroh seemed to sense Katara's anxiety. "Tea, shall we?"

She followed him to the kitchen where the smells wafting there reminded her again that she had missed dinner. Thankfully a cook was still pacing about, so Katara could make a request. She had forgotten about the servants at the palace. It took a while for her to get used to them when she first moved here. Then in the South Pole, she and Gran Gran fell into their usual pattern of cooking all the meals. Katara liked the idea of being self-sufficient better, but she also knew the servants approached their job with the relentless Fire Nation honor, and under Zuko's rule, at least, they were cared for and well-paid.

Katara was always grateful for Uncle Iroh and his insightful chats over tea. She wasn't sure how much she should tell him, though. Of course, she knew he was like a father to Zuko, but she didn't want to betray her boyfriend's trust either. She sipped her tea quietly and waited for Iroh to speak first.

"I just want to say that since you've been around—and I mean really _around_ —Zuko has been almost a different person." Iroh paused, chuckled, and shrugged as if he wanted to say something else but decided against it. Katara raised an eyebrow but kept waiting for him to continue.

"Katara, he's been more relaxed, less temperamental, and dare I say it, _happy_." The retired war general was practically beaming at her. "You have no idea how excited he was for your homecoming yesterday."

"Um, thanks," Katara said. "I'm glad to be back."

"I know my nephew can be complicated. I am sorry that he has given you cause to worry. If it would give you any comfort, send a hawk to Sokka. Zuko is traveling by boat, so it will be a few days before he arrives."

Katara thought for a minute before asking, "Did Zuko have nightmares often as a child… or when you were traveling together?"

The cook set a bowl of noodles down in front of Katara, and she managed several bites before Iroh finally answered. "I suppose he did, now that I think about it. I never gave it much thought, really. He never talked about what was going on in that surly brain of his, so I figured his dreams were one way for him to sort it out. It's no wonder they would turn out to be nightmares, of course." Iroh closed his eyes while he calmly sipped his tea.

"Did he ever…uh…lash out during his dreams? Like he was acting them out or something?" Katara shuddered as she remembered Zuko's fist in the air, moments from hitting her, followed by the most horrified expression she'd ever seen once he realized what he was doing.

"No—or well, maybe once. We were in Ba Sing Se, and he got very sick. That sleep was very fitful—those dreams, very intense. Like the sickness had consumed him, even his brain," Iroh said.

 _A sickness_ , Katara thought. _Zuko had used those very words. And Dr. Jung seemed to be treating it as such. Oh Yue, what am I going to do?_

* * *

Katara crashed into her bed and let the tears flow freely into her pillow. She noticed the sheets had been changed since last night's incident. She wondered how someone who didn't know the whole story could misinterpret the scorch marks on her bed. They tried to be discreet about their relationship, yet they rarely operated as if they cared what others thought. _I miss him so much… I really need his strong, warm arms… his Zuko smell…_ Whenever he didn't come to her room, she'd sneak into his.

She went there almost out of habit. When he didn't come to her, she'd go to him, simple as that. After scaling the wall and slipping silently through his window, she surveyed the empty room and sighed. _Oh, Zuko. Why did you leave me?_ She crawled into the bed hoping to at least settle into his familiar smell, but his linens had been recently changed as well. She decided to get one of his tunics out of his wardrobe. _Mmmm, yes, there's that smell._ As she fingered the hemline of the fabric, she heard an odd crinkling sound. She pulled a note out of his pocket that read, "Good for a spot of tea with a side of advice from Uncle." She laughed, remembering the coupon gifts from Uncle Iroh on Zuko's coronation day. It seemed like ages ago. She was so proud of him that day. She still was—he had come so far in such a short time, bearing the weight of Fire Lord during a most difficult period of national restoration and worldwide transition. How he could handle so much, she never knew. But then Dr. Jung's words pierced her like ice, "It is only a matter of time before he buckles under the pressure…"

She awoke sometime later to find herself curled up on his bed using Zuko's tunic as a pillow, of sorts, and still clutching Iroh's coupon. It was still dark outside, so she figured it would be best to go back to her own room before she was discovered. She hung the tunic back up in the wardrobe but pocketed the coupon. _It may come in handy_ , she thought, even though Iroh's tea and advice were always free for the taking. Then just as she came, she slid soundlessly out the window and crossed the palace grounds back to the villa.

Katara's heart fluttered when she reached her window. A shadowy figure had just passed before it. _Zuko! He's still here! We can talk and cuddle and everything in the world would feel right again!_ She wasn't so naive as to think it would be that simple. Still, they were always there for each other. That's what made their love stronger, that they could take refuge in one another and feel strengthened to face the world—together. _Zuko needs to know he's not alone!_

Her heart raced with excitement, but once she was back in her room, no one appeared to be there. "Zuko!" she whispered. "Zuko, are you there?"

A very strange, yet somewhat familiar voice spoke in the darkness. "Zuko. Yes, that was his name."

Katara whipped water into her hands to prepare her defense. "Who—who's there?" She squinted toward a dark corner of the room as a tall figure of a woman emerged.

"I don't mean to cause alarm. And I suppose I'm in the wrong place because I thought this was my son's room." The woman's voice was cool and even.

"Your son? Zuko is your son!? Fire Lady Ursa, is that you? Is it really you?" Katara released the water and took a few steps toward the woman still shrouded in the shadows. _Dammit Zuko, you chose a brilliant time to leave_. _Could this really be his mother? Or am I the one having strange dreams now?_

The woman recoiled at Katara's advancement and started taking deep breaths as if doing some sort of calming exercise.

"But how did you get in here? The palace grounds are heavily guarded. How long have you been here? Where have you been? What happ…" Katara's realized her mistake too late. She should probably not be riddling the poor woman right now.

"I… I don't know," the woman said quietly.

"I'm so sorry. Um, Fire Lady Ursa, my name is Katara of the Southern Water Tribe." Katara offered the customary Fire Nation bow.

"Katara?" The woman said the name like she'd heard it before.

"Would you, uh, like to sit down? I can go get some tea." Katara gestured to a chair and then stroked her hair nervously. She had no idea what to do. _Where is Zuko? Should I go get Iroh? This woman seems a bit off. Maybe she's not really Ursa, and this is a trick. It could be another assassination attempt._ Katara never imagined Ursa to be the sneaky type who would just show up in Zuko's room like this in the middle of the night. She hadn't seen any portraits of the Fire Lady since Zuko and Azula had burned them all at Ember Island, and apparently Ozai had done the same in the palace after his wife was banished. Even though she didn't know what Ursa looked like, Katara figured she better get a good look at this woman in case she was an intruder.

She lit the lanterns with spark rocks. _Where is my firebender I need him?_ The woman tentatively inched toward the chair as if it were a scorpidillo poised to bite her, but she finally relented and sat down. Her eyes shifted around the room in anticipation of something jumping out at her at any minute. When the woman turned to look at Katara, and her face was revealed in the soft glow of the lantern light, Katara gasped.

"I—I… know you!" Katara exclaimed. The woman flinched, and her eyes darted toward the door. Katara knew she should proceed with caution given where she had seen this woman before. "I met you in Ba Sing Se," she continued, speaking more calmly this time. "I—we… had tea together and a lovely conversation… a—about your children." Katara tried to recall the conversation she'd had with this particular Joo Dee. It was the biggest breakthrough she'd had with a long-term patient, yet she had ruined it with her excitement. Much like she was doing now. She also remembered speculating that Ursa could be a Joo Dee, but Zuko didn't want her to pursue it at the time. _Was I really right all along?_ The realization made her feel weak in the knees.

"I remember you, too," the woman said. "Although I am trying to forget much of what happened in Ba Sing Se." Her features softened a bit. "And I'm trying to remember more of what happened before Ba Sing Se. It's hard… to choose what to remember and what to forget."

"What do you remember about this place?" Katara asked.

"My son. I had a daughter, too, but the connection to those memories is not as strong. I hoped that coming here would spark further memories, but I'm afraid that it hasn't. I'm so sorry to have disturbed you, Katara. If you don't mind, I think I should leave now."

"Wait! Where will you go? Will you come back? Zuko is…not here…right now, but he'll be back soon, and he'd love to see you!" Katara couldn't contain her excitement at the thought of the long-awaited mother-son reunion.

"I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have come in the first place. I just wanted to see him. Just for a second. I'm not fit to see him properly, not yet. I am getting better, but there is still a lot of work to do."

"You can stay here to recover! We have a doctor at the royal hospital who even specializes in that sort of thing. He came here to help Azula, and I'm sure he can help you, too."

"Azula?" The woman tilted her head to one side. Her eyes widened as if a picture had suddenly become clearer to her, but then she resumed a sad, wary expression. "Katara, I appreciate your concern, but—"

"Tea!" Katara chirped. "Uncle Iroh says tea makes everything better. Let's have some tea, and we can talk about it some more?" _Please don't leave. Not yet. In fact, never leave. Ever again._

"Tea… sounds nice," the woman said. "Great!" Katara scurried to the door. "Oh, I'm sorry I startled you. Just wait here, and I'll go get it." As she was leaving, she overheard the woman reciting names to herself. "Zuko… Azula… Iroh."

When Katara came back, she wasn't altogether surprised but deeply saddened that the woman had left. She slumped down in the chair. Well, at least she knew Zuko's mom was alive. _Should I send him a message? How would he handle her in her current state? What expectations did he have for when he found his mother? Surely he knew it wouldn't be like it used to be, but he probably expected she would at least remember him. No, I better not tell Zuko. But should I tell anyone else?_ It was a safety concern that Ursa had been able to penetrate palace security somehow. But if they tightened up on guard duty, she might not be able to come back. Or she could get caught.

 _Caught._ Katara wondered if Ursa would be accepted back after the accusations surrounding her banishment. Would killing Fire Lord Azulon be punishable by death? But how much could be proven? Katara recalled that it was Azula who had told her the story of Azulon's poisoning. _Who would take her word for it? But how tragic for Zuko to finally find his mother only to be pressured to do right by his nation and his position. He wouldn't sentence her to death, of course, he couldn't… but… UGH. Dr. Jung was right. This IS a dysfunctional family._

* * *

 **Authors Note:** So, when Emletish hinted that Ursa might be a Joo Dee, I was like, yes! This makes sense! Because as soon as Ozai was in prison and Zuko became Fire Lord, you know that Ursa would haul ass back to the Fire Nation to support her son... unless for some reason she COULDN'T. I suppose the comic series explains this well enough with the Mother of Faces turning her into Noriko, but I really struggle with Ursa deciding to erase her own memories on purpose. So as a Joo Dee at the hands of the Dai Li, she's brainwashed, although Em hasn't finished her fic, _Somewhere Out There,_ to explain how that happens in her head canon. So, you'll find out what happens to her in mine!

The conversation Katara remembers having with Ursa occurred during peace negotiations in Ba Sing Se right after the war. Katara worked with Yugoda, the healer from the Northern Water Tribe, to help revive the Joo Dees as best they could. In _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_ , Katara and Ursa (as a Joo Doo) exchange a series of expressions during a conversation over tea, and that is where my title comes from, actually. "It's always darkest before the dawn," is apparently something Ursa used to tell her children... or so she thinks? Did she have children? She thought so...


	4. At Sea, For Tea

Zuko watched the sun peek above the horizon, he breathed in the salty sea air, and he listened to the waves lapping at the hull of the ship. It reminded him of those many months of chasing the Avatar, of how stupid, angry, and misguided he'd been back then. But as he felt the sun's warmth on his face and its strength in his blood, those memories blurred into more recent, happier thoughts of times spent with friends and his vow _with_ the Avatar to make the world a better place. Maybe love and kindness really can triumph over evil and destruction. Maybe if he opened himself up more to receiving love and help from others, he wouldn't be haunted by his dark past anymore. He knew that loving Katara—and her loving him—had already made him feel more whole than he ever had. _It's like I had to let go of myself to become more of myself_. _That sounds like something Uncle would say. But maybe there is something to it._

Jee, his advisor and the ship's captain interrupted Zuko's moment of reflection. It definitely felt more like old times having Jee there to bark at him. "Good morning, Fire Lord Zuko. You're up early." The captain's greeting was unusually cordial.

"Always." Zuko replied.

"Yes, yes, you rise with the sun. You are one with the sun. We are Fire Nation, the sun, it speaks to us. Ahhhh-ummmm." Jee mockingly raised his hands in the air and started waving them toward the sky.

Zuko wasn't particularly spiritual, himself, so he chuckled at his advisor's antics. "The sun spirits will smite you for that."

"Dealing with the wrath of the spirits can hardly be worse than dealing with 13-year-old Prince Zuko. I believe that experience has prepared me for anything."

"Glad I could be of assistance."

They eyed each other through an awkward pause, then erupted into laughter, and shared a quick embrace. Jee mumbled under his breath, "Joking and hugging, now. Who are you and what have you done with our Fire Lord?"

Zuko ignored the comment. "I will put in a good word for you with the Avatar. Perhaps the sun spirits will forgive you for your irreverence if he speaks on your behalf."

"Where is the damned Avatar anyway?" Jee asked. "No one has seen or heard from him since the peace treaty proceedings in Ba Sing Se."

"For once, I do not know. And I do not care." Zuko raised his good eyebrow as if surprised by his own statement. It was true, though. His avatar-chasing days were officially over.

"So, are you doing OK?" Jee caught Zuko off guard by his change in tone and topic.

"Uhhh, yeah. I'm fine." Zuko said flatly.

"Are you sure you're not running from something?"

"Uhhh, no. Why?"

"Because we left with such haste. The situation in Two Rivers is stable. I agree with your decision to go there, but your sense of urgency is unfounded," Jee explained.

Zuko shifted a bit under his advisor's gaze. "I, uhh, just want to resolve the situation quickly, so I can get back to more pressing matters at home."

"Rrrrrrright. Well, just so you know, I will follow you in this, of course, but I can tell there is something else going on. If you or the crew are in any danger because of whatever it is, I need to know."

"No, no, there's nothing like that. No safety concerns." Zuko assured him.

With the Fire Lord now averting his eyes, Jee followed his gaze toward the sun, which was casting brilliant rays of light onto the blanket of billowing ocean before them. Zuko basked in the scene and the moment's silence. _It's beautiful..._ _it looks like fire on water._ His thoughts drifted to Katara.

"I heard you moaning in your sleep last night. Still having nightmares?" Jee's voice was like a jolt to Zuko bringing him back from his daydreams of a certain waterbender's flowing hair, her silky skin, her expressive eyes…

"Err, sorry?" Zuko didn't want to force himself from waves of pleasure back to stinging saltiness. Yet, this was reality.

"The nightmares, Fire Lord. I see a lot of change in you since 13-year-old Zuko. A lot of change for the good. But you still thrash about in your sleep like you did then. He still haunts you in your dreams, doesn't he?"

"Yeah." Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. While he didn't necessarily want to talk to Jee about this sort of thing, there was no use denying it.

"I wish there was a way to release you from that past—that pain." Jee hesitated, then took a deep breath. "A Fire Lord needs good rest to be able to perform his duties to the best of his abilities. Fitful sleep is not healthy. Harboring unresolved issues is not healthy, either."

"I appreciate your concern." Zuko appeared emotionless, although he understood that Jee seemed to have his best interest at heart. "Will you see to it that the crew has had breakfast and is ready for the journey ahead?"

"Of course, sir, right away. But if you ever need anyone to, uh, talk to, I, uh…" Jee trailed off.

Zuko nodded. He had someone he could talk to. He knew he could confide in Katara. He could tell her anything, although he was pretty terrible when it came to talking about these sorts of things. He felt safe with her, though. _But spirits, does she feel safe with me?_ When Zuko looked back at the sun's reflection in the sea, it reminded him of his fiery reflection in Katara's eyes the night that his dream overcame him almost to the point of no return.

* * *

"Did he tell you what the dream was about?"

"No."

"Did he say anything in his sleep?"

"No."

"Katara, you're not helping me here." Dr. Jung was visibly frustrated at their lack of progress.

Katara was exhausted from staying up half the night with a mysterious visitor in her room. Then Dr. Yang gave her a very hard rotation today presumably because she knew Katara was collaborating with Dr. Jung even after she was told not to, and this was her mentor's backhanded way of showing disapproval.

"I, uh… what do you want me to say?" Katara realized that maybe she'd made a mistake. Zuko did tell her lots of things, but he rarely talked about his past, and he never told her what happened in his dreams. She had thought maybe Dr. Jung would have suggestions on a better approach to actually acquiring this information. He must've misunderstood and thought she already knew.

"You said he woke up with a death wish? Did he say he was going to kill somebody?"

Katara bit her lip. She really didn't want to admit to him that she was sleeping with the Fire Lord. Dr. Jung was from the Earth Kingdom, and she didn't know if she could trust him with their little secret. Dr. Jung studied her for a few minutes while she shifted uncomfortably in her chair and purposely avoided his gaze. He made an exasperated sound and mumbled, "Ugh, teenagers," before snapping his fingers at Katara to get her attention.

"Katara, listen. I know about you and Fire Lord Zuko, ok? It's pretty damn obvious. You talk about how much you care about him, plus why else would you be by his side while he's sleeping and when he wakes up?"

 _Oh, of course._

"Ok, let me start off with this. I had a patient—err—colleague once. She suffered from terrible nightmares. It took a while to gain her trust, but she told me about them, and the unspeakable things that happened to her, a _living_ nightmare. She asked if there was any way to erase such horrible memories from her mind so that she could be at peace. I told her that what she spoke of was a form of brainwashing, and it would have unpredictable results. She had an incredible background in herbal medicine, surprisingly so, given that she was from the F—err, uh, since she hadn't previously studied in the Earth Kingdom. We began working on some therapies together. Ways to calm the brain, ways to clear the mind. It was working well until… well, we hit a roadblock in our study, and we had to cease its pursuit." Dr. Jung spoke calmly, but there was a hint of remorse in his voice. He folded his hands on his desk and looked expectantly at Katara.

"So, it was like selective memory loss?" she asked.

"Well, yes. Or more like training the brain to calm itself and release negative energy whenever particular memories would surface. It was fascinating. She… was fascinating." He sighed.

 _Now Dr. Jung is the one being obvious about whom he fancies_.

"But it sounds so imprecise. Like what if you messed up and just erased all their memories," she gasped. "Like the Joo Dees."

Dr. Jung flinched at their mentioning, but Katara didn't think anything of it since everyone was freaked out by them.

"Well, anyway, Katara. Think about it. Keep an eye and ear out for anything Zuko says or does that you think would be helpful. I have some work to do."

Katara was a little taken aback that their conversation ended so abruptly. "Um, ok then." She smiled sweetly and made her exit. "Thank you for your time."

Dr. Jung leaned forward on his desk and rubbed his temples. He spoke to no one in particular. "Yes, Katara, exactly like the Joo Dees."

* * *

Katara finally had a day off from work. She was disappointed that Toph had decided to join Iroh at a war crime trial. "I just like watching those bastards squirm," she said. _If Sokka were here, he would make some joke about her "watching" for sure. Or maybe a joke about squirming bastards._ Katara sighed. She missed Sokka and Suki. She thought about Aang and wondered how the quest to find more lost airbenders was going. She'd even enjoy Mai's company if she were here to tell stories about their bounty hunting and all. _Wow, it must be bad if I'll admit to missing Mai._

Katara moped about the palace all morning and finally decided to head into town, shop a little, and have some tea. _It will be nice,_ _even if I am alone_ , she tried to convince herself. She meandered through the market stalls as if in a daze, mostly lost in thoughts about Zuko. She bought a very small bushel of dragonberries even though they were terribly expensive. Their rich flavor was comforting as she recalled the last time they all enjoyed dragonberries together on her fifteenth birthday back at Ember Island.

Zuko had gone to much trouble to make her birthday special that time. Even her sixteenth birthday celebration this past summer paled in comparison. It had been great to be with her family, even Sokka and Suki had come, but everything happened according to Water Tribe custom. It was like every birthday she'd had before save the one where her friends showered her with surprises and made her feel like queen for a day. It would be so great if the six of them could go back to Ember Island, although Katara knew better than to wish for things to ever be the same again.

Zuko's birthday falls on the Winter Solstice, and this year will be his eighteenth, when a coming-of-age party will be in order. Uncle Iroh said there would be much to-do about it, the grandeur like that of the coronation festivities. This is all well and good except that Zuko hates parties. He hates it when everyone fusses over him. He'd much prefer something small with friends perhaps away from the palace… like what they had done for Katara at Ember Island. If this were even possible, Katara wanted to find a way. Perhaps they could slip away from the large gathering at the capital and have just a day or two away? Katara popped a dragonberry in her mouth, savoring its sweetness and contemplating this new idea she'd had. She nearly jumped out of her skin when someone grabbed her arm.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Katara. I didn't mean to startle you." An apprehensive Ursa stood there gauging Katara's reaction.

Katara blinked and tried to catch her breath. She was shocked to see the woman again, but acknowledged the good fortune of running into her at the market. She feared it would be a long time before Ursa would make another appearance at the palace.

Ursa broke the uncomfortable silence. "Would you… care for some tea? I feel terrible about leaving you the other night. I would be most honored if you would join me for tea. I know a great spot."

Katara blinked in disbelief again. _Did the former Fire Lady just say she would be honored to have tea with me? Zuko's mom. It really should be the other way around._

"Why, the honor would most certainly be mine!" Katara replied. She then offered the formal bow, but Ursa urged her to stop.

"Katara, I don't know you very well—yet—but I imagine we would have the sort of relationship that can forego the formalities. Now, this way. This is one of Iroh's favorite tea shops in the capital!"

 _Wow!_ _She is so much different than last night. So together and aware. Wait, did she mention Iroh? She remembers him! What does she mean about us having a "relationship?"_ _Oh, I wish Zuko were here._

Once they were settled in the shop with a delicious spread of jasmine tea (Ursa's favorite, just like Zuko) and gingersnaps (Katara's favorite), Ursa dropped the bombshell.

"So tell me, Katara of the Southern Water Tribe. How is it that you came to be sleeping in my son's bedroom?"

Katara spewed her coffee out at the directness of the question and felt her face turn hot. The answer to this question was really quite simple. It wasn't Zuko's room anymore. He lived in the palace now. There was no insinuation that she was sleeping _with_ her son. Katara feared that her blushing had given her away, though.

 _What if she had snuck in another time and saw them… together?_

Katara quickly tried to collect herself, dabbing up the tea with her napkin. "I'm so sorry for my terrible manners," she confessed. "It must be my… barbarian Water Tribe ways." Katara immediately felt guilty for acquiescing to the common Fire Nation misconception about her people.

"Oh come now, girl. I don't think you're a barbarian. I think you're quite lovely." Ursa's smile was so genuine and unassuming. Katara thought she looked A LOT like Azula, but she had Zuko's intense amber eyes. She felt herself blushing again.

"Um, thank you. I, uh, work at the royal hospital. I am a waterbending healer, and I've come here to learn more about various types of medical practices in the Fire Nation and beyond. The royal family has graciously offered me a place to stay during my studies."

Ursa nodded approvingly, but then smirked as if she wasn't quite satisfied with that answer. Katara wondered what the woman suspected about her, but then Ursa's features relaxed. "I studied medicine at the royal hospital once. Tell me, is Dr. Yang still there?"

"Yes!" Katara exclaimed. "In fact, I am her apprentice!"

"Funny…" Ursa added. "So was I. She was quite new in her position when I was there. She didn't really know what to do with me. I'm afraid I spent more of my time outside in the courtyard flirting with the prince…" she trailed off and suddenly looked deeply troubled.

Katara was reveling in such a lovely conversation with Zuko's mother that she hadn't noticed its turn. _We even have some things in common. We both worked at the hospital. We both even crushed on a prince! Wait… that prince would have been…_ The thought of Ozai and all the pain he must've caused this delightful woman, Katara almost felt sick thinking about it.

"Is she still a bit of a hard-ass?" Ursa redirected.

"Huh… who?"

"Dr. Yang. She was always such a hard-ass." Ursa started laughing. Katara grinned widely. "Yes," she agreed. "Probably even worse now!"

"I probably shouldn't speak too harshly of her. She did help deliver my two children. Although I said some choice words to her when I was in labor." She smiled warmly as if recalling her most cherished memories.

 _Zuko has her smile,_ Katara noticed.

They swapped a few stories of Dr. Yang's antics. Ursa could do a great impression of her, in fact. Her memory seemed so keen, like she had never lost it, like she had never left. Katara couldn't help but be curious.

"Can I ask you a question?" Katara started after finally recovering from a bout of laughter over a funny story about Uncle Iroh and his ill-attempt at flirting with Dr. Yang.

"Of course, anything, child." Ursa replied.

"When I met you in Ba Sing Se, you didn't even remember your own name much less the name of some mentor you had years ago. Last night, even, you seemed very out of sorts. But today, I'd venture to say you're fully recovered! What… is… when… um…?" Katara searched for the right words.

"Katara, the nights are the hardest. Firebenders are always at a disadvantage after the sun goes down. You know what they say, we…"

"Rise with the sun," they said in unison, smiling at one another as they did.

"I sometimes wake up not knowing where I am or how I got there. I sometimes have… dreams. Sometimes I go to familiar places so I can find answers. Sometimes I feel drawn somewhere even though I don't know why. Last night, I felt the pull of the moon. It was as if the moon spirit was leading me to your room… leading me… to you."

Katara felt such affection for Ursa at that moment, like she had known her all along. She was elated to discover that Zuko once had someone like this in his life. But how could such a kind and gentle woman get mixed up with the twisted Fire Nation royal family? _Ahh, she fell in love with a young prince… I know what that's like. Mmmmmm, Zuko…._

"Zuko!" Katara snapped back to her senses. "He's on a mission right now, but I can send a messenger hawk. I'm sure he'll come straight away. He's been so desperate to find you."

"No," Ursa said firmly. "Zuko mustn't know. No one can."

 _What!?_ Katara felt so confident that Ursa was ready, and the reunion would be so sweet. Sure, there would be some details to work out and more recovery to do, _for both of them, really._

Ursa sighed. "Katara, it's more complicated than you might think. I still have some work to do before I can see my children again. You may be able to help me, though, since you have some medical expertise."

Katara was doubtful. She did not have much success in Ba Sing Se working alongside Yugoda with the other Joo Dees. Even the slight progress she had seen with Ursa was the patient's own self-discovery, not anything that Katara had done.

"Let's have tea again, shall we? When does ole Yank-Your-Chain-Yang give you another day off?"

Katara giggled. "Day after tomorrow, and yes, I would like that very much."

"Same time, same place. Until then, princess." Ursa stood to leave, giving Katara a smile and a nod. Their eyes met for a minute, and Katara was entranced by the same golden gaze she'd seen many times before—eyes just like Zuko's—both somber and striking, sad yet hopeful, all at the same time.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I mentioned Two Rivers in the last chapter but forgot to attribute that as a Fire Nation colony from Emletish's _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_. On the Avatar world map, it's basically where two rivers feed into Yue Bay and the eventual location for Republic City. In the immediate aftermath of the 100-year war, the colonies are in a state of chaos, and as the conflict between FN and EK citizens in Two Rivers heightens, Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors offer a neutral stance to the situation. Naturally, Sokka goes there to help, too, so we'll see them in action in upcoming chapters. (A parallel situation exists in the story of Yu Dao from the comics.)

Also, Emletish has Zuko name his former Lieutenant Jee as one of his advisors. This is the guy from _The Storm_ (Season 1, Episode 12) who challenges Zuko, and the new Fire Lord claims he needs someone like that who will tell him like it is to his face. Hey, I can respect that, and he could be an interesting character to write for sure! Also, dragonberries and references to birthday party awesomeness on Ember Island are from Em's _Not Stalking Zuko_.


	5. A Tale of Two Princesses

Zuko groaned and rubbed his throbbing head. He sensed the coarse sand beneath him, the cool sea breeze whipping at his face, and the muffled sounds of men shouting nearby. He opened his eyes slowly to see the blinding midday sun piercing him from the sky. He closed his eyes and moaned again.

"Fire Lord, you're awake! Are you ok?"

Zuko thought he recognized the voice of one of his crewmembers although the name escaped him at the moment. "What happened?" he croaked.

"We've been shipwrecked, sir."

"What!? How? There is no inclement weather, the sun shines bright as day! And I would remember if there had been any attacks…" Zuko sat up suddenly, but the throbbing in his head intensified, so he thought better of it and settled back down in the warm sand. He closed his eyes again, and his thoughts drifted briefly to a pleasant memory on the beach at Ember Island just laying in the sand and making water and fire shapes with Katara.

"You were below deck when it happened." A new voice entered the scene. Zuko recognized it as Jee. "It was like… well… like nothing I've ever seen."

"Go on, Jee." Zuko shielded his eyes from the glaring sun before opening them again.

"Well, it was kind of like a tidal wave, but not. It was more like a really big splash. Like something dropped out of the sky into the water and made a big water explosion." Jee made a gesture with his fists that looked more like a description of fireworks than water splashing. He continued, "But I didn't see anything in the sky… or anything in the water, for that matter."

Jee cleared his throat, ignoring Zuko's incredulous reaction. "The boat capsized, sir. Fortunately, we were very close to this island when it happened. And according to the map, we are not too far from the mainland and our ultimate destination. Once we have assessed all the damage and treated the wounded, I will send a messenger hawk for emergency transport." He paused. "That is, if we still have a hawk after the crash."

Zuko took a moment to process the information. "Wounded," he said finally, "How many?"

"Not sure, yet. You seem to have taken a blow to the head, sir."

"Dead?" Zuko dreaded the answer.

"None," Jee said. "Would you like me to see to your injury now, sir?"

"No. See that the others are taken care of first." Zuko instructed.

"As you wish, Fire Lord." Jee turned and added as an afterthought, "You really have taken a blow to the head." Zuko cursed and let his head fall back into the sand. He wanted to get up and help his men, but he really did feel terrible. Maybe if he just rested here a bit under the warmth of the sun. _Mmmmm..._

"Um, Fire Lord, sir?" Zuko had forgotten about the other crewmember who was still standing there. "Would you like some water to drink? I know the sun is beating down on us this time of day… sir, Fire Lord, sir. I don't want you to get overheated."

 _I would like a certain waterbender right now_ , Zuko thought. _Her healing touch would be so nice, and I wouldn't mind if things got a bit… overheated._

"Yes, thank you." Zuko took the shipmate's flask and gulped graciously, not realizing his extreme thirst until now. He shut his eyes hoping the Katara of his daydreams would visit him again. Zuko opened one eye and peered sideways at his crewmember who was still hovering over him. "You're still here," he said.

"I've been charged to keep a watch over you, sir." The young man swayed back and forth nervously.

While Zuko thought that was altogether unnecessary, the order probably came from Jee, and it was not worth the effort to overrule him. "Tell me again, what is your name?"

"It's Kai, sir."

"Oh, right. Ty Lee's… cousin?"

"Yes, sir."

Zuko remembered the arrangement now. Kai, one of seven brothers, was looking for a chance to break free of the mold and make a life for himself, very much like Ty Lee did. _Not that working in the Fire Nation royal guard was much of a life,_ Zuko mused. _And what is with that family anyway? So many children._

"Very well, then," Zuko mumbled and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Wha—what was that noise?" Zuko awoke suddenly feeling a bit disoriented. He noted the position of the sun and figured he must've been sleeping for a few hours. "It sounded like… grunting."

"You were groaning in your sleep, sir," Kai replied.

 _Damn nightmares_ , Zuko thought. _How can I command the respect of my crew if I can't overcome my childhood fears?_

"No, wait… there it was again."

Kai sat up straight and more alert. He had heard it, too. Zuko scrambled to his feet, steadied himself, and then squinted toward the thick brush beyond them.

"Sir, I don't think we should… it would be best if we stay… um, Fire Lord, sir?"

 _Grrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaahmmmmph_. It sounded vaguely familiar to Zuko. He definitely felt compelled to find its source. Zuko ignored Kai's objections and started taking careful steps forward, still aware of the dull pain in his head that was making him slightly dizzy.

"Oh, shit," Kai mumbled as he fell in step with the Fire Lord. Zuko pressed forward through the overgrown grass while Kai seemed to be having a conversation with himself. "Can you handle this? He said. Of course, I said. But you know the Fire Lord has a tendency to… yes sir, it'll be fine, I said… I just hope whatever is making this growling noise is of the friendly sort. Well, you see, sir... the Fire Lord got eaten by a saber-tooth moose lion, and ohhh, this is bad... very bad... _"_

Kai was making hand gestures and everything while engaging in some sort of role play. Zuko looked back at him in amusement. "Are you finished?"

"Err, yes sir."

"Relax, ok. I know it's your first time on the job, but…"

At that moment, they reached a clearing and gasped at the sight of the strange creatures grazing peacefully before them.

"Sky bison," Zuko whispered. He held his hand out for Kai to stop in his tracks. Zuko had only known one its kind, Appa, who was quite tame and friendly. However, he had no idea what a herd of them would do if caught by surprise. These were living in the wild, not adopted and trained by any air nomad master.

"Kai! What are you doing!?" Zuko hissed between his teeth, appalled at Kai's daring movements.

Kai couldn't help it. He felt drawn to the amazing animal. He had never seen one before, yet they seemed so familiar to him somehow. He slowly approached the one closest to them and held out a steady hand. He managed to get close enough to feel the bison's hot breath. He gulped and inched a little closer. The bison let out another low growl and suddenly, in one swift motion, licked Kai from toe to head.

Zuko chuckled nervously. He remembered when Appa had slimed him at the Western Air Temple. It was a well-meaning expression of affection, but it felt disgusting all the same. Kai looked exhilarated, though. Like being covered in sky bison slobber was the best thing that ever happened to him. Zuko relaxed and sighed happily. He couldn't wait to tell Aang.

* * *

 _She called me princess._ Katara floated back to the palace grounds in a daydream state, entertaining all sorts of girly notions. _If only I really were a princess, destined to marry my prince. Princess Katara, it sounded nice…_

 _Wait. I'm not going out with a prince. I'm going out with THE Fire Lord. "Fire Lady" doesn't sound dreamy, it sounds terrifying. And in some ways, he still seems like the Prince Zuko that showed up at the air temple that day._

 _Ursa would still think of him as a prince, perhaps. In calling me princess, does she suspect anything about Zuko and me? Our parallel stories—working at the royal hospital, doting on a prince… spirits, I hope it works out better for me than it did for her. But could I really be Fire Lady someday? Do I want to be?_

Katara wasn't sure. She mulled over the names in her head as she arrived at the palace grounds. _Master Katara. Seemed fitting. Fire Lady Katara. Hmmm, too sophisticated. And scary. Princess Katara_ … she liked the sound of it, but it wasn't possible anymore. Zuko had moved on, taken on more responsibility. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that role herself. _Princess_ sounded so much safer, like a promise of what's to come without the full realization of it. _Princess Katara…_

"The princess!" someone shouted.

"Who me?" Katara blurted.

"No! Princess Azula! She's escaped!"

 _Well if I don't get to be a princess, she certainly shouldn't be_... _oh, right! Azula, the crazy one! How silly and stupid to be thinking about what to call her… we have to find her, and QUICK!_

While a faction of guards scrambled about the palace grounds, Katara followed an instinct. As it turned out, she resolved to place a lantern in a certain dark corner of her room where people had taken to hiding lately. "Azula, what are you doing here?"

"I was looking for Zuko. He wasn't in the palace, so I figured he would be here with you, filthy peasant," Azula snarled.

 _Well, she must be feeling better… or at least normal, for Azula._

"Why would he be in my room?" Katara regretted asking the question as soon as the words came out of her mouth.

"It's soooo obvious, peasant. And you can't keep it a secret forever, you know."

Katara furrowed her brow in thought. Why would it be obvious to Azula? They had never visited her at the mental institution together, and she seriously doubted that Zuko would tell her about their relationship. She certainly hadn't breathed a word of it to Azula herself. Were there others who might have given them away? Dr. Yang? Ty Lee?

"Your silence is very telling, waterbender," Azula smirked. "But let me warn you, you can fuck each other all you want, but it will never work out in the end. The Fire Nation won't stand for a Water Tribe barbarian as Fire Lady, and Zuko is too concerned about his precious honor to defy tradition."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Katara snapped. "He outlawed the Agni Kai, you know."

"Of course he did, peasant. He's afraid of them. He will always live in fear, because he is weak… he was stupid…he wouldn't play the game. If he would've just played his part… Father would have…" Azula made a fist and lowered her eyes.

"That's what you are to him, just pawns in his plan to rise to power. Ozai would just cast you aside when his game is won. But since he lost..." Katara noticed that Azula's expression had softened, and she allowed herself to feel pity for the fallen princess. "But that doesn't mean you've lost. You can overcome this."

Azula lifted her eyes to meet Katara's. Unlike Ursa and Zuko's, they were more of a copper color. _Just as striking, though, presumably like her father's_. Azula opened her mouth to say something, but she didn't get a chance. Two guards burst into the room and grabbed Azula as quickly as lightening before Katara could even blink.

"Are you OK, Master Katara?" one of the men asked her.

"I'm fine." She folded her arms tightly against her chest and watched them take Azula away. While Ozai's abuse had left a visible mark on Zuko and hardly anyone would blame him for the way he felt about his father, Katara wondered what hidden scars Azula bore that caused her to spew so much hatred and scorn. She felt a deep sadness for her—for both of them.

* * *

That night Katara had trouble sleeping. She desperately missed Zuko and wanted so badly to tell him about his mother. She wanted him to know that she understood about the nightmares, that his father was a terrible monster, and that even though Zuko might feel haunted by him, he did not have to feel controlled by him. She really just wanted to hug and kiss Zuko and feel his warmth all around her. She needed his comfort just as much as he needed hers.

It might seem like young love, two naive teenagers with raging hormones and a few things in common, so they'd make a go at a relationship. But in reality, they'd been though a lot together—a war, in fact—and that brought them closer than they could've imagined. It sounded heroic and passionate—they fought together and won—spirits, he even risked his life to save her. Romantic. Legendary. It would make a good love story if there was hope for a happy ending. Everything felt so uncertain though. They were from such different worlds, and the world they were living in—the one they were rebuilding—was different than it used to be. Katara knew a conversation about their future together was overdue.

Zuko was terrible at expressing himself with words. He'd stammer and stutter and babble and try to rephrase things, and then it would just come out worse. It was cute, really, Katara thought, but of course, he would cringe when she called him _cute_. Zuko could speak quite well with his body, however. He maintained incredible focus, control, and expression while firebending. When she watched him bend, Katara could tell if he was frustrated or contemplative or even sad. He didn't really do binge bending when he was happy. He resigned himself to rarely being happy, that is, until recently.

For all the awkward conversations they'd had as a couple, they communicated quite well in bed. It was like their body chemistry fused in such a way where lovemaking wasn't an exchange, it was an understanding. It wasn't give-and-take, it was like a choreographed dance where they moved together as one. Katara hadn't planned on doing it so soon with Zuko… or with anyone for that matter. But then it kind of… happened. It reminded her of when they would spar with each other. They were well-matched, anticipating each others' moves, and looking to each other for a much-needed release. And they were so, so happy together. They were in a state of disbelief that despite all of the turmoil going on around them, _something_ would feel so right and so good.

Katara tried to push the thoughts out of mind about whether or not they could stay together long-term. Just like during the war, when they'd all decided to live in the moment, she decided to keep that frame of mind. Of course, she'd fantasize about bearing Zuko's children someday; Kya, named for her mother, Lu Ten, for his cousin. But she had to keep herself in check. This was complicated. It was damn near impossible.

But it was love.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm not sure what needs to be said here to catch anyone up to speed. Azula is in a mental institution, and I think Zuko commits to visiting her on a pretty regular basis in Emletish's fic. She won't have much of a role in mine, at least not in this first installment of the series. In this scene, I did want to soften her character a bit and show that she was very much a victim of Ozai's abuse. She is being treated by Dr. Jung, but even he'll admit to having not seen a case quite as severe as hers. _Darkness Before Dawn_ will round out Zuko's redemption arc and healing process, but I also want that for Azula, too...

Are Zuko and Katara a bit sex-obsessed with their constant daydreaming and such? Well... this is fanfic afterall. But keep in mind that they are teenagers in a committed relationship, and that where this story picks up, Katara has been gone for three months, and then Zuko leaves her again the next day. So, they miss each other and think about each other a lot. But their relationship is much more than just the physical aspect. It is just one way they express themselves, and I plan to show growth in other areas of their relationship in upcoming chapters.


	6. Signed, Healed, Delivered

Kai had tried his best to instruct the other crewmembers on the best way to approach the sky bison, but the herd grew more agitated at each attempt, so finally Zuko called it off. Even Zuko was unable to make any progress with befriending the beasts. No one was sure why Kai seemed to have a special connection with them. Their ship was in terrible shape, and nightfall was fast approaching. Zuko instructed his crew to keep working on repairs while he took Kai aside for a special briefing.

"Do you think you can fly a bison over to the mainland to request help?" Zuko asked.

"Oh sure, I bet Suzie would love to," Kai replied excitedly.

"Suzie?" Zuko raised his good eyebrow.

"Err, um, yeah? I figured she needed a proper name. It's a combination of Sun and Breezy. Sun for the Fire Nation, I guess. And breezy for… well, I dunno, it just made sense to me, I guess." Kai shrugged.

"How do you know it's a she? They're so, uh, furry and all. Err… nevermind." Zuko cleared his throat and resumed his authoritative tone. "So, when you get to Two Rivers, I need you to find either Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe or Suki, Head of the Kiyoshi Warriors, OK? There's a good chance they'll be together, actually. Here is a scroll that explains the rest. You got that?"

"Yes sir, Fire Lord, sir! I won't let you down." Kai saluted him, secured the scroll to his knapsack, and then did a curious thing—a back flip, a high skip into the air, and then whoosh—he had mounted Suzie's back quick as a flash. Zuko blinked in amazement. Well, he should be appreciative of such over-zealous men in his service, he supposed. He waved Kai off and turned to join the rest of his men.

But then it occurred to him. Ty Lee had recently found out she was an airbender. Kai was her cousin. He clearly had a connection with the sky bison, and after his little acrobatic demonstration just then, Zuko would venture to guess that Kai was an airbender, too. And perhaps the family's propensity to procreate had been entirely intentional, to pass on their airbending heritage. But what Zuko couldn't figure out is how or why this family would end up in the Fire Nation.

Nobody had heard from Aang since Ba Sing Se. Zuko supposed that after this rendezvous in Two Rivers, he might have to go on a little Avatar hunt… for old time's sake. But, honestly, he couldn't wait to share these exciting new developments with the Avatar, whom he also considered to be a dear friend.

* * *

Katara felt exhausted, worried, and emotionally spent. It had been a few days since Zuko left. They should have received word of his arrival at Two Rivers by now. She decided to send a hawk to Sokka that morning, thinking that if she _did_ something, it would ease the growing knot of nerves in her stomach. Her rounds at the hospital continued per the norm, and Dr. Jung had given her some texts to read about his early research. She was truly grateful for the information, but she also felt like this was his way of shirking her off. _Oh well_ , she thought. _It's not like my subject is available for his dream study anyway._

 _Subject._

There was a time when Katara referred to Zuko as "subject," when he first came to the Western Air Temple. She had kept a journal to record the activities of this untrustworthy newcomer to their group, an undeserving foe-turned-friend. Katara recalled how she despised Zuko then, she had even threatened his life, and now she loved him more than anything and would even give her life to save his. She wondered if she still had that journal.

Katara packed up one of Dr. Jung's scrolls and her _Stalking Zuko_ journal— _funny title_ , she thought—and headed for the market early. She planned to buy some moonpeaches and lounge near the courtyard fountain. The sun still held its summer-like intensity, but a nice autumn breeze brushed across her face, announcing the season's arrival at last.

Katara laughed out loud at the antics she'd written about in _Stalking Zuko_. What a mess! She could never let Zuko see this, it was way too embarrassing. Maybe some day when they were much older and further removed from such immature shenanigans. Oh, the stories of fireflakes and moonpeaches, shirtless training sessions and drunken serenades at midnight…

"What's so funny?" A familiar voice startled her.

"Uhh, nothing. Just something I'm reading for work." Katara quickly shoved the book back in her knapsack. "Oh, hi, Rena. Good to see you. Here to visit your grandfather?"

Rena made an exasperated noise. "Yes, although it's still unbearably hot here in the capital. The weather in Oyster Bay is so perfect right now. It's perfect all. year. round. You should come visit sometime. I think our beaches are nicer than Ember Island, even."

"I'd like that." Katara smiled and gestured for Rena to sit next to her. "Where are Rei and Rozin?"

"Well, Rei has some sort of audition or exam or whatever for an elite firebending academy here. Grandfather is taking her to that. I'm stuck looking after Rozin. He's buying us fruit tarts over there."

Katara waved at Rozin who was waiting in line at a nearby food stall. He looked much taller than the last time she'd seen him. She'd forgotten that boys around his age tend to grow in spurts. "So, firebending academy, that's exciting?"

"Yeah, whatever. It means she'll stay here with Grandfather and probably become some pompous poff and then get conscripted into the army, and we'll never see her again and…" Rena trailed off.

"Well, things are changing in the Fire Nation with Zuko as Fire Lord now, so you don't need to worry as much. The war is over, so there's not as much need for soldiers, plus she's so young, still," Katara offered optimistically.

"Katara, you're living in a dream world. These things… it's the way things have been done for so long, it won't change overnight. It might take the entirety of Zuko's reign to effect the kind of reform you're talking about, and that's only if he's solidly committed to it. He'll meet all kinds of opposition that will challenge his resolve and his character. Plus, there's already so much discord among the colonies, the Fire Nation will still need its army, that's for sure. And they'd take any talented bender they can get their hands on… I just don't want Rei to lose her identity in this, that's all."

Katara was used to Rena's long rants about colonialism and Fire Nation oppression. She didn't appreciate the implications she'd made about Zuko, and Katara almost jumped to his defense, but something stopped her. Maybe it was the weight of what Rena was saying. There was a lot of work to do, and she knew Zuko felt the heaviness of that burden. She also wanted to be more careful about showing her affections for him. It was one thing for people around the palace to suspect something, but the less people who knew about their relationship, the better.

Rozin had joined them before Katara had a chance to respond, and he offered her a fruit tart. She politely refused, explaining that she was meeting someone for tea soon. Katara noticed the squeak in Rozin's voice and knew it wouldn't be long until it would change to a deeper tone.

"It's so good to see you both," she said. "Rozin, you should try to see Toph while you're here. I can let her know you're in town?"

Rozin blushed and nodded. "Yes, I'd like that."

Katara bid them farewell and starting making her way toward the tea shop. It was nice to see friends, people her own age. She didn't realize how much she had missed that. Being around grown-ups all the time made her feel like she was always playing catch-up. Like she was usually lost, but pretending not to be, which meant a lot of smiling and nodding. It felt good to let loose and be herself. She hoped she could do it more often… and soon.

* * *

"What's so funny?" Ursa asked Katara. The former Fire Lady appeared to be a little out of breath, like she had rushed to get to the tea shop. Katara knew it was risky to get the journal back out, but she just couldn't resist. Besides, Ursa had been terribly late, so it helped take her mind off her worries.

"Um, nothing." Katara blushed and quickly put the journal away. "You made it!"

"I'm so sorry, Katara. There was a—oh, nevermind," Ursa stopped abruptly when she saw the concern in Katara's face.

"A—what? I… imagined you got like, arrested or something. Isn't it risky to show your face around here?" Katara dropped her voice to a whisper, suddenly aware they having this conversation in a public place.

Ursa pinched the bridge of her nose. _Zuko does that all the time,_ Katara thought. "It is a bit complicated, yes, me returning to the Fire Nation," she explained, "And yes, I was avoiding a specific someone and had to take a longer route to get here, so that is why I am late."

Katara frowned. "You have to be careful. I don't know what you have to do before you can make yourself, err, presentable or whatever for Zuko, but you cannot get captured or k-k-killed… I simply won't stand for it. He's waited so long to find you. And now you're so close… He c-c-can't lose you again, it would… undo him, he's worked so hard to get this far, and…"

There was no use fighting back the tears. Katara felt really silly and stupid for crying in front of Ursa, but all the fears and frustration from the past few days just gushed out beyond her control. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said—maybe I should go."

Ursa looked a bit shell-shocked at Katara's outburst and didn't respond right away, but when Katara stood to leave, she grabbed her elbow. "No, please stay."

Katara sat back down, but Ursa could still see the pain and confusion in those captivating blue eyes of hers. Ursa had met very few people from the Water Tribes, but she had always appreciated the beauty of their people and culture. "Who are you, Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, that you would care so much for my Zuko?"

"We are… friends." Katara fidgeted with her teaspoon. _It was true, anyway._

"Well, then, he is lucky to have a friend like you."

The two women sat in silence for a while sipping their tea.

"So, that's just it," Ursa began. "I can't reveal myself to Zuko until I know it is safe. I am not sure which of Ozai's advisors are still active, and there are a few men who know too much who could cause problems for Zuko if I came back. I have some people I can trust who are helping me investigate this, so I hope to have it resolved soon."

"Did you do it? Did you really kill Azulon?" The question had been at the forefront of her thoughts, but she hadn't meant for the words to slip out. Katara's eyes widened. _Oh spirits, why did I just say that?_

"Katara, you are young, and there are some things you wouldn't understand," Ursa said firmly.

 _Not understand what? Killing? Oh, I understand that alright. My friends and I spent the better part of a year preparing to fight the Fire Lord, weighing the decision on whether or not to take his life. Or is it the mother's love part? Well, I may not be a mother, but I love Zuko so much that I would kill Ozai or Azulon or ANYone who tried to hurt him. In fact, if I could, I would just off Ozai anyway for what he did to Zuko. What he is still doing to Zuko...  
_

Katara realized she was breathing heavy as these thoughts rose within her, and her eyes continued to sting with tears. She would just tell Ursa that she didn't know what she was talking about, but of course, how could she know? She didn't know anything that had happened to her or even Zuko for that matter. Less than a year ago, this woman couldn't even remember her own name.

"I'm sorry," Katara said feebly, trying to regain her composure. "I was completely out of line to ask that question. And I'm sorry for crying. I guess I've had a bad week."

Ursa shifted nervously. She wanted to comfort Katara, her motherly instinct urged her to do so. However, regardless of intuition, she knew very little about this girl, so the biggest secrets were best kept hidden. She cleared her throat and continued, "The other part is some unfinished work, something I was working on before… before everything went dark." She paused. Katara knew she was talking about when she became a Joo Dee. "And I think you can help me." Katara nodded her consent.

"I worked with a doctor in Ba Sing Se. I tried to track him down, but they said he was out of town on business. He and I worked together on some very experimental, oh, shall we say, brain therapy. We were on the brink of a really great breakthrough when…" Ursa took a deep breath and continued, "And so, anyway, I think if I could pick up where we left off, I could find a way to help the Joo Dees… maybe even Azula. My inside source at the palace says she's had sort of a mental breakdown?"

Katara didn't answer straight away. She was trying to process what Ursa had just told her.

"Katara? Do you know anything about Azula's condition?" Ursa asked.

"Um, not really. She has good days and bad days," Katara was still lost in her own thoughts.

"OK, anyway," Ursa continued, "Dr. Jung and I collaborated on herbal therapies combined with meditative practices, and I think if I could just access some of the herbs that we used, I could recreate it. I hate asking you to… perhaps you could ask Dr. Yang. If I could remember the formulas and such, I would just give you that information, and you could carry on the work. It's brilliant really…he was brilliant…"

Katara didn't hear most of what Ursa was saying because it finally clicked.

"Dr. Jung is here!" Katara exclaimed.

"Wait, what?" Ursa had apparently gotten lost in her own train of thoughts at that point.

"Zuko hired him when we were in Ba Sing Se for the peace treaties. He's here to help Azula! He's even agreed to help Zuko with his nightmares." Katara wished she hadn't said that last bit. "In fact, here! I have this!" She quickly pulled out the scroll that Dr. Jung had given her. "He said it was some early research. To help me get a better understanding of the basics."

Katara couldn't really read Ursa's expression. Some mixture of joy, surprise, confusion, and wonder while skimming over the scroll and whispering things like, "Amazing," and "Yes, this is it." She let her fingers brush lightly over the text as if the words were sacred to her. Finally she spoke, "May I keep this, Katara, only for a little while? I will send a note with you for Dr. Jung, if that's OK. I'd like to meet with him. It has been so long. He is definitely one of the last missing pieces to my puzzle." Katara wasn't sure, but she thought Ursa was the one fighting back tears this time.

* * *

The two scrolls arrived within minutes of each other. The first one was delivered by way of Royal Fire Nation Hawk which usually meant a matter of importance, so he should not delay in opening it. But Sokka had been interrupted by some acrobatic guy claiming to represent Fire Lord Zuko with a message of utmost urgency. Sokka conceded that he was wearing the appropriate uniform, but told him to bugger off anyway.

 _Wait, did that guy just jump out the window?_ Sokka dropped the scrolls and cleared the room in a matter of seconds.

"Holy hogmonkeys… what just happened!?" he yelped.

Outside the window, Kai sat perched on a sky bison that was hovering midair. He waved to Sokka. "I better get back to the Fire Lord."

"Wait! I'll go with you. I haven't seen Appa in ages!" Sokka exclaimed although feeling somewhat ashamed. He hadn't seen Zuko in a long time either and probably should've said that instead.

"Err, this is not Appa. It's Suzie, and she's a bit skittish. I don't think she'll let anyone else ride her except me," Kai replied.

"Well, at least let me send some food and supplies. You can fly back tonight, and we'll send rescue ships first thing in the morning," Sokka instructed.

After he read Zuko's message and made all the necessary arrangements with Kai, Sokka settled in to complete his other business. He then realized he had forgotten about the other scroll.

 _Dear Sokka,_

 _I arrived in the Fire Nation on the trade ship without any trouble. I miss you and Suki, but I hope you are doing well. Hopefully we can find a time to see each other soon. I am writing to ask about Zuko's whereabouts. He was scheduled to arrive in Two Rivers, but we have not heard anything from him or his crew. Forgive me, but you know how I worry._

 _Also, I hope Zuko's business in Two Rivers can be as expeditious as possible. There are some matters here in the Fire Nation that will need his attention soon. I am doing my best to handle these things on my own. It is not an issue of national urgency. Let's just say it's personal. (For Zuko) Family matters._

 _Speaking of family, say hello to Suki for me!_

 _Love,  
Katara_

Sokka hated vague messages especially about "family matters." With the Fire Nation family, that could mean _anything_ , and it could quickly escalate into an "issue of national urgency." The only family members there right now were Iroh, Ozai, and Azula. Sokka figured Iroh was his usual jovial self, and if Katara had to deal with any grief from Ozai or Azula, well, Sokka would have to wrangle that sky bison from Kai and go deal with them himself.

Sokka let out a _harrumph._ He supposed a reply message would be the better option at this point.

 _Dear Katara,_

 _Do not worry. Zuko is safe and will be arriving in Two Rivers tomorrow._

 _I am worried, though. You should not get mixed up in Fire Nation family matters. We all know that will lead nowhere good. Whatever it is, it would best to wait for Zuko. I know you think you are helping, but it is better for him to handle this. Trust me._

 _Suki and I are fine. Negotiations here are a bit tense, but under control for the time being. We need Zuko's presence as a figurehead, but I don't think he will need to stay here long._

 _Take care, sister._

 _-Sokka_

He tried to push his worried feelings aside and hastily wrote the next message he needed to send.

 _Dear Aang,_

 _Zuko found a herd of flying bison. And another airbender. Come to Two Rivers quick!_

 _-Sokka_

 _PS: Bring Ty Lee if you can._

* * *

The next day, Dr. Yang assigned Katara to the emergency wing of the hospital. She said normally interns wouldn't do a rotation there until their third year due to the urgent care needs of the patients, but they were short-staffed that day. Apparently since Zuko had outlawed the Agni Kai, there had been an upsurge of brawl-related injuries. The summer's heat hadn't helped, either.

"Now, Katara," Dr. Yang briefed her as they headed to the emergency ward. "I have been very hesitant to let you use your bending here, restrictive even."

Katara nodded. It had been most frustrating, actually. But she had reconciled that she was here to learn more than just waterbending and increase her competency as a healer.

"But today, you can use waterbending to relieve any surface discomfort. By that, I mean soothe some burnt flesh, seal some cut wounds, massage a bruise, but nothing more. Nothing internal, you got that?" Dr. Yang instructed.

"Yes, ma'am." Katara replied. She had never told Dr. Yang about her blood bending ability. She knew it had life-saving implications. She knew that without it, Zuko would most likely be dead. Even still, thinking about it reminded her of Hama. Or worse, she'd relive that terrible night when Zuko fought Azula, when she nearly lost him. No, blood bending was not something she wanted to dwell on or practice again any time soon.

Working in the emergency wing provided a new thrill for Katara, though. It was exciting to use her bending again, and her patients were awestruck and most appreciative of her ability. There was quite a buzz on the hallway, in fact, among patients and hospital staff alike about the Water Tribe girl with the _magical touch_. Katara even heard a little girl say to her mother, "Mama, I think that girl must be an ocean spirit. Look, she's glowing!"

Katara certainly was beaming. She loved helping people. This day made all the pustule draining and bedpan changing worth it. Even though she sometimes wondered what in Yue's name she was doing in the Fire Nation, the sense of joy and purpose she felt right now was great confirmation. She had a little extra skip and a hop in her step as she headed toward the courtyard doors to take her lunch break. But then she heard something that made her stop in her tracks.

"Ursa… no. I tried to warn you. No, don't do it. Ursa, I'm so sorry…" a weak voice groaned.

Katara poked her head into a nearby room to find the source of the noise. An older man was lying there sleeping fitfully and saying Ursa's name repeatedly. Katara went in to check his chart. Stab wound. She noticed he had been cleaned and bandaged up already, but his face was pretty bruised, so she applied some healing water there to help reduce the swelling. The man startled a bit, but then fell back into a restless sleep.

"You shouldn't bother with that one," a nurse informed her. She was headed to lunch herself when she saw Katara. "He's too far gone. We suspect internal bleeding, not much we can do."

"Okay, thanks for letting me know," Katara said quietly.

"Are you going to lunch? We can eat together if you want to." She studied Katara for a second and then added, "My name's Iza, by the way. You must be new here."

"I'm Katara. And yes, I'm new to this wing." Katara replied. "I'll join you in a minute for lunch. Thanks for the invitation."

"Sure," Iza said. She eyed Katara suspiciously before finally deciding to leave.

Katara made haste of her healing, carefully removing the man's bandages and assessing the stab wound. It appeared very clean, the knife had gone in and out. If the injury had been tended to early enough, it really shouldn't be life threatening, unless of course, something had been punctured on the inside. She laid her hands on him and began to work. She felt a rush of exhilaration. She had never been this in tune with the human body before. She knew exactly where the damage was and could feel where the blood was leaking. She redirected the fluid that was out of place, so to speak, and repaired the internal tear. She then gently massaged the heart to make sure his body would circulate enough blood to start healing itself more rigorously. Finally she double checked the incision, but decided to leave it alone since she was not supposed to be doing any of this. It had been stitched up well enough, and if she healed it completely, she'd give herself away.

She stepped back and sighed. Maybe that would help. No, not maybe. Definitely. She was absolutely sure of it. He would live. She lingered to revel in the moment, but realized her mistake when the patient started to wake up. He sniffled and snorted and looked straight at her. "Who are you?" he mumbled. With that, she quickly darted out the door.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** So Ty Lee finds out she's an airbender in _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_ based on the recollection that she could jump crazy high up onto the columns in the Earth Kingdom throne room (I believe she does this during the Fire Nation takeover at the end of season two). Kai, her cousin, is also an airbender but no relation to the Kai from Legend of Korra. He's my OC, and I chose Kai because it rhymes with Ty, and I imagine his brothers to have names just like Ty Lee's sisters do... Kai Lin, Kai Lao, Kai Woo, etc.

The Oyster Bay siblings, Rena, Rei, and Rozin, are all Emletish's characters that Team Avatar meets on Ember Island. I have them show up just for funsies because I like them but also to add emphasis to the tension that exists in the colonies post-war. Plus, Katara is lonely and needs someone to talk to... Toph, too, actually. Their grandfather served as a general under Ozai, but retired shortly before the comet campaign, claiming that Ozai was too crazy by that point. (Or I believe the phrase was "pucking psychopathic puckwit.") I think Em hints at it, but I imagine the general comes back to serve under Zuko and tries to secure some formal training for Rei, the only one of his grandchildren who is a firebender. Hence their visit to the capital city in my fic. Rena uses the word "poff" which means Fire Nation citizen, a term often used by the colonials and coined by Emletish.

Lastly, if it isn't obvious, Katara used blood bending to heal Zuko when he was hit by Azula's lightening. The way this plays out in _Not Stalking Zuko_ is bloody brilliant (no pun intended) but I've seen this in other fics as well. I just can't wrap my mind around how she just heals him, just like that in the show when it takes weeks for Aang to recover, and that's even after being healed with spirit water. I was holding out for Zuko to groan "true love" like Wesley in _The Princess Bride_ , and THEN make a miraculous recovery, but alas, the Zutara ending was not meant to be. Yet, here we are...


	7. Medicinal Matters of the Mind

**A/N:** I'll be shifting between the scenes with Zuko at Two Rivers and Katara in the Fire Nation Capital, so I hope it's not too hard to follow. Trigger warning for this chapter: physical abuse, non-explicit

* * *

Katara had been so caught up in the day's events that she'd almost forgotten about her appointment with Dr. Jung. She also remembered that she had Ursa's message to give him. Since so many Ursa connections seemed to be popping up, it was like a great mystery was unfolding before her eyes. Katara hoped that Zuko wouldn't view her actions as meddlesome. She didn't really have a choice, did she? After all, Ursa had come to her room— _thinking it was his room, actually_ —but now Ursa was asking Katara to do her bidding. She had to help; she felt like she was practically part of the family anyway. _But does Zuko feel that way? Or does he really want me to keep my nose out of family matters? Hmmm_ …

"Katara, you seem a bit lost in thought," Dr. Jung interrupted. "Perhaps we should forego our session for today."

Katara didn't realize that in her thought trance, she had dreamily wandered right into Dr. Jung's office and sat down without even knocking or announcing her arrival.

"I—I'm so sorry. I do have a lot on my mind. Perhaps I could use some of those, uh, mind-clearing therapies you're so good at," Katara half-joked.

Dr. Jung was unmoved. _Is he seriously scowling at me?_ _He's not a very nice or helpful doctor. Maybe I just see the worst of him after his having to deal with Azula all day. Yeah, that would put anyone in a bad mood._ "Oh! I almost forgot. I met a friend—err, I mean, colleague of yours. She's here in the Fire Nation! And she asked me to give you this." Katara handed over the note from Ursa.

Dr. Jung's face twisted into the oddest expression as he took the note and slowly unfolded it. His eyes widened as he read the words, but was it surprise? Or horror? Katara couldn't tell, but she suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"Where did you say you got this?" he hissed.

"Is it not signed? I assumed she would've given you a way to contact her," Katara said shakily.

Dr. Jung crumpled the paper in his hand and stood up abruptly. "Where did… how…you—nevermind, just GET OUT."

Katara was completely shocked by his reaction, but she scrambled to her feet and bolted for the door. Dr. Jung then collected himself and called after her, "Katara, wait." She slowly turned to face him again, but instinctively clutched her water skin just in case.

"Katara, I need some time to think about this, and I have some questions for you. But meanwhile, please don't tell anyone about this… about her," he implored.

She nodded, closed the office door behind her, and ran all the way back to the villa.

Uncle Iroh and Toph were having dinner when she got there. Katara debated on whether or not to join them. She was hungry enough, but she knew she her raw emotions from the day would be obvious to them, and she really didn't want to talk about it. She _couldn't_ talk about it. She needed to change out of her hospital uniform anyway, so maybe she would feel like joining them after she freshened up. As she casually walked by the dining area, she couldn't help but overhear their conversation.

"It was a most peculiar day. I started out at the bedside of one of my most trusted guardsmen who had apparently been stabbed in the middle of the night. He wasn't expected to make it, the doctors said." Iroh paused to take a bite of food.

Toph mumbled something indecipherable since she was in mid-chew herself.

"And I just got back from visiting him again. It turns out, he'll make a miraculous recovery!" Iroh clapped his hands in delight.

Toph swallowed. "That's all well and good, but you still have one problem. There's an assailant on the loose, it sounds like. It can't be good having royal guards getting stabbed around here."

"Oh, it was probably nothing. A drunken fight that escalated or something like that. There have been a lot of unfortunate incidents since Agni Kai was taken off the table. Some folks have taken their so-called 'justice' into their own hands," Iroh conjectured.

Katara wasn't so sure this was a random act of violence. She had a sinking feeling that a man who would speak Ursa's name in his sleep may have been targeted because he had a connection with the former Fire Lady. Maybe it was because he was trying to help her, and someone found out. Katara realized that she was in this way over her head. She didn't know ANYthing about how the Fire Nation operated or ANYone and how their allegiances aligned. She decided she better tell Iroh about Ursa. She'd have to break her promise, but only because keeping the secret sounded like a huge safety risk. She had made a vow to herself that Zuko would NOT lose his mother AGAIN.

"Hi, there, Sugar Queen. Working late again?" Toph's voice pierced through Katara's whirring thoughts.

"Katara, come join us! I'd like to make a toast to… medical miracles!" Iroh winked at her.

 _Wait, does he know?_ A feeling of dread settled deep in her stomach. Katara wasn't even sure she could eat like this.

"Um, I've had a very… long day," Katara said. "But perhaps we could have some tea later, Uncle Iroh?"

"Tea it is! I'll prepare some chamomile after dinner to help ease your worries, Miss Katara," he replied.

* * *

Katara knew she should just succumb to the calming effects of the tea and get a good night's sleep, but something still bothered her. She hadn't told Iroh everything, but she did say that she knew Ursa was in the Fire Nation, and that she had met her. Iroh actually already knew she was here (Katara wasn't too surprised by this) and was delighted that the two of them had met. Katara told him about how they had a few things in common, how easy it was to talk to her, and such. Iroh recalled a few memories of Ursa with great fondness, but after a while his voice faded into a somber silence. Katara warned Iroh that the injured guard could be connected to Ursa somehow, and that while she still had friends at the palace, she may have enemies, too. Iroh conceded that this was incredibly likely, and that Ursa's re-entry into a "normal" life here at the palace would be tricky at best. He affirmed he was working on it, though, and that reassurance was the best news Katara had heard all day.

Katara did not mention Dr. Jung's connection to Ursa however. She suspected it was more of a personal matter and didn't seem to pose any security threat, except that… what was up with Dr. Jung's outburst? He had spoken fondly of Ursa, or well, of his "colleague" that Katara assumed was Ursa. And Ursa seemed excited at the possibility of seeing him. What was in that note? Katara didn't read it out of respect for their privacy, but maybe she should have. Maybe she still could… since it was an issue of safety, it might call for a little midnight ninja sleuthing!

It had been ages since Katara had done the ninja thing. She wished now more than ever that Zuko were here with her. It was the sort of thing he taught her to do better. It was the sort of thing they liked to do together. It was the sort of thing they both found incredibly sexy about each other (dressing in black and sneaking around) and so it usually led to other things… after the main task at hand was accomplished, of course.

Shortly after they came back from Ba Sing Se, Zuko had shown Katara a series of underground passageways throughout the palace grounds. It proved to be very helpful if one happened to be in a secret relationship with the Fire Lord. It was also helpful in times like this. Katara found it a bit alarming how easy it was for her to cross the entirety of the palace grounds and slip into a window at the royal hospital unnoticed.

Katara was also grateful that Toph had taught her to pick locks back at Ember Island. She had uncovered some pretty disturbing things behind locked doors at the Fire Lord's old vacation home. Dr. Jung's office wouldn't be so bad, she was just looking for a lost love note… or so she thought.

She finally found the crumpled piece of paper under the desk, but couldn't ignore the mysterious locked cabinet there. The keyhole was not in the usual spot for such a storage space under a desk, like it was meant to be concealed. It took considerably more effort to work the lock, but finally the door swung open, and a few dusty scrolls fell out. She picked up the first one:

 _"Methods and Formulas for Medicinal Matters of the Mind"_

Katara skimmed it, finding a few phrases that piqued her interest and noting some of the diagrams, but largely its medical language was beyond her expertise.

 _Herbal concoction: purple sun poppy (Fire Nation component) and domed mushroom (Earth Kingdom component)  
Reaction: Human brain is relaxed, malleable, hallucinations are possible side effects_

Katara knew about the uses and effects of both the sun poppy and the mushroom. She thought combining the two would be an odd, if not dangerous thing to do. She skimmed further.

 _Meditation component: application of the Air Nomad tradition of unlocking one's chakras, healing begins with finding which blocked chakra is the source of patient's pain  
Study suspended due to lack of resources._

This was brilliant, Katara thought. She had never considered what the Air Nomad teachings could bring to the medical field, but it made perfect sense that their peaceful practices could aid in the healing of the mind. Katara made a mental note to ask Aang about chakras and meditation.

The last bit of notes seemed to be scribbled in a hurry and didn't make much sense to her.

 _Hypnotic state achieved when patient focuses on steady source of motion._

 _Technique used: a swaying lantern (subject finds firelight soothing)_

 _Use of trigger word to bring patient in and out of hypnotic state rendered unpredictable results._

 _Subject?_ Katara noticed the change in wording from _patient_ in that one phrase. She wondered who Dr. Jung's subject was. She feared that she already knew.

The next scroll she pulled out was entitled, "Notes on Subject." It was not written like observations in a medical journal, but more like a series of Dr. Jung's own reflections. At first Katara didn't want to pry into his personal business like this. She wouldn't like it if someone read _her_ journal about a certain _subject_ she wrote about once upon a time. She finally convinced herself that she'd come here on account of Ursa's safety—if anything, she'd do it for Zuko. So she read.

She wasn't sure if minutes or hours had passed. All she knew was that horror had overcome her. She eventually found herself in a heap on the ground outside the hospital window dry heaving. She wished she could un-know what she now knew. And she didn't know what to do with what she knew. But something had to be done.

* * *

Notes on Subject  
by Dr. Jung

Subject has agreed to do the study. I have advised her not to, I fear the results will be too unpredictable. But her dreams are so intense, and I wish her relief from these fears that consume her. She wants to make a new life here, and I want to help her. I have encouraged her to keep a dream journal. We will begin testing the herbal component soon.

...

We have finally found the right combination for the herbal concoction. It opens her mind for the work we need to do to erase the pain. I speak to her in even tones during therapy. She is calm and relaxed. She seems to be hallucinating about _him, her monster._ But she is telling him to go away. This is good, I think? This is such uncharted science. I wonder if this is a different level of consciousness we have accessed. An _un_ -consciousness, perhaps. Fascinating, but scary.

...

I read her dream journal. I want to kill him. I don't know if what happened in the dreams are what really happened, but I'm sure that what happened was terrible enough (or worse) if these images are the result. I don't think she knows I read it. I am pressing forward with our work with renewed vigor. She will be free of this.

...

I told her I want to protect her. I told her I want to kill him. This was a mistake, I know now, but in her confusion and my attempts to comfort, we made love. I am ashamed, because this is not how I imagined I would profess my love to her. I don't want to take advantage of her vulnerability. She may never love me back because of this. I did discover that the dreams are true. She is scarred on her sides, back and abdomen. A coward's work, where no one can see his secret torture. I will expose him for the monster he is.

...

When I awoke this morning, she was gone. She always talked about going to the Eastern Air Temple to study chakras with a guru, so I assume this is where she went. I do not believe the Air Nomad teachings have a place in the world of medicine, but she seems to think it is the missing component. I think she has left to get away from me. I find consolation in the fact that the Eastern Air Temple is about as far away from the Fire Nation as one can get.

...

I have been contracted by the Dai Li to collaborate on an operation where they wish to apply our research. They have assigned me an agent to learn our methods. In turn, he is showing me some of their techniques for hypnosis. It seems like an undignified way to enter one's mind, to me, but I have considered that when combined with some of the therapies we've tested, it might have some merit. It pays good money, and it helps take my mind off of her.

...

There is not much to report. My work with the Dai Li continues. The war rages on, but there has been no indication that she has returned home or that her children are in danger. They are his blood, perhaps that it enough to spare them. I miss her.

...

She is back! She did not speak of where she has been for the past several months, but she is here to request my help. She has just learned of a most terrible thing, an Agni Kai between the monster and his son. _Her_ son. I have never seen her so enraged. She says we have to go to the Fire Nation immediately. I know this is a mother's love, and I'm deeply troubled by what has happened to the boy, but she cannot go back there. To _him._ I will try to calm her with some of our methods. Then perhaps she will see reason.

...

I told her I needed to stay and work. She has threatened to leave without me to search for her son. The Dai Li have threatened to have me arrested if I do not complete the project. I feel trapped. I do not know what to do. I love her.

...

I have done a terrible thing. I went too far. I only wanted peace in place of her suffering. I only wanted her to stop screaming the child's name in anguish. The nightmares have returned. After all of our hard work, her monster still haunts her as fiercely as the day she came here. The brain is resilient. I had to use the most extreme treatment to date. She remembers nothing. Not even my name. She stares blankly at me. I tell myself, this is good. A clean slate. But I think my soul has died with hers.

...

The Dai Li grew impatient. They came and confiscated all of my supplies and the most recent research. I have kept several key scrolls hidden and preserved. They even took her. They said she would make a most excellent prototype for their new initiative: Operation Joo Dee. Maybe she will live in the upper ring, they will pay her lots of money, and she will finally be happy. Maybe I will go seek a life of solitude in the Eastern Air Temple. There is nothing left for me here.

...

Dr. Wang, my advisor, came to visit. He has convinced me to stay, that there is more work to be done. His predecessor was commissioned by Avatar Roku to study the matters of the mind, to find out what makes men go mad. I owe it to Ursa to do this. And to her children if there is still any hope for them. And to find a cure for the curse that appears to have gripped the Fire Nation royal family. To that end, I owe the world.


	8. Melting Pot

**Author's Notes:** Phew, glad to have made it past that last chapter. When I started writing this thing, I actually hadn't planned on Dr. Jung becoming... well, _that._ Let it be said again that any and all references to therapies and components (ie: hallucinogenic mushrooms, for example) are to be taken extremely lightly. I didn't flesh out the science, only certain implications, and I'm more concerned with developing Jung as a character, not presenting his medical research or anything. Anyway, this next chapter should lighten things up a bit with the introduction of one of my favorite OCs, Arik! Without further ado...

* * *

"Katara? Are you in there?" Iroh knocked gently on her bedroom door.

Katara groaned.

"Are you feeling ill, my dear?"

"Yes, I….had a bad night," she mumbled.

"Shall I tell Dr. Yang that you are not coming to work today? She has stopped by to inquire as to your whereabouts." He spoke softly as if not wanting to be overheard.

While everything in Katara's mind and body was screaming against her, she relented, "No, tell her I'm coming. I'll be there… soon." She couldn't have Dr. Yang suspecting _anything_ beyond her visits with Dr. Jung—like her breaking into his office.

"Very well," Iroh said. "She says she'll wait for you in the parlor."

Katara's stomach lurched into her throat. Why did Dr. Yang feel the need to escort her to the hospital this morning? She felt very weak after the night's events, but dressed quickly and headed downstairs.

"Katara, you look terrible. If you are sick, then it is quite irresponsible of you to take on the care of patients in your condition," Dr. Yang scolded.

"I—I just didn't sleep well," Katara admitted.

Dr. Yang looked unconvinced. "Well, I have one important job for you this morning. Then I want you to take the rest of the day off. Get yourself together, girl."

They walked most of the way in silence. Just before entering the hospital doors, Dr. Yang took her aside in the courtyard. Katara's eyes darted over to the window where she'd clambered out last night and cried until she couldn't cry anymore. Thankfully she'd remembered to close it.

"Colonel Cheng has asked to see you," Dr. Yang said dryly.

"Who?" Katara asked.

"I was hoping you could me tell me how a critically wounded patient in a unit of the hospital where you were NOT assigned would be asking for the dark girl with the blue eyes and glowing hands?" Her eyes narrowed.

 _Oh, him._

"I, uhh…" Katara shuffled her feet nervously. "I was going to the courtyard for lunch, and I heard him groaning. His face was bruised, so I thought I might help with the swelling."

"You didn't do anything to his stab wound?"

"N–no, I mean, I looked at it, but it had already been stitched up." It was partially true, Katara figured. She hadn't done anything to it _on the outside_.

Dr. Yang folded her arms and glared at Katara in her usual accusatory stance. But she didn't say anything further and started walking briskly into the hospital. Katara followed.

Colonel Cheng was sitting up in his bed eating moonpeaches and gingersnaps from a bedside table. The color had returned to his face, and the bruises and swelling had completely disappeared. Katara took pride in her work. When he saw her, he gestured for the nurse in the room to leave, and he looked expectantly at Dr. Yang as well. When she didn't get the message, he grumbled, "I would like to speak to this young lady in private, please."

Dr. Yang's face turned red as she turned to leave. Katara was not sure if it was from anger or embarrassment. She still sensed that she was in trouble somehow.

"Now, my little moonflower. I am told that you are a healer?" Colonel Cheng spoke quietly.

"Yes, sir." Katara bowed, trying to remember her Fire Nation courtesies.

"Well, I'm glad to see you are real. Because I thought I was dreaming!" He laughed, but then grimaced and grabbed his side. "Still recovering, though." Katara instantly regretted not healing the incision site as well.

"You know, having a waterbender walking freely in the Fire Nation capital IS like a dream," he continued. "I never thought it possible with the way this blasted war carried on."

Katara wanted to ask him about Ursa, but she wasn't really sure how to broach the subject.

"There is a lot of change going on around us," his yellow eyes met hers. "Some people have a hard time with change. I want you to be careful. Guard yourself. Don't be too trusting of anyone. I let my guard down, and look where it got me?"

"Sir, your attacker?" Katara started.

"It's not your concern," Colonel Cheng said brusquely.

"Oh. OK, then." Katara didn't know what else to say.

"When in doubt, you can trust General Iroh. I'm not sure how one good apple fell off the crazy tree in that family, but he did somehow." Colonel Cheng sighed.

"He's not the only one," Katara said before she could catch herself.

Colonel Cheng raised an eyebrow and then nodded knowingly. "Oh, Fire Lord Zuko? Well, he's young and determined, that one. Seems to be on the right track, and I know Iroh will help him. But he has such a dark past and a very difficult path ahead… I wouldn't put him on a pedestal just yet. Besides, I see him sneaking around the palace grounds at night all the time. Wonder what that rascal is up to?"

Katara wasn't sure, but she thought maybe the Colonel winked at her. She then decided it was too risky to ask about Ursa.

* * *

Sokka and Zuko threw back another firewhiskey and laughed at Sokka's very inappropriate earthbender joke. Zuko didn't realize how much he'd missed his friend since the last time they'd all been together in Ba Sing Se. It almost felt like good times at Ember Island before the war. He wondered if they could ever do that again, just hang out on the island for fun. _Does the Fire Lord ever get to have fun? I mean, I technically own that vacation home now._

"So, let me get this straight. Appa's long lost cousin's diving lessons land your highly skilled Fire Nation navy on Sky Bison Island where you can't even hitch a ride on one to get over to the mainland which, might I add, is practically within swimming distance from there?" Sokka started to pour another shot of firewhiskey.

"Hey, so I got hit in the head. Don't blame me, blame the crew!" Remembering his injury, Zuko wondered if having another drink was a bad idea.

"A good leader never blames his men, he takes RESPONSIBILITY!" Sokka saluted half-heartedly with one hand and sloshed his drink around with the other.

"OK, Captain Responsibility, how were so many bison living this close to Two Rivers, and you never knew it?" Zuko slurred his words a bit.

"Well, I don't know what your Fire Lord duties entail, but we've been busy around here. We're not sipping tea and sniffing firelillies… and certainly not searching for sky bison! That's Aang's job anyway." Sokka slouched back in his chair and propped his feet up on the table.

"Where is Aang, anyhow? I haven't heard from him since Ba Sing Se," Zuko wondered aloud.

"Isn't that a song?" Sokka raised his eyebrows.

"Don't you start. You're worse than my uncle," Zuko warned.

"I haven't heard from you since Baaaaaa-Siiiiiiiing-Saaaaaaay." Sokka gestured widely with his hands. Zuko took the opportunity to tackle him, and a drunken wrestling match ensued.

When Suki found them a few minutes later, she reminded herself that even though she was standing over the Fire Lord and the future governor of Two Rivers, they were still just silly 17-year-old boys.

* * *

The next morning the negotiations began. Both Zuko and Sokka groaned and rubbed their temples while Suki shot them repeated reproachful glares. None of the other representatives seemed to notice. Among those present, Guo represented the faction of colonials who wished to make Two Rivers an independent city-state. King Kuei was apparently busy with his own wedding preparations, but he had sent an advisor to speak on behalf of the Earth Kingdom. Zuko, Sokka, and Suki eyed the newcomer with curiosity because they hadn't seen him in Ba Sing Se during the peace negotiations.

"Hi, I'm Yuan," the man offered nervously when he realized he was the only one new to the scene. "Um, I'm from the Earth Kingdom here to represent King Kuei." He bristled at the snort Guo made and quickly added, "But I also represent the voice of the colonials since I lived…" he then deflated, "…oh, nevermind, it's not important. My cousin is betrothed to the king. That's the real reason I'm here."

Zuko inwardly cursed that this council was essentially made up of juveniles and amateurs. _No wonder negotiations have gone poorly._ Kuei probably thought that sending a commoner would work in his favor. Zuko tried to shake his initial feeling of uneasiness, but the veins in Guo's neck were already bulging, and all they had done so far was introduce themselves. It did not surprise him that Guo was the first to speak.

"Two Rivers has lived too long under the oppression of both the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom, and we are done! We want you to leave and let us be!" he bellowed.

Zuko looked curiously at the man. Guo's eyes were green, but his skin was pale and his hair, jet-black. _He's also talking out his ass_. Zuko breathed deeply to calm himself before speaking.

"Who, exactly, do you want to leave? From what I can tell, there are no Fire Nation or Earth Kingdom soldiers posted here," Zuko said.

"Fire Nation, Earth Kingdom! The lot of them!" Guo roared.

Zuko wasn't altogether unsurprised at the man's ridiculous outburst. He knew too well what evils the Fire Nation had likely imposed on this colony. And he'd seen first hand that the Earth Kingdom had not treated people on its outskirts all that well, either. But surely this man had to realize what he was saying.

"So, you'd have Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom citizens just leave Two Rivers? Who would be left?" Zuko asked. "You? Who else, then?"

Others at the table started giving each other confused glances. They hadn't noticed Guo's mixed parentage like he had.

The colonial was getting visibly agitated and started cursing under his breath and mumbling, "Should've known…" and "Can't reason with the likes of you…"

Zuko sighed. _Thank the spirits that we won't be putting him in charge._ Guo was an angry man who wouldn't see reason. But they needed to appease him somehow. Zuko switched tactics.

"OK, sorry sorry. I understand you're upset. I don't think anyone here would disagree that Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom are at fault for what has happened here, and we will do our best to make reparations. But we can't force anyone to leave. This is their home, no matter where they came from before, they live here now. So, if Two Rivers becomes independent, then its people do, too. It's more than just a restructure of how we are ruled, it's an adjustment of how we should think. The only way this is going to work is if we work together… as people trying to find a solution to a problem. Not nations bickering over what is due them."

Guo opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he wanted to say something in response, but then Sokka took the opportunity to speak.

"The Kiyoshi Warriors were sent here initially as a neutral peace-keeping faction. They can stay as long as they are needed since there are still some disgruntled groups from all sides, but we'd like to make a proposal for an interim system of government." Sokka looked at Suki expectantly.

"Erm, yes," Suki began. "Sokka would step in as interim governor for Two Rivers as an independent city-state. He, uh, has some ideas about what the government model could look like in the future, a representative group running things, much like what we have assembled here, in fact. But for now, restoration. Before growth."

"Why you? What business does some Water Tribe kid have in all this?" Guo snapped.

Suki explained, "Like the Kiyoshi warriors, the Southern Water Tribe has no bone to pick in this fight. Sokka is neutral. Clearly you feel very, uh, passionate about this. You, err—Two Rivers needs somebody removed from the situation to act impartially… and be reasonable about this."

"Are you calling me unreasonable?" Guo stood and pointed a pale finger at Suki. Zuko had been clinching his smoking hands trying hard not to blast this guy with fireballs, but the other man's threatening stance put him over the edge.

"YOU! SIT DOWN," Zuko growled. "Sokka is the most talented strategist I know, and Two Rivers is LUCKY that he is here. He single-handedly took out a dozen Fire Nation airships that would've burned your precious city TO THE GROUND. Although I'm not even sure why you defend this city since you want practically everyone who lives here to LEAVE because of your personal grudges. YES! YOU ARE UNREASONABLE. MAYBE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD LEAVE."

The room was dead quiet. Both Zuko and Guo were breathing hard. Finally Sokka squeaked, "I had help."

"Wha—what?" Zuko faltered.

"I didn't single-handedly take out those airships. Suki and Toph were there, too. And Aang in the end. I had help."

Zuko made a frustrated gesture. _Why do I always lose my temper? I am no better than Guo_. He looked the colonial square in the face and said with finality, "Sokka is also a man of honor. He is a valiant warrior, a fierce friend, and a brilliant administrator. You don't need me anymore for this discussion."

* * *

Zuko knew it was probably reckless to bugger off and find a tavern without telling anyone where he was going or bringing a guard with him. He had felt suffocated in the meeting and needed a breather. _I hate peace negotiations_ , he decided. _Where is the damn Avatar? Isn't this supposed to be his job?_ He resolved to write another letter to Aang when he got back to his room… if he was sober enough. _I should write to Katara, too._

He was dreamily thinking of the waterbender and sipping his firewhiskey when a man brushed against his shoulder and sat next to him. "Same for me," he told the bartender. _Oh spirits, why?_ Zuko thought. Guo didn't say anything for a while, and the two of them drank their firewhiskey in awkward silence.

"You're an asshole," the other finally said.

 _Great, here it comes_. Zuko rolled his eyes and signaled for another drink.

"You don't deserve your friends, you know." Guo's eyes seemed a bit glazed over, like maybe this wasn't his first stop for the night. "But they defended you all the same… after you left… and you were right about them. They will do a good job sorting things out here in Two Rivers."

Zuko felt the fiery anger burn in him for being insulted, but at the same time he felt oddly touched by the sentiment of his friends, and also relieved that this guy wasn't going to give them any more trouble.

"Good," he gulped. "I'm glad you worked it out."

There was a long pause. Zuko fingered the edge of his glass wondering if he should get another drink or make a quick exit before he said or did anything he would regret. Then Guo started talking again.

"My mother was raped by a Fire Nation soldier. I'm the result. When my father came back from fighting in Ba Sing Se, he couldn't even look at me. My mother, she tried, but I've always been this… this… I dunno, I'm not quite right. I tell myself I'm fighting for people like me. People confused about where they belong. People who _don't_ belong. But really, I'm just fighting to fight."

 _Great spirits_ , Zuko thought. _I didn't need his life story. Now what am I supposed to say to that?_

"I, uhh," Zuko stammered. "I'm sorry that happened to you, er, um—your mom." Zuko suddenly felt incredible guilt all over again for being Fire Nation. For being from the war-mongering bully of a country that caused so much pain and suffering for generations of people over the span of a hundred years. He wanted to make it better, to show the world he's better, but how do you even make amends for something like that?

 _You don't_ , Zuko reminded himself.

"I think you're right, though," Guo continued. "We have to think differently now. Independent means not tied to any one nation, so we can't hold grudges against people based on where they're from. Maybe Two Rivers could be a, I dunno, a melting pot, or something. Where all nations can come and not have to worry about that kind of shit, you know?"

Surprised that a comment coming from _this_ man would manage to grant him relief, comfort, and hope, Zuko instinctively lifted his glass. "I'll drink to that."

* * *

Zuko's head was still spinning and his ears still ringing from the night before, but he got the gist of Jee's reprimands. He apologized for wandering off alone and getting drunk and did Jee say something about him singing in the streets? He didn't remember that part, but in order to appease his advisor, Zuko said he would take Kai with him to all his meetings today. Jee eyed them both with some suspicion but obliged. Jee and the rest of Zuko's crew set off to assist in a small uprising further inland. There were rumors that former Fire Nation soldiers were causing some trouble, and Zuko ordered they be contained and questioned.

When Zuko arrived at the meeting, he noted Guo's absence.

"Yeah, he said he didn't think he was the best one to negotiate. He suggested we have a governing group with representatives from each of the nations which was actually part of my proposal," Sokka explained. "He then said something about feeling conflicted about which group he could represent. Not sure what he meant by that, but he's leaving it to us to figure out. Since he was basically the voice of the dissenters, I guess that means the hardest part is over."

 _No, the hardest part has just begun_ , Zuko thought.

"Too bad Aang isn't here to represent the Air Nomads," Suki said. "We could at least get started as a true representative group if he was."

"Well, and I would NOT be part of this group, of course. There are plenty of Fire Nation citizens in Two Rivers. We'll have to find someone else," Zuko quickly added. He really wanted to go home… not so much to the Fire Nation, but to Katara.

Kai coughed softly, not to get anyone's attention, but with the noise, suddenly everyone became aware that he was there.

"Oh, so sorry. This is Officer Kai, he's one of my crewmen," Zuko began the introduction but then had a realization. "And he could stand in as a representative for both the Fire Nation AND the Air Nomads!"

After everyone exchanged confused glances, Sokka exclaimed, "Oh yeah! This is our sky bison trainer, right?"

More looks of puzzlement were followed by a long pause before Zuko finally explained. He had hoped Kai would speak for himself, but the young man was blushing and avoiding eye contact. Zuko was certain the guy was actually older than him even. It was about time he stepped up and made that new life for himself separate from his six other brothers.

"Kai does have a unique bond with the recently discovered sky bison herd because he's an airbender. It's, uh, a recent development. He's from the Fire Nation, of course, a new recruit to the Royal Guard. I don't really see military as a good fit for him, though. Peacemaking seems a better role, and as a person with Fire Nation past and airbending future, I think he's your man!" Zuko slapped Kai on the back heartily and gave him a thumbs-up for encouragement.

"And with that being said, I'll take my leave. You all have very important matters to discuss." Zuko gave a half-hearted salute, and he strode toward the door.

"Wait, Zuko…"

Zuko thought Suki had been the one to call after him, but he didn't care. Once back in his room, he quickly shed the formal Fire Lord attire and put on a simple tunic and a wide brimmed hat. Since the war ended, he hadn't been able to do two things he missed from the time he had been away from home—explore and be alone. He was taking an afternoon off to do just that. Jee would be furious. Katara would be worried. But at that moment, he didn't care.

The fruit stall in the market was his first stop. He bought mangoes and moonpeaches because they reminded him of Katara. He tried two new fruits, a tayberry and an ugli. They both tasted more sour than sweet, but he liked the contrast. The vendor told him that they were hybrid fruits, the tayberry a cross between two types of berries and an ugli, a combination of three different citrus fruits. Zuko was intrigued by the idea that plants could mix and create something new, different, and wonderful.

He watched a street artist paint with tea leaves, browsed a pottery shop with every kind of tea set imaginable, and he eyed some nice jewelry wondering if Katara would like it or not. He figured he should buy some gifts, but he was so terrible at that sort of thing. _Where is Uncle when I need him?_ Maybe if Zuko had some tea, he would feel inspired. When he was within a few strides of the tea shop door, a rock suddenly pelted him in the back of the head.

 _There is no fucking way that Jet is here_. _If he is, I'm going to kill him._

Truth be told, he and Jet had parted on somewhat amicable terms in Ba Sing Se. And if Jet was here in Two Rivers, at least he would get to see the rest of the bounty hunting team, June and Mai, too. Zuko jerked his head around and readied his stance, but all he saw was a child, a boy maybe 9 or 10 years old, with a hand covering his mouth in a gesture of panic. His golden eyes met Zuko's.

Then a girl ran past the boy, shoved him with her shoulder and teased, "Why are you just standing there, Arik? Come and get me!"

Zuko watched the pale-skinned girl run down the alley. The boy, Arik, looked conflicted for a moment. His eyes indicated his sincere apology, so Zuko nodded his acknowledgement then tilted his head as if to say, _you should go after her_.

"Rina! Wait!" The boy darted after the girl. "Hey, did you know you bent a rock at that man? You should go back and apologize."

"Make me!" The girl snickered.

 _Rina was my grandmother's name_ , Zuko recalled. For some reason, he felt compelled to follow the children.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** In NSFZ, Emletish has Mai and Jet join June the bounty hunter (remember, the gal with the shirshu?) to help round up war criminals after the peace treaty in Ba Sing Se. This is especially liberating for Mai who has lived her life doing what's expected of her as a Fire Nation noble, and it also helps Jet channel his vengeance toward the Fire Nation. I like the validation that this gives both of these characters, especially Mai, whom I am less than impressed with in the comic series. Anyway, I mention them a few times, and now you know. In other news, Em is writing again. Squeeeeeeee!


	9. A Tale of Two Fire Lords

Zuko entered full-on stealth mode, while trying to convince himself that this was not at all creepy, a stranger chasing two children in an alley. Aside from the girl being an earthbender, they reminded him a little of Katara and himself. The boy was definitely Fire Nation and obviously frustrated with his sassy playmate. Zuko knew all too well what that was like. He caught up to them in a clearing near a row of houses. He ducked behind some bushes to watch their exchange.

"Take that!" Rina hurled more rocks at Arik. The boy dodged them effortlessly. Zuko decided that the girl was probably a year or two younger, and since the boy was able to anticipate her moves with ease, they were likely regular cohorts.

"Is that the best you've got, Rina?" Arik mocked. The girl then started charging full speed while pelting rocks at him and kicking up dust in her wake. _She looks like a miniature version of a komodo rhino stampede_ , Zuko observed.

"C'mon Sparky, aren't you gonna, ya know, bring the heat?" Rina taunted.

 _Sparky? Was that every earthbender's nickname for someone from the Fire Nation?_ Zuko wondered.

Arik growled in frustration. He continued to evade Rina's attacks, but eventually a rock smacked him in the forehead, and he fell to the ground.

"Rrrrrrrrrah!" He launched himself back up and started throwing erratic fistfuls of fire toward Rina.

 _He's a firebender_ , Zuko marveled.

Her eyes grew wide at first, but then she smirked. Her plan had worked. "Mother! Arik is trying to burn me again!" she whined.

"Whatever, you little mudslinger!" Arik hollered, his anger burning evident in his red face and smoking hands.

 _An angry and untrained firebender_ , Zuko noted. _This is not good._

When a woman appeared in the doorway of one of the nearby houses, Arik dropped his guard, turned, and ran. Zuko watched the girl and her mother briefly before deciding to follow the boy. He had not realized until now that the children were siblings.

Zuko heard muffled sobs coming from the tree above and figured he would wait a minute for Arik to collect himself. But when he heard and smelled leaves burning up there, he took that as a cue.

"You know, fire left untended will only consume and destroy. It is up to the firebender to learn how to control it." Zuko leaned up against the trunk of the tree but didn't look up.

There was a long silence, but Zuko didn't mind waiting. This was the most fun he'd had in a while. Finally Arik spoke, softly and tentatively.

"I'm sorry my sister hit you with a rock. She meant to hit me. I—I'm not sure why you followed me, but I can't give you anything except my sincere apology. P-p-please don't report us to the authorities... my father…"

"I don't want anything, and I'm certainly not going to rat you out," Zuko replied. "But if you'll come down, I can show you a few fundamental firebending moves if you'd like."

"R-r-really? You're a firebender, too?" Arik dropped down from the tree and met Zuko with a wide grin on his tear-stained face. Zuko was surprised that the boy didn't seem to take too much notice of his scar. _Good, he doesn't recognize me, then_ , he thought.

Zuko did the sparkle dragon just because it was a cool trick, and Arik's eyes turned big as saucers. "Whoa, can you teach me to do that?"

"Not yet. Basics first," Zuko said. "I'm Lee by the way."

"Arik, nice to meet you." The boy bowed.

"Arik is an Earth Kingdom name," Zuko observed aloud.

"Err, my mom is from the Earth Kingdom. My dad is Fire Nation," Arik explained.

"Is your father a bender?" Zuko asked.

"No. My mom is. She teaches my sister. I have… no one." Arik's smile vanished.

"Well, I am only visiting Two Rivers for a short time," Zuko said. "But I will teach you a few things to help with your sister at least." He winked at Arik. He knew what little sisters were like, especially ones who were better at bending.

After a few hours of intense but exhilarating practice, but both Zuko and Arik plopped down on the ground hot, sweaty, and exhausted. They had started with the usual breathing techniques and then moved on to cover jabs, kicks, and shields. Arik was a quick study but also very patient and fastidious. It was different than training Aang who had often lacked focus during their lessons. It was even fun, Zuko thought. Maybe if he didn't have to be Fire Lord, he would've sought a career in training young benders.

"Let's go to my house and get some watermelon juice!" Arik offered. Zuko knew he was probably pushing his luck by accepting the offer, but his thirst—and curiosity— got the better of him.

* * *

"Mom, this is Lee. Lee this is Mom, err—I mean, Lian," Arik introduced them. Zuko bowed and noticed that the woman was definitely eyeing his scar warily.

"The pleasure is mine," Zuko said.

"And I'm Rina!" The girl pushed herself in between them.

"That's a lovely name," Zuko said. "That name also belonged to my…um… well, it's a family name." He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling flushed under Lian's continued scrutiny. _So they named their earthbender with a Fire Nation name and their Fire Bender with an Earth Kingdom name,_ Zuko thought.

"Where did you say you were from?" Lian asked with one eyebrow raised.

"I didn't." Zuko frowned. He perceived the need to make a quick exit before his cover was blown. "Well, it's nice to meet you, but I was just… I really need to… "

"Mom! Lee is a firebender, and he taught me some really cool moves!" Arik interjected.

 _Dammit, so much keeping a low profile,_ Zuko resigned.

"Oh, did he now?" Lian still hadn't taken her eyes off Zuko since he stepped foot in their house. In fact, she was even pouring six glasses of watermelon juice without even breaking her stare. _How does she do that?_ It must be some skill that comes with being a mother, the ability to penetrate his soul until he confessed not just this one lie, but everything else he had ever done wrong, and all while she simultaneously conducted menial daily tasks without a hitch.

 _Wait, why are there six glasses?_

"You'll have to show your father what you learned," Lian said sweetly, still looking right at Zuko. _Stop that, woman!_ Zuko thought he might go crazy under the pressure.

"Daddy!" Rina suddenly squealed.

Zuko jumped at the noise. He sought the door beyond with some inclination to run for it, but instead found himself face to face with golden eyes not much different than his own, the same as Arik's.

"I'm Shinu," the man grinned widely and bowed slightly in some resemblance of the Fire Nation pleasantries. Zuko returned the gesture and stammered, "I—I'm Z-Z-ooo glad to meet you. I'm Lee."

"So I overheard you taught Arik a few things. That's great! I'm, uh, not a bender myself, so I appreciate you giving him some pointers before he, ah… hurts himself." Instead of the intense inspection he'd received from Lian, Zuko saw that Shinu was surveying his scar with concern.

"It is good for benders of _all_ kinds to learn _control_ so that they don't hurt _others_ ," Zuko said, placing emphasis on certain words and looking directly at Rina when he said them. "And learning defense is always good, too," he added and nodded at Arik.

Shinu opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a loud banging noise.

"Corporal Shinu, " a booming voice rattled through the door. "I have orders from the Royal Navy to bring you back to the Fire Nation. Open up at once!"

Zuko saw everyone's expressions change instantly at the mentioning of the Fire Nation. Lian went from annoyed skepticism to worried panic. The kids switched from grins and giggles to frowns of confusion. Shinu's face contorted into what could only be described as outright fear.

"Lian, take the kids out back. Uhhh… Lee, you go, too. I'm, uh, I'll handle this, OK?" Shinu hurriedly ushered them all toward the back of the house. Zuko made sure Lian, Arik, and Rina were safe before circling back to find out what was going on. There shouldn't be any Royal Navy in Two Rivers except _his_ crew. Plus, "corporal" was an army rank. What would the navy want with an army soldier anyway?

"Corporal, the Fire Nation is withdrawing its troops from Two Rivers. You are a known deserter of the army, and we've been instructed to notify all military personnel of our orders to evacuate. You have two days to gather your things and say your goodbyes. Stand by for further orders…" a solider announced before a wilting Shinu.

"But why? Why now? There hasn't been any war here in ages. That's why I left. That's why so many of us left. We have homes here now. Our lives, our family…" Shinu pleaded.

"Two Rivers is becoming an independent city-state. There is a new Fire Lord in the Fire Nation, and these are his orders," the soldier continued.

 _What? No they aren't_! Zuko couldn't take it any longer.

He cleared his throat and came into view. "Is there a problem, uh…Sergeant?" Zuko craned his neck to see the emblem on the soldier's uniform. He didn't recognize the man.

Both men turned and looked at him incredulously.

"Tell me, sergeant. Who gave these orders? The Fire Lord himself?" Zuko asked.

"Err, no. It was, uh, a navy lieutenant. No, he said he was advisor to the Fire Lord," the soldier shook his head and then continued, "Never you mind, I don't owe you an explanation. Unless you'd like to come along just for fun. You're obviously from the Fire Nation, boy. What's wrong? Do you miss your mommy and daddy?" he taunted.

Zuko removed his hat and drew himself to his full height. "No, I don't miss former Fire Lord Ozai at all, in fact. I miss my mother terribly, but my father probably offed her a long time ago. But enough about them—or me—where is Advisor Jee? I would like to speak to him immediately."

Then he saw it—the gratifying moment when the solider finally realized who he was. Zuko had to admit it was a good feeling to invoke fear and awe while knowing you could completely wield a person. He'd vowed not to abuse such power, but he'd revel in it, just a little bit, under the right circumstances, of course.

Shinu hadn't caught on, though. So when the solider left to go get Jee, he lost it. "What are you doing, Lee? You're making this worse. Don't make Fire Nation army mad, don't you know that? You should just go. Make sure my family gets away safely, that they don't hurt them, too, ok? And…and… maybe teach Arik some more about firebending, so he can fight for himself, ok? And tell him never ever join the army if he can help it…and…"

"Shhhhh," Zuko held up a hand. "I've dealt with both Fire Nation army and navy before. Trust me, I know how to handle them."

"But…" Shinu buried his face in his hands and started mumbling incoherently, "I should've never… I'll never…"

When Jee came back with the sergeant, he took one look at Zuko and started on his own garbled rant, "Oh for Agni's sake, what are you… how…did he… but you're supposed to… ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!"

"I will speak to all of those matters shortly… err, I think? But first, I need you as a witness. Corporal Shinu, please raise your right hand in a sun salute," Zuko instructed, as it was customary for making military oaths.

Shinu still seemed very confused but did as he was told. Zuko reciprocated. "Now, by the power vested in me by the Fire Sages as Fire Lord Zuko of the Fire Nation, I hereby grant you with honorable discharge from your service to the Fire Nation army. You are free to live the rest of your days in peace and are thereby exempt from future conscription. You are only expected to fight when it is your duty to protect yourself and your family from harm in accordance with the national code of honorable conduct. What say you?"

Shinu stared at Zuko wide-eyed, unable to find his voice.

Jee leaned over and whispered, "You're supposed to say 'It is as you say,' and then bow reverently."

Shinu's brain finally caught up to the moment, he spoke his vow, and he and Zuko exchanged bows. The sergeant let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. Jee rolled his eyes which told Zuko he'd get an earful from his advisor later. Shinu still looked a bit bewildered, so Zuko shrugged and said, "Watermelon juice anyone?"

* * *

Katara woke up covered in sweat with her heart pounding and fists gripping her sheets. After she finally calmed herself enough to realize she was safe in her bed and not actually experiencing the horrible scenerio from her nightmare, she silently declared that was the WORST dream she had ever had. There had been flames, lots of them, and screams, both Zuko's and Ursa's. A shadowed figure wearing the Fire Lord robes was laughing maniacally and brandishing fiery fists while standing over his victims, _his family_. Katara was only able to helplessly witness the terror, her own screams joining the others until she jolted awake.

 _If this is anything like what Zuko dreams about, it's no wonder he wakes up the way he does_ , she realized. She seriously wanted to hurt someone right now. A certain someone, in fact. Katara found trying to go back to sleep a useless effort, so she sat on the window ledge looking out over the courtyard below.

She had never seen Ozai in person, not even a picture of him. His face had even been shrouded in darkness in her dream. She knew that Azula favored her mother save the golden eyes that Ursa shared with Zuko. She could only guess that Ozai had Zuko's striking features with Azula's copper-brown eyes. She hated that there would be _anything_ similar between father and son. She hated that Ozai could still haunt Zuko, Ursa, and now herself in their dreams. When could they ever be free of this monster? Even if Aang had killed him, would that even matter? The evil man had left his mark in more ways than she realized.

Katara awoke to morning sunlight spilling through the window, birds chirping, and Iroh knocking softly on her door. She had slumped down beside the window and fallen asleep at some point. The terrible pain in her neck attested to her awkward position. "It's my day OFF!" she grunted at the door as she crashed into bed. _Where are you, Zuko_!? She silently sobbed.

Katara spent most of the morning in her room contemplating her risky plan. She really wanted to go, just to see for herself. She had no idea what she would say or do—probably nothing. She knew Iroh and Zuko would disapprove, perhaps even forbid her from going. She wished she had an answer to the question _why?_ Morbid curiosity? Because everyone else knew and she didn't? Because he was part of the lives of those she loved so dearly, yet she couldn't understand how he could hurt them so much. She didn't even know what he looked like, what his voice sounded like…

She felt numb as she walked down the stone steps deeper into the Fire Nation prison. She was surprised she hadn't met much resistance in her coming here. She had just said she was a friend of Ming's. Apparently the other guards knew about Ming and Bato, and since both she and Bato were Water Tribe—it was a loose connection, but somehow it worked.

She stood staring at darkness past the prison bars suddenly regretting her decision. _Stupid stupid, Katara. What were you thinking, coming here?_ She turned on her heel to leave, thinking it was a close call when she heard him hiss.

"Who's there? What do you want?"

Katara froze and didn't answer.

"The guards said I had a visitor! Well, do I or don't I? The Fire Lord waits for no one!" Ozai bellowed.

"Former Fire Lord," she said curtly.

"Who dares to speak to me…" Ozai yelled as he thrust himself at the bars of his cell. "Oh… I see." He cast a condescending look at Katara once she was in his view. She had jumped back at his outburst, but then took in the sight of him with a mixture of horror and satisfaction. In a word, he looked miserable. Completely beaten and hollow, like a man without worth or purpose. His long black matted hair stuck to his emaciated frame, his face was sullen and scowling. He looked nothing like _anyone_ she recognized, hardly like a person even. Even his eyes lacked the spirit and determination of Azula's. It would appear that his demise had taken its toll.

"You!" he snarled.

Katara panicked. _He doesn't know me, how could he?_

"You must be a spy sent from the Water Tribe! Guards, warn my son, warn Zuko! There's a spy among us!" Ozai raged.

"You!" she echoed, her heart racing with anger and fear.

Ozai glowered at her, daring her to speak.

"You are no father to Zuko. You never treated him like a son. So don't call him that or send warnings like you care. You have no power here and no power over him anymore!"

With that, she turned and ran. She could hear him yelling something else and the guard said something to her, but she blocked it all out. She had seen what she needed to see, and it had been surprisingly vindicating. She had even said what she needed to say even thought she hadn't planned on saying anything at all. And she wanted to run as far away as she could from that evil semblance of a man in hopes that she would never have to think of or dream about him ever again.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** In an attempt to stay true to my "canon," I feel compelled to mention that at the end of _Not Stalking Zuko_ , Katara does actually meet Ozai, and I think she slaps him upside the head. That's cool and all, believe me, I think Ozai needs a good beating. But as you can probably already tell, my fic is quite a bit darker than Emletish's, and maybe I shouldn't get too hung up in all the ways that I diverge. Also, it should be noted that Ming, a Fire Nation prison guard, starts dating Bato of the Southern Water Tribe in _Not Stalking Zuko_. I reference this because Katara uses that as leverage to gain access to the Fire Nation prison to visit Ozai.

So... Ozai. I have sort of a... fixation with his character. I'm really trying to figure the guy out, not only for the purposes of this fic, but just to conceive what went wrong with him that caused him to do so many terrible things. I'm sure in the cartoon world, bad guys are just that—BAD guys. And I can definitely roll with the explanation Em gives in her author's notes at the end of Chapter 32: _Ducklings and Hawks_ in NSZ. I also have a fair idea about how his narcissistic psychosis will play out in _Darkness Before Dawn_ and perhaps its sequel or another companion fic specifically about Dr. Jung.

That being said, the best reference I could think of for Ozai is Hitler. The obvious parallels to draw are the power-crazed dictator who seeks world domination and the idea that the Fire Nation is superior to the other nations and is therefore justified in its militaristic pursuits. Hitler apparently had a very abusive father, and it is inferred that his feelings of helplessness and inferiority from boyhood are what caused his ravenous desire for power and control. I actually don't think of Azulon as abusive, although we don't see much of his character at all. (He seemed respectable enough when visiting Ursa's family in _The Search: Part One_. I suppose it was pretty damn cruel to command Ozai to kill Zuko, though.) So, clearly there is a family history of power hungry Fire Lording. And clearly they are all control freaks.

Speaking of _The Search_ , there is a frame where Ozai whispers in Ursa's ear and says, "You belong to the royal family now. And to me." Yeah, so Ozai's need for ultimate control will manifest itself in his abuse of Ursa, and that will come up from time to time in this fic. Sorry, I hate it, too, but I see it written all. over. her. face. Maybe it's because I've been there. And if anyone reading this happens to be there, too, God dammit, get the hell out. I know, that's not very eloquent advice and much easier said than done. A lot of people see Ursa as a strong woman, and I do, too. She'll make it out of this OK, I promise. I did... and so can you.

On a lighter note, it might not be obvious from this chapter, but Zuko is fascinated by the mixed Fire Nation-Earth Kingdom family. One of the most beautiful things in Zuko's character arc is the lesson he learns about people from all nations being equal and valuable. He adjusts his thinking from childhood indoctrination that the Fire Nation is supreme and must impart its greatness on the rest of the world. Again, this reminds me of Hitler and Nazism, the claims of a superior race, etc. Anyway, so Zuko gains respect for the different nations, but I think he stills sees them as separate. Once he starts to see them integrate like that of Arik and Rina's family, he can really wrap his mind around their peaceful coexistence in the world, the foundation of republic rule, etc. Plus, while he's never put it in the same context before, it sets a nice precedent for his ultimate desire to marry a certain someone from the Water Tribe.


	10. Roles and Revelations

Katara stared distractedly at the turtleducks in the pond. It was a good thinking place for the time being, but she wished it were a meeting place instead. She hardly ever saw Iroh or Toph these days, and with Zuko gone, she felt so isolated. It was such a stark contrast to the year when she and her friends were constantly together, almost to the point of driving each other crazy. She would give anything to hear a rant from her brother about how bossy she is or be on the receiving end of another one of Suki's lame attempts at a joke. Both Sokka and Zuko's messages indicated that things were going well in Two Rivers, but she couldn't help but feel a surge of jealousy that they were all together without her. Perhaps she should write a note back. Or maybe she should start journaling again; it would be something to pass the idle time at least.

 _Note… journal_ … suddenly she remembered her discoveries about Dr. Jung, and that Ursa's note had suggested a meet-up for afternoon tea. Part of her never wanted to face Dr. Jung again given what she now knew about him, but she needed to go and warn Ursa, somehow relay the truth to her about what really happened. Katara hoped she wasn't too late.

When she arrived at the tea shop, she saw that the pair was already seated inside. _Monkeyfeathers, now what?_ Katara perched below a window to wait for any signs of distress. She could at least spring into action if Ursa appeared in danger. As a consequence, her position allowed her to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Believe me, I was shocked to get your note and find that you made your way back here," Dr. Jung said. "You look, well, as beautiful as ever…"

"Thank you, I feel better. I lot better. Being here gives me hope—like I can make a full recovery." Ursa sighed.

"I don't really understand why you'd come back here, though. So much darkness and pain…" Dr. Jung trailed off. "I'm sorry, I guess I know the real reason, but we tried so hard to put that past behind you—out of your mind."

"I may be foolish in thinking there is something I can offer my children after all these years," Ursa's voice broke. "Zuko seems so strong, he has overcome so much. He doesn't need me."

 _Yes, he does!_ Katara wanted to scream at her.

"Tell me. How is… Azula? I heard you were treating her," Ursa continued.

"She is one of my more difficult cases of my career," Dr. Jung admitted. "She, uh… talks a lot about you, actually."

"I'm afraid I did her a terrible disservice while she was growing up," Ursa lamented. "She was just so firmly in his grip… I-I… didn't think there was any hope for her. Whenever I interfered, he—"

"Shhhhh, don't." Dr. Jung cut her off. "He can't hurt you anymore."

Katara noted Dr. Jung's caring tone. He still loved her. Even though he had done a horrible thing, he probably thought he was doing what was best for her. Although Katara thought it was totally unforgivable what happened to the Joo Dees as a result. Even thinking about it now made her stomach feel queasy again.

"So, how did you… recover so well? Once the Dai Li had released the women under their control, I tried to advise Yugoda on her therapy techniques," Dr. Jung said after a long pause.

"Well, she wouldn't use the herbal remedies. At the time I didn't remember anything to acknowledge their effectiveness, but when I did recover that sliver of a memory, I sought out the treatment at once. I convinced her to let me go on a journey, of sorts, to… find myself. I went to your office in Ba Sing Se," Ursa explained.

"Oh, I see."

"I wrote to her about the herbal component. I think the memories are just… trapped in the brain and need unlocking somehow. Perhaps the treatment is different for everyone. Maybe just being back in your office was the trigger I needed." Ursa paused. "I still have moments of deep confusion."

"What do you remember about… well, our time together… before…" Dr. Jung asked hesitantly.

Katara found herself creeping closer to window, her cheek almost pressed against the lowest pane. Her head and face were covered in black, and she hoped that was enough to mask her presence in the twilight hour.

"I remember we were excellent partners, combining the wealth of knowledge from both the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation," Ursa started. "It really should be like that. The nations sharing and working together—who knows what could be accomplished? We were on the brink of a medical breakthrough."

There was another bout of silence before Ursa spoke again. "You know, there's a waterbender here studying at the hospital. Can you imagine? Adding the power of the healers to—"

"Yes, I know about the waterbender," Dr. Jung snapped.

"Oh?"

"Well, yes, she's smart alright, I suppose. Dr. Yang seems to think so. She's always a bit absentminded in our sessions, though."

"You have sessions with Katara?"

"You know I can't discuss that—I shouldn't have said—wait, that's right! You know her already. She gave me the note to meet you here."

"Yes. I've met her. She's delightful."

 _OK, that's nice. Please stop talking about me._ Katara silently pleaded from her hiding spot.

"So, you must approve then?" Dr. Jung asked.

"Approve of what?"

 _Oh Yue, please no…_

"Of her being with your son," Dr. Jung said.

Katara did not stick around to hear more of the conversation. _That was not how Ursa was supposed to find out. Zuko, please come home soon!_

When she got back to the villa, she found Uncle Iroh sitting in the common area with a spread of tea in front of him.

"Katara, I've been waiting for you!"

"You have?" Katara was still panting after her hasty retreat from the tea shop.

"Yes, my dear. We have some matters to discuss," he gestured for her to sit in the chair opposite him. "Some… family matters." He raised an eyebrow as he spoke, and Katara knew that with the Fire Nation royal family, it could be just about anything at this point.

* * *

They had spent four days in Two Rivers, and Zuko felt good about their progress. Kai agreed to join Sokka, Suki, and Yuan as part of a small representative council to govern the colony for a trial period. No nation had attempted such a model before, but it made perfect sense to them. They may be teenagers, but they had fought on the frontlines of the war and knew that working together was the only way to victory. They had also received word that Aang would be arriving within a day or two. Zuko thought about staying long enough to see him and Ty Lee, but he really wanted to get back to Uncle, Toph, and Katara.

"So, you're sure you're good with this, Kai? When Aang and Ty Lee get here, you can begin your airbending training." Zuko was trying to assess Kai's moodiness while the rest of the crew began preparing the ship for the trip home.

"I will go where you say." Kai lowered his eyes. "If this is my station, then—"

"Come on, Kai. What I said to the Fire Nation soldiers from Two Rivers applies to you, too. If you don't want to, then I won't force you. You are free to do as you please," Zuko said. "In fact, if you truly are an airbender, you're more of a free spirit than honor bound Fire Nation, anyway."

"I, uh, thank you, sir. It's just, hard, you know. Growing up one way and then finding out your destiny is… different." Kai shuffled his feet, effectively avoiding eye contact.

"Believe me. I know exactly what you mean." Zuko put a hand on Kai's shoulder and gave a slight squeeze. The casual gesture caught Kai off guard at first, and he jumped back slightly. But then he relaxed and brought his eyes up to meet Zuko's. Kai's expression spoke volumes—of gratitude, confusion, determination, and contentment all at once. And Zuko noticed for the first time that Kai's eyes were gray just like those of the first and supposed last airbender he'd ever met.

After Kai had joined the others in preparing the ship, Sokka walked up behind Zuko. "He'll be alright. Aang will make him feel like the most important person on earth… a long lost airbender at last. I don't think his search has been very successful so far."

"He's a good kid." Zuko sighed as they both stood there in silence watching the crew scurry about on the beach. "We're all just kids, Sokka. Do you ever feel like—"

"We're in this way over our heads?" Sokka finished. "Yeah, sometimes. But you saw what a mess the adults made of things. I can't help but think this is what the spirits wanted. For us to bridge the way to a better future. Adults are too stuck in their own ways, not willing to accept people from other nations. And that's what it's going to take to recover, to prosper—worldwide cooperation, understanding, and respect."

Zuko nodded in agreement. The war had forced both he and Sokka into positions of leadership way earlier than they should have been. But the war had also taught them so much and prepared them in a way that no one else would be fit to lead anyway.

"I do wish we had at least one adult on the council who got it," Sokka added. "Preferably someone from Two Rivers since that Guo guy left."

"Wait… I know someone!" Zuko realized. "I'll be back later."

Sokka stared after Zuko's retreating form and heard him holler back, "Don't let them leave without me!"

Zuko retraced the route to their house with ease. Rina was sitting out front making mud pies. _Of course_ , he thought. She smiled widely when she saw him and called out, "Mom, Dad, the Fire Lord is here!" Zuko was relieved to find that she felt more comfortable around him now. The other day she would hardly speak to or even look at him once she learned his true identity. Even Arik started acting shy and exceptionally reverent saying "sir" a lot which really bothered Zuko. Jee had reprimanded him for being too soft with the Fire Nation soldiers, allowing them the freedom to return to the Fire Nation under his service or stay in Two Rivers as honorably discharged. "You must command respect especially so early in your reign," Jee had said. Zuko had been confused. Wouldn't people respect him more if he did what was right?

Both Shinu and Lian came to greet him at the door. He waved them off when they started the traditional ceremony of bows. He looked past them hoping to see Arik, but the boy was nowhere in sight.

"I'm scheduled to leave soon, but I have a proposition for you," he began.

"Anything, sir," Shinu said without hesitation.

Zuko frowned. "First of all, you don't owe me anything. So I will make my request, and you can say no. It is not an order, nor do I expect anything from you. Or well," Zuko looked briefly from Rina to Lian and then back to Shinu, "I expect you to do what is in the best interest of your family."

"Yes, sir." Shinu affirmed.

Zuko rolled his eyes. He shouldn't expect any kind of normal conversation or relationship since becoming a royal, but he craved it all the same. "Very well, then. There is a small council forming to take on the governing role of Two Rivers as an independent city-state. They need a representative from, well, _here._ It is designed to have delegates from all nations in order to establish fairness and equal voice," Zuko explained.

"I would be honored to fill such a role," Shinu bowed deeply.

"Good, I will put you in contact with my friend, Sokka. It will be arranged. Now, where is Arik? I would like to say goodbye."

"I'm not sure, probably up in a tree somewhere," Shinu shrugged. Then concern flashed across his face.

"What is it? Is Arik OK?" Zuko felt his pulse quicken.

"Do you… no… it's just… well, he…"

Zuko looked at Shinu expectantly—impatiently.

"Arik needs a firebending teacher. Do you know of anyone here in Two Rivers?"

"Ahhh, no. In fact, Arik is the only other firebender I've met here. I was surprised to find that none of the soldiers stationed here were benders, in fact."

Shinu looked immediately downcast but then started twisting his features, forming an idea. "Could he…"

"Yes?"

"Um… go to the Fire Nation with you?"

Lian gasped beside him. Rina let out a shriek. Zuko felt his own sharp intake of breath.

"I… I don't know if that's best. I can't teach him myself." Zuko honestly wished that he could. He started wracking his brain for some possibility to make it happen.

"Of course, not. But surely there is someone. Or some sort of academy," Shinu said.

"The academy is for the firebending elite. Children of nobles are conditioned for it as soon as they show signs of their ability. He would be—he wouldn't like it there."

"What about some sort of apprenticeship at the palace? Or any kind of job?" Shinu persisted.

"Stop it, just stop it!" Lian screamed. "You cannot take Arik away from his home. From his family!"

"But Lian… don't you see how miserable he is? You teach Rina how to earthbend, and he sulks in the corner. I'm not a bender, and even I know that not being able to use your abilities will tear you apart on the inside," Shinu pleaded.

Zuko looked back and forth between the couple. Rina shrank away from the conversation. Zuko knew that she received the preferential treatment, that Shinu had been away at war for most of Arik's life, and that the kid felt alone and angry.

"I tell you what," Zuko finally broke the tension with his calm words. "It is too hasty to make a decision right now. You clearly need to talk about it, and I need to check on some things back home before making a commitment. I will see what needs we have at the palace and if there is someone who can train Arik. Then I will send a message for all of you to visit, so you can see where he will be living and meet his advisor and so forth. It should set your mind at ease. Arik will always have the freedom to come home, and you will always be welcome to come visit him… even you, you little rabaroo." Zuko reached out and tousled Rina's hair.

They all agreed on this course of action, exchanged their goodbyes, and Zuko hurried back toward the docks. He was so ready to be home.

* * *

Katara felt momentarily relieved that her conversation with Iroh so far had only involved the wonderful news that Zuko's ship had embarked on its journey back to the Fire Nation, and a wistful discussion about the Fire Lord's upcoming birthday.

"You know he doesn't want a big fuss for his birthday, Uncle," Katara said although she knew her efforts were futile.

"He's the Fire Lord. A fuss is a must," Iroh folded his hands neatly in his lap and gave her a warm smile.

"I know. I just wish there was a way to… do both, I guess? I think what Zuko might want most for his birthday is _a break_ from being Fire Lord, but I guess that's not possible." Katara realized she might never understand the full weight of her boyfriend's responsibility. He didn't get a day off from being Fire Lord like she got days off from working at the hospital. And sometimes she _lived_ for those days off.

Iroh stroked his beard. "You might be on to something there, Katara. But first, we have a few matters of importance to discuss. I've ordered dinner to be served in my office if you would do the honor of joining me there."

Katara nodded solemnly. She knew she could trust Iroh, and she knew she should probably confide some of her burdensome secrets to him especially with Zuko returning soon. Once they were settled with a generous helping of dumplings and refreshed tea cups, Iroh moved quickly past the small talk.

"So, what do you think of the former Fire Lady now that you've met her?"

Katara chewed slowly and thought carefully about how she wanted to answer.

"She… is like Zuko. They are both smart, compassionate, and fiercely loyal to those they love. But she recovers from a painful past and lacks confidence and hope for an uncertain future."

Iroh nodded. "You are quite right, Katara. I had hoped that Zuko would seek her in his own time, when he felt ready. But now she has come to us. Believe me, I am delighted at the prospect of their reunion, but I'm not sure if he is ready."

"She doesn't think _she_ is ready. I…I… don't think they'll ever be ready, not in the sense that you want them to be. Recovery is not linear. There won't be a point you can mark as the best time for one or both of them. Because they will both have their good times and bad. Perhaps it is best that they work toward healing—together." The words spilled out of Katara's mouth unexpectedly, instinctively—but she knew she believed them with all her heart.

Iroh held her gaze for a long time, and Katara thought his eyes might be glistening with tears, although she wasn't sure. He blinked a bit and looked down at his food, poking at it before speaking again.

"Katara, I'm glad you are here. Zuko will need your support, and… well, we wouldn't have gotten this far without you. I'm glad you met Lady Ursa first, that you know about her work in medicine, which started out very similarly to your own. Maybe even your studies with Dr. Jung will help in dealing with this—with our—family."

 _Oh dear, does he know anything about Dr. Jung? And how does he know so much, really?_ Katara felt nervous again, like she knew she shouldn't deny anything but also uncertain about how much she should reveal.

"Katara, I need to ask you a question, and I require honesty. Again, for the sake of family. I do not wish to put you in an uncomfortable position, but I must know your intentions before Zuko returns." The look Iroh gave her, Katara noticed, was one of affection and concern.

 _Oh boy, here it comes._

"Why did you go see Ozai in prison?"

"What!?" The day's events had been such a blur, she had practically forgotten how it started.

Iroh sighed. "Katara, my nephew's welfare is my top priority. I have informants everywhere. I even collect reports from my favorite tea shop in the Caldera." He raised an eyebrow, and Katara's eyes widened. _Oh, that's how he knows._

"I'm sorry, I know, I know. I just had to… I don't know… I…" _Well, I might as well just say it._ "I had a dream about him. A nightmare. And… I just had to see for myself."

She shuddered as the images from her dream resurfaced, but then the memory of the pathetic man she'd seen in prison quelled her rising fear.

Iroh put a comforting hand on hers and spoke softly, "You don't need to be afraid, my dear. He can't hurt you."

"I'm not afraid, actually. But Zuko and Ursa, they still live in fear," her voice was barely above a whisper. "Their nightmares are worse than mine."

"Hmmm. Yes. I know Dr. Jung is here for Azula, but perhaps he can help where the dreams are concerned. I know so little about the mind's way of… making one relive their darkest moments… a troubled mind needs its rest." Iroh sipped his tea, his brow furrowed as he drifted deeper into thought.

"About Dr. Jung…" Katara paused, again weighing her words carefully. "Did you know anything about him before he came here?"

"Well, I knew his mentor, Dr. Wang, quite well. An old family friend, you could say. I also knew that Dr. Jung and Ursa worked together shortly after she left the Fire Nation. I questioned him about this in Ba Sing Se before he came under our employ. As far as I knew, he was the last person who saw her. He said she had disappeared, presumably imprisoned because she was Fire Nation. I figured she was dead. That was the easiest thing to believe, I suppose," Iroh said gravely.

"What happened…when…she left the Fire Nation? I mean, before she left?" Katara asked slowly.

Iroh stared blankly into his tea cup as he recalled memories of a time best forgotten. How could he explain further treachery of the Fire Nation royal family to this precious girl who had risked everything to be here, _to save them_? All she knew of family was warmth, love, and devotion from her Water Tribe upbringing. How much more of this darkness could she handle before she, too, would break down? All of them had, at some point.

He looked into her intense blue eyes prepared to give her a guarded answer, but he suddenly realized that sheltering her would do no good. He knew that she'd learned that love also meant making sacrifices, and some of her harder lessons she had yet to learn, he feared.


	11. Struck Again

Katara stretched and rubbed her eyes. She was still very tired, but grateful that her few hours of sleep had passed dream-free. Her talk with Iroh had gone late into the night, but she felt much more at ease. She understood more about the royal family history now, and in some ways, she felt like she understood Zuko better. Arguably, everything Iroh told her was _seriously fucked up, but no sense in dwelling in the past,_ she figured. This was the aftermath of war, as it was, and yet another area needing peace and restoration.

They still had the problem of reintroducing Ursa to the Fire Nation. There had been no proof, only whispered confessions, of Ursa's crime. Ozai could never reveal that he had any knowledge of what Ursa had done, because he would incriminate himself in the process. Instead he'd made sure that her unexplainable disappearance and abandonment of her family was publicly viewed as most dishonorable. According to Iroh, there was still a faction who would not welcome her back, mother of the Fire Lord or not.

So that was the problem at hand. Iroh charged her to keep alert, that some strange things had happened, Colonel Cheng's attack, for example. He also said he would appreciate her help on the matter—a fresh set of eyes on the situation—since he had been racking his brain for a solution. Katara felt empowered by this new sense of responsibility.

Toph looked grumpy when Katara joined her for breakfast. She regretted that they hadn't seen each other much lately.

"How's it going?" Katara asked tentatively. She could tell Toph was in a mood.

"Oh, it's all dragonberries and firelillies around here, isn't it," Toph grunted.

"Hardly." Katara agreed and waited for Toph to elaborate, but she didn't. "Is everything ok?"

Toph opened her mouth to fire off a sarcastic remark, but the words got caught in her throat. She swallowed hard before deciding Katara would be as good a person as any to confide in. "It's just… the Fire Nation, I guess. It's getting to me. I love Iroh and Zuko like family, but sometimes the rest of these scumbags…"

"I know, it's hard. I miss Sokka and Suki and Aang terribly. And even though I just went home, it wasn't the same, and—"

"No," Toph cut her off. "It's not that. Or well, yes, I miss them, too, ok? But I used to think I was more tolerant of the Fire Nation, accepting even. My father used to do business dealings with them all the time, so they were frequent visitors in our home. They were normal, as far as I could tell, fascinating even. I was the first to accept Zuko into our group, remember? And I instantly saw Iroh as a trusted elder."

Katara nodded. She remembered that Toph seemed the least vindictive out of all of them, at least where the Fire Nation was concerned.

"But with all these war trials… Katara, the stuff these guys have done. It's almost… unspeakable. And it's tainted the way I think of Fire Nation now. Not Iroh or Zuko, but the guards and staff here… or even the locals. I don't trust them. Any of them… and I'm even able to detect their lying usually. I just hate being so… so—"

"Judgmental," Katara finished. _And unforgiving_ , she thought. She had been there, too. It was incredibly difficult, to overcome the temptation to blame the entirety of the Fire Nation for the war's evils, to over-generalize and consider all its citizens to be warmongering and bloodthirsty.

"Zuko told me a story about a village he visited once while exiled in the Earth Kingdom," Katara finally said after they had both poked at their breakfast in silence for a while. "He said the Earth Kingdom soldiers stationed there were taking advantage of the townspeople. They had sent the untrained farmers off to the frontlines of war and stayed there to take the comfortable jobs as 'guards' themselves. The families felt repressed and vulnerable… and well, bad things were happening. Zuko said he came to the defense of one family, a small boy in particular. He wanted to protect them from the soldiers' bullying, but when he revealed he was Fire Nation, the people he was trying to save turned on him."

Katara paused to sip her tea and saw that Toph was listening attentively. "Zuko said he learned two things that day. One, that no matter where you go, there are good people and bad people. The Earth Kingdom soldiers were bad. They were likely rogue, not following orders. Then there were Fire Nation soldiers, who _were_ following orders… but from a very bad leader. Zuko also learned that even when he tried to do good, the preconceived idea that all Fire Nation is bad would overshadow that."

"So, every person is capable of good and bad. We make a choice based on our influences. A Fire Nation soldier does bad because he is ordered to… an Earth Kingdom solider does bad because he can get away with it... We all let our influences, like nationality, shape how we view others… and our circumstances," Toph summarized.

"I think, that is… correct. We can't help our circumstances sometimes. And of course that shapes us… just like our heritage is a strong part of who we are, too. We don't have to forsake who we are to accept who someone else is. It's hard, though… seemingly impossible, I think, which is why it took nearly two weeks to come up with a shaky peace treaty in Ba Sing Se last year. It's why the war may be over, but the work is far from complete."

There was a mutual sigh and another long pause as both girls mulled over their thoughts.

"Hey, for what it's worth, I'm glad you're roasting those bastards," Katara said.

"It's not as fun as it sounds," Toph replied.

"Hey, sounds like you need a break then! And quite frankly, so do I. How about we get away for a little bit tomorrow? I have another day off, and I'm sure Iroh will let you take some time off, too?"

"I'd like that."

"OK, it's a deal. Let's plan over dinner, OK? I've gotta get to the hospital."

"Deal." The earthbender smiled, feeling happier than she had in a while.

* * *

Laughter shared between Iroh, Katara, and Toph at dinner that night made them all feel like everything could be right in the world, even if just for that moment. They teased and joked and told stories. They laughed until their faces turned red, their eyes watered, and their bellies ached. They ate way too much dessert, finished off three pots of tea, and Iroh ordered a bottle of rice wine to "settle their stomachs."

Katara took her glass to join in their toast. Iroh said something silly like, "to a future filled with air bison acrobatics and free from tigerdillo trauma!" She wondered if he could possibly be drunk already, but knew that the joy-filled evening had left her feeling light and airy herself. She resigned to only drinking the one glass of sake, though, because she had planned on doing some more sleuthing later that night.

As they staggered off toward bed, a slightly buzzed Iroh caught Katara's elbow. "I visited Colonel Cheng in the hospital today. He says he's getting out tomorrow!"

"That's great news, Uncle." Katara patted him on his arm in a childlike fashion.

"I just wanted to say thank you. For what you did." Iroh forced his eyes to focus in an attempt to communicate in a more serious manner, but then he grinned widely and let a hiccup escape. "Oh, excuse me!"

"I didn't do much… I just…" _Oh, why try and deny anything to Iroh at this point?_

"Katara, you are a gifted healer. I have no doubt you will do great things." Iroh steadied himself in her grasp. "Colonel Cheng is a valued ally and friend of the royal family. And I daresay we have very few true friends."

Katara understood his meaning and knew that any such friend could play a vital role in Ursa's homecoming. She carefully helped Iroh walk back to his quarters before retreating to her own.

She figured she would go back to Dr. Jung's office for Ursa's journal tonight. She hated the idea and feared what she might actually find there, but perhaps there would be some clues as to how they could clear her name. If it was just a dream journal, it probably wouldn't hold much weight, but maybe she had written something more. When she approached the office door, she was alarmed to find it slightly ajar. Was Dr. Jung working this late?

She stood by the door listening for a long time, trying to suppress her rising panic. Just when she finally decided that no one appeared to be inside, and it was safe to enter, she heard a groan. A female voice—of someone in pain. She quickly dashed inside to find the individual curled up at the foot of the desk near a small pool of blood. When she first turned the woman over, she gasped as she took in the dark hair and facial features. _Azula!_ But when the victim looked up at her, she saw Zuko's warm golden eyes staring back at her with a pained, pleading expression. _Oh spirits, no._

"Katara," Ursa's voice croaked.

Katara was frozen in horror, gaping at the stab wound as she supported Ursa's head in her hands. She felt small and helpless. _Who would do this? Did Dr. Jung…_

She snapped out of her shock and quickly set to work. She settled Ursa on the floor and pulled the water from her skin. She closed her eyes to concentrate, and everything came to her just as clearly as it had with Colonel Cheng. When she finished, she closed the wound and quietly surveyed her work. Then she scanned the rest of Ursa's body, finally settling on her glazed-over eyes.

"Ursa, are you hurt anywhere else?" she coaxed.

"Who is Ursa?" The woman spoke in a singsong voice like that of the Joo Dees.

Katara shivered at the sound, reminding herself that Ursa had said she had relapses sometimes, often at night. Katara touched Ursa's temples and administered the soothing treatment Yugoda had taught her in Ba Sing Se. At that, Ursa seemed to lose consciousness, and Katara lowered her to the floor allowing her own emotions to flow. Through muffled sobs, her mind flooded with thoughts.

 _What if I hadn't come here tonight? How could I tell Zuko that he'd been so close to seeing his mother again? I have to keep Ursa safe, but how? I need to tell Iroh about Dr. Jung. He cannot be trusted. Should I tell Dr. Yang? Ursa said they knew each other, but that was a long time ago. Dammit, I don't know who can be trusted around this Agni-forsaken place. I could go get Iroh, but he'd still be a bit wasted from the wine, plus I can't just leave Ursa here. I need someone in the hospital who can help. But all the day staff is gone, it's only the night nurses and patients…_

 _Colonel Cheng!_

Katara moved swiftly to the door to confirm that the hallway was empty. She scurried out, pausing to look back at Dr. Jung's office, silently promising its incapacitated occupant that she would promptly return. On the adjacent hallway, she found what she needed, some gauze and a gurney. She offered a quick prayer to Yue that no one was watching her and that whoever the attacker was, that he or she had long since fled the scene of the crime.

She used the gauze to clean up the blood off the floor. She struggled but managed to lift Ursa's limp body onto the gurney. She wiped the sweat from her brow and searched the office for any further evidence of the incident. Then she made haste to wheel Ursa to Colonel Cheng's room. She figured this was the best course of action at least until the morning when she could talk to Iroh.

Colonel Cheng was breathing deeply and evenly when she soundlessly closed the door behind them. She gently shook his shoulder and spoke softly, careful not to startle him too much. The night nurse's station was just around the corner, she remembered.

"Colonel, sir. Wake up, it's me, the waterbender," she whispered.

"Hmmm," he mumbled. "Is it time for another healing session?"

"Err, no. You're all healed up, sir. But I have, uh, another patient I need your help with."

Colonel Cheng yawned and slowly opened his eyes. When he saw Katara's expression, concern mixed with fear, he rose quickly and unexpectedly.

"I, uh, forgive me. I thought I was dreaming. What seems to be…" He scanned the room and stopped short. Then he jumped up and was cradling Ursa in his arms before Katara could say anything more.

"What happened? Who did this?" he hissed.

"I, uh… don't know. I found her with a stab wound just like yours, and I healed her. I suspect she's sleeping just to recover from the trauma. It will take a few days for her to, well… you know," Katara explained.

"I am forever in your debt, my little moonflower. More so now than ever. I cherish her life more than my own. I had sworn to protect her, and I've failed so miserably." Colonel Cheng's eyes glistened with tears.

 _Is he another one of Ursa's lovers,_ Katara briefly wondered. But as she watched the encounter, it finally hit her. He must be her brother. She saw it, the undying devotion, the vow to protect, a similar, but deeper version of the bond she and Sokka shared.

"Katara. My name is Katara," she said. "And Ursa will make a full recovery." She waited for Colonel Cheng to collect himself before continuing. "I need your help. She needs a safe place to rest and recover. But she needs to be guarded. I'm not sure who did this, but—"

"Consider it done." Colonel Cheng stood and bowed reverently. "She can stay here. I will guard the door until she is well, and we can find a safe place for her."

"Thank you." Katara returned the bow. "In the morning, when they come to discharge you, what will you do?"

"Don't worry, Katara. I'm a colonel. That carries some weight around here. Plus, I've been in the service of the palace for so long—"

"Do _you_ know who could've done this?" Katara cut him off.

"I don't. That doesn't make me a very good guard does it." Colonel Cheng's shoulders slumped as he looked back at Ursa's still form.

"I wouldn't say that," Katara consoled him. "But, be careful who you trust. It would be best if no one knew she was here."

Colonel Cheng silently saluted her and then gently lifted Ursa from the gurney and tucked her into his own bed. Katara wasn't sure how he planned to hide her there in plain sight in a hospital room that he was charged to leave the next morning. But he had assured her not to worry, and she knew Sokka would do anything to protect her. Even still, she would tell Iroh at first light.


	12. Rough Rhinos

Zuko stood at the ship's railing watching the sunrise, his stomach fluttering with anticipation and his mind flooded with thoughts. He could just make out the Fire Nation harbor in the distance, so he knew they would arrive by midday. He had so much he wanted to tell Katara, he wasn't sure if he'd know where to start. He could talk about the shipwreck, skipping over the head injury part to effectively avoid the fuss she'd make about it. There was the news about Kai and the flying bison. Oh, and then the confrontation with Guo. _Hmm. I wasn't at my best then_ , he recalled.

 _Still, I managed to keep my temper at bay for most of the dreaded meetings, right? Or well, I skipped out on half the meetings, actually. Hmm_. His story didn't sound very diplomatic, he admitted. And while he'd been most intrigued by the family he met, none of his men seemed to think he'd made the right decision regarding the Fire Nation troops stationed in Two Rivers.

Maybe he shouldn't tell Katara much of anything. Just that Sokka had the brilliant idea of the council, and things were going well. And then he could ask about what she'd been doing, how her rotations at the hospital had been going, and such. Or maybe they just wouldn't talk much. He never really knew the right thing to say anyway. They could just… _hmmmm_.

It was Jee who interrupted his daydream— _yet again_ —and Zuko shifted against the railing to hide the bulge in his pants.

"We should be arriving in about three hours, sir."

"A-hem, thank you, Jee." Zuko offered a sideways glance to his advisor.

"Is everything alright, sir? You look a little… flushed," Jee stood there for what seemed like an eternity to Zuko.

"It's nothing." He cleared his throat. "Just, uh… homesick?"

"Rrrrrrrright." Jee smirked but seemed to think better of pressing the matter, so he left.

 _Homesick? Idiot_. Zuko smacked himself in the forehead. Although admittedly it was one of the first times he'd ever been excited to be returning to the Fire Nation.

* * *

As promised, Katara took Toph away from the palace that day so they could each have a break from their respective pressures of daily life in the Fire Nation. Katara decided the best place to start would be a tea shop so they could _talk._ That had been a lapse in judgment.

"So what's eating at ya, Sweetness?" Toph stirred her tea so swiftly that it kept sloshing over the sides.

"Toph, you're spilling tea everywhere. What is up with you? So… uncivilized," Katara rolled her eyes in a joking manner, but her words were dripping with disapproval. Toph couldn't see her expression, of course.

"Well excuse me, miss high and mighty. I guess I'm not as sophisticated as you since I'm not courting a prince and all," she huffed.

"I'm sorry, Toph, I didn't mean… oh, whatever." Katara knew she'd be fighting a losing battle if Toph was in one of her moods. "Besides, he's the Fire Lord, not a prince anymore." Katara bit her lip and sighed. Things felt a bit simpler when he was just a prince, even if a banished one.

"You didn't answer my question," Toph said. "And now you're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Sulking."

"Am not."

"Are too. The only one who does that more than you is Sparky. I guess since he's gone, you took up the slack. Now spill it, sister."

"I'm not sulking. I just feel like being quiet, that's all."

"Umm, hmm. Now you're being defensive." Toph leaned back and folded her arms against her chest. "How long have you two been dating? Because seriously, it's scary how much you're acting like him right now."

"Arghhhh! You're impossible!"

"He'd say that, too."

"So what if he would? It's true. _Anybody_ would say that about you right now!" Katara mentally scolded herself for letting Toph get under her skin like this.

"Actually, if you really want to channel your inner Zuko, you should probably put me in a chokehold and give me a noogie."

Katara just stared at Toph. She really had nothing to say to that. And then… both girls erupted into laughter.

"I'm not _that_ bad, am I?" Katara managed through a fit of giggles.

"Not really, but with Sparky gone, I needed to give someone a hard time!" Toph tried sipping her tea but ended up sputtering it everywhere.

"What should we do today?" Katara asked once she finally regained her composure. "We've gotta do more than just drink tea. No need to channel our inner Iroh here."

"Have you ever ridden a komodo rhino before?" Toph raised her eyebrows mischievously.

* * *

Riding a komodo rhino wasn't like riding a polar dog or flying bison. They were quite tame and well-trained, Katara discovered, but they were also wicked fast. No wonder the Fire Nation army chose them for their cavalry expeditions. She was surprised that Toph would even suggest such a thing. She knew the earthbender didn't like it when her feet left the ground, but when Rozin met them at the stables, the reasoning became crystal clear.

Katara had been caught off guard on her first ride and taken a fall, but after that she prayed to Yue and held on for dear life. Toph teased her insufferably, but Katara did not reciprocate since she knew Toph was trying to show off in front of Rozin. After a particularly unsettling ride that had Katara cursing in a way that would make her Gran Gran blush, she decided to leave the two of them behind. She knew know Toph wouldn't mind. And for the most part, she'd had a blast.

Once she was back in her room, Katara felt like she could finally catch her breath from the adrenaline rush. A quick look in the mirror revealed that she was worse for wear, her hair disheveled and her clothes torn. She pulled water from the vase to heal her cuts and scrapes and then leaned against the door for a moment's rest before getting cleaned up for dinner. That's when she noticed him.

His lean figure was silhouetted against the window where he was perched. Her heart leapt as they both closed the distance between them and met with a fierce embrace followed by frenzied kisses. There was a collection of breathless confessions, "love you," "missed you," and "me, too" before Zuko finally pulled away and quirked his brow at her.

"Katara, you…" he hesitated but figured, _what the hell_. "You smell like a komodo rhino."

"I, uh, yes… well…" Katara felt flustered, suddenly very self-conscious that she didn't look _and smell_ better for her boyfriend. "I rode one today, actually."

"You did what?" Zuko looked at her incredulously. He knew he wouldn't ride one of those beasts unless he absolutely had to.

"Um, just for fun?" She smiled sweetly.

"Err, what _else_ have you been doing since I've been away?" he asked slowly.

"Oh, you have no idea," she taunted.

"Do tell. I can't wait to hear all about it."

"First things first. I really should take a bath," she smirked.

"Good," Zuko said with a sly smile. "I think I'll join you." And with that, he followed her into the washroom. *And much fun was had by all.

* * *

Dinner that night was held in the palace dining hall. When Katara arrived, she noticed the lavish spread of food but lamented that most of them would be too spicy for her. She sat down near Toph and took in the scene filled with old faces and new. Zuko sat at the head of the table speaking animatedly to his Uncle, something about acrobatic air bison? And waves of seismic proportions? She could only catch a few of his phrases over the commotion, but she watched his exaggerated gestures as he told his story, a tale growing taller by the minute, she supposed. Her suspicions were confirmed when she noticed Jee sitting next to Zuko. He was wearing an irksome expression, rolling his eyes intermittently between the Fire Lord's phrases.

 _Jee is perfect for his position._ Katara felt an odd sort of affection coupled with great respect for the man. _Zuko needs someone who won't take any of his bullshit._

Next to Jee sat Piandao and Lady Za Jei, Zuko's other advisors. Katara noted that they both looked weary as they shared occasional glances with each other, but otherwise seemed to distance themselves from the dinner party. The war trials had probably taken their toll on them just as they had on Toph. Next to Lady Za Jei sat a man, nobly dressed, that Katara didn't recognize, and next to him, a young lady also wearing finery. On her side of the table, Toph sat next to Uncle, and Katara sat opposite Lady Za Jei.

Iroh held a hand up for Zuko to pause his story. _He always becomes a babbling bolt of energy whenever we do the deed during the day_ , Katara remembered. She suppressed a giggle as the group directed their attention forward for the toast.

"As it is custom to welcome home our Fire Lord and his advisor from their long journey, I would also like to make some introductions since we may not all know each other. This is Advisor Jee along with Advisors Piandao and Lady Za Jei," Iroh gestured toward them with his raised glass, and they nodded in response. "To my left here are ambassadors to the Earth Kingdom and Southern Water Tribe, respectively, Lady Toph Bei Fong and Master Katara."

 _Ambassador? Wow, that sounds important._ Katara nodded but shifted nervously at hearing the sound of her new title. It had only been decided just before her trip back to the South Pole, and this was her first time to hear it spoken in an official setting.

"Our guests tonight are Nobleman Loban and his beautiful daughter, Elua." The man offered an awkward bow with his glass still in hand. The girl simply blushed.

"To peace and prosperity!" Iroh raised his glass and everyone followed suit.

Once they were seated and the sounds of dishes clanking and conversations flowing filled the room, Toph elbowed Katara.

"You better get used to this," she warned.

"Ouch. Used to what?"

"The girls," Toph whispered.

"Huh?"

"Rrrrrright. I forget you're not… nevermind. You'd better brace yourself for the courting game."

"The what?" Katara gaped at her friend.

Toph sighed. "Zuko's about to turn eighteen. That means he's technically of age, and they'll expect him to wed soon. So, the nobles of the high court will parade their daughters in front of him hoping to make a match. I suspect this… uhhh, Lua? Well, she's the first of many. Just thought I'd warn you."

Katara tried to hide her shock as she surveyed the dinner guests once again. Iroh, Zuko, and Jee seemed to be in a more serious conversation now, and she caught some words, "council," and "honor" and "troops." Piandao and Lady Za Jei were speaking with Loban, but the topic seemed light, as if the nobleman was simply complimenting his surroundings, the food, décor, and such. Elua was merely poking at her food looking miserable and out-of-place. Katara wondered what she must be thinking. If she was here to make the Fire Lord's acquaintance, why wasn't she sitting by him? Zuko didn't seem to even notice her, Katara noted with satisfaction.

"Why would Uncle Iroh do this when he knows about… us?" She leaned in toward Toph to ask the question.

"To maintain appearances. Look, Sugar Queen, you don't have anything to worry about. Zuko might as well call you 'your highness' with the way he worships you. It's sickening, really." Toph paused to take a bite of food. "But you gotta play the game. Uncle is setting things up so you'll be able to make your move… when the time is right. Just don't fuck it up before then by getting all jealous or anything, ok?"

Katara knew she could trust Toph's advice. She had come from a noble family, plus she'd spent a lot more time with Uncle lately and was probably privy to his plans.

"OK, I won't." Katara promised.

"Besides, you gotta keep your composure. We're _ambassadors_ now. Remember?" Toph elbowed Katara again in her strange characteristic way of showing affection. Katara winced. Her whole body still felt jarred from the afternoon's activities.

* * *

As soon as her head hit the pillow, Katara fell fast asleep. The day's events had rendered her completely exhausted. Her body ached from adventures with komodo rhinos, and her mind reeled from trying to keep up with the pace of the dinner conversation. She wasn't sure how long she had been sleeping when she felt Zuko slip into her bed, but she tried her best to ignore him.

 _Maybe if I stay asleep, he will just lie here next to me? We already, well, had our fun earlier. I mean, I want to… just so…tired and sore…_

For a while, Katara thought her silent wishes had been granted. She had almost been lulled back to sleep by Zuko's light touches tracing the length of her arm and his warm breath on her neck. But then he had to go and get all handsy.

"Zuko, not now… not tonight…" She'd never denied him before.

He pulled his hand away abruptly and made a frustrated noise.

"Zuko, I'm sorry… it's not that… "

"No, I get it."

"You don't get it. It's because…" She really didn't want to admit the truth, but she knew he would blame himself. "It's the blasted komodo rhinos, OK? They… I…"

Zuko's feeling of disappointment shifted into that of understanding. He'd ridden one before and certainly didn't consider it a leisure activity.

"My… it… just hurts. And then you were here… and then in the bath… it didn't help. I'm sorry, I should've never—"

"So, you had a couple of rough rides today, eh?" Zuko's sly smile was back.

"Ughhh. It was such a stupid thing to do—no, not you. I mean, the komodo rhinos. I mean, well, I rather like doing you, but…" Katara felt so flustered and slightly aroused. How could he do that to her with just a simple smirk?

"Want me to kiss it and make it better?" Zuko disappeared under the sheets.

"Well, I already tried my healing, and it didn't really help, so I don't think… Zuk-ohhhhh!"

Suddenly words and pain and everything else fell away as Katara embraced sensations she had never felt before.

When Zuko surfaced again, he was licking his lips and looking quite proud of himself. Katara, still shuddering from the rush she'd just experienced, mouthed a breathless, "Wow."

"Feel better?" Zuko shifted to his side next to her, propping himself up with his elbow.

"Ummm… yeah," Katara couldn't even remember why she had been feeling bad in the first place. "What gave you the idea to do _that_?"

"Oh… um… I dunno, it just seemed like… the thing to do?" Zuko took his turn holding the awkward reigns. _Katara, when it comes to this sort of thing, we don't talk, we just do._ _I had a good thing going, and you're going to ruin it by making me talk about it._

The truth was he had wanted to try it for a while, but was unsure of himself. Everything else they'd done together felt so natural and rhythmic. This would be a solo performance on his part, and what if he messed up? He'd been aboard a ship with bored sailors for years, so he'd heard plenty of stories. None of it had really piqued his interest… until recently. _Oh spirits, I hope she liked it._

"Well, it was… _you_ are amazing." Katara let out a satisfied moan, and her eyes shifted dreamily out of focus. She turned to face him and softly stroked the contours of his face. "I love you," she whispered.

He took her hand in his and lightly kissed her knuckles. She was already asleep before he voiced his response, "I love you, too."

* * *

* **Author's Notes** : Jee, Piandao, and Lady Za Jei as Zuko's advisors comes from... ding, ding, ding, you guessed it, _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_. And this phrase— _and much fun was had by all_ —is a direct quote and intentional shout-out—really because I couldn't figure out how to use my other favorite, "Bless their cotton socks."

Nevermind the sock gap, these two are back together, and things are getting steamy. I don't write smut, though, so you'll have to use your imagination. And would Zuko really wait a year into their relationship before going down on Katara? I dunno. He has self-confidence issues in general, so maybe that's why I wrote it that way. Plus, no need to rush things, right? Zutara is forever.


	13. Revealed and Reunited

When Katara arrived at the hospital the next day, Dr. Yang intercepted her before she could report to her assigned wing.

"Katara, you are on special assignment today." Dr. Yang ushered her hurriedly past two sets of doors and up a staircase that Katara had never really noticed before. "We have a patient with sensitive security circumstances. I require your commitment to keeping her condition and whereabouts classified. Do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am." Katara noted they were on a dimly lit hallway in what appeared to be an abandoned part of the hospital.

"Before I let you see the patient, I will brief you, because her case is extremely peculiar. She has yet to gain consciousness since she's been in our care. There does not appear to be any outward sign of injury or illness, however." Dr. Yang paused as emotion flashed in her eyes. "At least nothing recent," she added.

"So, you need me to guard an unconscious woman? With all due respect, aren't there palace guards who could do the job?" Katara knew very well who they were talking about, but hoped her impassiveness would be seen as ignorance by Dr. Yang.

"Well, she's had a guard, a very devoted one, in fact. He needs relieving, I'm afraid. No sleep over the past 36 hours has made him delirious. He said she was stabbed with a knife. I told him that was _his_ injury, not hers. You remember him, of course, Colonel Cheng?"

"Yes ma'am." _Oh, this is torture. I want to trust her, but I just can't. Not with so much at stake._

"I asked him if there was anyone who could help. _Anyone_. General Iroh? Another guard perhaps? No. He wanted you. Now, I can't let myself believe this is just over some bruises you healed, so if you would just tell me what's going on here…" Dr. Yang choked on her words.

Katara had never seen her mentor show this much emotion about anything before. She had always been so professional and stoic, always preaching to never get attached to your patients. You can't let it get to you, because then it will _get_ you, she'd say. Katara swallowed hard and found herself biting back her own tears.

"Dr. Yang, did you know the former Fire Lady when she lived here?" Katara needed some sort of confirmation that Dr. Yang had Ursa's best interest at heart.

Dr. Yang gasped at the abruptness of the question, but then her features softened and her lip quivered as she spoke. "I-I did. She was my first intern here at the hospital. She was a lot like… you, actually."

Katara shivered at the statement but continued, "And do you know where Ursa is now?"

"Of course I do. You don't think I'd recognize her!? I treated nearly every one of those burns on her body, that bastard!"

Katara jumped at the sudden shift in Dr. Yang's tone. But then her gut wrenched as she connected the dots. She remembered what Ursa had said about dating a prince while studying at the hospital. She remembered Dr. Jung's journal entry about the abuse. She remembered Ozai's hollow form and raspy voice as he shouted profanities at her from his prison cell.

Katara didn't know why she did it, but she ran to Dr. Yang and embraced her. The only way the words would come was in slow separated sobs as she clung to her mentor's shoulders.

"She… was… stabbed. I… found… her… and healed her. I… took her… to Cheng… Because I knew….he would… take care of her. She is… Zuko's mom! He… needs… They both need… Ozai is a monster… he does not deserve any claim over their lives anymore," she had said the last part with more resolve and composure than the rest.

They pulled away from each other, and while it was apparent that Dr. Yang had been crying, too, she gestured helplessly, searching for what to say or do next.

"I will watch her." Katara sniffed and wiped her face with her sleeve. "As long as you need me to."

"There will be shifts," Dr. Yang said softly. "Genera Iroh will arrange it. B-b-but, Colonel Cheng, he is fragile right now. He won't let anyone else watch her but you. I guess his protectiveness is understandable because he is—"

"Her brother," Katara finished for her.

Katara hadn't noticed the scars when she was healing Ursa because it had been dark and the situation too dire. Besides, since waterbending healing wouldn't do much for scars anyway, she likely didn't detect them while focusing on the fresh wound. But now with a very weary Colonel Cheng dismissed and Dr. Yang bidding farewell with a nod of approval, Katara decided to examine the wound area and beyond.

Ursa's scars were not like Zuko's, which was one hard blow in a concentrated spot. They looked like strokes down her stomach, back, and sides, flowing lines of calculated even exposure. It was an intimate touch, she realized, like he must have heated his hands just enough to…

Thankfully Katara made it to the nearby washbin before losing her breakfast in it.

* * *

Katara stared blankly at the door unaware of the time when Iroh burst in the room, startling her.

"Oh, sorry my dear. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"It's fine," Katara mumbled.

"Well, I'm here to take over for my shift," he said jovially.

 _How could he be happy about this?_ _Maybe happiness is his coping mechanism for the insanity of his family._ "No, really. I'm fine. You have other stuff to do, I'm sure," she snapped.

"Katara, what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Why would anything be wrong? Or how about everything is wrong? As soon as I think there is hope or good in this place, I uncover more secrets and darkness, and I'm overwhelmed by it, I just c-c-can't…"

"Shhhhh, my dear," Iroh soothed. "You are right… about the wrong. But you are wrong about the right. Darkness can seem all-consuming, but if you light a candle in a dark room, it is no longer complete darkness."

 _What is that supposed to mean? Am I the candle or something?_ Katara wasn't really in the mood for Iroh's proverbs.

"You see, darkness cannot overcome light. You can't bring a sliver of darkness into a well-lit room and have it pierce the light in the same way that the candle does in the darkness."

Katara thought maybe she understood, but her mind was so muddled with emotion, that she didn't even want to think anymore.

"How is she?" Iroh asked.

"Oh, um… just sleeping."

Iroh nodded and then said, "Oh, I almost forgot. You've been summoned to the Fire Lord's office."

"Summoned?" Katara really hoped this wasn't a new code word Zuko was using. She knew better, though, he would never send such a message through Uncle if it were.

Even still, Iroh gave her a cheeky grin. "Best not keep the Fire Lord waiting."

Katara couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement as she scurried to the door. But then she looked back at the cheery, but weathered man as he took his seat the foot of Ursa's bed. "When do you think we can tell Zuko… you know… about her?"

"Soon. Very soon, I think," Iroh said with a reassuring smile.

* * *

"You _summoned_ me, my lord," Katara tried to school the mockery in her voice while giving Zuko a smirk and a half attempt at a bow. She needed some comic relief after six hours of bedside guard duty.

Zuko shot her a glare that meant now was not the time.

"Um, sorry," she said ruefully. "Bad day?" She was still trying to keep the tone light. She wasn't sure how much more emotional weight she could carry that day.

"Have a seat," Zuko barked.

"Ohhh-kay. Should I order some tea if we're going to be here a while?" She smiled sheepishly.

Zuko closed his eyes and started taking deep breaths. She could tell he was trying to subdue his anger. _What would happen if I just ran away_? _I'm not sure if I can have this conversation right now, whatever it is._

"Katara, would you like to tell me what you've been doing while I've been gone?"

 _Oh shit, he knows._

"Well, I've been going to work mostly. I went to the Caldera a few times to… study and have tea. I heard about a great shop on your Uncle's recommendation. Oh, and I saw Rena and Rozin there. They said Rei is applying to firebending academy here, isn't that wonderful?" She stopped to gauge his reaction. Nope, he was not taking the small talk bait. "Umm, Toph and I rode the komodo rhinos, but you already knew about that…"

"Katara, I meant, who did you see? Besides the colonial siblings," Zuko clarified.

She gulped. "Besides Uncle and Toph? Well, Dr. Yang, of course, and Azula's doctor, Dr. Jung, and I met an interesting patient, Colonel Cheng…" She could literally sense his blood starting to boil and knew she'd better just go ahead and say it, "Zuko, I didn't know the right time to tell you, but I've also met—"

"Why did you go see him, Katara, why!? Why would you do that!?" Zuko pinned her with a look of fiery anger mixed with fear.

 _Him? Oh._

"I... I don't know."

"You don't have any business in that prison. Or ANY Fire Nation prison, OK? Just don't ever go there again. What were you thinking?"

"I just had to see for myself." Katara thought her voice sounded small and her reasoning even smaller.

"See what!?" Zuko roared. "I could've told you anything you wanted to know about him. What a despicable, lying, scheming, bloodthirsty, maniacal, demented, poor excuse for a human being he is!"

"But that's just it, you never talk about him or what happened!" Katara shot back. She could see he was trembling with anger now and knew she should back off.

"Because it's not worth talking about! I just try to push it out of my mind and move on, OK?"

"But you can't," she whispered. "You still dream about him."

Zuko's eyes gave him away just then, that the anger had subsided and raw pain replaced it. She went to embrace him, catching his silent tears on her shoulder.

"I don't want him to hurt you."

"He can't."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

"But the dreams… the other night…" Zuko released her and crumpled onto the floor, leaning against the side of his desk and burying his head in his hands.

"I feel like… it's just that…" _Dammit, why is this so hard_? "You're the one thing in my life that's actually gone right… and…he… somehow managed to fuck with that, too."

Katara knelt down in front of him and took his hands. "Listen, Zuko. I trust you, ok? We'll get through this together. I know it's scary—"

"How could you possibly know what it's like?" he choked.

"Because I had a nightmare about him, too. I mean, it was nothing like yours, I'm sure, but he was hurting you in it, and it scared the shit out of me. That's why I went, actually." Katara felt the burn of her own tears starting to surface.

"That doesn't make sense."

"Well, I've never actually seen him before. So, in my dream it was just a figure wearing _this_ …" Katara gestured at Zuko's formal Fire Lord regalia.

"Oh."

"It's a stupid reason. I'm sorry. You're nothing like your father, of course, I just needed to sort it out in my head."

"What if I can't help it?"

"Help what, Zuko?"

"Being like him."

"Come on, Zuko. You know that's not true. I know you're afraid of becoming like Ozai, but you've got to give yourself more credit than that. You've already done so many commendable things as a leader in the past year! You… you… chose to do what was right instead of what was easy, and you gave up everything to help Aang with no guarantee of what would happen in the future. You've been hurt by people who are supposed to love you, yet you still have an incredible capacity to love, and you—"

"Katara, stop. Just stop it, OK?"

"Why should I stop? How many more good things can I say before you get it through your thick skull that you're not doomed to become your father, and you can and will break free from him!" Katara didn't realize how much she'd raised her voice at this point. Zuko then reciprocated with as much fervor.

"That's just it! I'll never be free as long as his blood runs through my veins. What if it's a family curse? Azula snapped, what if it's only a matter of time before I do? If he saw you when you went to that prison and knew how much you meant to me, he'd find a way to… and then if I lose you, I WILL snap. I'm like a… a… volcano that hasn't erupted yet. Maybe what I do unconsciously is a sign of things to come. If I threaten to hit you while I'm dreaming, then you'd better get out now before you get hurt. I'm bad news, Katara. I'm full of weakness and shame and—"

"STOP telling yourself those lies! Those are _his_ lies, Zuko," Katara wailed. "You are NOT like that. You are strong and compassionate and loyal… you are like your mother!"

"How would you know?" Zuko's rage-filled eyes searched Katara's deep blues for the answer he knew she didn't have.

"BECAUSE I'VE MET HER!" Katara clapped a hand over her mouth as soon as she said it.

"What!?" he gasped.

Katara sat there dumbstruck with wide tear-brimmed eyes trying to look anywhere besides Zuko.

"Katara," his voice was barely above a whisper, raspy from all the yelling. "Why would you say that? When did…"

"She's here," Katara squeaked, still avoiding eye contact with him.

Zuko grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly. "Katara, where? What's going on? Why didn't you tell me? Please, Katara."

The desperation in his voice was so heartbreaking. Katara silently apologized to Ursa and Iroh for not keeping her promise to wait until the opportune moment.

"She's in the hospital," she began, then saw the immediate look of concern on his face. "But, she'll be fine! Don't worry."

"C-c-can I see her?" There was something almost childlike about the way he asked.

"Well, I don't know. She's being guarded, and you aren't technically supposed to know, yet."

"Why can't I know? This is my palace. I'm the Fire Lord. And she's MY mother!" Zuko's anger was rising again.

"Wait, wait." Katara put her hand on his arm to comfort him. "I'm in the guard rotation. It would be too risky during my day shift, but let me see if I can switch to night. I'm sure the night guard wouldn't mind."

"Tonight then?" Zuko's face revealed a glimmer of hope, an emotion Katara rarely saw him express. _Oh, spirits, he's so handsome._

"I'll make it happen. But, Zuko, she's unconscious right now, so don't expect anything, ok?"

"OK," Zuko gave her a wide grin. Katara wasn't sure how her heart could break for him and all the loss he had experienced while also filling up with all the love she had for him at the same time. It was too much at all once. All she knew was that she desperately wanted to protect him from experiencing that kind of pain ever again.

* * *

It had taken quite a bit to convince Colonel Cheng to let her take his night shift. At first, she said something had come up for her the next day, so she needed to switch. But then he offered to take both shifts. She told him that no, he was still recovering and needed to rest. He didn't like that notion at all and grumbled something about her not being an actual doctor to which she curtly replied something about saving his life. She continued with reasons such as "Dr. Yang would be cross with me," and "this is on the Fire Lord's orders," until she figured her persistence won him over. "Fine!" he resigned. "But I WILL be back tomorrow night."

She couldn't blame him. Someone would probably have to physically manhandle Sokka away from her bedside in such a situation. She laughed as she imagined him brandishing his boomerang and threatening anyone who came near her. She guessed Zuko wouldn't come for another hour or two, so she spent the time recalling happy memories of her brother. Because she'd had enough Fire Nation family drama for one day.

Ninja-clad Zuko slipped in through the window as planned, shot Katara a quick glance, but it was apparent that he only had eyes for the woman in the hospital bed. He approached slowly, still breathing heavily from scaling the wall. Katara couldn't see his face since his back was to her, but she heard his breath stop short once he had a full view of his mother. Then he sighed deeply and reached out to touch her face.

That excruciatingly painful and undeniably beautiful moment seemed suspended in time. Katara realized that she, too, had been holding her breath when she heard him say, "She's just like I remembered her."

Glistening golden eyes turned to meet hers. "Katara, can you tell me what happened to her?"

And here came the difficult part of deciding what and what not to tell Zuko. "She was stabbed, and I found her. I healed her, so there should be no complications there. As to why she's unconscious, I'm not sure. She may have gone into shock. The body has a way of knowing when it needs to repair itself."

Zuko gave her a look of awe-struck horror but said nothing.

"Your Uncle thinks there are people who would not welcome her back here, so that could explain the attack. We don't know who it was, though, so that is why she is being guarded." Katara figured that Zuko at least needed to know the seriousness of the security situation. For all she knew, his life could be in danger, too.

"So, Uncle knows, too," Zuko said with a trace of bitterness.

"Zuko, it's not like that. He didn't want you to see her this way. _She_ wouldn't want you to see her this way. It's supposed to be a happy reunion."

"I am… happy." Zuko turned again and cupped his hand around Ursa's cheek. He stayed that way for a long time before saying, "At least he didn't leave his mark on her."

"What?" Katara felt her heart start to race. Oh, this subject would definitely fall into the category of things NOT to tell him.

"Her face… is still so perfect." Zuko sighed. "But he wouldn't be stupid enough to do that to her anyway."

"What do you mean?" _Oh, Zuko, you don't want to know._ Katara wished she didn't.

"There are pretty strict rules about burning someone for malice or torture unless it's for military purposes or during an Agni Kai," Zuko explained. "I guess that's why my father put me in the arena that day. He wanted to hurt me anyway and just needed a legitimate cover for it."

"Wait, so what happens when someone breaks the rules?" Katara asked.

"Imprisonment, mainly, but I don't remember the terms. Child abuse is the worst offense. A spouse can leave their partner and the marriage is nullified, sometimes the offender makes a payment of retribution to the victim, that sort of thing. It has to go to trial, and it's always such a mess, there has to be a witness, it's horrible for the families involved… I don't think many stick it out. Usually it's easier if someone just disappears. Wait, why am I talking about this? You don't really want to hear all this. Katara, are you OK?"

"I…uh…yes, I'm fine. You're right. Let's not talk about that. How about you tell me some of your happiest memories with your mother?"

Katara caught some of the words Zuko said like "turtleducks" and "tickling" and "tsungi horn _"_ but mostly she was lost in her own thoughts. As soon as Colonel Cheng came back to cover guard duty in the morning, she would find Iroh. She knew how to bring Ursa back with honor. And she even had a witness.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** So I am editing/posting this story while also writing its sequel, and I had honestly forgotten how angsty and forlorn Zuko is in this fic when compared to how much progress he's made in the scenes I'm writing now. Yay for character development! And now you know, there is hope for Zuko!

So Zuko is not the calm tea server we see at the end of the show, and he's not even the semi-confident character portrayed by the end of _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko._ Now, Emletish still writes him as having his rants, babbling a bunch, and being an overall _dork_ , but he's not on the verge of a mental breakdown or anything. So what happened...?

I'm gonna go with PTSD. I venture to guess that he never dealt with his feelings about the Agni Kai. His speech to his father on Day of Black Sun was great, very cathartic, and an excellent starting point. But he becomes Fire Lord of a war-torn nation at the age of 16. He's very stressed out, and let's face it, he's kind of a high-stress individual. Also, I think being back in the Fire Nation Capital and royal palace would trigger some of those memories and feelings from his childhood. I mean, look back at pictures/scenes of the palace. That place is _creepy_ looking, it would give anyone the jeebies. So basically being back "home" and under a lot of pressure with unresolved issues is a recipe for bad dreams and bad feelings. But Zuko is a good person with good people in his life now, so there is hope. Always hope.


	14. No One is Perfect

Iroh was a wise man. Probably the wisest man she'd ever known, and she never thought she would say that about a firebender. Katara felt immense relief that the situation with Ursa now rested in his hands. When she told him of the revelation she'd had, a way to clear Ursa's name, his expression became very grim. _Oh. Maybe I shouldn't have said it so matter-of-factly. Maybe he didn't know…_

"I had never considered that," he said. "I guess I drew comfort in her disappearance knowing that at least she wouldn't have to experience _that_ anymore. I never thought it would be the key to bringing her back."

"So you knew?" Katara felt confusion sweep over her. Certainly if Iroh knew about the abuse, he would have put a stop to it.

"I had my suspicions, but I didn't know for sure until after she was gone," he recalled. "I was off fighting in the war for many of those years, Katara, and when I first came home, well, I still had my own battles to fight."

Katara knew he was talking about his grieving the loss of his son, Lu Ten, in the battle of Ba Sing Se. She allowed a few moments of quiet reflection to pass before speaking again. "Zuko doesn't know. I-I don't want him to find out, but I can't see around it if there has to be a trial."

"A trial?"

"Zuko said there's usually a trial. And these case are extremely difficult and hard on everyone involved." _Maybe this was a bad idea_. _They've already been through so much._

"Well, I will have to do some research on the appropriate measures to take, but I hardly feel a trial is necessary. The bastard already has a life sentence for murdering a fire sage, no need to secure a further conviction. It may be a matter for a small council meeting where the case is presented and a swift decision is made. No need to drag this out."

Katara let out a sigh of relief.

"But," Iroh continued. "We do need her to be awake, so in the meantime, you, Colonel Cheng and myself will continue our rotation."

Katara nodded confidently. While the trial and such sounded very daunting, the guard job she could handle. "Um, Uncle? Could I switch to the night shift by chance?"

Iroh raised an eyebrow at her, knowing exactly why she would ask that. "I will speak with Colonel Cheng and Dr. Yang about that, but I suspect it is doable."

"Thank you," she said brightly, turning to leave. Iroh noticed the extra little hop in the waterbender's step and called after her, "The Fire Lord will still have his daily duties. He will need to be well-rested."

* * *

After a bath and a nice long nap, Katara headed back to the hospital on Iroh's instruction to see Dr. Yang before her night shifts began. Apparently her mentor wanted to load her up on some medical texts to keep her busy while just sitting there with an unresponsive patient. _There's no use in idle time_ , Katara could hear Dr. Yang saying something like that, although arguably shouldn't she stay alert to the task of guarding someone anyway? _Considering there's an assailant on the loose…_

But who was she kidding? Katara knew she would really be passing the time with Zuko who would probably sit at his mother's bedside day and night if he could. He could only afford to risk the nighttime visits, though, as the daytime required his attention to the role of Fire Lord, and his frequenting the hospital would raise suspicions that they didn't need right now. _How am I going to convince him to leave and get some sleep, though_?

Katara was completely lost in her thoughts—as per the norm—while walking down the hospital corridor, that she literally jumped when a hand grasped her elbow.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." Dr. Jung almost shrank away from her in response. Katara found this surprising since he had been so indifferent, almost surly with her before. "I was wondering if you had a minute, to uh… step into my office?"

"Sure?" She was still confused by his unusually tentative demeanor, but once inside his office, it all came back to her. She narrowed her eyes and glared at him, vowing that whatever he said, he could not be trusted.

"Have you seen—has Ursa given you anything? You know, for me?" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"No." _If she had, I wouldn't give it to you anyway._

"Um, ok. Have you seen her? I mean, is she alright?"

"No." _Why would you care?_

"No, as in you haven't seen her? Or no, she's not alright?" His voice faltered.

Katara couldn't help but glance sideways to the spot on the floor where she had found Ursa the other night. Dr. Jung followed her eyes there, but then looked back at her with confusion and worry. _He does care_ , she realized. _Oh spirits, he loves her. Of course he's not the one who stabbed her._

He searched her eyes for an answer, but his face fell when she said nothing. He cleared his throat and continued, "Well, she said she would contact me. I thought she would have by now. If you see her, could you tell her… I guess just tell her I'm worried about her."

"I will." Katara tried to soften her expression, feeling somewhat guilty for being so cold with him. She shot another look over at the spot on the ground and shuddered.

"Why do you keep looking over there? Is there a rabaroo loose in my office or something?" Dr. Jung's tone was lighter now, but it didn't shake Katara's from her dark thoughts.

"Oh, um… can I have another scroll to study?" she redirected.

He cast her an uncertain look but then shrugged. He crossed the room to his shelf, his fingers scanning the scrolls until he found one. "I've referenced this one a few times for Azula's case," he explained. "It might be helpful for you if you're going to get mixed up with this family."

Katara reached for the scroll, her curiosity definitely piqued. "How is Azula, anyway?" She honestly hadn't given the girl a second thought since she'd showed up in her room that one night.

"Well, I think the next step in her treatment would be to see her mother," Dr. Jung said.

"That's a terrible idea!" Katara shot off without thinking. _Zuko definitely gets dibs on mom-time before Azula._ She felt very protective of their reunion and saw Azula as a direct threat to that.

"Why? Azula is delusional, and one of her reoccurring hallucinations happens to be of her mother. If she could see that she is real—"

"No," Katara cut him off. "Ursa is still too fragile herself. It would jeopardize her own progress in healing."

"Katara, I know they have a difficult, um, relationship. But I think they are meant to heal together," Dr. Jung offered. Katara remembered she had said something similar to Iroh about Zuko and Ursa. There was no place for Azula in this process in her mind. The thought of it made anger— _and was it jealousy?_ —well up inside her.

"If you really love her, you would know better than to suggest it." She shook a finger at him.

"What? What do you mean?" Dr. Jung couldn't help but look guilty as the truth of her words stung him.

"You're not the only one who can read minds around here!" And with that, Katara stormed out of his office.

* * *

 _Maybe the night shift was a bad idea_. Katara tried to force her eyes to stay open. The medical texts proved terribly laborious to read, and she felt resentful toward Dr. Jung's scroll after their conversation. If it had anything to do with Azula's condition, she really didn't want to deal with it right now. _Where is Zuko, anyway?_ Finally to pass the time, she pulled some water out of her skin and began to lightly bounce it from hand to hand and weave it in between her fingers.

Zuko dropped in through the window and greeted her with a huge smile. Her heart leapt at the sight of him. He looked so hot in the ninja gear, she always thought, and right now it felt so good to see him so… happy. He looked over at his mother briefly and then back at Katara as his smile slowly faded. "Any news?"

"No. Not yet." She gave him a reassuring smile. "How was your day?"

His smile returned. "Great, actually!" He made a step toward her, but then stole a sideways glace toward his mother. Katara motioned it was OK, she knew he was here to see her anyway. He strode swiftly to her bedside and took Ursa's hand in his. His eyes literally glowed with his affection for her, and Katara melted all over again. Zuko glanced around the room as if trying to decide what to do next, looked at Katara sheepishly, and then shrugged. He then climbed in the bed next to his mother. Katara then realized there wasn't another chair in the room besides hers, but it didn't matter. Zuko was right where he needed to be, she decided.

After a few moments of gazing longingly at Ursa, he propped himself up on one elbow so he could see Katara better. "So, you remember how we found out that Ty Lee is an airbender in Ba Sing Se?"

"Ha! How could I forget? Aang told her at a party and then she chi blocked him!" Katara chuckled at the memory.

"Well, I met her cousin on my trip. And turns out, he's an airbender, too!"

"Wow! Did you tell Aang? I mean, he's still out there looking for airbenders, right? Or did he come to the negotiations in Two Rivers?"

"We… haven't really talked since I got back, have we?" Zuko realized aloud.

"I guess not," she agreed.

"Oh man, where do I start?" His eyes darted back and forth as if replaying the events in his head.

"Um, how about with Ty Lee's cousin?"

"Oh, right. So, the way we found out about Kai is we were shipwrecked on an island that happened to be home to a heard of flying bison! And it turned out that—"

"Wait, you were shipwrecked?"

"Oh. Um, yeah, but it was no big deal because Kai could fly the bison to go get help. But he was the only one who could approach them. Even I couldn't… even though I had experience with Appa. I guess these were wild bison? Maybe only airbenders can tame them, I dunno."

"Why didn't you tell me you were shipwrecked? Were you hurt?"

"Oh, get off it, Katara. That's NOT what this story is about, ok?"

Katara made a frustrated noise, but he ignored her. "So, Kai said he had six brothers, and I knew Ty Lee had six sisters, so I got to wondering…"

Katara caught on, "Do you think the family was purposely trying to repopulate airbenders?"

"That's exactly what I thought! So I summoned their grandfather to my office today. It was… weird. I told him that Ty Lee and Kai were airbenders. He apparently didn't know or didn't let on that he did."

"I bet not. If they knew, they'd keep it a secret for sure, especially living here in the Fire Nation," Katara said.

"Well, I didn't know what to say after that. I asked him if he knew of any others in their family. That the Avatar was looking for them. I told him Ty Lee was confused at first, but happy now, and that Kai took to it like a turtleduck to water," Zuko paused. "Or I guess you'd say like a flutter bat to air? But he just sat there unmoved."

"What would you expect? He has no reason to trust you, I don't imagine he'd just reveal a century-old secret just like that, not if his family's safety is at risk."

Zuko looked a bit hurt by her statement but knew she was right. That seemed to be a logical explanation for the man's reaction. "Well, I assured him that my interests were aligned with that of the Avatar, and that I believed restoring balance to the world meant building up the Air Nation again."

"And?" Katara waited.

"And… he didn't confirm anything, but he swelled up with pride, Katara. It was so evident. He looked me in the eye and said, 'thank you,' and he's agreed to meet with Aang when he gets here."

"Aang is coming here?"

Zuko felt a pang of annoyance that she wasn't sharing in his moment and was apparently thinking about the bald monk instead.

"Uh, yes. But I'm not sure when. He's been a bit… flighty lately." Zuko snorted at his attempt at a joke.

"He wasn't in Two Rivers?" Katara asked.

"No. And I've only just now received his response about Kai and the flying bison," Zuko said. He honestly felt a bit disappointed in Aang's lack of involvement since Ba Sing Se, but he hoped he didn't convey too much of it to Katara.

"Maybe he needed a break," Katara mused. "You know, after the pressures of the war and all."

"Yeah. I guess it would be nice to just take a break from responsibility," Zuko said bitterly. _Damned Avatar always gets off so easy_ , he fumed. He turned back to face his mother, and the anger that pulled at him suddenly released. "She looks so… peaceful." He studied her features for several minutes and then said as an afterthought, "I never realized how much Azula looks like her."

"You have her eyes though," Katara sighed. _And her smile. And her heart._

"Wait, so you saw her before you found her… you know…like this?" He looked at Katara imploringly.

"Oh, I um…" _No use denying it now_. "Yes. She came to my room looking for you. I guess it used to be your room." So now it just became the challenge of deciding what parts of which conversations she should tell him. The Joo Dee thing would be too much, she figured. She also harbored the fear that when Ursa woke from whatever ailed her, that she could possibly revert to the Joo Dee state. For now, she should focus on the positive, for Zuko's sake. While pondering these things, she hadn't noticed his look of anticipation.

"Well?"

"Oh… well, we didn't talk much, I guess. But she used to work here in the hospital," Katara offered with a shrug.

"Why didn't you send for me?" He suddenly looked hurt. "I would've come home immediately! And maybe this… wouldn't have happened." He gestured toward his mother's sleeping frame.

"I wanted to! But… she didn't. Zuko, I think it's really hard on her coming back here. I mean, think about what happened when she left. Think about what's happened _since_ she left."

"She didn't… want to see me?"

"No, that's not it," _I should really stop talking_ , Katara scolded herself. "She wants to be perfect for you, Zuko—"

"She was always perfect," he interrupted.

 _Sigh. This is going to be more difficult than I thought. Ursa, could you just wake up and talk to your son? Deep breath, Katara_.

"Zuko, listen. You can't expect everything to be the same as it was. You've changed. She's changed. Plus, _no one_ is perfect. D-d-don't make her live up to that expectation. You're not ten years old anymore." Katara felt herself wavering.

"Eleven."

"Hmm?"

"I was eleven when she lef—ah… disappeared." Zuko bit his lip as his statement made him realize that of course she wasn't perfect. There was nothing remotely perfect about the way she left him. He had never harbored resentment toward her, always knowing that it was his father's actions that had driven her away. But where had she been? Why didn't she try to contact him while he was banished? Did she know about the Agni Kai? Up until this point, he had assumed the worst about her. Even after his father's revelation on the day of the eclipse, he dared not believe it. Well, there were many questions, and maybe he would never know the answers. But he had his mother back now, and that's all that mattered.

After sorting through his thoughts in silence, he looked back at Katara, surprised to find tears brimming her sapphire eyes. _Oh, Agni. I hate it when she cries_ , he thought before rising to take her into his arms. "Hey. It's OK."

Katara wiped her eyes, determined not to let the tears fall. This was not about her, this was Zuko's moment. But she felt plagued by the fear that either Ursa would never wake up or wouldn't know who she was when she did.

Zuko didn't say anything for a while, he just softly rubbed circles on Katara's back. Then, "Did you… tell her about us?"

"No," Katara said, but then she remembered Ursa's conversation with Dr. Jung back at the tea shop and quickly added, "But I think she might've figured it out."

"Hmm, yeah. What do they call that? Mother's intuition or something?"

Katara just shrugged, but she was glad to see a semblance of a smile returning to her boyfriend's face.

"I think she'd be OK with _us_ ," he added. "I know she'll like you." With that, he tipped her chin with his finger and planted a soft kiss on her trembling lips.


	15. The Avatar Returns

Over the next few days, everyone settled into a pattern, of sorts. Katara finally adjusted to the night schedule, forcing herself to sleep more during the day while also finding time to eat, bathe, and share tea occasionally with Iroh or Toph. She was only able to see Zuko when he came to Ursa's room at night. It was impossible to get him to leave, though, yet she had promised Iroh she would make sure the Fire Lord got some rest. After the first night they spent talking followed by Iroh's report of a very grumpy Zuko the next day, she figured out the only way was to let Zuko sleep there. She arranged to have another bed placed in the room, and she woke him early enough so he could sneak back to the palace without raising too much suspicion.

The war trials had taken a recess due to _other pressing matters_ , according to Iroh. Toph felt grateful for the break, but when Rozin had to leave, she began moping in a manner that would rival Zuko's tendency to sulk. It also didn't help that said Fire Lord was too busy with work, and Katara spent most of the day sleeping. Toph was itching to rumble with somebody, craving a good sparring session to help take the edge off. She didn't think there were any earthbenders living in the Fire Nation Capital, though. So, instead she sat around grumbling to herself and secretly planning a trip far, far away from here.

Zuko had been presented with another noble's daughter at dinner, and much to his Uncles chagrin, he behaved badly. It was the day after his sleepless night, and his Fire Lord duties that day had also been particularly stressful. If he'd had his way, Zuko would choose to dine alone in his office. Why did his uncle insist on this courting song and dance anyway? Didn't he know that Zuko was _not_ interested? "Oh, it's just the formalities," Iroh would say. Or "We're just keeping up appearances, you know." Well, Zuko forgot about the formalities and his appearance at dinner that night had been brief and rather brash.

It had been tense the past few days to say the least. Friends and loved ones were on the brink of losing it with one another. A fragile balance threatened to tip as everyone around the palace seemed to sense the unrest. Some spoke of secrets—an attacker on the loose or an investigation underway. Others still wondered if a moody teenager could run a country. Some expressed mistrust for the foreigners who now lived among them.

As if on cue, a peacemaker arrived to save the day. Katara had been sleeping when he arrived, but Toph told her they had been invited to the royal dining room for a feast that evening.

"Oh, no. Not another set-up for Zuko," Katara muttered. "He told me about the one the other night. He wasn't very, uh, pleasant."

"Who Sparky? Unpleasant? Naw, I thought he was all rays of sunshine and moonpeach juice?" Toph jested.

"More like rays of hellfire and pickled seaprune juice," Katara corrected.

"Well, I know how you like those seaprunes, Sweetness," Toph smirked.

When the two arrived at the dining hall, they practically tackled the dinner's honored guest.

"Aang, it's so good to see you! I haven't seen you since… well, since Ba Sing Se!" Katara was reminded of the song, _I Haven't Seen You Since Ba Sing Se._

 _If Sokka were here, he would totally bust out singing right now… and if Sokka and Suki were here, the whole gang would be together again! Sigh._ Katara realized that in her reverie, she'd lingered in Aang's embrace a little longer than she probably should have. A slight flush had risen to the airbender's cheeks. _  
_

Toph pushed her way between them and punched the Avatar in the shoulder per her usual way of greeting someone. "Hey, Twinkletoes. Long time, no see." Katara and Aang looked at each other awkwardly for a minute before all three of them erupted into laughter over Toph's subtle joke. For a split second, it felt like old times. That is, until a very weary-looking Fire Lord called them somewhat unceremoniously to the table for a toast. "He's not much for the formalities, is he?" Aang whispered to Katara. "Ah, no. But he's getting better." Katara nodded toward Zuko. _He looks so tired_. _I wonder if I could convince him not to visit his mother tonight. Maybe he just needs a good night's rest_. But just then Katara recalled that since he had been sleeping in the hospital room with Ursa, he hadn't roused from a single nightmare.

There were several guests at dinner whom Katara did not recognize. Aang spent most of the time chatting with an older man that she assumed was Ty Lee's grandfather. _Hmm, but where is Ty Lee_? Katara thought she had been with Aang looking for lost airbenders. Iroh was also deep in conversation with someone she didn't know. Toph poked at her food, claiming it to be too spicy, and dismissed herself early. "Oh, and we're having tea with Twinkletoes at the villa later, OK Sugar Queen?" she announced before she left.

Katara noticed someone else at the table who was not eating much. Her blue eyes met his weary golden ones, and he managed a small smile. Then he did something unexpected. He tilted his head a bit as if to say, _let's go_. She widened her eyes in surprise. Wouldn't it be too obvious if they left? But she looked around, and everyone else was engaged in conversation, and it seemed pretty likely they could sneak out unnoticed. Zuko stood abruptly and leaned over to whisper something to his uncle. Iroh nodded and placed a comforting hand on Zuko's arm. Then Zuko shot Katara a look, that sly smile that made her melt, and strode off. She waited awhile before silently slipping out herself.

The autumn wind nipped at her bare skin as she paced the courtyard. _Where did he go?_ Suddenly a warm body engulfed hers from behind, and he placed fervent kisses on her neck that sent shivers down her spine. "Spar with me," he said hoarsely. When she turned to face him and their eyes met, she saw the familiar fiery spark in them. _He needs this_ , she remembered. _And spirits, I do, too._

When they collapsed in a heap after deciding it was a draw, Zuko managed in between labored breaths, "I… think… we're… due… for… tea…"

"Oh, right." Katara rolled onto her side and gazed at the panting firebender. _He always looks so good in the twilight_. She leaned in for a kiss, but he cut her off. "Thanks, Katara."

"Mmmm, for what?" She knew what, he was grateful for a rare chance to spar with her, a much-needed release, right?

Zuko rolled over and started to lift himself onto his hands and knees. He looked poised for action. _That's odd_ , Katara thought.

"Thank you for… not tickling me!" He jumped up and started running toward the villa, casting playful glances over his shoulder.

"Oh, hotman, you are gonna get it!" she shrieked and took off after him.

* * *

Zuko and Katara both arrived at tea time red-faced and short of breath. Toph snickered and opened her mouth for the expected Toph-like taunt, but Iroh spoke first. "I thought you weren't feeling well, Fire Lord. I even added ginger to your tea in hopes that it might cure what ails you."

"Um… thanks Uncle," Zuko said ruefully. "I'm sure it will help."

"Well, yes, sometimes laughter is the best medicine." Iroh then smiled at Katara. "Come, sit. Aang was just telling us about his recent visit to Two Rivers."

Katara saw that Aang was giving her an odd look, but she couldn't quite place it. Surprise? Disappointment? A mixture of both? He held her gaze long enough for it to become awkward and then cleared his throat. "Um, yes. I stopped there before coming here. I apparently just missed you, Zu—uh, Fire Lord Zuko."

"Um, Aang. It's just Zuko when we're among friends. Unless you want me to call you Avatar Aang." Zuko sipped his tea and looked quizzically at his friend.

"Oh, right. Of course." Aang visibly relaxed his shoulders. "I had to refer to you as Fire Lord all through dinner for appearances, I guess. Being in a palace and all, makes me feel formal and stuff. It takes a while to get used to it." Aang paused to look around at the group. "Man, I missed you guys!"

Katara noticed the Avatar's voice was deeper and his facial features more chiseled. He would be turning fourteen soon, she remembered. She suddenly felt compelled to gather everyone in a group hug, but knew such carefree times were behind them now. The twelve-year-old boy from the iceberg was growing up. They all were.

"It would be so great to get the gang together again," Aang continued. "I was surprised we didn't do any kind of celebration for the annual end-of-the-war. I'm not sure what you'd call it."

Zuko rolled his eyes, and Katara could read her boyfriend's thoughts. It wasn't just the Fire Lord's dislike for parties, it was the fact that everyone had been so busy throughout the past year. Plus no one had heard from Aang for the better part of that year. She opened her mouth to offer an explanation, but the young airbender barely skipped a beat.

"You know, I've been thinking about reinstating the Air Nomad's traditional Winter Solstice Festival. Maybe we could do it as a celebration of all the nations and the progress for peace," he added excitedly.

"That sounds wonderful, dear Avatar," Iroh interjected. "But the Fire Nation will be busy with a celebration of our own this year. Fire Lord Zuko's birthday happens to fall on the Winter Solstice."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Zuko groaned. _Yes, the shortest day of the year and the pronouncement of winter, a most unlucky day for a firebender to be born_ , he recalled. "You all can do Aang's thing, and I'll just, uh… ow!" He drew back from the unexpected force of Toph's blow.

"You're not getting out of this one, Sparky. Uncle and I have been planning your party for ages," she snorted.

 _Great, just great. Can I go crawl into a hole somewhere and just die_ , Zuko thought as he rubbed the sore spot on his shoulder. Katara pursed her lips together at the sight of his obvious discomfort. She knew Zuko didn't want a big fuss for his birthday, and honestly, a small gathering with friends sounded nice. Her eyes shifted over to Aang who returned her glance with a warm smile. Aang would be the perfect person to help her plan something, she decided. He was right. It would be great to get the gang together again.

* * *

Iroh was the first to retire for the evening, saying something about an ongoing investigation he needed to rest up for the next day. Toph left next after thrusting a finger in Aang's chest and making him promise to spar with her first thing in the morning. Katara soon took her leave to get ready for work which left Zuko and Aang together sipping slowly at the last remnants of their tea.

"The council is going well in Two Rivers," Aang said. "It's a brilliant idea, really. Representative rule. It could be a good model for other colonies. How did you meet that man, Shinu, by the way? He's quite passionate about his role."

"It was by accident, really. But we ended up helping each other out," Zuko said.

"Then I'd say it was no accident."

Zuko shrugged. He wasn't sure how much weight he put in destiny anymore.

"Well, he spoke highly of you and the care you gave his son," Aang continued.

 _Right, Arik_. Zuko still hadn't found a way to secure the boy some firebending training.

"You know, Zuko, just when I think I have you figured out, you surprise me."

Zuko wasn't quite sure he understood Aang's meaning, but he simply replied, "People change."

"Yeah, I just guess it's funny, you storming out of a council meeting one minute and patiently teaching a kid to firebend the next. It's like you haven't really found yourself, yet."

Zuko cast the thirteen-year-old a look of confusion. _What's there to find? I'm the Fire Lord, and that's that._

"I mean, think of it this way. Here we are, Fire Lord and Avatar, in two of the most powerful positions in the world," Aang cleared his throat. " _The_ most powerful in the world, actually. But we're still young, right? I mean, why can't you take on a firebending apprentice if you want to? And why can't I focus on rebuilding the Air Nation? Are we always stuck doing the diplomatic thing?"

Zuko sighed in resignation. Sure, he thought about the personal sacrifices he'd have to make in order to be Fire Lord, but he never considered it to be optional. He wasn't sure if Aang's outlook was different because he was younger or because the Air Nomads tended to be freer spirits. Maybe the Avatar's position was somehow different altogether.

"Aang, I know I behaved, uh, impulsively in Two Rivers. And my track record wasn't so great in Ba Sing Se, either. So, yes, I am still learning what it means to be a good leader. But my duty will always come first. It doesn't really matter what I want."

"What about Katara?"

"What about her?"

"Does your duty come before her?"

"Uh… no, I mean…" That was a question that Zuko hadn't really considered before.

"I often wonder if things would've been different. If I had been able to let Katara go and unblock my last chakra," Aang reflected. "I mean, if I knew then that I wouldn't get her in the end, you know?"

 _Ah, the bloody chakras._ "You still talk like she's a prize to be won or something. I don't know that much about chakras, but I always thought it was strange to call Katara an 'earthly attachment,' like she's a possession." Zuko's intense gold eyes met Aang's narrowing gray ones. _Maybe this is one of those Air Nomad things I'll never understand_.

"Well, I thought I could love her _and_ do my duty. That's all I'm saying. So just give it some thought, Zuko. In case your duty requires you to make a hard choice someday."

On the one hand, Zuko sensed that Aang was just being protective of his friend—even if he'd had unrequited feelings for Katara, he still cared for her. Regardless, Zuko still felt the need to explain himself.

"Well, I've never thought about love in terms of duty or even put the two in the same context before. I mean, I don't love Katara because it _is_ my duty. No one wants that kind of love. But no one wants the kind of lover who wouldn't uphold their duty, either. But I guess if you're asking if I'd put my position or my nation before her, I honestly hadn't considered it before. But Aang, I'd give my life for her and well, isn't that the same thing?"

Aang only stared back at him blankly. Zuko wondered if what he had just said made any sense to the young Avatar. _Spirits, does it make any sense at all?_

"Nevermind. I've got to go." Zuko left the speechless monk alone with his thoughts and began the trek toward the hospital, lost in thought himself.

 _Why do I even bother talking about this kind of stuff? Love and duty. Life and death. All I know is that Uncle left his duties here in the Fire Nation to help me when I was banished. And mother, well, she chose to save me over her duty as Fire Lady. They are the only people who ever showed love to me… well, and Katara. And I would do anything for Katara. I know without a doubt I'd die for her if it came to it._

And then Zuko remembered that he already had.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** In NSZ, whenever Zuko and Katara spar with each other in what they call "letting off steam," it usually ends with Katara mercilessly tickling Zuko into submission. So, that's why Zuko thanks her for not tickling him.

Sparring was one way Zuko and Katara physically communicated before they were even a couple, and this is partly why they are so in tune with each others' bodies. I wanted to go back and quickly address something from chapter 12 where Zuko is thinking, "When it comes to this sort of thing, we don't talk, we just do." While I wrote this in the context of sex, I am not talking about consent here. There is an absolute need for couples, especially younger ones, to talk about and agree on what they are comfortable with doing physically. In my mind, Zuko simply means he is terrible at words and would rather _show_ Katara how he feels about her. In other words, he doesn't want to give an oral sex play-by-play (I mean, how could you, really?) and pillow talk is not really his thing, so...

Also, same chapter, same context when I wrote that Katara had never denied him before, it doesn't mean that she can't. It simply means they're in the early stages of their relationship, and they haven't _not_ wanted to, yet. I'm sorry, I'll stop ranting, but I'm basically trying to show a fairly normal progression for their relationship. (Although I'm not sure how many couples start out as mortal enemies, but that's a nice twist, I guess.) While there's a lot of shitty things going on around them, Zuko and Katara will be able to offer each other the stability they need. Zuko is already formulating some more mature ideas about love, and even though he _thinks_ he's bad at expressing himself with words, he's actually giving some pretty solid advice to Aang in this chapter.


	16. The Awakening

"What did you and Aang talk about after I left?" Katara asked.

 _Why does she have to be so damn nosy all the time?_ Zuko found himself feeling anxious and vulnerable after his conversation with Aang. But as he pushed a lock of hair behind his mother's ear, he began to breathe easier. _I could use some motherly advice, you know. Am I doing it right? This, uh, love thing?_ He directed his thoughts toward Ursa, forgetting that he hadn't answered Katara's question. She cleared her throat to remind him.

"Oh, um… we talked about a family I met in Two Rivers," Zuko replied.

"Oh yeah? Tell me about them."

 _Just talk to her. Girls like it when you talk. Communication is key to a good relationship._ Zuko imagined the words as if his mother had said them.

"Well, they were fascinating, really," he began. "A firebender brother and an earthbender sister, and when I met them, they were fighting like, well, brother and sister. Arik is ten, and I think Rina must be eight. She had been taught by their mother, also an earthbender, but Arik didn't have anyone to teach him." Zuko felt a pang of regret, wishing he could have done more.

"So, you taught him?" Katara already knew the answer.

"Yeah, how'd you know? Aang said it surprised him that I'd do that."

"Aang doesn't know you as well as I do. Besides, I watched you train Aang. You're a good teacher."

"Arik was a good student. He still needs training. His dad is not a bender, and there's not anyone in Two Rivers, really. I wish I could find someone here who could do it."

"Hmm, there's bound to be someone. But would he just come to the Capital City? What about his family?"

"Well, his dad proposed the idea, actually. But his mom wasn't crazy about it, of course." Zuko looked at his mother again and silently willed her to wake up. "They were beautiful… the children." Zuko choked on the words, surprised he'd let them slip.

"How do you mean?" Katara was equally surprised that Zuko would say something so out-of-character for him.

"Well, um… Arik has gold eyes but darker skin. It was such a… striking combination. And Rina has pale skin, like mine." Zuko scanned his arm in the moonlight that trickled in through the hospital room window, then shook his head. "I mean, like her father's. Yet her eyes are green, like her mother's."

"Hmmm," Katara sighed.

"I just never… really thought about what would happen when the nations mix like that. Not just the features, but the bendings, too. I mean, Arik is basically living in Earth Kingdom territory and has no access to firebending training. It would be like…" Zuko furrowed his brow. "Like if a waterbender lived _here_."

"Huh?"

"Well, if someone like you weren't here, of course," Zuko corrected himself. "And things can—I mean, _will_ change over time. I think Two Rivers may even be the launching point for it, where all nations can come together to live peacefully and share their heritage."

"So, what are you going to do?" Katara asked.

"About what?" There were so many questions and possibilities buzzing inside Zuko's head at the moment, the promises of world peace seemingly greater than he could even imagine.

"About Arik?" Katara saw the spark in the Fire Lord's eyes, though, and knew this was about more than just some kid's firebending lessons.

"Oh, I don't know." He shrugged. "But if you think of anything, let me know, ok?"

* * *

Zuko shoved the scroll onto the tipping pile of similar requests. Land disputes in the colonies and Earth Kingdom territories that had been formerly occupied by Fire Nation soldiers had become the bane of his existence over the past year. The Two Rivers model sounded appealing as a blanket solution if it weren't quite so new. He pulled out two pieces of parchment, one for a letter to Sokka to inquire of the status of the fledgling government and another to petition a meeting with Earth King Kuei. He couldn't ignore the growing tension between their countries any longer without taking action, he feared.

"Sir, there's a Miss Lin here to see you," a voice interrupted.

 _Lin, who's Lin? I don't really have time for visitors right now_ , Zuko grumbled under his breath. His eyes shot to the door to find a thin, timid girl standing there with her head lowered. "Very well," he said. "Leave us."

The servant bowed and left as the girl slowly entered and knelt before him. "No need for that." Zuko usually tolerated the formalities, but he was feeling flustered and impatient. "Rise and state your request."

"I make no requests, my lord," she answered meekly. "I am here to do your bidding."

 _What is this all about?_ Zuko eyed the girl curiously. She looked unnaturally thin, but he guessed she was older than him, perhaps in her 20s. She had striking features, long sleek black hair, smooth pale skin, and sad amber eyes that averted his as he took in the sight of her. _She looks like my mother_. _Or maybe I just have mother on my mind. At any rate, she's probably just looking for a job._

"What would you prefer? Work in the kitchens? Cleaning? The gardens, perhaps? I personally like all the flowers that are in bloom this time of year." At this, she made eye contact with him but only just briefly. She said nothing.

 _Ugh, I do not have time for this_. "What is it, girl? I have work to do!" She flinched at the tone of his voice, and he immediately felt guilty for yelling.

"Do you not... want me, my lord?" She spoke barely above a whisper. Her eyes shifted around the room as if she feared the walls would close in on her.

"Want you? What do you mean… oh." Zuko gasped at his realization. _What in Agni's name? This better not be some sick joke._

"Who sent you?" he roared.

She immediately recoiled at the unleashing of his temper. She pulled her hands up around her neck as if shielding herself from him. His eyes were drawn to her neckline as she continued to cower, and he saw the traces of scars peeking out from her collar. _Oh spirits, no_. His stomach clenched, and the memory of his own burning flesh at the hands of a monster—the same one, no doubt—flooded his mind. Through the sudden rush of fear and rage that overcame him, he barely heard her say, "You summoned me, my lord."

"Wha—what?" he managed, but his own words sounded distant beyond the pounding of his heart in his ears.

"Miss Lin!" A voice broke through the cloud of horror, and Zuko felt relief and confusion sweep over him at the sight of his uncle.

"I am so sorry, my dear, for the confusion." Iroh whisked in and placed a comforting arm around the shivering girl. "I assure you, Fire Lord Zuko has no intention whatsoever in employing you in the way that—well, let's just say that those obligations terminated with their enforcer. You are free of him, my dear."

 _She will never be free, Uncle_. _None of us are_.

"In fact, your business here is with me, and I regret having to bring you here under such circumstances. Let's get you settled and have some tea." Iroh began escorting the girl away. He shot Zuko an unreadable expression, but the young Fire Lord knew they would be due a conversation later.

He felt his stomach lurch again. He really didn't want to talk about it. Ever.

* * *

Katara whipped the water from her hair and back into the washbasin. She felt refreshed after a nice nap and a long bath. When she saw him sitting on the edge of her bed, she literally squealed with delight. Their schedules lately had not really granted much alone time. She loved the conversations they'd had in Ursa's room, but neither of them felt comfortable doing more than granting a quick kiss while there.

She crossed the room with eager anticipation, feeling a familiar burning sensation of desire in the pit of her stomach, but stopped short when she saw his eyes. They weren't just sad, they were searing with pain, a look she had only witnessed a few times. "Oh, Zuko, what's wrong?" _Did his mother die_? She tried to push the thought out of her mind. _This cannot be happening._

He didn't say anything, only reached out a tentative hand toward her. She pulled him in and felt him shudder. She ran her fingers through his hair as he tenderly rubbed her back. He followed her to the bed, and they continued in the anticipated activity, but it was different this time. Instead of hungry and hormonal, he acted almost shy, every touch was soft and gentle. Instead of playful and impatient, it was slow-paced and powerful, as if each time he caressed her, with every breathtaking movement, he was saying, "I love you with everything that I am and all that I have to offer." And then when he did say the words out loud, his eyes finally softened, and he collapsed into her embrace. She held him tightly with his head tucked under her chin, and she lightly stroked patterns on his back. She wished she could still see his face, unsure of how he was feeling, but she wanted him to know she would be there for him no matter what. His eyes drifted over her bare bronze skin. _Beautiful and unblemished_ , he thought, and he vowed to keep it that way.

After they had dressed, Katara grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"I…uh…"

Katara recognized the signs. He wasn't ready to talk about it. "It's ok. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Her smile was genuine, and Zuko felt relieved that for once, she wasn't pressing him. He gently placed his hands on her neck to pull her in for a kiss but stopped abruptly, frowning at the sight of his pale skin against her collarbone.

"How could anyone…" he stuttered. "How could he…" He pulled his hands back and looked at them in horror. "Mother!"

"Zuko! Where are you going?" Katara shook herself out of the shock from his sudden retreat.

"I have to find Uncle!" he called back.

* * *

Katara wasn't altogether surprised when Zuko didn't come to Ursa's room that night. She missed his company, but also took solace in a rare opportunity for quiet thought. She pondered their unusual encounter earlier that day. Everything progressed so slowly and softly, she remembered, but it was nothing short of passionate. Sure, Zuko never wanted to talk about his feelings, but he'd said plenty with his actions. _And those eyes_ , she shuddered just thinking about how expressive they could be.

Today, he had said he loved her, but it was beyond that. It was about care, devotion, and protection. He was making the commitment as much to himself as he was to her. She could sense it. Like he knew she had entrusted him with everything, all of her self, and he would do anything in his power to not only keep her safe, but also make her happy. Katara looked over at Ursa and couldn't help but say out loud, "I'm glad he's so much like you… you would be proud of the man he's become."

Katara chased thoughts about love and life while listening to the steady breathing of the former Fire Lady. Then sooner than she expected, morning announced its arrival with sunbeams peaking in through the window. Colonel Cheng knocked lightly on the door, and Katara offered a quiet, "Come in."

The colonel didn't say much these days, and the two guards would simply exchange knowing glances that nothing had changed with their patient before switching posts. Today was no different until Katara reached for the door handle and heard a shriek, like someone gasping for air.

"Zukon!"

The voice was raspy and unrecognizable, but definitely female. Katara turned in a flash and searched Colonel Cheng's features for an explanation.

"Cheng… it was Zukon," Ursa wheezed. "He… he's here. You have to find him."

Colonel Cheng turned to Katara with stern resolve written on his face. "Stay here. I will send someone to relieve you. But I have a job to do!"

Bewildered, Katara rushed to Ursa's side hoping for answers, but the woman had fallen back into her previous state. "No, no, no!" Katara impulsively checked for vital signs finding that Ursa's heart rate was definitely faster than it had been when she was resting, but she showed no signs of consciousness otherwise. Katara applied the healing technique to the patient's temples, the one Yugoda had taught her in Ba Sing Se to help the Joo Dees. Then she settled back on her heels in a kneeling position to watch... and wait.

 _Who the hell is Zukon?_

Shortly thereafter Katara felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to find Dr. Yang standing over her.

"Colonel Cheng sent me," she said. "You should go get some rest."

Katara nodded and stood, wiping away the tears she didn't even realize had fallen in her moments of dazed confusion. She reached out briefly for her mentor, but then thought better of it. Dr. Yang wasn't really the touchy-feely type. Surprisingly though, the woman welcomed the touch and wrapped her apprentice up in a much-needed hug, a moment of mutual comfort.

"She… spoke," Katara whispered. "But then she's… well, she's like this again."

Dr. Yang only nodded and looked sidelong at Ursa.

"Do you know why?" Katara asked. "I mean, why is she like this? Is there a medical reason?"

"Well, that depends." Dr. Yang quirked her brow. "I know you said you healed her, but there could be internal damage that we don't know about."

"There's not. I checked," Katara said.

"Well, I know you have a sense of these things, but—"

"No, I mean, I…uh, I fixed that part, too."

"Well, that explains a few things at least. I'm guessing it was the same thing you did for Colonel Cheng. Can you elaborate?"

"Um, well I can bend more than just water, I guess you could say. Anything liquid, really." Katara felt her face getting hot. There were very few people who knew about her bloodbending.

"Hmm, there's quite a bit of liquid in the body, isn't there?" Dr. Yang folded her arms and eyed Katara inquisitively.

"Yes ma'am."

"You know, I've been a doctor for… well, a long time. And that is probably one of the most revolutionary things I've ever heard. Katara, can you imagine the possibilities?"

"I thought you'd be… well, mad?"

"That you went behind my back to perform an untested procedure? Hell yes, I'm mad," Dr. Yang barked, but the sparkle in her eyes gave her away. The two hugged again and as they pulled away, Dr. Yang said softly, "Thank you… for saving her."

"I…uh, you're welcome."

"You're a lot like her, you know. She was my first apprentice. A young woman with lots of potential. It's just a shame that…" Dr. Yang trailed off. "I worry about you sometimes," she added after a beat.

"Why?" Katara asked.

"This place, this family. You've gotta be careful with—well, I know he seems different, Katara, and I'm _trying_ to let myself believe that. For your sake, spirits, for _all_ of us. But Ursa was in love with a young handsome prince once, too, and—"

"He's NOT like his father," Katara snapped.

Dr. Yang grabbed her shoulders and turned Katara sharply so that their eyes met. "I know you think that. But no matter what happens, YOU will not have a voice here. No one will listen to YOUR side. He will always be protected by the title, the status, being royalty. But that should not excuse any dishonorable actions. Katara, I just want you to know that you can come to me, OK? I may not be able to offer anything besides a listening ear, but I want to be there for you... like I couldn't be… for her."

"Thanks." Katara felt the weight of her mentor's words and the shock of recent events nearly crush her to the point of exhaustion. "That means more than you know."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** If I weren't piggybacking on another story, I think I would make Zuko and Katara older. There's just some heavy stuff that I wouldn't wish for any teenager to deal with, although I know we don't get to choose some of the shit that life throws at us. I'm also not sure if their level of maturity is realistic for their ages. I suppose it could be, but I've promised myself to write some lighter scenes that better channel my inner adolescent? All I know is that when I was sixteen, I had some pretty fucked up views on sex and relationships. Maybe that's partly why I'm writing this, I dunno.

Stay tuned, because in the next chapter, Ursa wakes up for reals! Yay!


	17. The True Awakening

Katara walked back to the villa consumed by a mixture of emotions all muddled together with her tiredness. She had every intention of just falling into bed except that a certain frequent visitor was perched there upon her arrival. As usual, his eyes gave him away. This time it was anger. _I can be strong just a little longer. For him_ , she resolved.

"The palace is on lockdown, but Uncle won't tell me why," Zuko sputtered. "How am I supposed to rule with so many secrets?" He stood and balled up his fists. Katara expected flames at any minute.

"It's obviously a matter of security," she spoke calmly. "Maybe he doesn't have time to explain right now. You know he has your best interest—"

"No!" he interrupted. "I want to know what's going on around here! He's also running some sort of investigation behind my back!"

 _OK, he's not going to listen to me_ , Katara realized. _He could really use a good sparring, but we wouldn't have access to the palace grounds right now. He needs to release that pent up frustration, but how? I can't reason with him when he's like this. Hmm, ok, switch tactics, then._

Katara sighed and released her hair from its topknot, shaking out her loose curls.

"He's brought in my father's mistresses to question them! As if they haven't suffered enough!" Zuko continued his rant.

Katara removed her hospital uniform top while maintaining eye contact with her tantrumming boyfriend.

"And speaking of mistresses, the nobles insist that I entertain women to find one for myself! It's ridiculous!"

She slipped off her pants. Only her bindings remained.

"And things are still bad in the Earth Kingdom. I think I'm going to have to schedule another trip to Ba Sing Se. Spirits, I hate that place."

She began tugging at her bindings to release them.

"King Kuei is so preoccupied with his wedding, though, I can't even get an appointment with him. Maybe I should just go back to Two Rivers, it's not like anyone is telling me what's going on around here anyway!"

 _Wow, he really is angry. Plan B doesn't appear to be working_. Katara suddenly felt very vulnerable, almost foolish, in her near-naked state.

"K-K-Katara, what are you doing?" The anger left his voice completely and was replaced by raspy curiosity.

"Um?" She quirked her brow. _Isn't it obvious, you idiot?_

Zuko had been slow on the uptake, but quickly took matters into his own hands… literally. He soon discovered that handfuls _and_ mouthfuls of the delicious waterbender before him would in fact make all his problems seemingly melt away, at least in the heat of the moment.

That is, until he realized that being so caught up in said moment had caused his hands to heat up considerably, and Katara flinched slightly at his touch. _Oh shit, this is how it happens. I can't even control it._ Zuko began to frantically pull away.

Somehow in the haze of her own passion, Katara pieced it all together. Zuko's mentioning of the interrogation of the mistress, their gentle encounter the day before, the scars she'd seen on Ursa's body, his crippling fear of becoming like his father. Before he had a chance to recoil in shame, she pulled water from the nearby vase and gloved her hands in it. She laced their fingers together, pulling him back toward her and meeting his eyes with hers. A slight puff of steam rose from between their interlocked hands.

"Zuko, listen. This happens sometimes when you… get excited. You've never hurt me, OK? Even still, I know you would never hurt me on purpose. Besides, I've got you covered, right?" Katara gestured to their hands, hers still sheathed in water and glowing slightly.

"You… you can't be sure. Hell, I can't be sure. And just because you can… well, fix things doesn't excuse it. It's not worth it. I'm not worth—"

"Zuko, stop! I love you! And I'm sure you're not the first firebender to deal with this. It's only natural for things to get a bit… overheated, right? Plus, that's one of the reasons they say it's better with firebenders." Katara blushed at the admission.

"Huh?"

"There's a saying, something like, if you like it hotter, fuck a firebender?"

"They say that in the South Pole?"

"Yes, my Gran Gran says it all the time just to make Pakku jealous… of course not, you dolt! I don't know where I heard it. It's just a thing. Everyone says firebenders make great lovers." Katara rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Ya know?"

"Um, I wouldn't know. I'm with a waterbender as it were." Zuko had switched to a more playful tone, a sign that plan B was finally working, and Katara was more than ready to redirect the conversation… or stop talking altogether.

"I doubt many firebenders can make that claim." Katara released the water from her hands and started swirling it slowly around Zuko's arms and chest.

"I'm one lucky firebender, then." Zuko watched the water dance on his skin, shivering.

"Well, you _are_ the Fire Lord."

"True, but I do know you're not with me because of the title… and I doubt luck has anything to do with it either. Why do you put up with me anyway?"

"OK, enough with the self pity, hotman. I want to see if what they say is true."

"Oh, yeah? You haven't figured it out by now?"

"Well, actually I think there could be something interesting with the whole fire and water thing… switching between the hot and cool sensations, using our bending… who knows?"

"Hmm, that does sound interesting. But you've got to promise me something first."

"What?"

"Don't mention your Gran Gran when we're in bed together ever again."

"Ha! Agreed. Now, where were we?"

* * *

Katara didn't know how long she had been sleeping, only that she still felt exhausted and every bit of her welcomed the opportunity to rest. _More sleep!_ She protested to the person knocking at her door. When she realized that said person wasn't actually summoning her, she let out a sigh of relief and rolled over to watch her boyfriend dress through half-lidded eyes.

"Go get 'em, hotman," she mumbled.

"Yeah. Right." Zuko scowled at the door. Duty was calling whether he wanted to answer or not. "I'll be right there, Uncle."

As he made a move for the door, Katara suddenly remembered something she wanted to ask him. "Hey, does the word Zukon mean anything to you?"

"Zukon? Hmm. No. It sounds like some bravado version of my name. Like Zukon the Conqueror!" He said the last bit with a booming voice while lifting one knee and raising his fist in the air.

Katara giggled. "OK, Zukon the Conqueror. Good luck on your conquest, then!"

He bowed reverently, "My lady," and took his leave.

The next time Katara awoke, she could tell that the sun had just slipped below the horizon, and she'd managed to sleep the day away. Flustered by the fact that her night shift would begin soon, she quickly dressed herself and tried to tame her hair into a braid before peeking out into the hallway. She could see Aang and Toph sitting in the lounge, a display of tea and treats between them. She felt a sense of longing coupled with hunger pains. Some friendly conversation and a snack with friends was exactly what she had been craving lately.

"Well, good morning, Sweetness." Toph shifted to allow Katara to slip past her feet and sit down. Aang offered a warm smile and promptly poured a cup of tea for Katara. "Iroh saved you some dinner," he said, gesturing to a tray positioned at the end of the table. "Oh, great! Thanks!" Katara's stomach growled in agreement. She had apparently missed all three meals that day.

"It's so quiet around here," she said after a few bites of rice.

"Well, Sparky's spent most of the day with his long-lost mom," Toph said flatly.

Katara felt her breath catch, scarcely believing what Toph had said and that she could be so matter-of-fact about it. She looked questioningly at Aang.

"Yeah, she's been here for a while, but unconscious apparently," Aang explained. "Today she woke up. Iroh told us this afternoon, but… I guess you've known for a while, haven't you?"

"I…uh…yes, I have. Well, she's been at the hospital," Katara said in a near-whisper.

Toph crossed her arms and let out a "Hrmph." Aang's expression also conveyed a spark of betrayal, and Katara then understood.

"Look, it's not like I was purposely keeping it a secret," she rallied. "It's just not my secret to share, ok? I figured Zuko would tell people when he was ready, that's all."

Aang looked even more crestfallen, and Toph sunk further into her chair. _What did I say wrong?_ She didn't have to wait long before Toph exploded.

"Look, Sugar Queen, you and your _boyfriend_ can have your silly little secrets, alright? But we used to be a family, you know? We've been through so much together in the past two years, and this is just so… big. We ALL knew Zuko was looking for his mom, why couldn't you just say something? What matters to him matters to us, too. You can't just… just… keep something that important to yourself just because the two of you share a bed!"

 _She thinks I'm being selfish, possessive even_. _I forgot that other people love Zuko, too._ "Um, well, it's kind of complicated…" Katara started.

"No, it's not," Toph bit back. "Ever since you got back from the South Pole, it's either been you two together or everyone doing their own thing. There's no time for anyone else." Toph set her tea cup down with a forceful clanking sound and stomped off to her room. Katara resisted the urge to go after her, knowing that the motherly approach rarely worked with Toph anyway. Aang crossed the room to take Toph's now vacant seat and placed a reassuring hand on Katara's shoulder.

"It's hard, you know," he said softly. "For all of us. It won't ever be like that again, when the six of us were traveling together. Even with the war and all, it was so… free. You and Zuko and well, I guess Sokka and Suki, too, are all older and ready to settle down. Toph and I are younger and kinda stuck in between—we don't have parents, err—not really. But we're not adults, yet, either. Toph is afraid of losing the closest thing she's ever had to a family… she's afraid of losing you… me… all of us."

Everything Aang was saying made sense to Katara, but she had no idea how to respond. She had worked hard to be more grown up the past year living in the Fire Nation, not to mention during the war, her whole life, even. But did she really want to _settle down_ , as Aang put it? Zuko didn't have a choice as Fire Lord, and spirits, she loved him, but had she really considered her options now that the war was over?

What she really wanted in that moment was a big polar dog hug from her dad. Perhaps she wasn't as grown up as she thought she was.

Aang seemed to sense things somehow and wrapped his arms around her. It felt nice. His arms were cool and dry and stronger than she remembered. She leaned into his embrace, and for a second she imagined what it would be like to leave with him, to keep traveling the world. That choice had been hers at one time, hadn't it? She sighed and let herself linger in the moment, lost in thoughts of what would have been or what could be until her responsibilities called her back to the place she knew to be reality. _It's just so hard here sometimes._

"I have to go to work now, Aang," she said. "I'll see ya around."

* * *

When Katara saw them there together, her heart leapt with an emotion she couldn't describe if she tried. Then when identical pairs of eyes and the same broad smile on each of their faces turned to greet her, she thought she might come undone. Even though she knew she would never have her own mother back, this was by far the next best thing. From a family that had endured more than their share of pain and suffering, this mother and son deserved everything this reunion could offer them—a promise for a new beginning full of hope and peace. Katara felt like she was intruding on something so special, almost sacred, and her eyes filled with tears as she took a step backward.

In that same moment, Zuko crossed the room and extended a hand to her.

"Katara, I'd like you to meet my mom. Even though I know you've already met, I, uh wanted to make a formal introduction, of sorts." With his hand now clasped in hers, he pulled her into the room beside him to face his mother's bed. "Katara, this is Lady Ursa. My lady, this is Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe."

Katara bowed in the traditional Fire Nation manner, but couldn't help but notice the smirk that spread across Ursa's face. "Spoken like a true Fire Lord, my son," she teased. "Stop bowing dear girl and come here." Katara looked hesitantly at Zuko, but he was still wearing a big dopey grin, an undeniable indication of the pure joy he was feeling. She rarely ever saw him smile like that. She decided to just let the tears fall freely at that point.

"Oh, my dear," Ursa coaxed. Before Katara knew it, the former Fire Lady had drawn her into a hug, and the woman's strength surprised her. "I owe you my life," Ursa whispered in her ear.

"I was just doing my job," Katara said as Ursa released her. It was the automatic answer, the clinical one she had been trained to give. She hated how insensitive it sounded just then, but she wasn't sure how much more emotion she could handle at the moment.

"Oh, come now, I know better than that." Ursa's smirk was back. _Azula may favor her mother's features, but it's uncanny how Zuko makes those same expressions,_ Katara observed.

Ursa continued, "You are definitely the first healer to work in this hospital, and I'm sure Dr. Yang wouldn't just let you go willy nilly with your magical glowing hands and all that." Katara giggled. She liked this woman… a lot. "I've heard enough of the story at least." Ursa smiled. "Now, the story I'd love to hear is how you two met."

Zuko and Katara exchanged nervous glances. "Heh," Zuko chuckled dryly. " _That_ is a long story."

"Oh, it's not all that interesting either," Katara added. She knew it was wishful thinking to get out of granting Ursa's request. They would have to tell the story alright, but which one of them would be the best one to tell it?

Ursa pinned her with all-too-familiar golden eyes, suddenly set ablaze. "Humor me," she said.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** In my headcanon, Ursa and Hakoda fulfill some missing parental roles for Katara and Zuko, respectively. (Well, not to mention that they were absent for a good part of their own children's lives. It's time for rebuilding those relationships all around, I guess you could say.) I was getting really mad at Ozai in some of the other scenes I've written (or read...or watched...whatever) so I went ahead and posted the first chapter of this story's sequel, _Rising Tide._ Is that a fanfic faux pas? The reason is three-fold. 1) A teaser for current/future readers since I think this story is getting more traffic, yay! 2) A placeholder for me... an accountability thing, of sorts. and 3) Because it has some fatherly Hakoda-Zuko stuff going on, and I just needed to get that out there in the midst of all the Ursa feels and Ozai nastiness.

Coming up next: Zukon's identity is revealed, and Toph meets Ursa. If you follow Emletish, then you know what that means!


	18. Disconnecting the Dots

It took quite a bit of convincing to get Zuko to leave them at some point. The poor guy had two motherly figures scolding him for not getting enough sleep with the many pressures of being Fire Lord. He only relented when Ursa reminded him that she would be relocating to the palace the next day if Dr. Yang released her. As far as Katara could tell, there wasn't anything medically wrong with the former Fire Lady, so she could safely assume she'd be discharged the next day. She did wonder, however, if Ursa would still need to be guarded and if her attacker had ever been discovered. This topic had never surfaced between the three of them that night, so she let it be.

They talked about so many other things, though. Zuko quickly skimmed over their initial meeting when he attacked Katara's village. He briefly recounted their fight at the North Pole where he realized he was up against a master waterbender for the first time. He made no mention of the crystal catacombs in Ba Sing Se, and Katara didn't feel the need to relive that moment either. They skipped over what happened with Yon Ra as well, adhering to a silent mutual agreement to keep the conversation light. They mostly talked about shenanigans at the Western Air Temple and Ember Island. If laughter was the best medicine, then they would all be pictures of perfect health by morning.

"Yeah, that was back when you were stalking me." Zuko playfully poked Katara in the ribs. Ursa raised an eyebrow in amusement at the two flirty teens who had seemingly lost their abandon once they started reminiscing.

"I was not stalking! I was doing research! It was purely for observation purposes," Katara retorted. _Note to self: Get rid of all evidence of stalking. The journals must be destroyed._ Katara secretly vowed.

"Yeah, if by _observation_ you mean ogling me with my shirt off during bending lessons," Zuko teased.

Katara felt herself blushing. "Well, it's not my fault it's so bloody hot in the Fire Nation!" She caught Zuko's sly smile, and she knew exactly what kinds of remarks he wanted to make to that statement. She only hoped that her hard-set eyes and subtle shrugs toward their audience would remind him that his mother was in the room. "At least we had the beach at Ember Island," she redirected.

"Ah, Ember Island," Ursa interjected. "Is the house still there?"

"Ah, yes, I guess," Zuko said. "Probably not how you remember it, though. We all stayed there for a few weeks last summer. Before that, um, Azula and I kinda went on a tirade and burned a lot of shit. Then, I destroyed like a whole wall while chasing—er, training Aang." Katara noticed that Ursa winced as Zuko spoke, perhaps from his cursing or maybe the mentioning of Azula, she wasn't sure. "Still, there were some happy memories there… at least with you, Mom. And well, with us, too." Zuko gave Katara a shy smile.

"I think…" Ursa paused, straining to form words. "I…would… like to go there again."

Zuko nodded in quiet affirmation. Katara reached for his hand and squeezed it. _For his birthday_ , she had already decided. They would plan a reunion at Ember Island.

When Zuko finally left, Katara settled in the chair across the room from Ursa's bed, her usual post for guard duty. Ursa had closed her eyes and began breathing more slowly and steadily, so Katara assumed sleep had taken the woman until her voice suddenly pierced the darkness between them.

"He loves you."

"I… I know."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes. I do."

"How old are you, Katara?"

"Sixteen."

Katara heard Ursa let out a long drawn-out sigh. _Oh, great. Here comes the lecture about how I'm too young to know what love is. Or some motherly threat about not hurting her baby boy. Or maybe some warning about getting mixed up with the Fire Nation family._ Whatever it was, Katara knew she was in for it.

"This is not how it's supposed to be. We've let you down. We failed you, and I'm sorry," Ursa said.

"Huh?" That wasn't exactly what Katara had been expecting.

"Katara, when you have children some day, you'll understand. You only want the best for them. You want to protect them for as long as possible. You and Zuko were robbed of your childhood by this war. Three generations have suffered at the hands of this nation. Zuko shouldn't have to lead his country so young. You shouldn't have to learn about love so young. The kind of love that is required—the sacrifices you have to make—it's too much for you right now. You should be able to live a little first—"

"I think I understand what you're saying," Katara cut her off. "But… I also think loving IS living. Or perhaps loving is learning. Either way, it's a lifelong process no matter when it starts."

"Oh, Katara, I know it seems that way now, but you have your whole life ahead of you—"

"No." Katara cleared her throat in order to soften the edge that had crept into her voice. "Forgive me, my lady. Yes, the war did make us grow up faster than we should have. But it made us stronger. It makes what we have stronger. _Together_ we are stronger."

"I don't doubt you, Katara," Ursa replied. "It's good to know that you are strong, because it will be hard. If you intend on staying with my son, then taking on the role of Fire Lady will be the hardest thing you'll ever do. That is, IF you assume the position at all. I'm not sure this prideful nation will be ready to accept it. But if your love for each other is as strong as you say it is, then I'm sure love can overcome all odds."

"Love is all you need," Katara intoned. This wasn't the first conversation she'd had with Ursa about love, she remembered.

"I wish it were that simple, Katara."

"But that's what you said… in Ba Sing Se, the first time I met you. When you love each other well, then love is all you need."

"I… so I did. And you do love him well, Katara. I know you do. So, thank you, for loving him for who he is. Spirits knows he needs that more than anything else." Ursa's voice broke a little at her last statement, and then she said no more.

* * *

Colonel Cheng didn't bother knocking the next morning, but poked his head in and gestured at Katara. After stretching her stiff limbs, she joined him in the hallway.

"Is she still asleep?" he asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah." Katara yawned.

"Good, good. Well, when she wakes, we'll move her to her new room. General Iroh will alert you to the new location. I think we should keep guard for a little while longer. My search for our—um, the assailant has been unsuccessful so far." He bowed his head in resignation.

Katara nodded and began to walk away, but Ursa's voice drew her back to the doorway, and she couldn't help but eavesdrop on the siblings' conversation.

"Cheng, did you find Zukon?" Ursa's voice cracked.

"No, not a trace of him. Can you tell me more details about when and where you saw him? Honestly, Ursa, I haven't seen our brother since… well, since you left." The colonel's voice was steady but sad.

"I saw him in the Caldera. It was yesterday? No, I don't know, I've lost all track of time. He said terrible things, Cheng. He blamed me for our parents' death. He said I had no right showing my face around here. I somehow managed to lose him in the crowd that time. B-b-but I think he followed me another time. Followed us… Dr. Jung! Is he alright? I was… waiting for him… in his office… I'm sorry, that's all I remember."

Katara tried to piece together the information from Ursa's frantic and disjointed phrases. _So, Zukon is another brother? A vengeful one, it seems. Oh dear, more Fire Nation family drama. Perhaps Zuko was even named after this particular family member. Why did it have to be the crazy uncle? He could've been named Cheng or Iroh or hell, how about Roku? That would've been an honorable family name to pass down._

Colonel Cheng's voice broke through Katara's thoughts. "Well, I'll just go have a talk with this Dr. Jung, then."

 _Not if I get to him first_.

* * *

Katara was disappointed that Dr. Jung was nowhere to be found. After checking his office, she wandered the hospital hallways for a while, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. It was only after Dr. Yang caught sight of her and scolded her for being there during "off-duty" hours that Katara finally made her way back to the villa in her half-dazed state. It would seem that late night conversations about love and life plus the potential for yet another royal family conspiracy had rendered her completely exhausted.

 _Oh Zuko, why?_ At least this time he was smiling when she found him perched on the side of her bed.

"How's Mom?" he asked brightly.

"Good, sleeping." Katara lied. _Like I should be._ She couldn't help but feel annoyed. The schedule, the drama, _the secrets_ were all taking a toll on her.

"I made sure her room was ready. I mean, I guess it wasn't hard, Fa—um, I mean, Ozai left it pretty much untouched. It's supposed to be the Fire Lady's suite, but she never got to… Anyway, it connects to my room, so I thought it would be safer, you know? I hope it's not weird. I just want her to be comfortable…"

"Shhhhhhh, I'm sure it's fine," Katara soothed. _He's pretty cute when he rambles like that._

Zuko let out a happy sigh. "I never thanked you."

"For what?"

"Well, for everything. For always being there." He shrugged.

"Well, that's sweet… and kinda vague. Plus you've thanked me loads of times."

"Well, for saving my mother." Katara then saw why he hadn't been specific in the first place. There were tears forming in his eyes, and she knew he didn't like to break down in front of her. _He always has to be so strong._ She crossed the room to him, and he buried his head in her shoulder. Through muffled phrases and slight shudders, he continued.

"If you hadn't been... then she wouldn't have… and then I would've never..."

"Shhhhhhhhhhh. Everything's alright. It turned out alright." Katara gently rubbed circles on his back in her usual manner of comfort.

Zuko pulled back and looked at her with sad, searching eyes. "I don't know what I would do without you, Katara." He started fidgeting, making meaningless gestures with his hands. "And I don't know if… I'm not sure if we…" He then made a noise of frustration. _Why do words always elude me?_

"What I mean to say is… all of this is pretty messed up. The Fire Nation is messed up, my family is messed up, I'm messed up, and I'd totally understand if you don't want this. But I just—"

"Hey, listen. I told you already, but I will say it as many times as you need to hear it, Zuko. I'm with you." Katara noticed he was shaking his head— _ugh, so stubborn_ —so she reached up to cup his face with her hands. "I love _you_. I want _you_. And whatever comes with that. We'll do it together."

With that confession, Katara buckled under her own emotions and exhaustion. She leaned into Zuko and felt like she might fall if he didn't hold her. He seemed to recognize that in that moment, she meant every word of what she had said, but that she needed him as much as he needed her. With renewed self-assurance, he held her tightly in his arms and whispered, "Together."

After some time, the realization hit him. "Oh! You've been awake all night! You need to sleep!" Zuko gently guided her to the bed. "I'm so sorry. I was selfish to come here this morning."

"Shhh. Don't be silly. This isn't the first morning I've found you in my room, you know."

"Heh, guess not."

"Wait… don't you normally have a morning meeting or something?"

"Um, sorta… I mean, sometimes—er, no… not anymore."

Katara just stared at him, trying to recall the specific reason why he always had to leave before the morning, that all-too-important meeting he could never miss. "It's the war council meeting or something, right?"

"Well, it _used to_ be war council, Now, it's more like war reparations… but, don't worry about it, okay? You just get some sleep now." Zuko patted her head in a somewhat patronizing way that raised her suspicions even more.

"Well… if you happen to have some free time on your hands this morning then, you should check on Toph," she suggested.

"Oh yeah? Why?" he asked in earnest.

"I think she feels left out. I haven't been able to spend much time with her with my night shift and all. And your uncle's busy with… well, he's busy. And the war trials are taxing on her, so—"

"Yeah, I get it. Any ideas on what to do?"

"Take her to meet your mother? I think she would like that."

"Yeah, I think they would both like that," Zuko agreed. "Thanks, Katara. Sweet dreams."

The last thing she remembered was his soft kiss on her forehead.

* * *

Zuko was quite accustomed to Toph's sarcasm, so he found the mood of their morning tea to be a nice diversion from the angst he usually felt when attending war council meetings. She teased him, of course, for shirking his Fire Lord duties to spend time with "lowly mudslinging types" such as her. While he felt a pang of guilt due to the _real_ reason why he wasn't attending the aforementioned meeting, he decided to challenge Toph to a duel for her _insubordination_. He should've known it would end badly.

"Toph, I order you to release me," a frustrated Fire Lord fussed about his earthen shackles.

"Tsk tsk. I'm no citizen. I don't take orders from you, Sparky," Toph taunted. "Plus, you didn't use my proper title."

"YOU didn't use MY title, either, _Ambassador_ Beifong. Now, if you would do the courtesy of releasing me…"

"Ah, ah, ah, not so fast, Fire Lord Sparky. What are the magic words?"

"You're the best earthbender in the entire world," he mumbled.

"What's that? I didn't hear you, almighty Fire Lord, speak up!"

"YOU'RE THE BEST EARTHBENDER IN THE WORLD!"

"And?"

"AND METALBENDER, NOW LET ME OUT, DAMMIT!"

"Such a mouth! What would your mother say?" Toph released the rocks that held Zuko's wrists and ankles, and he fell to the ground, panting and cursing.

"Speaking of, would you like to meet her?" Zuko didn't feel particularly inclined to offer after Toph's insufferable gloating but somehow he felt he owed it to Katara.

"Your mother? Why, I thought you'd never ask?" Toph's voice still dripped with her usual sarcasm.

Zuko felt his pride and anger rising to the surface. "Look, she's been sick and she's kind of… well, fragile, so if you're just going to be a… bitch about it, then… nevermind."

Toph crossed her arms and let out an exaggerated "hrmph," but when Zuko turned to leave, she created a rift in the ground to stop him. He made a noise of frustration, pointing a fiery finger back at her as if to say something, but she spoke first. "Look, Sparky. I'm sorry. It just seemed like everyone knew about her but me. I know how much it means for you to have her back, and I'd be honored to meet her. Truly."

Zuko stood speechless for a few moments waiting for her snide follow-up remark. When none came, he honestly didn't know how to react to serious-Toph. Finally he cleared his throat. "She will like you, I just know it. Um, this way?" On instinct he took her elbow to lead her, but only as a friendly gesture, not because of her blindness. He had long since learned that she didn't need his guidance.

By this point, Colonel Cheng had assisted in relocating Ursa to the Fire Lady's suite in the palace. Zuko didn't remember the woman who occupied it before but knew it was elegantly furnished and decorated. To him, it seemed fitting for his mother's homecoming. Besides, the room connected to his, and he'd be damned if anyone threatened her life ever again. He hadn't given too much consideration on what to do when a new Fire Lady would be named, however.

Colonel Cheng stood posted at Ursa's door. Zuko shot a quick glance to his own door down the hallway to make sure an assigned guard was posted there as well. The palace contained several series of secret passageways and interconnected rooms, but Zuko wasn't sure who all knew about them and if those people could be trusted. For a brief moment, he considered the idea of asking Toph to reconstruct the passageways for him since many of them were earthen underground tunnels. _And my mother's attacker is still out there._

Zuko nodded to Cheng. "How is she faring, Colonel?"

"She's well, my Lord. She's having her morning tea now." Cheng stepped aside to let them pass, but eyed Toph warily as they entered the room.

"Mother?" Zuko realized that he still held Toph's elbow, so he gave it a slight squeeze.

"Good morning, my dear Zuko." Ursa spoke but didn't look away from some distant spot in the room she seemed transfixed upon.

Zuko felt Toph go rigid, although he wasn't sure why. He shoved away the initial thought that the earthbender had sensed danger and proceeded with the introduction. "Mother, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine."

"Nanny!?" Toph blurted out.

"Toph!?" Ursa gasped. "Is that really you?"

Zuko gaped at them, mouthing words that never came. Ursa crossed the room at lightening speed and scooped the small girl into her embrace. Within a few seconds, she had reached out to include Zuko in the hug as well. Zuko wasn't sure what shocked him more. The fact that somehow the two knew each other or the fact that Toph was actually crying. When they pulled away from each other, a jumble of words all came out at once between the three of them.

"Look how much you've grown!" and "How do you know each other?" and "Where have you been all this time?" They all looked at each other in a brief moment of awkward silence and then tried again. "How did you meet Zuko?" and "Why did you call her 'Nanny'?" and "Why did you leave me?" Everyone eyed each other again, each with pinkish flustered faces. Then finally a bout of laughter broke the tension.

Zuko hadn't bothered his mother with any questions about her banishment or even specifics about her return. He figured it would come all in due time. In this situation, he deemed it best for her to lead the conversation. He held up his hands in Firelordly fashion. "OK, OK… let's start over. Mother?"

Ursa cleared her throat. "Well, for a short time during my exile in the Earth Kingdom, I followed a lead given to me by a Fire Nation merchant who conducted business with a wealthy Earth Kingdom family. They were looking for a nanny for whom they called an 'impossible girl,' and I figured if I could deal with Azula, then…"

Toph snorted. Zuko tensed. He wouldn't compare Toph to Azula in a million years.

"Anyway, so I met this so-called impossible girl, and I found that the only thing impossible about her was that no one allowed her to experience what could be possible. Impossible was an imposition placed on her. They didn't even know she was an earthbender."

"I didn't even know there was such a thing as bending until you came along. I just thought it was something I learned from the badgermoles," Toph interjected.

"You know, Toph. I kept one of the rocks I gave you. One of the ones you made smooth when I first discovered your abilities. It always gave me comfort, a reminder that even when things seem impossible, there is always a way." Ursa reached out for Toph's hand, but the earthbender pulled back.

"Then why did you leave me?" she snapped. Zuko winced at the tone of her question, although he had asked the same thing himself so many times.

The tears that brimmed Ursa's eyes fell. "Because as much as I cherished being your nanny, there was someone who needed me to be a mother more."

Zuko felt himself backing away from them, his instincts telling him to retreat from this conversation. It would be too painful. Maybe his mother's past was best left untouched. He was happy she was here now and hopeful for their future together. In this one instant, all of that seemed to be crumbling before his own tear-filled eyes. _Crying again, son? You're still a weakling, and you always will be!_ Zuko could hear his father's words pounding in his ears. But then, the sweet sound of his mother's voice broke through.

"I'm so sorry, Zuko. I should have never left you with him. When I learned about the Agni Kai, your banishment, I started looking for you. I went to Ba Sing Se to get help, and then I…"

Zuko looked at his mother expecting to see her usual expression of warmth and comfort there. Instead he saw shock, horror, and confusion written on her face.

"What is it, Mother?"

But Ursa wouldn't answer. She clasped a hand over her mouth and started shaking. Zuko managed to catch her before her knees buckled underneath her, and he carried her over to the bed. Toph remained frozen on the spot, listening intently— _feeling_ —as the scene unfolded. Zuko spent several more minutes at Ursa's bedside, stroking her face and coaxing her for an explanation, but she only wore a hollow, vacant look and made no effort at speaking. Zuko sighed and forced back more tears. _I am NOT weak_.

"Come on, Toph. I'm sorry. I guess she needs her rest." Zuko's shoulders slumped in defeat, and he started walking toward the door.

Toph nodded and joined him, but stopped abruptly after a few steps. "There it was again. I thought I… oh, nevermind."

Once in the hallway, she snorted. "Man, and I thought MY family had problems."

"Thanks a lot, Toph," Zuko grumbled.

"Oh hey, Sparky. I'm sorry, I mean…" Toph shifted nervously. "Look. I owe everything to your mom, OK? She was the first person to believe I was something more than just a helpless blind girl to be protected and coddled. She showed me that I could _do_ anything I wanted... _be_ anything I wanted… and most importantly, I could just _be_ myself. When she left, I felt… so lost for a while. But it made me stronger, too, because I had to find my own way then. She started something in me, and even though I didn't know it at the time, she gave me the strength to finish it."

"You know, Toph. I guess we have that in common." Zuko shrugged. "It's just kinda crazy to think she was your nanny. Who knew?"

"Yeah, funny," Toph suppressed a fake cough. "Hey, Zuko?"

"Yeah." He found it rather odd to hear his actual name coming from Toph's mouth for a change.

"The Agni Kai your mom mentioned. Is that how? Um, your scar…" Toph could sense the catch in his breath and the increase in his heart rate which essentially gave her the answer.

"Yeah."

"That bastard." Toph balled one fist and punched it into her other palm.

"Yeah."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** OK, that was a long chapter, and here are some long-ish attributions/explanations. Hang with me!

Lots of Emletish in this chapter, the first reference being Katara's "stalking" at the Western Air Temple and Ember Island and the mentioning of the actual journals she wrote. (Also, anytime she's eavesdropping in my fic, remember that she's pretty much perfected the art as evidenced in the Stalking trilogy. This is why I don't write in first person. I feel like I can't possibly tell you everything that's going on without at least letting you inside both Zuko and Katara's worlds/brains.)

Second reference: "All you need is love." Katara and Ursa as a Joo Dee have a conversation in Ba Sing Se during the peace treaty negotiations right after the war. This occurs in _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko,_ Chapter 23: A Bird and A Fish. There are other phrases mentioned, "It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn" and "A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats." Those sound like great titles for spin-off fanfiction, do they not?

So, Emletish also wrote _A Spoonful of Suga_ r to fit in with the Stalking universe where Ursa spends some part of her banishment working for the Beifong family as Toph's nanny. When I first read this, I thought, yay, another well-written piece, and oh-so-endearing, but what a stretch! I mean, what are the odds? The Earth Kingdom is huge! OK, OK, I guess it's not _too_ far-fetched since everyone else in the series kept popping back up (Suki, Jet, the cabbage guy, etc.). Initially I did not plan to incorporate this into my story. But then I started to feel sorry for Toph! I brought back Rozin to keep her company for a little bit, but he wasn't that strong of a character to develop a new plotline around (at least not yet, hint hint). But I felt like _I_ wasn't giving her enough attention... it was a weird feeling, Toph doesn't want my pity, I know.

Anyway, so I revisited the idea of Ursa as her nanny and decided it could work. Maybe Toph could ask Ursa the hard questions that Zuko won't. Oh, and as a side note, Toph doesn't really know about Zuko's scar until they see the Ember Island Players, and the fan tells Zuko his scar is on the wrong side. Toph then asks to see/feel it, and he lets her. By that point, he's developed somewhat of a sisterly affection for her, so he's OK with her touching it, but he doesn't tell her how it happened. (This is from _Not Stalking Zuko_ with a little of my head canon thrown in there. The lines are getting blurry.)

OK, I think that covers all of Em's stuff. For anyone who is following her Ursa story, _Somewhere Out There_ , I wrote this fic before she started updating again. Clearly, I diverge. But that doesn't mean I'm any less grateful for the inspiration... or for new chapters to read!

* * *

OK, a word about names in my fic. I'm kinda terrible at coming up with them. Take Zukon for example. Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of it, but here is my reasoning. _Azula_ is a derivation of _Azulon_ , her grandfather's name on Ozai's side. In the comics, it says that Ozai wants to "cast Zuko over the palace walls" since he lacks the spark of a firebender when he is born. I think I've fueled some of Ozai's fury, too, when I made Zuko's birthday on the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year. Something to make the guy say, "You were lucky to be born." (I also imagine Azula to be born on the Summer Solstice. Seems fitting.) Anyway, so Ozai essentially disowns Zuko at birth which leads me to believe that Ursa would get to name him. So, she names him after her brother, Zukon. We'll find out more about him in upcoming chapters. Surely he wasn't always this vengeful shadow with his sister's death wish?

As far as the names of my other OCs... this is how I do it: I scan through character names in Avatar Wiki until I see a minor one that I like. So if you recognize one of my names because you are an ATLA trivia buff (I try to pick ones that aren't very common) then please know that it is not the same character. Just like there are many Lees, there can be others with the names Cheng, Kai, Shinu, Arik, Lian, Rina, etc.


	19. The Crazy Uncle

Katara didn't remember the residential wing of the palace being so confusing to navigate. The last few times she had been there, she had taken the secret passageways Zuko had shown her, and of course, they led straight to his room. She wandered the meandering hallways before finally hearing Iroh's voice as a signal that she must be close. He appeared to be in a discussion with one of Zuko's advisors, so she stayed hidden in the shadows on the adjacent hallway. She didn't want to interrupt, but of course, she couldn't help but overhear.

"He should be attending these meetings. They will determine the course of our nation's future, and you know that!" Lady Za Jei spoke in a harsh whisper.

"He will return to the war council meetings, I assure you." Iroh spoke in his usual calm demeanor. "He is just under a lot of pressure right now. I thought taking a break would do him some good."

"There will always be pressure and no time for breaks. He is the Fire Lord," Lady Za Jei hissed. "I thought he could handle his emotions better than this, but apparently I was wrong. He is not ready for this responsibility. Can't you serve as regent until he's older?"

"No!" Iroh's sudden harshness in tone caused Katara to jump. "How do you think that would look? He's already been coronated. You can't just take that away and give it back later. His subjects would never trust him. That is why he has his advisors. You, me, Jee, Piandao… or have you forgotten that he personally chose you to sit on his council?"

"Of course I haven't forgotten. And he… listens well, I'll give him that. But you can't coddle the boy when he throws a tantrum in a meeting, you know."

"What would you have me do? Challenge him to a fire duel, then?" Iroh's voice echoed in the hallway. If tension were water, Katara knew she could have pulled enough of it out of the air to make a thousand ice daggers right then.

Iroh cleared his throat. "Lady Za Jei, unless you have any other suggestions or further points of discussion, may I make a request of you?"

"Of course, General."

"Find me a trustworthy guard for Lady Ursa. Colonel Cheng will continue the day shift, but I need someone for the nights. Ambassador Katara will soon relinquish this task as she needs to resume her medical training."

"I will, sir, but I don't know if I can have someone as soon as tonight…"

Katara took that as her cue. "I'm here, Uncle, er—I mean General, sir." She cast a nervous glance at Lady Za Jei. "I am well-rested and able to guard Lady Ursa tonight."

"Very well, Ambassador Katara. Colonel Cheng has been standing post outside the door, but you are welcome to find a more comfortable position inside the room if you'd like." The warmth had returned to Iroh's composure, and Katara found she liked this side of him much more. She wondered if the Dragon of the West had been speaking just a few minutes earlier.

"That's much too personal for a guard. The Lady Ursa deserves her privacy in her own room." Lady Za Jei's eyes narrowed at Katara.

The Dragon of the West roared again. "Ambassador Katara is Lady Ursa's healer, and she saved her life! In fact, she saved the Fire Lord's life in battle, so the royal family is greatly indebted to her. As far as I'm concerned, she can go wherever she damn well pleases."

Katara's eyes darted back and forth between the general and the advisor. It didn't matter to her that much, and it wasn't worth fighting over, she decided. "It's really not a big deal. I'm happy to stand guard at the door if that is what's expected."

"No, no. You're right. It's not a big deal. I am sorry, it is not my place to speak on such matters." Lady Za Jei delivered her words curtly and turned on her heel to leave. Iroh shook his head wearily and simply opened the door to Ursa's room, motioning with his hand for Katara to enter.

Katara gasped when she crossed the threshold. Although it was dimly lit, the room was breathtakingly beautiful. _So this is where a Fire Lady sleeps_. Suddenly, the igloos from her Water Tribe home seemed so small and very far away. _And this is where the Fire Lady is sleeping_. She noticed Ursa's chest rising and falling in a slow rhythmic pattern. Katara crossed the room to the sitting area and fell into a plush velvet armchair that was large enough to hold three of her. _Or perhaps me and my favorite firebender_. _Oh, ew, but not in his mother's room. OK, new setting needed for pleasant daydream about boyfriend. Wait… where would the new Fire Lady sleep if Ursa took residence in here?_

Katara had figured out ways to keep herself awake and alert during her nighttime guard duty. But when she saw movement in the shadows behind Ursa's bed, she doubted herself at first. _Surely it's just my imagination_. On instinct, she uncorked her waterskin and waited, her heart pounding in her ears. The attacker's movement was swift, but Katara was ready. The force of her wave swept the dark figure away from the bed and pinned him in a frozen encasement against the wall. She also felt frozen in horror as she watched the exchange before her.

The captive cursed. Ursa shot up out of bed, gave Katara a look of confusion, and then her eyes widened as comprehension dawned on her.

"Zukon! You…you…" Ursa pointed a shaky finger at what was only a head poking out from a slab of ice. "But why?"

"Get your waterbender bitch to release me, dear sister, and we can talk about it," the man said gruffly.

 _OK, clearly he's not a bender or he would've melted himself out by now. Typical Fire Nation, though…_

"Seriously, Ursa, have you stooped so low as to employ the services of such barbarians? Then again, you've never been a good judge of character," Zukon spat.

Katara raised the ice further to the point of reaching his throat. He coughed a little at the sudden pressure on his chest.

"So cold and calculating." His yellow eyes met hers.

"Katara, don't," Ursa pleaded.

"What is going on here?" Zuko entered the scene out of nowhere. Katara looked at the door and back at the Fire Lord in confusion.

Nobody spoke.

"I said, what is going on here!?" he bellowed.

Katara looked imploringly at Ursa. Didn't she owe them all an explanation? But the woman simply looked down at her own fidgeting hands.

 _OK, fine, Fire Nation royal family. I'll get in the middle of your mess once again._ "Well, Zuko, I caught your mother's attacker just before he made another attempt on her life." She saw Zuko's eyes widen with rage, and his fists began to flame. The rest of this story needed to come out somehow, so she continued, "His name is Zukon, and apparently he is your mother's brother. As to why he has a death wish for his sister, that I don't know."

"She killed our parents!" Zukon howled.

"I don't know what you're talking about! I don't even know what happened to them!" Ursa sobbed.

Zuko eyed the others warily. He still held flames in his fists, but he looked completely taken aback. He must not be familiar with this part of his family history, Katara realized. _Does he even know that Colonel Cheng is his uncle, too?_

"You and Cheng had your high and mighty positions in the palace. You just left me… you left us… you left them to die!" the captive raged.

"Zukon, Ozai forbade me to see you. He wouldn't let me visit, he said if I even tried to contact you or mother or father, he would have you killed. I never wanted it to be like this. I just wanted to protect you."

"Well, when you left the Fire Nation, I guess whatever protection we had left with it." Zukon's angry tone was tinged with bitterness and sadness.

"No!" Ursa gasped.

Silence.

Then Zuko snapped out of his trance. "Katara, you hold him here. I'm going to get reinforcements… Uncle Iroh…and Colonel Cheng… to help deal with uh, Zukon here."

Katara nodded. _You mean, Uncle Cheng and Uncle Zukon. How many secrets does this family have_?

"So that's the brat you named after me?" Zukon broke the silence after Zuko left. "Well, I guarantee he's nothing like me, because I would've stood up to that bastard. I would've fought him."

"Shut up," Katara snapped. "You've got a lot of nerve talking about your Fire Lord like that when he'll be the one to decide your fate."

"He won't do anything to me. He's too fucking weak. He should've executed his father, but instead he just put him in prison. Pathetic weakness."

"It's not weakness. It's called honor. But right now, you're dealing with me, and I'm NOT weak and certainly NOT as concerned about honor, either." Katara tightened the ice up to the captive's neck once again since it had started to melt during their heated discussion. "Too bad you can't just firebend your way out of this one."

Katara could tell she'd struck a nerve by the apparent rage on Zukon's face. "You benders think you're so gifted. Release me and face me in a real fight, then we'll see who has honor!"

"Zukon, don't—" Ursa started.

"No, you don't, sister! You and Cheng! The firebending prodigies chosen by Fire Lord Azulon from our family with the precious blood of Avatar Roku running through our veins," he mocked. "It should've been me. I was the oldest! I was a better fighter than Cheng. I could command the dao swords a hundred times better than his fire! And you? A doctor? Heh, I should've known they wanted you for something else. What was it Azulon said? About the heir of the Avatar and the heir of the Fire Lord? Well it doesn't matter that we're Roku's bloodline. Once you became Ozai's fire bitch, our family had nothing left to claim. We lost it all. They took it all! All because of you, Ursa!"

Ursa was sobbing violently at this point. Katara fought the undeniable urge she had to just kill the man right then and there. _No one would miss this poor excuse for a human being,_ she seethed _._ Thankfully, help arrived just in time.

"Zukon, stop it! Stop it right this instant!" Colonel Cheng burst through the door. "It's OK, Katara, I've got him now."

Katara felt dizzy once she released her hold on Zukon, but warm, strong arms caught her. She sank deeply into Zuko's embrace and shuddered. Colonel Cheng quickly put iron cuffs on Zukon and shoved him into the hallway where two other guards received him and carried him away. Iroh had gone to Ursa and was trying to offer comfort to the distraught woman.

"How the hell did he even get in here? General, are you sure this door was guarded all day?" Cheng's eyes darted back and forth between everyone in the group. "Katara, did you… fall asleep?" He winced as he said the words.

"Colonel!" Iroh barked.

"N-n-no," Katara started weakly, then tried to force more conviction. "No! I saw him in the shadows… over there. He must have been hiding there before… waiting for the opportune moment… for nighttime perhaps. He probably didn't count on me being in the room…"

She gasped. Iroh and Katara locked eyes, both recalling how she almost _wasn't_ in the room that night.

Colonel Cheng huffed. "Well, sounds like we need to step up the security around here."

"You may be right, Colonel. But for now, everyone should get some sleep. Zuko, take Katara to… uh, your room? Or just somewhere where she can rest… or talk if she needs to. Just be there for her," Iroh instructed.

"Of course, Uncle." Zuko guided her to a corner of the room where a door seemingly materialized in the wall to Katara's amusement. _Oh. A passageway between the lord and lady's rooms. Makes sense_.

Zuko settled Katara in his bed and then pulled up a chair beside her. It was very sweet, him taking care of her like that, but she wasn't tired in the least. She'd let him fuss over her though, she decided.

"So, that was crazy," he said.

"Yeah. Did you know? About Colonel Cheng and well, this other uncle?"

"No. I saw a picture of my mother's parents once. She kept it hidden in her vanity. Their names were Jinzuk and Rina. I always wondered why she rarely talked about them or why I never met them. I guess now I know."

"So after you left, Zukon said that your mother and Colonel Cheng had been chosen by your grandfather to come serve at the palace, but he wasn't because he's not a bender. Do you know if your mother is a firebender?"

"Um… I've never seen her bend. So I just assumed she wasn't. But the royal family would want to ensure the heirs were benders, so I imagine it would be preferable, if not required, for the Fire Lady to be one. If the marriage was arranged, that is. I'm not sure if my parents' was or not."

"Well, your mom worked in the royal hospital. And she told me she fancied the prince, so maybe it wasn't?"

"I'd like to think they loved each other… maybe at one point. I have to tell myself that at least some part of my father is actually human."

"But then Zukon said something else, about Azulon seeking out Roku's bloodline. I remember you told us the Avatar was your great grandfather. Maybe that's why Cheng and your mother were summoned to the palace?"

"I don't know. I just know that the more I find out about my family, there is still more I don't know. And probably don't want to."

"We can talk about something else if you want."

"I just want to… change it, you know? Make it better. Be different. But every time I find out something like this or something else my father did… or grandfather did… I just feel like the odds are stacked so high against me. Like I'm so far behind, and I haven't even started, yet."

"I don't see it that way. To me, you've made leaps and bounds in a very short time. I mean, think about what you were doing just a year ago? And compared to the year before that. At this rate, there's no telling what you can accomplish during your reign as Fire Lord."

"And why did I have to be named after the crazy vengeful uncle? I mean, now I feel like I'm doubly cursed with my scar, my name…"

"Oh, hush! Zukon probably wasn't always like that. Your mother loved her brother, so she named you after him. Plain and simple. Besides, I heard he was very good with the dao swords."

Zuko raised his eyebrow in disbelief but had to admit that Katara could always find a way to make him feel better.


	20. Metamorphosis

**Author's Note:** If this chapter seems a little off style-wise, it's because I edited it to be a stand-alone piece for Zutara Week. If you found me through ZWeek, then welcome! I had a lot of fun participating for the first time this year. And here I thought I was too late to the fandom, but it is very much still alive!

* * *

Zuko woke the next morning slumped over in a chair next to his bed. It took him a while to remember how he got there, but a slumbering Katara splayed across his pillow jogged his memory. _Why didn't I just get in the bed with her?_ He stretched his achy limbs and rotated his neck until he felt a satisfying crack. He perched on the edge of the bed with full intention of just watching the beautiful girl before him sleep, but something wasn't right.

A telling flush had risen to her cheeks. She let out a pained moan, and a shiver rippled through her body. Zuko placed a hand on her forehead and met a fiery sensation that was very uncharacteristic for the cool-skinned waterbender. He tried to suppress the rise of panic that started to build in the pit of his stomach. _Stay calm. It's just fever. Fever means fighting. The body is doing what it's supposed to, and she'll be OK._ Zuko went to the washroom and soaked a small cloth with cold water. When he placed it on her forehead, her eyes fluttered. "Sokka?"

"No, it's me, Zuko." He tucked a strand of her wavy hair behind her ear. _Oh Agni, she's radiating heat. This can't be good._

"Sokka!" she shrieked, her body suddenly convulsing. Zuko noticed that her eyes weren't open, and she didn't seem to be awake. "Shhhhhh, it's ok." He lightly stroked her face. She grimaced as if in pain. A lump formed in his throat.

Zuko went to the door of his room and summoned the guard on duty. "I need General Iroh. Quick! And send for a pitcher of water as well."

Zuko prepared more cloths in the washroom and returned to Katara's bedside. She appeared to be sleeping less fitfully now, but her feverish shivering still worried him. He blanketed her in cool wetness, wishing that their abilities were reversed, and he could just waterbend the sickness away. Or he could be the one with fever—he knew what it felt like to burn, after all.

When Iroh finally arrived, Zuko let out a huge sigh of relief. _Uncle always knows what to do._

Iroh touched Katara's cheek and furrowed his brow. "Good, good, nephew. You did well to keep her cool. She needs to drink water, though. Do you think you can wake her?"

"I'll try, Uncle." Zuko's voice cracked with uncertainty.

Iroh poured a glass of water while Zuko gently roused Katara. She only moaned and grimaced in response, so he tried shaking her shoulders a little more forcefully.

She shot up suddenly, hitting Zuko in the nose on her ascent. "Sokka!"

"Ow, no, just me again." Zuko peered at her from between his fingers as he palmed his throbbing face.

Iroh let out a cough that sounded more like a laugh and handed Zuko one of the damp cloths that had fallen from Katara. "You're, ah, bleeding, nephew."

"Sokka's not here?" Katara slowly came into awareness of where she was.

"No," Iroh said.

"Then he's OK?" she panted.

"I'm sure he's fine, dear. Perhaps it was a dream?"

"Oh. I was… and then he was…" Beads of sweat were starting to form on Katara's forehead.

"Don't worry about it now, Katara. Here, drink." Iroh handed her the cup. Katara swallowed the water in one gulp and shoved it back. "More," she grunted. Iroh brought over the pitcher and made a motion to begin pouring another glass, but Katara grabbed the pitcher and proceeded to down the entire thing. Zuko watched her wide-eyed and then caught his uncle's knowing expression. Katara collapsed back on the bed and mumbled, "So thirsty. So tired."

Zuko sighed as she drifted back to sleep. He continued dabbing at his bloody nose.

"Let me look at that." Iroh tipped Zuko's chin with his index finger. "Ah, it's not broken. You'll be fine." He paused and looked back at the sleeping figure in the bed. "She'll be fine, too. I think I know what is happening, but I am going to have Dr. Yang come by and check on her just in case."

Zuko nodded. Neither moved or said anything for a while.

"There's a guard posted at the door, it's not necessary that you stay here." Iroh broke the silence.

"I know."

"Once she is feeling better, we can arrange to have her moved back to her room."

"It's fine. She can stay here as long as… is needed."

"We can arrange temporary sleeping arrangements for you if you'd like."

"I said… it's fine."

"I'll have breakfast sent to you, then, nephew. Would you like me to make any adjustments to your schedule today?"

Zuko broke his eye contact with his uncle and felt his breath quickening in his chest. _I want to stay here with her. I owe her everything. But even if I didn't, I just want to protect her and care for her. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Does Fire Lord really have to come first over family? If so, then…_

Iroh seemed to pick up on Zuko's inner dialogue or at least understand his hesitancy to answer the question. "I will arrange for your meals to be delivered to your room, and I will bring some paperwork here for you to do. Your meetings and appointments will be cancelled so that you can be here to take care of Katara. It's about time we return her the favor, wouldn't you say?"

"Thank you, Uncle."

"Very well. Expect visits from Dr. Yang and well, myself, but otherwise, just let her rest. If she wakes, give her water. As much as she wants."

"That could be a lot. She's a waterbender, you know."

Iroh chuckled softly and turned toward the door.

"Uncle?"

"Yes, Zuko?"

"It's not…uh… I wouldn't…with me and Katara, it's not like an exchange of favors. I'd do whatever it takes to protect her."

"I know, nephew. I seem to recall you'd take a lightening bolt for her."

As if on cue, Katara let out another fever-induced shriek. "No, Zuko, no!"

Iroh nodded gravely, and Zuko resumed his post at Katara's side.

* * *

The next two days passed as a blur for Zuko. Dr. Yang had diagnosed a simple fever that needed to run its course. The young Fire Lord didn't much care for that answer, and in his state of frustration and exhaustion, he said some choice words to the doctor. She rose to meet his temper in a way that left him wide-eyed, shaky, and only able to conjure a squeaky "yes ma'am" in response. He had only wanted an explanation or even better, a cure. He accepted the tea remedy she gave him and set to work on preparing the ingredients. It felt good to do _something_ at least.

Katara would wake intermittently throughout the day and night at which point Zuko would give her water or tea. They would speak briefly, but most of what Katara said was pretty incoherent. Zuko was grateful that Katara was lucid enough to recognize him and had finally stopped calling him Sokka. He found comfort in her small smiles, slight hand squeezes, and whispered thank yous. She continued to call out in her dreams, mostly about Sokka, sometimes her mother. Other times she would say something about Zuko and Ursa. _Family_ , Zuko realized. _Hers. Mine. Ours?_

On the evening of the third day, Iroh offered to sit with Katara while he insisted Zuko take a much-needed break.

"But, Uncle—"

"No, Zuko, you need to get out of this room for a bit. Get some fresh air. Your mother found it did her wonders to finally be able to leave the palace walls."

"Mother," Zuko sighed. He felt ashamed that he'd been so caught up in taking care of Katara that he hadn't thought to visit his mother.

"She often sits by the turtleduck pond. You may be able to find her there now. The sun hasn't set quite yet."

"Thank you, Uncle."

It was during Iroh's watch that Katara's fever finally broke. It didn't surprise the general, though. He had seen this type of sickness before, or so he expected it was the same, and he knew she would be coming out of it soon. When he saw the signs, he ordered the guard to send for soup.

"Uncle Iroh!" Katara gasped.

"Good evening, Master Katara." The man's eyes smiled, accentuated by worn creases at the corners.

"What happened?" Bewildered blue eyes stared back at him.

"Well, you've been sick, dear. But I imagine you'll be alright now."

"I feel… different," she spoke slowly. "And sweaty."

"Ha, yes, I suppose that's normal. I've ordered some food, and after you've eaten, you can take a bath if you wish."

"I'm in… Zuko's room?"

"Yes, do you remember how you got here? Or anything from the past few days?"

"There was a fight. Well, sort of. There was a man, Zukon?"

"Yes."

"But there's more—wait, no… it doesn't fit. Sokka was there… I had to decide between…"

"Hmmm. I think you had some dreams during your illness. They may have been different than normal dreams. They may have been significant even."

Katara chewed on her bottom lip while considering Iroh's words. "Well, it's still kinda fuzzy, but in one dream, I had to choose between my brother and Zuko. And Lady Ursa told me to choose family. But I didn't know what that meant. In another dream, Zuko… he… was hit by lightening again, but when I ran to him, it was Sokka's body on the ground. And then my mother came to my bedside—this bed," Katara gestured to where she was sitting, "And she said, 'never forget who you are,' which is so weird because I know that's what Ursa said to Zuko when… why are you nodding like that?"

"Katara, when you held Zukon captive the other night in Ursa's room, what were you thinking? How were you feeling?"

"Um, angry, I guess. Confused? I don't know."

"Vengeful, perhaps?"

"Oh. Well, I suppose he might've ended up dead if you hadn't shown up when you did. So, yes, that sounds pretty vengeful. Or just plain… vile." Katara clasped a hand over her mouth and then slowly lowered it to her chest. "What have I become? Some sort of… monster?"

Even when her fear-filled eyes met the warmth in his copper ones, her statement hung between them as if suspended in air. Katara jumped when the knock came at the door announcing the arrival of her dinner. She watched wordlessly as Iroh arranged tea and soup on a bedside tray.

"Katara, while you eat, I want to tell you a story." Iroh patted her shoulder and gestured toward the food. "When we were in Ba Sing Se, Zuko and I reached a point where a new life began to unfold. We worked in a tea shop, we weren't hunting anyone, and no one was hunting us. But old habits die hard, and Zuko tracked Appa to Lake Laogai with a renewed hope of finding Aang. Instead of using the bison as bait, however, he decided to free Appa and let the Avatar go. I knew he was fighting an inner battle, but it was the first time I saw him make a choice that would reshape his destiny. Shortly afterward, he came down with a very similar illness, a relentless fever, where his body reacted to this choice he had made that was so out of character of him."

"So, you're saying that me wanting to kill Zukon was out of character, so I got sick because of it?"

"Katara, you're quick to catch on, but I wouldn't be so quick to make that connection per se. You see, Zuko didn't recover from the fever and go join the Avatar that day. In fact, as you recall, the events of Ba Sing Se unfolded in quite the opposite way. But I told Zuko that the fever caused a metamorphosis, and he would emerge a beautiful prince. I still believe that."

"I don't understand."

"Fever is an outward sign that the body is fighting something on the inside. Zuko's fight wasn't over, you see. It was just beginning."

"So… you're saying that now that I've had one murderous thought, I'm going to go on a killing spree?"

"No, I don't think that at all. Think about why you would want to kill Zukon, Katara. Think about your dreams. What do you think they mean? What does this mark the beginning of for you?"

Katara sipped her soup silently while collecting her thoughts. It was starting to make sense, but she wondered if she could put it into words. "I wanted to kill Zukon because he had threatened Ursa. And he kept saying such horrible things that were causing her more pain. And she's been through so much already…" Katara sighed as events from the other night—from the past few months—flashed in her mind. "As for the dreams, it seems like one big jumble of my family and yours. I have this looming sense that I'll have to choose between Water Tribe and Fire Nation some day. That I have to leave my brother and my father, and what would my mother think? But it's not a bad thing, right? I mean, it's for the man I love, and I'd be giving up one family to gain another…"

"Katara, you will always be a part of your family and your nation. You don't have to give that up. But perhaps what you are discovering is that your idea of family is changing. Once upon a time, you may have considered killing a Fire Nation man for vengeful purposes, just as you did the other night, but this time, it was to protect someone you care about who _also_ happens to be Fire Nation."

"I think I understand now what you mean about it being out of character, then."

"Regardless of what happens between you and Zuko, I think it's good for you to see that people from all nations share the same human emotions. I wish everyone could see it, really. You, Katara, have shown tremendous capacity to love a few of us here in the Fire Nation, and we're not altogether that lovable," Iroh chuckled. "It's just the beginning though. I expect this to be a hard road for you. Or for anyone who is brave enough to choose love over their prejudices."

A small cough from a dark corner interrupted them. "Um, sorry. I walked mother back to her room and came through the passageway. I don't mean to interrupt, but I brought tea. It's Dr. Yang's recipe." Zuko smiled hopefully at Katara.

"It probably tastes horrible then!" Katara scoffed.

"Heh. Sounds like someone is feeling better," Zuko replied.

"Yes, nephew. I think it is safe to say that Katara is on the mend. I'll leave you two, then. But, take it easy, dear. No serious conversations about the meaning of life or anything. That kind of stuff will wear you out." Iroh winked at Katara and slipped out the door.

"Ugh, this really _is_ awful," Katara sputtered after her first sip of the tea.

"You've been taking it three times a day like a good patient." Zuko cocked an eyebrow in response.

"Dr. Yang is probably just trying to teach me a lesson," she surmised.

"No, no. I think she had your best interest at heart. She seemed dead set on teaching _me_ a lesson, though." Zuko shuddered remembering the woman's harsh tone and scolding finger.

"She doesn't think very highly of Fire Lords, I'm afraid," Katara said.

"Heh. Not many people do. So, did you really mean what you said? Do you worry about having to give up your family for me? Because you know I'd never ask that of you…"

"How long were you listening?"

"You're not accusing me of… eavesdropping are you?" Zuko gave her a sly grin.

"Well, there are so many secrets around here, I suppose nobody would know anything if they didn't!"

"It IS my room, you know."

"Hmm, so it is." Katara sighed. She made a motion to stand, but felt weak and light-headed and ended up slumping back into the bed. "Hrumph," she grumbled.

"You should stay in bed. You may be better, but you're not well." Zuko furrowed his brow in concern.

"Yes, Dr. Fire Lord," Katara mocked. Against his instructions, she tried to stand again. "I really just want to… take a bath."

"Let me help! Lay back down. I'll run the water for you."

"OK, fine. But I feel really… terrible, just so you know. So, no funny business."

Zuko looked a bit taken aback but figured out the implication soon enough. "Don't worry. I've never been known for my sense of humor anyway."

* * *

 **Another A/N:** I posted the following on Tumblr to give some context for people who haven't read the rest of this fic. But it offers insight to my head canon, so I'll share here as well:

The night before Katara wakes up with a fever, she's had an encounter similar to the Yon Ra thing from _The Southern Raiders_. Except this time it's with this character, Zukon, and it's in defense of Ursa, and again, when the man's life is in Katara's hands, she feels very conflicted about what to do.

Katara's metamorphosis is that she has finally come to accept the Fire Nation as family. She loves Zuko, of course, but finds it hard to imagine a future living in the Fire Nation and is concerned about what this means for her own family and heritage. There are still big questions to be answered, but when she defends Ursa like she would her own mother (or perhaps like she didn't get a chance to with her own mother), she realizes that she's moved beyond acceptance of other people/nations and toward loving and understanding them.


	21. Patient Conversations

Whenever Katara tried to stand, the room would turn sideways on her and everything in her field of vision would start to swim. Dr. Yang had dismissed Iroh's life-change induced fever theory and simply stated that Katara had been running herself ragged over the past few weeks and needed to rest. Katara agreed on some level, healing always took a lot out of her, and the bloodbending was even more taxing especially when she did it without the aid of a full moon. Staying in bed and playing the reverse role of patient proved very difficult for Katara, though.

"Ugh. Your room is so boring. Can't you like, decorate it or something?" Katara fussed on the fifth morning of her recovery.

"I like to keep things simple." Zuko yawned. He hadn't slept well the night before between Katara's nightmares and his own.

"Yeah, but you don't even have any stuff anywhere. Like personal stuff."

"Like what exactly?"

"Oh, I don't know. Family pictures. A special trinket. A hair brush."

Zuko's glare indicated he was unsure how to answer. Finally he settled on, "Do I look like I use a hairbrush?" as he gestured to his scraggly crop of hair.

"Well somehow you get it in a topknot… ohhhhh, servants, right. Forgot about those. What about family pictures?"

"In case you've forgotten, there's not much about my family that I'd want to preserve in a picture. Besides, we rarely posed for them, anyway."

"But you had a picture of your uncle…"

"Oh. I guess I left that at Ember Island."

"So you don't have any personal effects? Things that are special to you?"

"Will you just drop it, Katara? Sorry I don't have decorations for my room or silly little trinkets. If you don't like it, you can just go back to your own room."

"OK, OK, I get it. It's just, I have my necklace to remind me of my mom, and I thought maybe you had stuff like that, too. So then I thought you'd tell me the story about it, and it would just be something to pass the time. I didn't know it was such a big deal to you."

"It's not a big deal to ME. _You're_ the one making a big deal out of it."

"Well, I mean, don't you want to make this room feel more like home? It's just so drab and dreary. Your mother's room is just so lovely, it seems like—"

Zuko cut her off with a frustrated noise. He crossed the room, threw open a cupboard, and grabbed a knapsack. He thrust it at Katara. "There. That's it. My stuff."

"You keep it packed up?" _Oh. I get it now._ Katara's realization was confirmed by the hurt expression on Zuko's face. _He's never felt settled anywhere. He's never felt at home. Not even here._

"You can look at it, if you want. If you need something to do." Zuko folded his arms against his chest and looked away.

"Zuko, I didn't mean to… I'm sorry." Katara wasn't sure what else to say, and it didn't surprise her when he started to walk toward the door. _He always runs always from conversations like this._ With his back still turned to her, he spoke unexpectedly.

"My ship was blown up by pirates, and I lost everything then. During my banishment, my father got rid of all my stuff I had here at the palace. Everything in that bag is from our time at the Western Air Temple and Ember Island and even then, it's only the stuff I thought was essential when we left on the day of Sozin's Comet. It's a survival pack, really, and it's something I can grab in case I need to… you know, leave again."

"Oh, Zuko. I'm sorry."

"Don't. I've learned that you can't be attached to places or things. You never know when you might lose them… or if they'll be taken away."

"Makes sense."

"For the longest time, I felt the same way about people, too."

Katara stared blankly at the door as it closed behind him.

* * *

Sometime later, Katara awoke to a knock at the door. On instinct, she tried to stand but then thought better of it and let out a groggy, "Come in."

"Lunch time!" a familiar chipper voice sang.

"Oh, Aang! You're still here! What a nice surprise!"

Aang frowned at the dish as he handed it over. "Zuko commissioned someone in the kitchen to make stewed seaprunes for you. Honestly, I don't know how you can eat that stuff."

"He probably did it just because he knew you'd be delivering it," Katara smirked. _It's really very sweet of him, though. I feel terrible about our conversation this morning._

"Hey, you're frowning. What's the matter?" Aang sat on the edge of the bed after eyeing a knapsack with some confusion and then deciding to move it to a nearby chair.

"Nothing. I'm just restless. So, tell me what's going on out there." Katara tried her lunch. The flavor was a bit off, but it tasted pretty good considering it had been prepared in a Fire Nation kitchen. It made her feel a little homesick.

"Well, I've been doing some research on Ty Lee's family to see if I can find more airbenders. I met her cousin Kai in Two Rivers, and he suspects that there may be more in their family. Their grandfather, though, he's one tough fruit tart. Really hard to get information from him," Aang explained.

"Yeah, Zuko said the same. I guess even though the war is over, it's still hard for him to trust people especially with a century-old secret," Katara considered.

"Yeah, but I'm the Avatar… and an airbender!"

"You're right. He'll come around. So, what is Ty Lee up to?"

"She stayed in Two Rivers with her cousin. I should head back there soon to train them both in airbending. But I've really enjoyed my time here. Toph has been teaching me metalbending!"

"Aang, that's great!"

"Here, I'll show you!" He started making hand movements toward Katara's spoon. Before she could protest, a seaprune flung up and hit her face while her spoon contorted into a very dysfunctional shape.

"Well, you seem to have the basic idea," she muttered while wiping her face. Aang gave her a rueful smile. "I'll get you a new spoon. I haven't learned how to bend it back, yet."

A few minutes later Aang came back with Toph at his heels. Katara somehow knew that boredom was no longer going to be a problem.

"Way to go, Twinkletoes," Toph scolded while flicking her wrist and instantly setting the disfigured spoon back into its original shape. "Oh, hey there, Sugar Queen. Have you recovered from your self-identity crisis?"

"Excuse me?" Katara spewed out the next spoonful she'd managed to take. It didn't look like lunch would be happening at this rate.

"Uncle said you were having some sort of character crisis and your body just needed to catch up. I don't know. I don't really believe in that mumbo jumbo. You probably just have Fire Nation fever. The weather is changing, you know."

"You mean it's gone from unbearably hot to just mildly hot?" Katara was beginning to wonder if there were such a thing as seasons here.

"Speaking of seasons changing, we need to talk about the Winter Solstice Festival," Aang piped in.

"You mean Sparky's birthday," Toph corrected.

"Well, right. Iroh wants to combine them, I think. One big celebration to bring together the four nations with the Fire Lord as host _and_ guest of honor." Aang was practically beaming. Katara remembered how much he liked parties. _Zuko hates them, though._

"Guys, I know we probably don't have much say when it comes to Iroh's ideas, but Zuko really doesn't want a big fuss over his birthday. I mean, maybe we can do this Winter Solstice Festival thing but then have a much smaller party for him and his closest friends and family?" she suggested.

"Sure, that would be ideal, but it sounds like this place is going to be packed with people from all over the world. Like Ba Sing Se all over again," Aang said.

Katara and Toph let out a collective UGH.

"Hey, I thought it was fun," Aang countered but after a moment of reflection, "Well, at least the parties were fun."

"So, not here, then. I was thinking Ember Island. Just the six of us, like before, plus Uncle and Ursa, too," Katara said.

"Sounds great, but how do we get there? Just stow away on a secret ship in the middle of the Solstice celebration?" Toph's lips formed into a wide grin. "It's sneaky. I like it."

"I don't know, guys. Zuko sneaking off during his own birthday party? Especially when it's supposed to represent unity of the nations? It won't look good…" Aang said warily.

A few moments passed in thoughtful silence. Katara pushed the seaprunes around the plate with her spoon. They never tasted as good when they were cold. _Where is my firebender when I need him?_

"What if…" she started slowly, "…we made our escape part of the party?"

"Sweetness, I think Sparky has been slippin' the poppies in your tea—" Toph jested.

"No, wait. Hear me out. What if we did a Winter Solstice parade? You know, like the one we saw on Avatar Day?" Katara saw Aang wince, so she quickly clarified. "But not with giant Avatar statues that we set on fire." Aang let out a sigh of relief, so she continued, "There could be floats and food stalls for each nation. We could do it in the Royal Plaza that leads down to the harbor."

"And when we get to the harbor, we get on a boat! Brilliant!" Toph declared. "Well, except for the boat part. I hate water travel."

"I still think it would look suspicious." Aang chewed on his bottom lip with uncertainty.

"So, we distract everybody. We shoot off fireworks over the bay while we make our getaway, and then after that, alcohol will be served in the plaza. Nobody will care once we bust out the booze!" Katara felt pretty proud of herself and her new party plan.

"Katara, I think you've been staying in the Fire Nation for too long. You've started to adopt their wily ways." Aang suppressed a laugh.

"I like this plan. OK, I will talk to Uncle since he'll have all the hook-ups to make the necessary arrangements. Then, we can work together on getting out invitations seeing as how I can't write them myself." Toph leaned back and folded her arms across her chest.

"Of course, we'll help, Toph. But there's something else I'd like to do, and it could be tricky. I'd really like to go out to the beach house and fix it up beforehand. Maybe the three of us could take Appa? Come up with some excuse for a quick trip? We kinda left things a mess there, and I definitely want to get rid of any, uh… bad vibes, if you know what I mean." Katara shuddered as she remembered the things she had found in Ozai's old room last summer.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Aang agreed. "If we're going to do that, we should do it soon. Before I go back to Two Rivers. So, as soon as you're well enough, Katara, we'll come up with a very convincing diplomatic reason to take a field trip."

They all nodded in agreement. Katara felt a flutter of excitement in her stomach. This was really happening! _Oh, I hope he likes it. I really just want him to have a chance to relax and not think about firelording for a day. Maybe we can sneak away to a hot spring and mmmmmmmm…._

Toph's voice cut through Katara's daydream. "I just have one question. What the hell is Avatar Day?"

* * *

Katara felt a shift in the weight on the bed and realized Zuko had just slipped under the covers beside her. She felt disoriented from sleeping so much during the day, but since the moon was shining brightly through the window, she knew it was nighttime, and she was definitely awake. Zuko's back was to her, though. _He's still mad_. She reached out and stroked his back, feeling his muscles tense under her touch.

"Zuko?" He only grunted in response. She continued, "I just wanted to say, thank you."

"What?" He shifted to where he was laying on his back and could cast a sidelong glance at her. His right profile faced her, his chiseled features framed in the moonlight. _He's so handsome_. She resisted the urge to stroke his face, though, unsure of how he was feeling.

"Thank you for talking to me. You explained earlier… instead of leaving, or well, just before you left. And I understood. I know it's hard for you, the talking… or all of it, really, so thanks… for telling me."

Zuko let out the breath he appeared to be holding. "You're welcome?"

Katara waited a while before speaking again. "When I came here, I didn't have much either. But after a year of traveling, I finally had my own room, so I just kinda spread my stuff out and claimed it, ya know? It just felt so good to have a space to call my own. I mean, it's not mine, I know, but it sure beats sleeping on the ground and having to pack it all up the next day."

"Heh."

"So, thank you."

"You said that already." Zuko's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Thank you for giving me a place to stay."

"Oh. Yeah, ok." Zuko swallowed. "It's hard for me to think of it as mine to give. But I guess it is, huh?"

"Not used to being Fire Lord, yet?"

"Sometimes it feels surreal, yes."

"Well, I don't really _need_ my own room. I rather like staying here." Katara decided it was safe to close the gap between them now.

"Everyone's talking about it, you being in my room." Zuko remained motionless despite Katara's gestures toward him. "I'm not sure if we were much of a secret before, but it's definitely out now."

"Is that a problem?" Katara started playing with the tuft of hair just above Zuko's right ear in an effort to get _some_ response from him.

"If it is, it's not _our_ problem." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"So, it's just palace gossip, then? No one's said anything to you?" Katara suddenly felt a pang of worry. She knew Zuko's job was hard enough. She didn't want to be the cause of any added pressure.

"Well, I had someone on my war council approach me with some unsolicited advice, but—"

"Zuko…" she interrupted, suddenly remembering. "What happened with the war council? Why don't you go to those meetings anymore?" She felt him tense up again. _Maybe he's done talking for today. I shouldn't push him. Why do I always push him?_

"I… I don't know. I just get so worked up in those meetings. I almost always lose my temper. I think it's… the room… or something, I just feel like the walls are closing in on me. I know it sounds stupid, but—"

"So, just change the room, then."

"Huh?"

"Change the room where the war council meets."

"I c-c-can't. It's the WAR COUNCIL ROOM," he said the words in a booming voice. "It's where those meetings are traditionally held."

"Zuko, you said yourself that you shouldn't get attached to places… and you've already changed Fire Nation tradition where you see fit. Plus, it's _your_ room and _your_ palace. Do what you want."

"Hm. Sounds so simple when you put it that way. I guess I just didn't want to challenge tradition on something that didn't really matter."

"But it does matter, Zuko, if it will help you focus better at those meetings."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Besides, you need to get ready to challenge tradition a bit more if you're going to let everybody know it's official that you have a waterbender for a girlfriend." Katara figured this statement warranted a tickle. Zuko squirmed away from her touch.

"Oh, it's not me they need to deal with on that account. You'll speak for yourself, I'm sure." He made a motion to tickle her back, but thought better of it. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be resting?"

"Oh stop it, Dr. Fire Lord. I've been resting all day. Besides, the moon's up."

"You're feeling better, then?"

"Mmm, not quite. Maybe you could help… ohhhh!"

Zuko had gotten the hint and was already on it.

* * *

Just as the moon had blanketed the room in silvery light during the night, the sun's glow shimmered in patterned squares through the window panels announcing morning's arrival. Zuko was awake, of course, with a dozing waterbender on his chest, but he had no intentions of rushing into the day's agenda. If he were feeling responsible, he would act on Katara's suggestion of moving the war council meeting that day which would mean he would need to leave soon. But he could always do that tomorrow. He felt Katara sigh as her head shifted under his chin. _I could stay here like this forever. How do I make this work? Her. Here. Forever._ Suddenly the power of the Fire Lord didn't seem like enough.

A knock on the door broke his train of thought. _There are always interruptions_. He tried not to stir Katara but she woke anyway. She seemed happy at the sight of breakfast, though. "Mmmm, mango, my favorite." She cupped the fruit in her hands and gave him a giddy smile. Zuko would give anything to freeze this moment—the sunlight, the fruit, the beautiful girl, her expression. "How did you like the seaprunes?" he asked, daring to interrupt the picture-perfect scene before him.

Just like that, the moment was gone. Very gone.

She scowled and then scolded. "The flavor wasn't right. And they got cold before I could eat them. Where were you? I needed you to heat them up for me."

Zuko looked at her incredulously. _She may be perfect, but she is also impossible!_ "You really are a terrible patient, you know that?"

"Oh, and you're one to talk!" she bit back.

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember when you were sick at the Western Air Temple? Something about the coolers from the prison. Well, you were a very difficult patient, always complaining and never doing what I told you."

"Is that when you sang me a lullaby?" Zuko raised his good eyebrow.

"I never did that! I didn't even like you then, why would I sing to you? I just didn't want you to die, that's all."

"Rrrrrrrrright. Well, you were definitely worse when you got bitten by a scorpidillo, and you had that insufferable bell!"

"You gave me that bell, so it's your own fault!"

"Well, and here I am again taking care of you, so I've one-upped you! Next time I'm sick, I require lullabies and my favorite komodo chicken and moonpeaches!" Zuko lifted a victorious fist in the air.

"Not true! I had to take care of you when…" Katara swallowed her words. That memory was not fodder for a fight. Her eyes shot to the lightening scar on Zuko's chest, but she quickly looked away hoping that Zuko hadn't noticed. She would never revisit that terrible day as some source of empowerment over him. It had been too awful, unspeakable even. The symbolism there was sacrifice, simply put, and neither of them were indebted to each other because of it.

"Komodo chicken and moonpeaches it is," she resigned.

"And lullabies."

"Pansy."

"What? I like the sound of your voice." He smiled, his shy and hopeful smile that made her melt.

"I'd like to try walking around today. Get out of this room if I can." She changed the subject. Even though he sounded sincere— _and looks adorable_ —she'd never felt very confident about her singing voice.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Zuko knew the answer from the glare he received. "OK, OK, I'll help you."

Katara was relieved to find she had gained some strength, and her head felt clear and focused. She still leaned on Zuko while she stood just because it felt nice.

"Where to, my lady?"

"Well, I suppose I should get dressed? And then, how about the turtleduck pond?"

"You and my mother and the turtleduck pond." Katara expected to see a trace of teasing in her boyfriend's expression, his usual smirk. Instead he looked genuinely happy, a warm countenance of pure contentment had settled in his features. She found she rather liked this side of Zuko, and she hoped she would see it more often.

* * *

Katara idly whipped a stream of water from the pond into spirals and circles. The weather had noticeably changed as evidenced by the autumn breeze tickling her nose. This kind of weather she could get used to, she decided, as she squinted up into the midday sun. A sudden pang of guilt struck her as she thought of home in the South Pole, and Iroh's words echoed in her mind, _"Your idea of family is changing…"_ As if making tribute to her homeland, Katara turned the airborne water into ice crystals and watched as they floated through the breeze like dancing snow.

"That's beautiful, Katara," a pleasant voice spoke. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all." Katara had wondered if she would happen to see Lady Ursa here.

The women sat in companionable silence for a while watching soothing ripples on the water that surfaced in the turtleducks' wakes. Then both at once they asked each other, "How are you feeling?" Ursa laughed softly. Katara blushed and waited for her elder to speak.

"I'm fine, my dear. Since I've been back here, it seems like everything is happening so quickly yet in slow motion at the same time. But I do have my health, thanks to you, and I'm mostly of sound mind, too. I have much to be grateful for. And you?"

"I'm grateful, too," Katara said.

Ursa laughed again. "Well, I'm glad to hear you keep a good perspective on things. But I meant, how are you feeling? It's good to see you up and about for a change."

"Oh. Right. Better. I'm a terrible patient, it turns out," Katara confessed.

"I always was, too. I used to feel like it was always my job to take care of everyone else. Until I realized that unless I took care of myself, then I wouldn't be able to do that job very well, now would I?" Ursa dipped a finger in the pond and swirled the water around with it.

"Makes sense, I guess." Katara lifted another stream of water out of the pond and mimicked the swirling motions Ursa was making. "How did you do it? Take care of yourself, I mean?"

"Well, there are the obvious answers of getting enough rest and eating well. It's important to let others take care of you from time to time… if you have people in your life who can do that." Katara noticed a sadness in Ursa's voice. She opened her mouth to say something in response, but Ursa continued. "Meditation also works wonders, I've found. I've always been intrigued by the Air Nomad teachings, and I think some of their methods could be instrumental in helping people release things that bind them like anger and pain."

"Zuko used to meditate with candles, to keep the flame steady and focus, I think."

"Yes, I taught him that. To help him stay centered. And to help with his temper."

Several questions ran through Katara's head. _What was Zuko like as a child? Was Ursa a firebender? If so, could she still bend?_ And the one she really wanted to ask was _, What is going on with Dr. Jung?_ But instead she said, "Have you met Aang? He could probably tell you more about the Air Nomad practices. He even met with a guru once."

"I have met the Avatar! Delightful child, and yes, I will ask him. Once upon a time, I thought I might make a trek to the Eastern Air Temple to meet a guru. Maybe I still can someday."

The words from Dr. Jung's journal came back to Katara's memory in full force, and she knew she couldn't avoid the topic any longer. "Lady Ursa, about Dr. Jung—"

"Katara, Dr. Jung and I… we have a past together. It's complicated. Sometimes I don't know how I feel about him being here, but he really is the most qualified to help Azula, so for now I have chosen to put my personal feelings aside."

"I know that you had a relationship, of sorts, but I don't know if you know the whole story about Dr. Jung and the Joo Dees…"

"I didn't remember that part until just recently." Ursa let out a long sigh.

"So you knew?"

"I had my suspicions. I mean, it was all based on our research. But the Dai Li are powerful and corrupt. There are some things I can't blame Dr. Jung for entirely."

"But what he did to you…" Katara gasped.

"Should be unforgivable, I know. But he has agreed to see the work with Azula to the end. And he thinks he might be able to cure the Joo Dees. The science works, Katara. In the same way that it makes us forget, it can help us remember. I'm living proof of that."

In her shock, Katara hadn't realized that she'd managed to accidentally freeze the turtleduck pond. Quickly, she remedied that and freed the confused turtleducks from their frozen stations. She couldn't comprehend Ursa's decision to allow Dr. Jung to stay when he had been untrustworthy, but maybe this was another expression of self-sacrifice. She'd done it before, taken care of those she loved by any means necessary, perhaps she didn't know any other way.

"Just be careful… please," Katara said with finality. "I don't want you to take any unnecessary chances or put yourself at risk again. Remember that your family needs _you._ Like you said, sometimes you have to take care of yourself first in order to better care for others."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** A couple of quick notes from the show to serve as a refresher (I had to rewatch to help set the scene myself): Avatar Day is a Season 2 episode as you may recall, and it left a bad impression of parades in Aang's mind. It was more like anti-Avatar day where the townspeople were setting fire to giant statue/floats of Avatars. Also, the Fire Nation's Royal Plaza is the same place where Hakoda and Sokka's troops landed on the Day of Black Sun. It leads from the harbor to the base of the volcano that protects the Capital City. It is also where Ozai announced his Phoenix King status and serves as a common place for speeches and rallies.

As far as attributions to Emletish in this chapter, Zuko's cooler fever occurred in _Stalking Zuko_ after the group gets back from Boiling Rock. Katara's scorpidillo bite happens on Ember Island, and events are detailed in _Not Stalking Zuko_.

I haven't mentioned Dr. Jung in a while, so just as a recap, he used some of their brain therapy research to assist the Dai Li with the Joo Dee program. Then, in an effort to release Ursa from her pain and suffering (and deter her from returning to the Fire Nation upon hearing about Zuko's Agni Kai), he erases her memories. When Ursa is talking to Toph and Zuko a few chapters back, she remembers what happened when she went to seek Dr. Jung's help after leaving the Bei Fong's. By the time she's having this conversation with Katara by the turtleduck pond, she's already confronted Jung about what happened, and some details about that will come in later chapters.


	22. Going Going Gone

"But how long will you be gone?" Zuko was at Iroh's heels when the general rounded the corner of the villa's common room. Aang, Toph, and Katara were gathered in the seating area and turned to witness the exchange.

"Only for a few days, nephew. A week at the most." Iroh ignored Zuko's glare and winked at Katara.

"B-b-ut, why can't I go?" Zuko stomped a foot and crossed his arms over his chest. Katara suppressed a giggle. _He looks like a child throwing a tantrum. Ladies and noblemen, this is your Fire Lord._

"Well, Zuko, when you proposed moving the war council meeting to a different location, I only assumed that meant you'd be returning to hot seat… hehe, hot seat, get it?"

Zuko frowned. Katara rolled her eyes. Aang shook his head. Only Toph responded, "Good one, Uncle!"

"At any rate, Zuko, you can do this. It will be good for the both of us. I haven't been out of the capital in a long time. It is not good for an old man to stay in one place for too long. His bones will get stiff."

Zuko shifted his attention to his friends. "So I hear you're all going." Katara looked questioningly at Iroh since this was news to her.

"Yes, the situation in Teji involves a skirmish among Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation, and Water Tribe villagers who have all settled there. Its unique position could make it a great outpost for trade. I am taking Ambassadors Katara and Toph with me for obvious reasons, and naturally the Avatar would be useful in the discussions as well."

Katara thought it was a brilliant diplomatic cover, but she hadn't realized Iroh would be coming with them to Ember Island until now. It made sense, and he would be most helpful in fixing up the vacation home no doubt. Regardless, the idea of having a grown-up around sounded stifling, even if she had been the one to suggest it. _I guess things never will be the same as they were, no matter how we try to recreate it._

"Tell you what…" Iroh clapped his hands together. "Let's all have dinner together tonight. With Lady Ursa as well. Our troop won't leave until the morning, and it would be nice to share a big, oh, shall we say, _family_ meal."

Zuko scowled. Katara sighed. Aang smiled. And Toph started picking at her toes.

* * *

The next day at dinner, it was just Zuko and his mother. Meetings and paperwork and the hard realization of the daily Fire Lord business had put Zuko in a foul mood. He pretended not to be cross that all his friends had gone on a trip without him.

"Zuko, dear, you've barely touched your food. Come on, now. You need to eat. A growing boy needs his strength," Ursa fussed.

"Mom, I'm almost eighteen. I'm practically an adult. I don't think I'll be doing much more growing," he mumbled.

"Well, you should eat then to fuel your mind. Your duties as Fire Lord require a sharp mind."

"Yes, I'm sure. Or else I'll need a brain doctor like Azula." Zuko allowed his voice to trail off, hoping his mother didn't hear the last part.

"Hmmm, it's so hard to understand you when you talk under your breath like that. And don't slouch. Sitting straighter allows for proper airflow and optimizes speech."

He stiffened at her rebuke."What is this? Etiquette class?"

"Zuko! What's the matter with you? So… disrespectful!"

"I, uh, I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood for conversation, I guess." Zuko immediately felt ashamed for speaking harshly to his mother. He picked up his fork and started poking around at his food again.

"She hasn't even been gone a day, you know. You'll live without your girlfriend at your side. It's only a week, so there's no need to be dramatic."

 _Oh, hell, no._ "What makes you think this is about Katara? She was gone for the entire summer, and guess what? I. Was. Just. Fine. People leave, I get it. Maybe this is just how I normally am, but you wouldn't know because you left, too." Zuko felt his heart skip a beat. _I shouldn't have said that. I don't really mean that, do I?_

"Zuko, I…" Ursa made a few meaningless hand gestures and opened her mouth a few times to say something but then resigned to eating her dinner in strained silence.

Zuko stared at his food trying to weigh his next move. _Should I apologize? I really should. But I don't know what to say. I don't owe her any explanations. She's the one who has some explaining to do. I thought we could just start with a clean slate, but now I'm not so sure._ Zuko's thoughts started to overwhelm him, so he responded the way he normally did in such situations. He decided to leave.

"I guess I don't have much of an appetite." _And I'm sorry, Mom._ But he couldn't bring himself to say the words.

Ursa watched him until he got to the door, and then she called after him. "Zuko?" He stopped but didn't turn to face her. "I just wanted to say that… that I don't know what to say. And I don't know what to do. But I love you. Please never forget that I love you."

Zuko leaned his forehead against the doorframe and sighed. "I never forgot," he said before shooting her a quick sideways glance. "And I love you, too."

* * *

"Look at this view!" Iroh exclaimed as he threw open the windows to his room in the Ember Island vacation home.

Katara could hear him from the bottom of the stairs. She wondered what Uncle must be thinking coming back here after so many years, although she felt a pang of jealousy that she'd likely not get to stay in the same room. She ran a finger along the banister as she began her ascent. It was dusty as expected. _Has it really been over a year?_

Regardless of it being Iroh's room, she found herself standing in the doorway nonetheless. He was still standing near the window with his hands on his hips looking as if he was in a trance.

"Zuko told me this was the best room because of the view," she spoke before realizing it. "He gave me the hint so I could claim it when we were staying here."

"That sounds like something he would do," Iroh replied in his usual jovial tone. He turned and surveyed the room, pausing to give consideration to the cabinet. Katara knew what was in there—memories from his past—and thought he might need a moment. She shouldn't have intruded anyway. "I, um, I'll just go check and see if there's any food here. We'll need to make a grocery run."

"Yes, of course, Katara! Where are Aang and Toph? Let's get started on SOWS right away." He brushed past her so abruptly, she spun around in a blur of surprise and confusion.

"SOWS?"

"Secret Operation Winter Solstice," Iroh said without skipping a beat.

She followed him down the stairs but couldn't help but feel amused. _That sounds exactly like something Sokka would come up with for our little birthday planning shenanigans._

They found Aang and Toph in the downstairs study that Toph had claimed as her room during their stay. Then Uncle-Iroh-Turned-Brother-Sokka started talking again, and Katara didn't know whether she should laugh or cry at the strange hilarity of the situation.

"OK, as you all know, SOWS is officially underway and running according to plan. First things first, this place is filthy and completely void of tea. This must be remedied!" He raised a pointed finger in the air for emphasis. "Toph and Aang, you are on dust bunny-bee duty." The two teenagers exchanged confused glances. "Come on now, put that earthbending and airbending to work and clear this place of all this dust!"

Their faces still held some confusion until Toph's finally lit up like a firefly. She stomped her foot at which the layers of dust rose slightly from the ground. Then she waved her hands, and they all collected into a neat pile next to her feet. She then nodded at Aang who seemed to understand his cue, and he airswept the dust right out the window.

Iroh nodded with satisfaction. "Aang, where the grime seems particularly stubborn, you may need to use waterbending."

"But what about Katara?" The Avatar whined.

"I need Master Katara to accompany me to town for a few errands," Iroh explained. There was a collective grumble from Aang and Toph.

"What? You want to eat dinner tonight, don't you?" Katara scolded.

Toph let out another frustrated noise. "Come on, Aang, let's hurry up and finish. Then we can hang out in those hammocks 'til these slackers get back."

Aang hung back with a look of uncertainty. "Um, about the food…"

"Aang, I'll be sure to get plenty of vegetables. I cooked for you for nearly a year, remember?" Katara tapped her foot slightly in that mothering sort of way she often had with Aang.

"OK, but, can we please not have seaprunes?" Aang asked sheepishly.

Iroh let out a bellow of laughter. "Young Avatar, I assure you that Water Tribe delicacies are not part of the SOWS plan. While we are here preparing, we'll keep things simple. When we come back with Zuko, I don't believe seaprunes will be on the menu then, either." He smiled and shrugged at Katara. She rolled her eyes.

Iroh circled around to the back of the house to a shed-like building that Katara had never noticed before. He sorted through a ring of keys before choosing one, all the while humming a tune that Katara thought sounded like _Four Seasons_. When he opened the shed, she coughed as a cloud of dust spilled out from the dark, musty smelling room. Katara peeked in after Iroh and caught sight of a few things she expected to find there, gardening tools, a shovel, a ladder, and assorted paint cans.

"Ah-ha!" Iroh pushed out a rickety looking metal cart on wheels. He also carried a few baskets slung over his arms and shoulders. Katara eyed the cart with some uncertainty but decided that ultimately it would be a very helpful thing to have for their trek into the town center. In fact, she wished she would've known about the shed when they were here before. _Did Zuko know about it?_

"This is the groundskeeper's shed," Iroh said as if he read her mind. "Looks like we might need to hire a new one if the family plans to start coming here more often."

Katara couldn't explain it if she tried, but in that moment with Iroh covered in a thin layer of dust wearing his usual warm smile, she felt such an affection for him. She didn't have any uncles or aunts of her own, but she had grown to truly think of him as her uncle. _He is family._ She smiled back and prompted only by her silent thoughts, she gave him a hug, baskets and all. He seemed a bit taken aback by her actions, but chuckled heartily and returned the gesture.

* * *

Ember Island's town square hadn't changed much from what she remembered. But as the memories flooded back with such force, she felt a wave of excitement that caused her to literally bounce as she walked. _This is really happening! We will finally have the Ember Island reunion we always talked about!_ She was walking about in a daze and almost ran into Iroh when he stopped short in front of a fabric shop.

He turned to face her with a forced expression of seriousness, although she could see the smile behind his eyes. _You can't fool me with your wily ways, Uncle._ She smirked at him.

"Now, the first initiative of SOWS is most confidential in nature, so I require you to take an oath of secrecy." Iroh tried his best to project his voice with solemnity.

"Yes sir," Katara intoned, still smirking.

"Please raise your right hand in a sun salute." Katara did. "State, 'I swear on my honor that I will uphold the secrecy of SOWS and any and all activities or discussions that may transpire due to my involvement with SOWS…" Katara repeated. "…or may Agni smite me and my household…" Katara raised an eyebrow at Iroh. "Or Yue, whatever…" he whispered. She repeated it just as he had said it and instinctively lowered her hand.

"Ah-a-a, not finished, yet, young lady," Iroh scolded. "Repeat, 'And I will not succumb to any persuasive tactics employed by a certain Fire Lord to obtain information about SOWS or its objectives."

"Isn't this a bit much, Uncle?"

"Say it."

"Fine." She did.

"No matter what he does. No matter how wily he is. I will not break if he brings me jasmine tea and gingersnap cookies. I will not tell even if he comes to my bed and…"

"STOP. I get it, Uncle." Katara felt herself blushing.

"Very well, then. We shall proceed." Iroh seemed pleased with himself.

The fabric store itself felt a bit cramped and stuffy, but Katara admired the seemingly unending rows of fabrics, an impressive array of colors, textures, and patterns. Her eyes were immediately drawn to what appeared to be the blue section of the store as she had never seen so many shades of blue in one place at one time.

"Ah, General Iroh! I got your messenger hawk. Right this way!" The store clerk waved them over. He bowed reverently to Iroh, but only gave Katara a sideways glance. Iroh introduced her as Master Katara at which point the clerk merely made a _mmmmm_ sound through pursed lips. They followed him up a spiral staircase to an open room with a few tables and chairs. Katara noticed various types of black and gold fabric and thread strewn about the tables alongside what looked like sketched patterns for some sort of garment.

Iroh fingered some of the fabric and glanced briefly at the drawings. "What do you think, Katara?"

"Um? About what?" She reached out to touch a scrap of black silk. It felt exquisite, like nothing she had ever felt before.

"We're redesigning the Fire Lord's robes. I thought you might want some input," Iroh explained.

Katara gaped at the tables. "But, where's the red?"

The clerk coughed. "That's what I said."

"Yes, red is the traditional Fire Nation color, no doubt. But I've noticed that Zuko seems to prefer black, don't you think so, Katara?" Iroh was doing that thing again where his face was serious, but his eyes were smiling. _It's starting to drive me crazy_.

"Uhhhh." _He wears black when he's a sexy ninja. I don't know, though. What am I supposed to say?_ "Welllllllll, yes, black is good, I guess. It's different… if that's what you're going for. It's kinda dark… and broody, you know, like he tends to be."

The clerk let out a snort. Iroh and Katara shot him a look, and he quickly composed himself. "That silk there is some of the finest in the Fire Nation. Soft, elegant, lightweight for our hot weather. It's very flexible and strong, too. It is often chosen for training gear, in fact."

"Well, Zuko always fusses that the Fire Lord robes are so impractical, and I can't help but agree. They're very heavy and encumbering. So, I'd like to propose some layers. Perhaps an underlayer of this _elegant_ training gear, as you put it, then a tunic he can wear over that, something with the gold stitching we discussed. And then of course, the outer robe, but nothing big and heavy. Oh yes, this material over here." Iroh picked up a handful of a different black fabric. "Oh, and here is what I'd like you to use for the clasp."

Katara only caught a glimpse of what looked like a medallion with a dragon on it before Iroh handed it over to the clerk. She glanced down at the sketches and saw a small dot where said clasp would be on the outer cloak, but both the cloak and tunic were lined with an embroidered pattern that looked like a combination of dragon scales and flames. It truly was exquisite _and_ practical, and she knew Zuko would love it.

"We'll need a dress as well," Iroh said. Katara gasped.

"Oh, sorry. Not yet, my dear. For Lady Ursa. She'll be presented at the parade and welcomed back to the Fire Nation with honor then. Seems fitting she have a new dress, no?"

Katara nodded. Her heart was still racing although she felt a little silly that for a split second she'd hoped he was talking about a new Fire Lady dress for her.

Iroh seemed to sense what she was feeling. He was always intuitive like that. "You should have a dress, too! Since it will be a celebration of the nations, why don't you go back downstairs and pick out a nice blue fabric that you like?"

As they were leaving the fabric store, Iroh whispered, "Someday, Katara, you may trade your blues for black. Although, I do think blue rather suits you."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** First of all, if you've been wondering if/when Zuko does any Fire Lording, his Uncle has been managing a lot of things recently with Ursa returning and Katara's illness. In the early years of Zuko's reign, I imagine Iroh helps him a lot (instead of abandoning him for a tea shop in Ba Sing Se, talk about OOC). When Toph tells Iroh about their new party/parade plans, he jumps on the opportunity to not only switch into party planning mode, but also take a short vacation, of sorts, away from the palace. With Zuko stepping back into his role on the war council, Iroh thinks his absence will help in that transition. Zuko is not a figurehead, he is very much an active and engaged politician. He's just young, hot-headed, and a little inexperienced. I don't write much about the politics because they don't particularly interest _me._ This story is more about relationships, and on that note, it's about to get very, uhh... _relational._

Over the next few chapters, I'll be switching back and forth between Zuko/Ursa at the palace and Katara/Iroh on Ember Island. The timeline won't exactly match up, but the progression made sense to me thematically (parallel conversations about love, for example). I hope it is not too confusing. It's more about character development than plot development. Also, current times at Ember Island will often be reminiscent of the last time the Gaang was there, and I'll make references to _Not Stalking Zuko_ , as you might expect. In this chapter, I talked about how Zuko gave Katara the hint for the best room in the house (Iroh's old room) and also Toph's request to have a ground floor room (so she can "see" better).


	23. Fierce Devotion

**Author's Note:** Trigger warnings - brief mentioning of animal cruelty and references to emotional and physical abuse

* * *

Zuko stormed through the hallways of the palace. He blew past the doors into the training arena, shoving off his robes carelessly. These _advisory council_ meetings would be the end of him. He had decided to change the name of the war council when he switched the room, but the pettiness and the bickering made him think _war_ had been the appropriate word after all. It sure brought the fight out in him.

 _Maybe if they weren't so damned early in the morning._ He threw a few punches. _Early isn't the problem, though. Maybe if I could just get some decent sleep._ He did a few swivel kicks. _Stupid nightmares. I'm not a child_! Zuko worked through several firebending forms in quick succession. "RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAA!" Fire shot out from his mouth. The bending release really did feel good.

"When was the last time you trained?"

"What!?" Zuko stumbled out of his stance. The intruder's voice caught him off guard.

"You don't train regularly like you used to. You should." Piandao came into view.

Zuko was breathing too heavily to say what was on his mind at that exact moment, something along the lines of _leave me alone_ or _none of your business,_ but he was glad that he took a few minutes to calm himself. He respected Piandao greatly, and the swordmaster had been very helpful in the meeting that morning, in fact. He and Zuko had been on the same side of the argument before Zuko stormed out. It was likely that Piandao had followed him here.

"You're right. It just gets busy, I guess. And I lose sight of things. But training and bending would really help me focus. I forgot about that." Zuko wiped his forehead with his shirtsleeve. Piandao handed him his robes that he had left in a heap on the ground. "Thanks." Zuko used them to wipe the rest of the sweat off his face and neck. Piandao looked at him disapprovingly as he did this.

"I'd be happy to teach you more with the swords if you'd like. Obviously, you'll have to find someone else for the fire."

"It would be an honor, sir." Zuko bowed.

"OK, then. After lunch. Bring the daos. And wear proper clothing." Piandao eyed Zuko's robes with a look of disgust and then returned the bow.

By the position of the sun, Zuko could tell he had a couple of hours before lunch to catch up on some paperwork. He strode across the palace grounds feeling quite a bit lighter than before. _How could I have forgotten something so simple?_ He chanced a glance back toward the villa as a habit, hoping to see Katara, but he remembered she was on Ember Island. He did see someone near the turtleduck pond, though. _Mother. I should go talk to her._

"Um, hi, Mom." He regretted that his voice sounded so small, childlike even.

"Oh, good morning dear. Did you sleep well?" Ursa squinted in the sunlight as she looked up at him.

"Err, no. I mean, yes. Uhhh—" _Does she know about the nightmares?_

"You're not sleeping well," she stated matter-of-factly.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. _Whoops, shouldn't have done that._

Ursa made an exasperated noise. "Zuko, it's just the typical greeting. I'm not trying to pry or anything. But of course, if there's something you'd like to talk about, you know I'm here."

"I know. I'm sorry." He moved to sit down next to her. "About last night… I'm sorry for that, too."

"It's fine, dear. We'll just have to get used to each other again. And a lot has changed over the years. You're right, I probably don't know you as well as… I should. But I'd like to. I don't want to push you away, now that we've—"

"I know. I just… get in these moods."

Ursa reached out and tousled Zuko's hair. He flinched. She frowned.

"You really should do something about that hair."

"What's wrong with it?"

"You look like a koala sheep. Seriously, do you have eyes under there? Oh, there you are!" Ursa lifted the fringe from Zuko's forehead. He jerked back instinctively. They eyed each other warily for several seconds. Zuko thought he saw her eyes pass over his scar, and he willed her not to say anything about it.

"Zuko, you're all sweaty. Did you go to your meeting like this?"

"Of course not, Mom. I was just, uh, letting off steam." _Katara… I need you. This woman is driving me crazy._

The meaning of the phrase seemed lost on Ursa. "Well, you should get cleaned up. You need to be presentable and make a good impression as Fire Lord. And you should probably wear those and not ball them up like that… Zuko!" She grabbed his robes from him and started flattening out the wrinkles.

Zuko stared at her incredulously. _I better leave before I say something else I'll regret_.

"Fine. I'll do that." He grabbed the robes back from her a little more forcefully than he had intended. "See you at dinner."

* * *

The cart and baskets were loaded with food, but Iroh said they had one more place to go. Katara ventured to guess they'd be stopping for tea, but Iroh took them on some meandering streets toward a part of the island she hadn't seen before. They came to a set of tall gates where an attendant greeted them both with a smile and a bow. "What can I help you fine folks with today?" she asked.

"We would like to adopt some turtleducks," Iroh informed her.

"We would?" Katara looked at him questioningly. "But there's not a pond at the beach house."

"Not yet." Iroh winked at her.

The woman opened the gates and gestured to a small nook where they could leave their stuff. "The duck pond is toward the back, but feel free to look around. Here are some bread crumbs you can use when you meet your new friends." She then handed them a basket lined with cloth and grass. "They don't like to be confined for long, so don't put them in there until you're sure of which ones you're taking, and you're ready to leave." Katara nodded and received the basket assuming that Iroh was right next to her but instead she heard him shriek a ways off in the distance.

"Ooooooh, a fire ferret! Isn't he adorable?" Katara scrambled to catch up to the old man who was clapping his hands like a schoolboy. "Look, he's doing tricks! I always wanted one of these when I was a child."

Katara then noticed a series of small pens lined along a pathway. She realized they were in some kind of pet shop. Next to the fire ferrets was a pen full of three cats, a brown one, a black one, and a gray one. Next to that was another pen that appeared to have cats in it as well. "Excuse me, for these cats, do you keep the males and females separated?" Katara asked the attendant. She really was just curious. She had never seen a place like this before. She figured kittens would be good for business, and if so, why separate them like that?

"So, these are your standard domestic cats here." The woman pointed to the first pen. "But these are called 'kitaroos,' and while they look the same, they are—"

As if on cue, one of the cats from the second pen took a giant leap into the air, and Katara saw it had considerably longer legs than its neighbor. "Wow!" she squealed.

"Well, yes, they're fascinating. But really quite skittish. And hard to contain," the attendant continued.

"Do they have a pouch for their babies? Like the rabaroos do?" Katara asked.

A very excited Iroh interrupted, "Katara, look over here! It's a poodle monkey!"

Katara walked past a noisy pen of goat dogs to where Iroh was standing. "Now, that's not something you see every day," she remarked.

"Yes, those are higher end pets," the attendant offered. "They're a little too yippy for my taste."

"Oooh! Look at this little guy!" Iroh had continued his happy dance around to the next pen. He reached down to scratch the head of a particularly curious pygmy puma that was clambering at the gate. "Zuko had one of these once…" Iroh's expression suddenly turned grim. Katara remembered what happened to Zuko's pet at the hands of his father while playing mind games with Azula. She'd found Ozai's notes in his old room back at the beach house. She wished she'd hadn't. _How could anyone do such a thing to a cute little animal?_

"The pygmy pumas also tend to be expensive. They're not very hardy creatures, unfortunately. Something about breeding those magnificent cats to be so small… it's a shame, really." The attendant sighed.

"So are all these animals for sale, then?" Katara asked. She thought it was odd the woman seemed to be deterring them from the more expensive ones. It wasn't very salesy of her.

"Yes, but we only charge an adoption fee. This isn't a pet store, miss. The fees just cover our operation costs. Usually what happens is people come to Ember Island for short-term or vacation, they decide to get pets, but end up not taking them back to the mainland. The cost to transport them can be high, especially for some of the bigger animals. So, we take them in here. And inevitably someone else comes along who wants a temporary pet. It's sad, really, but at least the animals don't end up homeless, I guess. Or worse, let loose in the wild with all those snakes and scorpidillos out there."

Katara shuddered at the mentioning of the scorpidillos. She had been bitten the summer the gang stayed here.

Iroh saw the worried look on Katara's face. "Katara, we'll keep our turtleducks safe and sound. I plan to hire a groundskeeper, remember?"

"Oh, yes, and turtleducks mate for life, so be sure that you take the ones that are bonded pairs. If you keep them together, they'll be fine. They're very resilient animals," the attendant explained. "Probably because of their fierce devotion to family," she added as an afterthought.

Katara nodded _. Perhaps that is why Ursa feels so drawn to them._

* * *

Zuko awoke sweating and panting again. He shoved his white-hot fists into the bed and heard a sizzling sound. It was his second bedsheet to burn that week. The scenes in his nightmares had expanded beyond the Agni Kai arena and now included combined images of fire and lightening against the backdrop of his father's maniacal laughing, Katara's screams, and his mother's cries. He tried to steady his breathing and regulate his temperature. _It's ok. I'm alone in my room. My father is in prison. My mother is sleeping in the next room. Katara is safe with Uncle._

He got up to splash some cool water on his face. He glanced at the moon through the window, and judging from its position in the sky, it was still the middle of the night. He should try to go back to sleep if he could. The burns marks on the bed were cool to the touch, so he climbed back in and closed his eyes. The effect of the dream had left its imprint, though. He still couldn't shake it. _This has got to stop! How do I make this stop!?_ He grabbed his pillow and screamed into it. That actually made him feel a little better. He released the pillow to take in a deep breath for another go, but then a voice from the corner of the room caught his attention. He froze.

"Zuko?" Ursa whispered.

 _No. I can't do this right now. I can't have a conversation with her. Not about this. Not now._ Zuko dropped his pillow, closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

He heard a shuffle of fabric as she crossed the room. "I thought I heard you screaming," she said softly. In response, Zuko tried to school his breathing into a more calm and rhythmic pattern. He felt her sit down next to him on the edge of the bed. She reached out to tuck a sweaty lock of hair behind his ear. Her hand was cool and soft to the touch. He resisted the urge to turn away remembering the annoying conversation they'd had about his hair earlier that day. She continued to gently stroke his forehead, pushing away the hair as she did. It felt nice. Soothing, in fact, Zuko decided. He let out a long sigh but kept his eyes closed.

Zuko started to relax and felt himself fading in and out of a sleepy daze. He thought maybe she was humming a lullaby that he remembered from years ago, but he wasn't sure. _Is this what a pleasant dream would be like?_ Then another thought struck him. _This is so childish, having my mother comfort me after a bad dream._ But all thoughts vanished as he drifted closer to sleep. He was almost there when he felt her hand drift lightly over his scar. He jerked awake and locked eyes with hers, pools of gold reflecting the moonlight. He saw her tears. She saw his fear. She then looked away toward the passageway that connected their rooms.

He sensed her shifting slightly, but he reached for her hand. "Please stay," he whispered. "At least until I…" he felt his voice catch in his throat. She nodded and squeezed his hand. Then peaceful sleep finally overcame him.

* * *

The next morning Zuko admitted to feeling more rested than he had in several weeks. Even the advisory council meeting had gone better than usual. He knew if he could plow through some paperwork, it would be soon be lunchtime and then training with Piandao. Even though it was only the second day, he liked this new addition to his daily schedule. _Note to self: remember to polish the dao swords when I get to my office._

As Zuko approached the door of his study, he saw that his mother appeared to just be leaving it. "Mother?"

"Oh, good morning, dear. I was just bringing you some tea. I left it on your desk. It's Darjeeling, a variety known for its energy enhancing quality." Ursa smiled warmly.

"Err, thank you, Uncle?" Zuko smirked. "Would you care to join me?"

"Oh, no. I was just leaving. I know you have a lot of work to do."

"To which Uncle would reply, 'Denying an invitation for tea will always land you in hot water.'"

"I thought Iroh might say something like 'there is no problem that tea can't solve.' Sounds like your way could brew trouble!"

"There is no _my_ way. And only trouble if you don't join me. Why is it taking s-oolong for you to accept?"

"Now you really do sound like him." Ursa laughed. Zuko remembered it was one of the most wonderful sounds albeit much too rare that he ever heard it.

They settled side by side into the plush chairs opposite the desk. Zuko poured the tea while Ursa looked nervously around the room. It reminded him of when his father's former mistress had come to his office. His heart sank.

"I, uh, haven't had a chance to redecorate, yet," he said. "It would probably help my mood if I did." As a child, Zuko had been strictly forbidden to come near his father's study, so he felt fairly benign about its drab appearance. He figured he couldn't say the same for his mother, though. Spirits knew what kind of horrors took place in this room under his father's rule.

"You know, I haven't been in here since your grandfather..." She gripped her tea cup with shaking fingers.

 _That's right. She left when father became Fire Lord._ There were so many questions to ask, but Zuko wasn't sure if he really wanted to know the answers.

"We signed our wedding contract sitting in these very chairs." Ursa ran her fingers along the velvety fabric. Her voice was distant, her eyes matching her tone.

"Were you… was it… an arranged marriage?" Zuko asked.

"Not arranged, no. More like engineered. However, I did love him… back then."

Zuko watched her cradle her tea cup in both hands and breathe in the steam before taking another sip. He remembered the cool touch of her hands from the night before. _An engineered marriage…_

"Mom, can you… are you a firebender? I mean, I've never seen you, but I just thought…"

A spark flickered in Ursa's eyes, and she sat up straight like a bolt had gone through her. "I am." Then she deflated. "Or I was."

"What do you mean you _were_? Either you are or you aren't?" Zuko knew his words to be half-true. He had lost his inner fire before, and his bending had grown weaker. _Can you lose it altogether if you suppress it long enough?_

"Well, I d-don't know. I haven't done it in years. I don't really need it, so it's fine, really."

"How can you say that? I go insane if I don't firebend. Like I would lose myself if I didn't."

"Some things are worth losing to save another."

"What?"

"Zuko, there's no need to worry about it now. It's in the past, so…"

"I want to know."

"Zuko, please…"

"I'm tired of all the secrets. And as much as I want to move forward, I feel like the past just keeps creeping up and pulling me down."

"Some things are best left in the past."

"But I feel like I hardly know you. How could I not know you were a firebender?"

"It's not an important part of who I am."

"But that doesn't make any sense. What happened?"

"I fought back." The forcefulness of Ursa's statement surprised Zuko. She had been speaking so calmly despite the rolling boil of his own emotions. He braced himself for what she would say next.

"One day, I'd had enough, and I fought back. His rage, when I did, it was…" She swallowed hard but kept her features firm. "He said if I wouldn't learn my lesson properly, then he would hit me where it really hurt. I challenged him again. At that point, I didn't really care what he did to me. I didn't realize that what he meant was…"

The silence stretched between them for longer than Zuko thought he could bear. He had no idea how to respond, but his mother had remained expressionless, so he waited. His stomach lurched when she started speaking again.

"He dragged me with him toward your room. I begged and pleaded and cried, but it was like he was not himself, nothing could break through his blind rage. I finally said I would never firebend again. For some reason that made him stop. He made his threats, and I made my promises. And you were left untouched until—"

"Mom, don't."

"I know that's what your nightmares are about, Zuko." Her voice finally wavered. "And now you know about mine."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** So, for me, writing about Iroh and Katara's trip to an Ember Island version of an SPCA/animal shelter was a fun interlude to all the Zuko/Ursa angst. Poor Zuko! Having his mother back hasn't been the easiest... for either of them, and I'm afraid it's going to get worse before it gets better.

The hybrid animals of the ATLA world have always been intriguing to me, and while most of them in this chapter and my fic overall are creatures from canon, the "kitaroos" are original and inspired by my own pets. My cats often do that freak-out thing where they randomly jump five feet in the air. Hence the name. We also adopted them from our local SPCA as a bonded pair, but no, this isn't a shameless plug for pet adoption. OK, fine, maybe it is.

The reference to Zuko's pet pygmy puma and its unfortunate demise is from _Not Stalking Zuko_ (Chapter 21: Big Brothers) but more specifically a companion fic that Emletish wrote called _Notes on a Daughter._ I won't go into much detail, but basically Ozai coerces Azula into killing Zuko's pet. It's creepy and demented and offers relevant insight into the mind of Ozai for the purposes of her fic... and ultimately mine, too.


	24. A Flicker of Hope

Katara stood back to admire their work. Toph had earthbent the hole in the ground, Aang had airbent the debris away, and Iroh had fired the clay that formed the pond's perimeter. She bent the last of the water to fill the new duck pond and went to look for its new inhabitants. She found Aang with a turtleduck in each hand, one on his shoulder, and one in his lap. He was just as giddy as Iroh when it came to animals.

"Should we name them?" he asked as he coaxed the turtleducks into the water.

"I don't know. Do the ones at the palace have names?" Katara was ashamed to admit that she didn't know the answer for all the time she spent at the villa's pond.

"Yes, they're something lame like Duck and Duckie, you know whatever Sparky came up with when he was six." Toph dipped her toes in their newly made water feature. The turtleducks quacked at her and fluttered away. "Azula named the other two, Fireball and Lightening Bolt."

"Figures," Katara snorted.

"How about Earth, Water, Air, and Fire since it took all four elements to make the pond?" Aang suggested.

"I was thinking Ginseng, Oolong, Jasmine, and Chai." Iroh joined them at the water's edge. "But I like your idea, Aang, since it was a group effort and all. And speaking of cooperation, we're going to need more elemental bonding to finish up some jobs around here."

"We've been bonding all day, Uncle," Toph protested. "I refuse to do anything else with the likes of you unless it's around the dinner table."

"Oh! I'll go check on the stew. It should be just about ready." Katara made her way to the kitchen. It was a simple vegetable soup, but it smelled wonderful. Taking in the familiar setting, she remembered cutting vegetables, splashing water, and sharing secrets with a certain firebender in here. _Seems like ages ago. But at the same time, not that much time as passed. How have we changed since then?_

She startled slightly when Aang came in and picked up a stack of bowls. "I'll put these on the table. Need anything else?"

"Um, cups and spoons?" Katara never remembered Aang helping with dinner. It was always Suki or Zuko.

"Sure thing!" The Avatar smiled brightly.

Katara almost dropped the large pot of soup while carrying it to the table, though.

"I just found the most peculiar thing in my room!" Iroh announced while brandishing a stick. "It says here, the—"

"Oh, no. Is that THE STICK!? Aang, quick get the stick!" Toph screeched.

A little of the hot soup sloshed over onto Katara's wrists as she hastily set the pot down on the table and made a grab for her long lost "common sense stick." Iroh held it above his head, apparently amused at the mayhem that had ensued. But Aang used his airbending to launch into the air and claim the prize.

"Oh, no you don't!" Katara whipped water from the glasses on the table, but she dropped it suddenly when she felt the ground shift beneath her. "Stop it, Toph!"

Iroh and Toph sat at the table laughing while Aang and Katara chased each other around the house. When Aang raced into the courtyard, Katara instinctively bent the water from the new turtleduck pond to make an ice wall. Their new pets quacked loudly at the affront.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Katara released the water and reached out to console the frightened turtleducks. They quickly swam away from her. "I do this sort of thing to your cousins at the palace all the time. If only you were turtle-dogs or something…"

BONK!

"Ouch! Aang!" Katara sheathed her hand in water and started rubbing the sore spot on her head.

"That's what you get, miss! A whack of good ole common sense! You should know better than to torture our new friends!"

"Just wait 'til Sokka hears about this. He'll make you give it back to me. It was his birthday present to me, you know!" Katara shook a scolding finger at Aang while they rejoined Iroh and Toph at the dinner table.

"No way. Sokka was always getting the brunt end of that stick. He'd be glad someone else was dishing out the punishment for a change." Toph slurped her soup in a most unladylike fashion.

"I thought Zuko was the one always getting hit with the stick." Aang tightened his grip just in case Katara made another attempt to grab it.

"What can I say? Love hurts." Toph laughed. Katara and Iroh joined her in a fit of giggles. Aang, however, did not.

* * *

Later that night, Katara found Toph and Aang curled up in a hammock together. Aang was reading _Love Amongst the Dragons_ out loud to Toph. _Ah, more memories._

"Couldn't get enough of that story the first time?" Katara teased.

"Hey! I never really got to read it. I was always training, remember?" Aang said in defense.

"Yeah, and Sparky skipped over all the juicy parts," Toph added.

Katara frowned. She remembered how Zuko had edited just before the smutty scenes with "and they walked together hand in hand under the setting sun."

Aang yawned and stretched causing the hammock to sway. "Hey, I think we should name the turtleducks Zara, Zali, Kizu, and what the dragon bender's name?"

"Tian," Katara and Toph both said in unison.

"It's definitely better than Earth, Air, Chai, and Ginseng… or whatever." Toph responded with a yawn of her own.

"I think it's a great idea. It would be really meaningful to Ursa… and Zuko. She used to read the story to him when he was little," Katara said.

"I wonder if she left out the juicy parts, too." Toph smirked.

* * *

Zuko awoke the next morning panting again but this time for a different reason. He squinted in the dim light of the early morning hour, half expecting to see the waterbender from his dream hovering over him. He gripped the sheets and groaned in frustration, the throbbing sensation he felt only intensified as he thought of her. _Oh, fuck it._ He reached inside his pants and conjured up the image from his dream. He let out a moan of pained anticipation as he began stroking. _Oh Agni, yes, just a little bit…oh…_

"Zuko?"

"Holy shit, what the fuck, Mom!?"

"Watch your language, son!"

"Seriously!? What the hell are you doing in here?" Zuko couldn't even see his mother from behind the pile of pillows and sheets he'd hastily created to block himself from her view.

"I'm sorry. I heard you moaning, and I thought you were having another bad dream," Ursa explained.

"Well, I'm fine. So you can leave now." _Oh dear Agni, why me?_

"OK, OK, I'm sorry I, uh, bothered you."

Zuko waited until he felt sure she was gone. _Damn you, secret passageway!_

He dressed quickly and headed for the palace gardens. It had not only been a terrible start to the morning, but the past few days had felt so strained. He knew things would be different now that his mother was back, but he had not anticipated _this._ Plus with Katara gone, he had no one to talk to about it. He felt angry and guilty and on the verge of losing control. He felt fire burning inside him, his fists smoldering again like they had been so often lately. But then a wave of calm realization swept over him, and he sensed a coolness pierce through the heat.

 _I don't need to fight. I need to rest._

He dropped in the dewy grass right in the middle of the palace courtyard and did something he hadn't done in over a year. He meditated.

And in that moment, he felt at peace.

* * *

"I think you should try firebending again," Zuko told his mother at dinner that night.

"I'm not sure if I can," Ursa replied. "Besides, I'm not sure if I even want to."

"Well, I'm going to start training again, so we can do it together if you'd like."

"Come on, Zuko, that's ridiculous. Even if I _could_ do it, I'd be nowhere near your level. It would be frustrating for you."

"I could teach you."

"That would be even _more_ frustrating for you, I'm sure."

"I taught the Avatar. Now _that_ was frustrating."

"Zuko, I'm really proud of who you've become, and I have no doubt that you're a talented bender… and a wonderful teacher… but it's just not for me."

"What would happen if you just tried it? Like right now?"

"Zuko, please."

"Just try it, make a flame, like this." Zuko held his palm out and summoned a small dancing flicker.

"Zuko, I don't…" Ursa folded her arms across her chest. "I said no."

He extinguished the flame and frowned at her. "Well, I haven't found a master, yet, to resume my training with, but when I do, will you at least consider it?"

"I will think about it." She paused to sip her tea. "Although before your schedule gets too full with training and such, there's something I would like for you to consider as well." Ursa took the opportunity to turn the tables.

Zuko merely raised an eyebrow while taking a bite of food. _Here comes more motherly advice._

"I think you should start seeing Dr. Jung."

Zuko choked a little on his rice. "Azula's brain doctor? Why?"

"Because he can help you with the dreams. And whatever else you need to talk to him about."

"I don't _need_ to talk to a brain doctor." _I need to talk to Katara_.

"I thought you might say that. Look, I knew Dr. Jung before… when I… he and I…"

Zuko hadn't read between her disjointed phrases to their actual meaning, yet, but when he saw that she was blushing, he understood the implication. "Wait… did you and Dr. Jung…um?"

"We worked together when I left the Fire Nation. He helped me with my dreams," she said hurriedly. "And he can help you, too."

"OK… so you want me to go have a warm and fuzzy conversation about my daddy issues with my sister's shrink who also happens to be my mother's lover?"

"Zuko, it wasn't like that."

"Well… then how did he know about your dreams?"

"There IS such a thing as just talking. I know your teenage hormones are raging, but not everything is about sex."

Zuko made a noise of frustration. "Is this really where this conversation is going because if so…"

"Please tell me you're using _precautions_. I trust that you're responsible, and you think things through, but sometimes when you're in the moment…"

"I can't believe this. This is fucking unbelievable."

"Zuko, your language is not really becoming of royalty, you know."

"I didn't ask for this! NONE of it!" _So much for peace and meditation._ "My father is a pathetic excuse for a human being. My sister is a psychopath. My country is falling apart, and I don't know how to fix it. The world hates us, and rightfully so because of all the shitty things that happened during the war, but I can't fix that, either. The ONE thing that gave me hope was finding you, and now you're here trying to cram seven years worth of advice down my throat. The ONE thing that is going right in my life is Katara, but all the rest of this bullshit is going to scare her away, I just know it. And no matter how hard I try… I just keep… why is this so hard? Why do I keep failing?"

Ursa stared at him with a completely unreadable expression. _Why doesn't she say anything?_ He waited with bated breath. _She had plenty to say a few minutes ago._

"I'll take it by your lack of response that you must think I'm a failure, too." Feeling ashamed by his outburst and painfully uncertain of his mother's love, he shoved away from the table and bolted for the door.

"Zuko, wait!" He heard her call after him, but he didn't care. He picked up his pace as he pounded through the palace corridors. He didn't exactly know where he was headed until he got there. It was the place he hadn't been in nearly five years. The place he had purposely avoided since coming back to the Fire Nation. The place where one destiny died and another began. The place he knew where his past would be waiting to fight him, and he would have no choice but to fight back.

He threw angry fireballs and firewhips in the Agni Kai arena while cursing his father's name until he collapsed on the ground in exhaustion. The room was dark and dusty since it hadn't been used in over a year. It still held its looming sense of futility, where battles were fought, but nothing was really won. _Did I really ban the Agni Kai because I believe in cooperation or because I still live in fear?_ Zuko wondered if everything from his reign so far had been tainted by his own weakness and shame. For a split second of horrifying clarity, he could see himself as a younger Ozai choosing the easier path to rule by fear. One could at least appear to be in control that way.

Through the muddled darkness of his thoughts, he heard a faint _whip_. It sounded like a burst of air trying to push past a barrier followed by a small _crack_. It reminded him of fireworks. He lifted himself to his elbows to find its source. First, he smelled smoke. Then, he saw fire. At last, he saw the light that would draw him out of his darkness.

Ursa's flame was small but strong. She couldn't hold it for very long, but each time she conjured her fire, it grew. She took slow and steady steps toward Zuko on the Agni Kai floor, the flicker of her flame catching in both sets of golden eyes as they watched each other. She stopped within a few feet of where he was kneeling, extinguished the blaze, and sat down to face him. He pushed himself to a sitting position and eyed her expectantly.

"Zuko, you are anything but a failure. You are strong and brave and honorable, and you are exactly what this country needs. I believe that with all my heart, and I know I am not the only one who does. But Zuko, you have to start believing in yourself. It doesn't matter if the rest of us know the truth, if you won't trust yourself to be who you know you are—who you are meant to be. You'll lose yourself in these lies, and I simply can't stand for that. Not after all you've been through. Not when you've come so far."

Zuko felt a lump forming in the back of his throat, but he didn't take his eyes off her, fearing he may lose it if he did. She had said everything with such firm resolve. He knew she wholeheartedly believed what she said, and maybe he could allow himself to believe it, too.

"If anyone is a failure, it is me." Ursa then broke her eye contact, her voice breaking with it. "I didn't want to try and firebend because I was afraid I would fail in front of you, Zuko. I didn't want you to see me mess up, yet I have wronged you in so many ways. I know I've been giving you unwelcome advice… you must hate me for it. I think it was to prove to myself that I could still be your mother, that you still needed me somehow. But you don't. You grew up. You did it without me. You did a damn good job all on your own."

"You shouldn't swear. It's not becoming of royalty, you know."

Ursa chuckled softly. "I don't think I was ever cut out to be royalty."

"I didn't do it on my own. Uncle was there. And I had my friends. And now I have you." He reached a hand toward her, and she pulled him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry. So so sorry," she whispered.

Zuko pulled back and held his mother by her shoulders. "I'm sorry, too. I know I've been kind of a jerk lately. This is just a lot harder than I thought it would be. So, it'll take a lot of work, and we'll probably both fail… a lot. But we've got to keep trying."

"That's my boy. You never give up."

"I won't lose you again."

"I'm here. If you'll have me."

"Of course I'll have you. And I could never hate you." Zuko forced back tears. It was not the first time he'd cried on that very floor, but he wouldn't let the pain of that memory rob him of this redeeming moment. "It's so dark," he lowered his voice to a whisper. "I need you to show me the way out of here."

They walked back to their chambers arm in arm with Ursa carrying the light for the both of them.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Oh, the common sense stick! I couldn't resist. This is literally a stick labeled "common sense" that Sokka gave to Katara for her birthday when they celebrated on Ember Island (from _Not Stalking Zuko_ ). The idea came from her journal in _Stalking Zuko_ , though, where she wrote that she wished she had a stick so she could knock sense into people. Sokka found out by reading the journal, of course. Doesn't that sound like something a brother would do?

Also the characters, Zara, Zali, Kizu, and Tian from the story, _Love Amongst the Dragons,_ are all from _Not Stalking Zuko_. It was a childhood favorite of Zuko's (whether he'll admit it or not) and members of the Gaang read it throughout their stay at Ember Island.

Ohhh, Zuko, I'm so sorry! How embarrassing! But maybe Zuko and Ursa have reached a turning point by the end of this chapter.


	25. Young and Old Love

After another full day of work, the beach house was starting to look less like a hideout for teenage war refugees and more like a vacation resort. After cleaning all the surfaces throughout the house with the combined prowess of their bending skills, they worked together to make bricks for some of the necessary repairs. Toph would gather the dirt and clay to make the bricks. Katara would add water so that it would be pliable. Aang would use air to dry them into blocks while also removing any air bubbles that got trapped inside. Then Iroh would firebend to set the bricks. It was a brilliant display of the four elements coming together for a cooperative and creative purpose.

"So, what happened here exactly?" Iroh asked as he examined the missing portion of the west wing wall.

"Um… Zuko had a little rant one day?" Aang said sheepishly.

"Oh dear. My nephew and that temper of his." Iroh shook his head while raising his palm to eyeball measurements.

"Well, in Zuko's defense, he was using some training method where you attack the student to see what progress they've made," Katara explained.

"Oh, is _that_ what that was?" Toph snickered. "That was right before the Melon Lord attacked! Mwa-ha-ha!"

Aang and Katara shared nervous glances. Those last few days before Sozin's Comet were not their best memories at Ember Island for sure. Katara knew that Aang felt especially sensitive about their conversations and decisions from those days.

"Toph, send up some of those bricks." Iroh had climbed a ladder and was peering down at them. "You and I can work from the outside. Katara and Aang can head upstairs and help from the inside. Operation SOWS, ready? OK, go!"

After the wall had been patched, the group took a break for some watermelon juice. Aang offered to help Katara in the kitchen again.

"It will be nice to be here and truly relax," he said.

"Yeah. It will be great. I hope Zuko can actually relax." Katara laughed a little as she remembered the times when she tried to massage his shoulders to help him relax. It never quite worked out the way she planned. Then, she noticed Aang frowning at her. "Aang, what is it?"

"Do you think? I don't know. If things had been different. Would we?" He swallowed hard. "Would we have had a chance?"

 _Whoa. Did not see that one coming._

"Um. I don't know, Aang. I guess you can always wonder what if… but it doesn't change what is, right?"

"It's just when you found me in the iceberg, I knew right then we were meant to be together. But I guess I was wrong. When did you know? About Zuko? It wasn't that same day, was it?"

"What!?"

"The first time you saw him. In the South Pole."

"No, Aang. Oh spirits, no. I hated him then."

"How could you start out hating someone and then come to love him? Katara, I _never_ hated you."

"Oh, Aang. I never hated you, either. I've always loved you as…"

"I know, I know. As a brother, like a friend. But you understand it was different for me."

"Well, I don't understand actually. I don't know how you can love someone the first time you meet them when you don't know anything about them. It took ages for me to fall in love with Zuko, and even then, it was based on a solid friendship. It's how I know that we'll last, Aang. Gran Gran used to say that relationships built on thin ice will break under the slightest pressure, but those as thick as an iceberg—"

"Iceberg, Katara!" Aang interrupted her. "Where you found me. Doesn't it feel like destiny? You finding me after hundred years, against the odds. Of course it doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have to when it's love!"

"Well, you're the Avatar. It could've been destiny for me to find you for the sake of the whole world, Aang! I mean, Sokka was there, too. In that moment, it doesn't have to be about just you and me… you know?"

"I guess that makes sense."

"I feel more certain about destiny when it comes to Zuko and me. Because we were never meant to be together, yet somehow we are. Once enemies, now friends. Because even when we were pulled apart, we kept getting pushed back together." _Push and pull. Like the tides, like tui and la._

"Zuko talks about love with just as much confidence. I just wish I knew for sure."

"Oh, Aang. You will know for sure when it happens. It may not be a sudden realization, and it may take a while to develop, but don't worry about it now and don't rush into it. You're only 13! You have a lifetime full of adventures waiting for you."

"I just turned 14. And you're only 16, Katara. Does that mean you're already done with adventures? Are you really ready to settle down?"

Katara bit her lip, partly in response to his question, partly out of embarrassment for somehow forgetting her friend's birthday. "Um… I don't know. I wonder if Fire Lady would be an adventure all its own, but it does scare me, honestly."

"It sounds like a lot of boring meetings and paperwork if it's anything like Zuko's job." Aang shrugged.

"Hey you chattermonkeys! Whatever happened to that watermelon juice?" Toph hollered from the courtyard, effectively ending what Katara thought to be an awkward and unnerving conversation.

* * *

With Iroh electing to stay in his own room as expected, Katara chose to sleep in Zuko's room. While she definitely felt exhausted from the day's work, curiosity got the best of her, and she did a bit of snooping before calling it a night. Zuko's room was pretty bare which wasn't surprising since he kept his room back at the palace so sparse. She remembered his words, _"I've learned that you can't be attached to places or things."_

Despite that sentiment, she found some interesting things stashed in a cupboard in the young Fire Lord's Ember Island retreat. He did, in fact, have family photos that he'd kept, one of his mother and one of his uncle. She also found his dao swords which she thought was peculiar. _Why didn't he take these when we left for Sozin's Comet? Maybe he thought the power boost he'd get for firebending would be enough?_

Then, toward the back of the dusty cabinet, a bundle of rough fabric caught her eye. She carefully unfolded it and revealed a topknot crown unlike any she had seen before. It had two small flames on each side of the closure, and it looked much older and less shiny than Zuko's current single flame he wore at the back of his topknot. It felt heavy in her hand—valuable, significant. _Perhaps there is somebody who knows…_ She poked her head out into the hallway. The light in Iroh's room indicated that he was still awake.

His door was open slightly, and even though she knew it was bad manners to peek in, she did anyway. It was her Ember Island curse, the incessant eavesdropping. Or maybe it was just what she did when it came to matters of Zuko. Iroh was perched on the edge of the bed and appeared to be admiring a necklace. The carvings were white, and its material reminded her of her mother's necklace at first, but as she studied it more, she saw that it was a continuous string of white flowers. _The white lotus_ , she gasped when she recognized the shape.

"Oh hello, Katara. Come in, dear." Iroh tucked the necklace into his palm.

"It's beautiful," she remarked still feeling a bit embarrassed about being caught at the door.

"Oh this?" He pulled the necklace out again, and Katara noticed that small beads were clustered together to form the flowers' centers. "It belonged to my wife, Giya."

"Oh." Katara knew about the death of Iroh's son, Lu Ten, but nobody had ever mentioned anything about his wife.

"Oh, Katara, don't make that face. If we only speak about our lost loved ones in terms of their death, then we deny them the legacy of the life they once led." Iroh ran his fingers gently over the flowers before laying the necklace down on the bed beside him.

"Well, then tell me about her." Katara smiled.

"Giya was a gifted artist. She sang, she danced, she played instruments, she wrote poetry. She was even well versed in the art of politics."

"That _is_ quite an accomplishment."

"Well, she would tell you that her greatest accomplishment in life was the one she gave to the world before she left it. Some say a mother doesn't know a child until it's born, but she knew Lu Ten every day in the womb. She positively glowed when she carried our child."

"Did you see the box of Lu Ten's things? Sorry, I couldn't help but—I mean, I saw it when I stayed in here…"

"It's quite alright, Katara. When I lost Giya, I had Lu Ten. When I lost my son, I felt like I had nothing."

Katara noticed that Iroh had picked up the necklace again. "Did she like the white lotus as a flower? Or was she just really good at Pai Sho?"

Iroh chuckled. "She was terrible at Pai Sho."

"No way!"

"Her father was the Grand Lotus before me. He taught me how to play the game, but more importantly, he inducted me into the society and showed me the virtues that transcend the four nations."

"Wow! So, it was your father-in-law, then. I always wondered how you didn't get caught up in the Sozin-Azulon-Ozai madness."

"Well, I had other influences as well. But I do hope that Zuko will find a positive influence in his own father-in-law someday."

Katara saw Iroh wink at her. "Oh, but Uncle, he has you, too."

"It is always good to draw wisdom from more than one source."

Katara nodded and felt a sudden need for a big polar dog hug from her dad. She would get those urges every now and then. She instinctively started to wrap her arms around herself but then remembered what she was holding. "Oh, I found this in Zuko's room. It looks kinda old, so I was just wondering if you knew about it."

Iroh took the topknot piece from Katara, and she thought she could see sparks in his eyes. "So, you think because _this_ is old, and because _I_ am old, that naturally I would know of its origin?"

"Oh, um…"

"Well, you're right, of course! I know exactly what this is! _This_ , Katara, is the topknot piece of the crown prince of the Fire Nation!"

"But… it wasn't Zuko's… was it?"

"No… it belonged to Crown Prince Sozin before he gave it to his dear friend Avatar Roku."

"Wait. They were friends?"

"Yes, before Sozin became Fire Lord and power-obsessed. You should ask Aang sometime for Avatar Roku's perspective. It's truly heartbreaking, I'm sure."

"And Avatar Roku is Lady Ursa's grandfather."

"Ah yes, so you know of Zuko's heritage and therefore his inner battle between right and wrong."

"Yes, but there's something else." _It's not just about good verses evil. There's something about power there. What was it?_

"I'm not sure what you mean, Katara."

"The bloodline!" It was coming back to her. "It was something Ursa's brother, Zukon, said. That Azulon sought out Roku's heir specifically because he wanted a more powerful bloodline."

"Well, and the end result is Zuko. He's powerful, for sure, but not power-seeking. I guess it backfired in a way…"

"But they wouldn't have intended Ursa to marry Ozai, not initially. Weren't you the crown prince until the events of Azulon's mysterious death? Wouldn't they have wanted to continue the Avatar's bloodline through you?"

"Katara…"

"So what happened first? Did you fall in love with Giya or did Ursa fall in love with Ozai? There must have been consequences to upsetting Azulon's plans, I mean—"

"Katara, you've been living in the Fire Nation too long, dear. You can sniff out one of our conspiracies as easily as a shirshu."

"Conspiracy! Is that what you call it!? We're talking about love here. And marriage. And people's lives!"

"Katara, when it comes to the Fire Nation royal family, lives are expendable. Yes, Ursa was brought to court in order to become my betrothed. Yes, I had eyes for another woman. Yes, this displeased my father. It was a fortunate coincidence that Ursa fancied my younger brother. It was unfortunate that their firstborn son did not show early signs of this supposed almighty power as promised by the Avatar's bloodline. My father said it was better we find out this way." Iroh's eyes narrowed and his jaw clinched.

"My brother was furious. I think that was the point in which Ozai decided he would go after my birthright. Whatever the cost, whenever the time was right to strike. And we know what happened after that, or do you need me to keep talking like this is some twisted form of a bedtime story? I assure you these stories won't help anyone sleep better at night."

"No, sir. I get it. I—I'm sorry." _The Dragon of the West roars again._

Iroh sighed and rubbed his temples. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have snapped at you, Katara. Part of me does not wish to uncover such darkness from the past, but another part of me thinks you should know."

"I want to know whatever will help Zuko."

"He doesn't need any more darkness. And he could really use a good night's sleep." Iroh yawned. "As do I, my dear."

Katara took the hint and headed for the door. She looked back when he spoke.

"Katara, Zuko's future is brighter because you are in it. Of that, I am sure."

* * *

 **A/N:** Welcome to more head canon madness. It never made sense to me that Azulon would seek out Ursa as Roku's heir to marry his _second_ son. If he wanted to strengthen his bloodline, I would imagine he'd want to do so through the crown prince which would have been Iroh at the time. Perhaps Iroh was already married, but his wife is never mentioned, so she gets to be part of my head canon as well. I also added in Ursa's two brothers, Zukon and Cheng, so this is how I think it played out...

The Fire Sages advise Azulon to unite the bloodlines of Avatar Roku and the Fire Nation royal family, but the specifics of that revelation and its reasoning I plan to explore further in my sequel, _Rising Tide_. Azulon seeks out Jinzuk and Rina's family where he finds their oldest son, Zukon, a nonbender in whom he has no interest. Cheng is the second son and a talented firebender, but they live in the village, Hira'a, and he's had no access to formal training. Azulon wants to take him back to the palace to train him and test him—to see if the Avatar's power is evident in the bloodline. Ursa is the youngest and following in her mother's footsteps as an herbalist. Azulon is pleased to see that she is also a firebender, but thinks that employing her at the royal hospital would be the best strategy. Iroh is often visiting his wounded soldiers there. Azulon is not sure where his son gets this streak of compassion. Doesn't he know that will make him weak in war?

Azulon is quite the strategist and a war general himself. He favors Iroh, and that drives Ozai crazy. Iroh is oblivious to the young, pretty girl who has come to court, but Ozai is not. While Iroh has eyes for another woman, Ozai make his move and pursues Ursa. Ozai is closer to her age, anyway, and she falls for his charm. Of course, Azulon's plans have been thwarted, and Fire Lords don't typically respond well to that. More of this family drama will be revealed in _Rising Tide_ , so stay tuned!

Also, since we're inside my head right now, a word about eye color. It seems to be a significant thing in canon, but if not there, then definitely in fanfic. Especially with Zutara, we can't resist the beauty and passion of her blues and his golds. And of course, the eye color is tied to the nationality and even one's bending as it seems that only firebenders have the golden eyes with a certain spark?

So I stray from this a little as you may recall. In my head canon, Zuko has his father's features, but his mother's golden eyes. And Azula looks just like her mother, but has her father's eyes. In the show, Ozai does have those striking gold eyes, but Azula doesn't. Hers are a little darker. (They're lightened up in the comics, but oh well.) So, I've made it that Ozai and Azula have more of a metallic copper color, which should be seen as no less striking and certainly very regal—and even more powerful. Why? Because electricity. They're like copper wires, electrical conductors, the ones who can wield the lightening. So, yes, by that formula, Iroh has copper eyes, too.

Ursa and Zuko have gold eyes, the color of honey, a product of nature. The color of the sun's glow at the end of the day—they know the true source of their power. They're malleable, like gold, not set in their ways. They embrace change when it is necessary, and they are brave enough to change themselves. Precious metals are molded by fire, and when Zuko and Ursa emerge from the heat, they are strong, yet still compassionate; hardened, yet still forgiving; radiant, yet still reachable.

And unlike copper, gold does not tarnish easily.


	26. Sessions and Lessons

Zuko decided to reinstate a meditation practice into his morning schedule. Perched near a fountain in the royal hospital's courtyard, he tried to focus on the bubbling water to calm him. This was a good idea in theory if his thoughts hadn't kept drifting toward a certain waterbender. After a few attempts, he sighed in resignation. At least he could enjoy the sunrise.

Nearby footsteps shook him from his daydreams. He recognized the tall slender man making swift strides toward the hospital door. Something sparked in Zuko, and he unsuspectingly found himself instep with the Earth Kingdom citizen.

"Dr. Jung, I wonder if I might trouble you for a bit of your time this morning."

The doctor scowled at him through skewed spectacles. "Anything for the Fire Lord."

Once inside Dr. Jung's office, Zuko marveled at the amount of scrolls and books displayed on the shelves in there. _Has he read all these? He must be the smartest man alive, then_. It wasn't a very big space, so Zuko feared one of the towering piles of books might actually fall on him. This added to his discomfort, and the feeling of regret soon followed. He sat down warily in the seat Dr. Jung offered him.

"Tea?" Dr. Jung asked.

"Um, yes please."

"To what do I owe this honor?" The doctor's voice still held an air of contempt.

 _What did I ever do to him?_

"How is my sister?" Zuko began.

"Well enough."

"Could you be a little more specific?"

"Well, her good days finally outweigh her bad, so that's progress. The bad ones are still pretty bad, though." Dr. Jung set a cup of tea in front of Zuko.

"I see."

"There are some things from her past she needs to make peace with before she can move forward."

"I can understand that."

"I have no doubt." Dr. Jung's tone finally softened.

Zuko took a deep breath. _So here goes nothing_. "Um, Dr. Jung, I need you to… err, I would like for you… uh… do you think there is anything you can do for me?"

"That depends on what your problem is."

"I'm not sleeping well."

"The sun poppy works wonders for that. Surely you don't need me to brew your tea."

"No, I mean, I have these… nightmares."

"Ah, yes." Dr. Jung folded his hands and tucked them under his chin while propping himself up on the desk with his elbows. "Dreaming is the way the brain works itself out while you're sleeping. It's trying to make sense of things which is oftentimes why our dreams make no sense at all."

"Um, ok. Except that my dreams usually make perfect sense."

"Well, the content of your dreams may make sense—to you, at least—but it doesn't make sense that you keep having them. If a nightmare is reoccurring, then you're harboring something that hasn't been resolved. Your brain keeps revisiting it, because it _can't_ sort it out."

"OK, that sounds… feasible… and hopeless."

"It's difficult to work through, but not hopeless. I will help you if you are willing to be helped."

"Willing? But didn't I just ask you for help?"

"Yes, but you may not realize what you're asking."

"Well, if the sessions are going to be like this… where you are condescending and ambiguous, then maybe I'm not interested." Zuko crossed his arms across his chest. He could feel his pulse rising, just like his voice had.

"Is there anything else besides the dreams you'd like to work on? Anger perhaps?"

"Oh, that's just rich. You know, whatever. Maybe this was a mistake." Zuko pushed his tea cup away and stood to leave. _Sorry, Mother. I tried. Therapy just isn't for me._

"She told me you were a fighter. I didn't think you'd give up so easily."

" _She_ was the one who told me to come here in the first place. What, is helping me some sort of favor to her? Honestly, I don't know what she sees in you anyway."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know enough. And she's been through enough as it is. You should stay the bloody hell away from her if you know what's good for you!"

Dr. Jung's eyes widened, and his jaw clinched. Zuko waited for him unleash, but the anger the doctor was visibly trying to suppress never surfaced.

"As it stands, your mother won't see me. But this is not about her or me. This is about you. So YOU decide if you truly want to get better. I can make the dreams go away. I've done it before. I can help you handle your anger. I can help alleviate your pain. But I can't do any of it if you're not willing to do the work yourself."

He stood abruptly causing Zuko to jump. The doctor then continued, "And I think you SHOULD do it. You owe it to yourself. But even if you still need convincing, do it for your country, because you are a man of honor. Do it for your mother, because like you said, she's already been through enough. Do it for Katara. Because even though I don't really put much weight in young love, she was in here asking for help long before you knew you needed it. So, Fire Lord Zuko, be better for _them_ if not for yourself."

Zuko was amazed at how calmly and evenly Dr. Jung could deliver such pointed words. _Katara always talks about how doctors should be detached. Is this what that looks like? But he has a point…_

"I… will," Zuko said after some consideration.

"You don't sound convinced."

"I am. I WILL."

"It will be hard. You won't like it."

"I don't like it already."

"It may take some time before you see progress. When we start to uncover the deeper issues, you will feel very raw. It may seem very dark for a while."

"It's always darkest before the dawn."

"Hmm. Yes, she used to tell me that, too." The hard shell of Dr. Jung finally broke into a smile.

Zuko felt surprisingly hopeful.

* * *

"Those are not your usual broadswords, are they?" Piandao stepped back from the sparring session while Zuko took the opportunity to adjust his stance.

"No sir, they belonged to my cousin," Zuko replied.

"Hmm. That might explain things. Still getting used to them? You seem a bit off."

"I'm just out of practice."

"Well, I want to make sure it's not the swords. Sometimes another person's swords won't work as well for you. That's why I have all my students make their own. Do you have your other daos?"

"No sir. I left them on Ember Island."

"Ah, I see. Well, you'll adjust with time, I'm sure. OK, again." Piandao lifted his own sword to initiate the sparring sequence.

When the training session ended, master and apprentice bowed to each other and parted ways. Zuko rubbed a spot on his hand where the hilt of his sword had formed a blister. It was true that he hadn't felt as comfortable using Lu Ten's daos, but he didn't want to disappoint Uncle. Besides, he had no idea when he'd have a chance to go back to Ember Island. _Someday, hopefully. With Katara._

"Zuko?" Ursa approached him in the palace corridor.

"Oh, hi Mom." Zuko felt self-conscious about his sweaty appearance knowing she'd likely make a fuss about it. "I'm going to clean up. I just finished training with Piandao."

"Well, I just wanted to warn—err, let you know that there's someone in your office waiting for you," she said.

"OK… thanks?"

"He's Water Tribe." Ursa looked nervous. Zuko thought for a minute. _Well, it could be Hakoda, which would be nerve-wracking just because he's Katara's dad, but otherwise OK. It could also be Arnook, and that guy could be trouble…_

"Zuko?"

"Hmm?"

"I know you don't want my advice, but I'm worried. You should post a guard at your office door. You might think this Water Tribe guy is OK because of Katara, but not everyone can be trusted. It was so easy for me to just go in there and deliver your tea the other day. I mean, anyone could go in and do something… like poison you."

"Mom, it's OK."

"Zuko, it's happened… before."

He noticed the guilt that flashed across her face. _I probably have to worry less about Water Tribe and more about my own people_. "OK, Mom. It's a good idea. Thanks for letting me know."

She tousled his hair. He tried to duck out her reach. She shook her head disapprovingly. He rolled his eyes.

"Thank you," she called from the end of the hallway. "I love you."

 _Well, at least she's trying not to be so overbearing. Now, who is this mysterious Water Tribe visitor?_ Zuko debated on whether he should go find out or get cleaned up first.

"Sokka? What are you doing here?" Zuko could only see the back of him, but he'd recognize that wolftail anywhere.

"Are these yours?" Sokka gestured to the bottles in the liquor cabinet.

"Uhh, no. Or well, yes? They were my father's."

"Well, there's some high end stuff in here! Have you tried any of it?"

"No."

Sokka reached in and grabbed an amber colored bottle. He wiped away the dust from its label. "This here is banyan-grove-barrel-aged whiskey from the Earth Kingdom, and it's extremely rare." He removed the cork and inhaled deeply. "Wow."

"So, did you just come to inspect my father's exotic liquor collection?"

"Hey, man. I am most definitely here for the booze. I got a birthday party invitation after all." Sokka held up the whiskey bottle and made a hopeful expression.

"OK, OK, one shot, but I still have work to do." Zuko opened the side cabinet and retrieved two small glasses. "The party is not for another two weeks, you know."

"Didn't you get my message? I sent one saying I'd be coming early."

Zuko pointed at the pile of untouched scrolls on his desk. "Like I said, I have a lot of work to do."

"That's rough, buddy." Sokka lifted his glass in a silent toast, and they both drank. "Mmmm."

Zuko thought the whiskey tasted sweet and earthy, and it felt warm and tingly on his tongue. He liked it a lot. It was so different from the sharp and spicy alcohol commonly found in the Fire Nation.

"So, I heard your mom was back. That's great news!" Sokka plopped down in the plush chair and propped his feet up on Zuko's desk.

Zuko eyed Sokka's feet with some annoyance. "Yeah."

"You don't sound too exited about it. What's up?"

"Well, it's great having her back, don't get me wrong, but… she kinda treats me like I'm eleven all over again."

"Oh, ouch. Like time hasn't passed for her or something."

"I guess. But it's driving me crazy. She just… nags me all the time."

"Kinda sounds like Katara!"

"No way. Katara's nothing like that. I mean, my mom scolds me about my language, she fusses about my hair, she even barged in on me…" Zuko made a quick hand gesture, and his meaning was understood straight away.

Sokka made a hissing sound between his teeth. "Oh, that's just wrong. I'm surprised you haven't busted into this liquor cabinet sooner. Sounds like mommy dearest has too much time on her hands. Does she have anything to do? Like a job other than 'mom to the Fire Lord' because she's taking that role waaaay too seriously."

"Well, no, I guess not. She's been… well, it's a long story. But that's a good point. She'd probably feel better if she had something to do anyway. She's always enjoyed helping people. She likes to feel needed. " Zuko took another sip of the whiskey. _Damn this is good stuff._

"That also sounds like Katara." Zuko opened his mouth to protest but Sokka continued. "Hey man, it's common for guys to date women who remind them of their mothers. I'm just sayin.'"

Zuko didn't know how to respond to that, so he just threw back the whiskey instead. It made him cough, and his eyes started to water. _I should've sipped and savored._

Sokka laughed and clapped him on the back. "I'll let you sort that one out on your own. I'm going to see if I can find Piandao. He's still around, right?"

"Yeah, I just finished training with him. He might be back at his quarters. So you're staying until the Winter Solstice Festival then?"

"Well, Suki is in Kyoshi until the party. Kai keeps buggering off with Ty Lee to practice airbending, and Shinu seems to have everything under control. I was getting a bit lonely in Two Rivers. I wanted to come see you guys, but it turns out Aang, Toph, and Katara aren't even here."

"Yeah, you'll just have to settle for me."

"As long as you've got this stuff." Sokka downed the rest of his whiskey. "You good for another drink later?"

"Everyone will be back in a day or two. There's one unoccupied room in Uncle's villa. I'll make sure it's prepared for you."

"Thanks almighty Fire Lord." Sokka smirked.

"You can join us for dinner in the palace dining hall. And then drinks afterward." Zuko tipped his head toward the liquor cabinet.

Sokka stood and mockingly offered the traditional Fire Nation bow. "Oh, I almost forgot. Little man Arik gave me a message for you." Sokka handed over a piece of neatly folded parchment. "His dad is a great guy. Thanks again for recommending him to the council."

"Glad I could be of service." Zuko returned Sokka's half-attempt at the formalities.

After Sokka had left, Zuko opened Arik's letter.

* * *

 _Dear Fire Lord Zuko,_

 _How are things in the Fire Nation capital? Things are good here. Dad is busy with the council. I can tell he really likes working there. It is much better than the army. Mom seems happier, too. She is not as worried as she used to be. Rina is still a pain, but she doesn't attack me as much anymore. The firebending moves you taught me are very helpful._

 _Mr. Sokka tells me that he is coming to visit you because you are having a birthday soon. I just had a birthday, actually! I turned 11. Mom made my favorite cake, and dad gave me my first dagger. Cool, huh? I wish I could come to your birthday party. I hope it is lots of fun._

 _Your friend,_

 _Arik_

 _PS: Dad told me not to write anything about this, but I hope you can find me a firebending teacher soon. If not, I understand. Thanks anyway for teaching me._

* * *

Zuko smiled as he refolded the letter. _Wow, eleven years old already_. Arik really shouldn't wait much longer to start his firebending training. He would soon be going through a lot of changes and growth, and it would be better to have a handle on his bending before puberty hit. _I could do it. Maybe not every day, but whenever I can find the time._ Then Zuko remembered that he had just added sword training and therapy sessions to his schedule. He also wanted to resume his own firebending lessons at some point.

 _But no firebender around here has time on their hands and would want to take on an 11-year-old apprentice. Most of the instructors I know from the academy are very strict and would think it beneath them to teach a student of mixed race with an unsatisfactory skill level for a boy his age. No, it would have to be me unless I could find someone compassionate… with time to kill… who could relate to an 11-year-old-boy…_

Upon his sudden realization, Zuko collected a quill and parchment to write a quick response.

* * *

 _Dear Shinu,_

 _I apologize for the oversight and the late notice, but I would be honored if you and your family would be able to attend the upcoming Winter Solstice celebration here in the capital. There will be accommodations available for you in one of our new embassies. Please let me know, and I will personally arrange everything._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Fire Lord Zuko_

 _PS: Tell Arik there is someone special whom I would like for him to meet._

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** In _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko,_ Iroh gives Zuko Lu Ten's daos as a coronation gift, so that is why he is using them here. I went back and watched the series finale, and Zuko did not take his swords with him when they left Ember Island. So naturally, they are still there, and if Zuko didn't take those along, he must have only taken the bare essentials. So, he left a few other things behind, too, like the topknot piece mentioned in the last chapter, for example. _  
_

Other _Stalking_ references from the last chapter that I didn't mention happen to be really subtle. When Katara says Zuko attacked Aang as a training method to assess progress, that was an explanation Emletish offered for why Zuko did that in the show. Also, when Katara tried to help Zuko relax once by massaging his shoulders, all he wanted to do was kiss (in NSFZ) so that's why she laughs when she thinks about it.

And now, it's confession time. When I first read the _Stalking_ series, it resonated with me because I was once a 15-year-old girl who liked to journal, and I felt like I could, oh I dunno, channel my inner Katara. When I decided to write my own fic, I started out seeing things from more of Katara's POV, but then as the story progressed, I really began to relate more to Zuko and Ursa. (This surprised me, but it shouldn't have. I've already alluded to my own experience with abuse.)

All of that being said and for as much as I love Zutara as a pairing, neither Zuko or Katara are my favorite ATLA character. I don't know how well I can actually _write_ the meat-and-sarcasm guy, but I absolutely love Sokka. While his character arc in canon is not as developed as Zuko's or as prominent as Aang's, it is still significant. I could go into a complete character analysis here, but I won't, so I will just say that yay! I'm glad he's back in my story!


	27. Children of War

Toward the end of their fifth day on Ember Island, Katara was surprised to find Hawky picking a fight with Zali over a morsel of bread near the pond. Toph scooped up the turtleduck and cradled it while Katara retrieved the scroll from the messenger hawk's neck.

 _Ugh, Sokka's stupid bird. Wait… Sokka!?_

* * *

 _Dear Katara,_

 _I am here at the palace and looking forward to seeing you soon! I have a favor to ask. Can you please bring back Zuko's dao blades? Piandao and I have a little birthday surprise in mind for the Fire Lord. Thanks, sis._

 _Love,_

 _Sokka_

* * *

"What does it say?" Toph asked.

"Well, it's a note from Sokka, but how did he know to find us here?" Katara wondered aloud.

Iroh, who had just entered the courtyard, looked over her shoulder. "Oh, Piandao must have told him."

Aang clambered in behind Iroh carrying a stack of wood. "Who told who what?" he chirped.

"So Piandao is in on SOWS, too, then?" Katara raised an eyebrow at Iroh.

"Yes, indeed. Take a look at this." Iroh unrolled the parchment that he had been carrying under his arm. Aang and Katara gasped. It was a portrait of Team Avatar painted against the backdrop of the palace gardens.

"What is it?" Toph set Zali gently back in the water and joined the group.

"It's a painting of all of us. A _really_ good painting," Katara said.

"Did Piandao do this? I remember when we all posed for him a week or so after Zuko's coronation. Wow, I had no idea he was so talented," Aang observed.

"Yes, wielding a paintbrush is much like wielding a sword. They both require precision and expression." Iroh paused to stroke his beard thoughtfully. "I thought this place needed something to spruce up these drab walls. There _used_ to be portraits on the wall if I recall correctly."

"Um, I think someone had a sibling bonding moment over a bonfire at the beach," Katara explained.

"Hardly," Toph snorted. "Although whenever Zuko and Azula get together, there's usually fire involved."

"It's probably better anyway," Katara said as she admired Piandao's handiwork. "These are the people Zuko considers his family. And I know where pictures of Uncle and Ursa are that we can put on the wall, too!"

"Very good! No need to rid the house of the bad vibes, then. We've already got a clean slate. First we need to make a frame with this wood here. Katara, do you remember where the shed is out back? We'll need some paint. Aang, arrange those boards around the portrait, will you? Toph, here's a hammer and some nails," Iroh instructed as he clapped his hands together.

"Wait, you're giving the blind girl the hammer?" Toph victoriously lifted the hammer up in the air. "Sweeeeeeet."

* * *

The Ember Island house looked great, and they planned to head back to the capital in the morning. Katara was so excited she couldn't sleep. She hoped she would be able to keep from slipping any information about SOWS to Zuko. She had promised Uncle after all. As she flopped over restlessly in her bed, she saw from under her door that someone else was still awake. She tiptoed out into the hallway to follow the source of the light. _Uncle must not be a firebender who rises with the sun. Otherwise he'd never get any sleep!_

Iroh's door suddenly flew open causing Katara to jump. He shoved a suitcase into the hallway, and then turned to pick up a box.

"Need any help?" Katara asked.

"Oh!" It was Iroh's turn to jump. "I didn't see you there, my dear."

"Are you getting an early start on packing?"

"Well, no. I'm moving my stuff over to the west wing of the house now that it's fixed up."

"Oh. Why? You won't be staying in your room when we come back?"

"No, no. Ursa and I will let you kids have this side of the house. You don't want any adults spoiling your fun." Iroh winked at her.

He started walking down the main hallway with the box in hand, and Katara scooped up the suitcase to follow him.

"The west wing was reserved for guests. Typically it was Mai or Ty Lee's family who stayed there," Iroh explained.

"Oh."

"The rooms should be pretty bare. Nobody's old stuff should be in there." Iroh fiddled with the doorknob before deciding to set down the box in order to open the door.

"I think Ursa's things are in a trunk in the attic," Katara said. "If you think she might want them. I'm not sure which things bring up bad memories, you know?"

"I'm willing to bet that anything in Ursa's possession was a treasured keepsake. I'm sure we are safe with all the old family portraits gone, and you said that you and Zuko already went through Ozai's old room." Iroh set the box down on the bed and took in his surroundings.

Katara sat on a plush chair near the door and casually propped her feet up on the suitcase. "Do you really think rooms can have bad vibes?"

Iroh tilted his head in consideration. "I don't think that rooms themselves are bad. Of course, they can trigger bad memories. So that is what we mean when we talk about the bad vibes. But just like rooms can be refurbished, we can also recondition our minds."

"Zuko said that being in the war council room made him feel... anxious."

"Katara, have you ever been in that room? It would make anyone anxious!"

"Wait, is that the one with all the columns and the big wall of flames that veils the Fire Lord's throne?"

"Well, Zuko doesn't light those flames nor sit on that throne, but yes, the very one."

"Sounds like that room needs an overhaul!"

"I couldn't agree with you more. If any room has bad vibes, it's that one."

"Are there other rooms that are like that?"

"That are tainted with the dastardness of Ozai? Or that cause Zuko anxiety?"

"Um… yes?" _Or both._

"Well, I suspect he never goes in the Agni Kai arena. We have no use for it anymore, so you could put that on the list for whenever you propose your palace renovation project."

"Me?"

"Sounds like a great first task for a new Fire Lady."

"Hmm." She sighed.

Katara retreated to a hazy daydream about royal wedding ceremonies and candlelight reception dinners while Uncle continued setting things about the room. He then broke her reverie. "Let's go see what Lady Ursa has up there in the attic, shall we?"

It took the two of them to haul the trunk back down to the west wing bedroom. _It would've been nice to have help_. _Especially from Aang with all the dust._ But she was the one who was awake at this late hour, and she hadn't thought to mention it before. It was likely that no one else even knew about the trunk since Zuko had showed it to her just before they left Ember Island.

"Should we just leave it for Ursa to sort through, or…" Katara started after they arranged the trunk under the window opposite the large poster bed. But Iroh had already opened it, and his breath caught as he lifted out a portrait that rested on top of a stack of books. Katara remembered it was the one of Lu Ten, Zuko, and Azula just before Lu Ten left to join the army. Iroh's fingers ghosted over the faces of the children, all so young and unsuspecting.

"They look so innocent," Katara said, looking over his shoulder.

"They do. But they weren't." Iroh placed the portrait back in the trunk and shut it with sudden force. He then answered Katara's look of shock. "They were all conditioned from an early age for roles that children should never have to play."

"That's what happens in war," Katara said softly. Yet Iroh remained firm.

"At eighteen years of age, Lu Ten was one of my best soldiers. But he shouldn't have been there, Katara. He should have been sparring with peers on the training grounds. Getting drunk with his friends. Courting young noblewomen. Not… this…"

Katara instinctively reached out a hand and placed it on Iroh's arm. She wasn't sure if she could be of any comfort to the old general in the loss of his son, but he was shaking slightly. She had never seen him this way.

"And Azula, the firebending prodigy, started her lessons when she was just three years old. She was able to generate lightening by the time she was ten, but what child can be completely void of emotion? There were other lessons going on behind-the-scenes where her father was poisoning her mind, training her in his manipulative methods."

Katara withdrew her hand, feeling the heat that was building up in the firebender's body.

"And Zuko. If only he knew that his father's disinterest was a good thing. But it wasn't just indifference, it was unfounded hatred for his own flesh and blood. I never understood it, but the boy tried and tried to prove himself. When he realized he couldn't keep up with Azula, he trained in the swords. When his father scorned the weapons for not being fire, Zuko poured himself into the study of warfare and politics. I have never seen such dedication, such loyalty, and for what? This stupid war and that terrible man…"

"So, Zuko knows a lot about politics?" For some reason the notion surprised Katara. Zuko was always talking about how much he hated the politics and how useless he felt during meetings.

"Katara, he's a brilliant politician and strategist." Iroh turned to face her, and their eyes met. "He may try to convince you otherwise, because as you know, self-confidence is not his strong suit. But if we can help him see his true potential… if he will embrace his destiny, then he will redeem the Fire Nation. Katara, he has the power to change the world."

Katara felt a combined sense of pride and panic. Zuko had the skills he needed to be great. And he had the support network. But would he rely on them in his time of need? And more importantly, could he trust himself to be all that he could be.

 _The world may be free, but will he ever be?  
_

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** The Piandao painting comes from _Not Stalking Firelord Zuko_ , Chapter 11: The Last Agni Kai, where he does sketches of everyone to make a future mural. Not sure where the mural ends up according to Em, but according to me, Iroh decides to commission a Team Avatar portrait. Isn't Piandao great? I'm really glad he stuck around as one of Zuko's advisors. Also, I think _Sokka's Master_ may be one of my favorite episodes. You know, since Sokka is my favorite character and all...

Sorry, I got sidetracked. OK, so Zuko and Katara find Ursa's chest in the attic in _Not Stalking Zuko_ , Chapter 37: Ugly Truths. This scene is so heartbreaking to me, where Zuko doesn't want to see his childhood picture because it makes him feel ugly, and Katara assures him that she doesn't think that by lightly kissing his scar. There has been so much build up to them kissing, and it is such an emotionally-charged moment, and guess who ruins it? Yup, my man, Sokka.

Also, head canon here: I think young Zuko studied up on warfare and politics in an effort to impress his father. I think that's why he went into the war room that fateful day. He truly wanted to learn, but he also wanted to show his father his eagerness to learn. He may have even imagined himself imparting some of his acquired war knowledge in a way that would make his father proud. Despite Iroh's warning him not to speak, I think Zuko may have even been poised to, just not in the way that he did. And the fact that he was not afraid to face the general in the Agni Kai says something, too. Zuko wanted to prove himself.

But since Zuko already knew he couldn't prove himself to his father with fire, he chose politics instead. Therefore, when faced with his father's fire, he surrendered. He knew the rules of war, after all, he just didn't realize who the real enemy was.


	28. Flight of the Nations

"Sorry I'm late." Zuko didn't realize how much training, whiskey tasting, and his afternoon appointments could work up an appetite. "Dinner looks great!"

"It's not a problem, dear, I was just getting to know Katara's brother here," Ursa said. "He's quite the comedian, I should say!"

"Yeah, Zuko, I think your mom has been sippin' too much sake, because she actually laughs at my jokes." Sokka tapped his wine glass with his chopsticks and raised his eyebrows at Ursa.

"Mother, don't encourage him." Zuko poured his own glass of sake and eyed his dinner companions warily.

"Oh, it's fine. Sokka was just telling me about life in the South Pole… about ice fishing and penguin sledding," Ursa said.

Zuko spewed out the rice wine he had just sipped. "He told you about _what_?"

"Well, it's fascinating really. Apparently you coax an otter penguin into letting you ride on its back, and you can slide down those slippery ice slopes. It's exhilarating, Sokka says." Ursa's face held an expression of wonderment.

Zuko gaped at his mother. Sokka put a fist in front of his mouth in an obvious effort to suppress his laughter.

Ursa was, of course, oblivious. "Sokka, it doesn't hurt the penguin, does it?"

"Oh, no. The penguin is _juuuuust_ fine."

"How do you approach the penguin? Does it just let you ride it, just like that?"

"Well, you have to be gentle. _Katara_ likes to bring something to entice them." Sokka winked at Zuko. "Me, I just find that a little petting works. If you stroke them just right…" He faked a cough to cover up his accidental chuckle.

"Oh, I see. So, if you're nice to the penguin, it will take you on this thrilling… Zuko, are you OK? You look a little flush, dear." Ursa furrowed her brow in concern.

"I, uh…" Zuko glared at Sokka.

"I told your mom about ice fishing, too." Sokka smirked back at Zuko. "You see there's this hole. And really, it's all about positioning—"

"Sokka, did you find your room and everything? I just want to make sure you're _comfortable_ during your stay." There was no way Zuko could let this conversation continue with his mother and girlfriend's brother in the room. It was truly mortifying.

"Well, about that…" Sokka looked apprehensively at Ursa.

"Right." She nodded. "Zuko, since your Uncle has prepared several royal villas to serve as embassies for visiting nations, it seems fitting for Sokka to stay in the newly instated Water Tribe embassy for the upcoming Solstice Festival, don't you think?"

"Well, I thought he'd rather be near his friends, Aang and Toph, and his sister who are all staying in Uncle's villa," Zuko replied.

Sokka and Ursa exchanged nervous glances.

"What is it?" Zuko asked.

"Well, there's no room in Uncle's villa," Ursa explained. "I moved into the last available room today."

"Oh." Zuko searched his brain for a response.

"Hey, the new embassy is great, man! All decorated in Water Tribe blues. Your uncle really has an eye for décor!" Sokka interjected.

"But I thought…" Zuko looked questioningly at his mother.

Ursa sighed. "Zuko, it's better this way. That room is for the Fire Lady, and someone else will occupy it someday. Plus, you don't want your mother hovering over you. I can tell you want some privacy."

Zuko nodded. He felt a mixture of guilt and relief.

Across the room Sokka was mouthing, "for penguin sledding" and giving Zuko a thumbs-up.

* * *

When Zuko returned to his office after walking his mother back to her new room, he found Sokka surveying the contents of the liquor cabinet just as he expected.

"What the hell was that? At dinner?" Zuko felt the heat return to his face just thinking about it.

"You really need to relax, man." Sokka shifted a few bottles around on the dusty shelves. "And I know just the thing…"

"Well, can you at least try to have a civil conversation around my mother next time?"

"Sure, sure jerkbender. OK, what do you think about doing a flight?"

"A what?" Zuko plopped down in a chair and took off his boots. "This isn't another one of your dirty jokes is it?"

"No, no, a flight of drinks. It's where you try a little bit from several different kinds. Don't worry, I got this." Sokka started placing shot glasses arranged in rows in front of Zuko and the other chair next to the desk. He stroked his chin and let out a dramatic "hmmmmm" as he scanned the cabinet.

Zuko leaned back and closed his eyes wondering just how much he was going to regret this in the morning. It was supposed to be his first session with Dr. Jung. He could imagine that the doctor would not appreciate him showing up hungover. It was already going to be a miserable process, he figured. What did it really matter, then? The sound of clinking glass brought him back from his wandering thoughts.

"Wow, Zuko, I thought you were just your usual level of tense, but you seem really stressed out. Are you OK?"

"There's a lot going on right now, I guess." Since he had been squeezing his eyes shut, Zuko's vision was blurry at first when he looked back at Sokka. In that moment, he saw Katara's piercing blue eyes staring back at him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sokka asked.

"Not really." _I want to talk to Katara._

"OK, well, I'm here if you, ya know…" Sokka cleared his throat and turned back to the liquor cabinet.

"OK, tonight we are doing a flight of the nations. We'll start with the sweetest and work our way toward the dry. You have four glasses in front of you, one for each nation, and we'll sample a signature drink from each. Are you ready?"

Zuko sat up a little straighter. He remembered how different the whiskey he tried earlier had tasted from anything he'd had before. His interest was definitely piqued. _How does Sokka know about all this?_

"First, we'll start with apple brandy from the Air Nomads. Believe it or not, the monks were the first to distill spirits. Makes sense, I guess, they're such free and fun-loving people. They also love their sweets, so fruit spirits are the most common." Sokka paused to pour an amber colored liquid into two shot glasses. "Well, I say it's common. None of it is common anymore since the Air Nomads were—"

Zuko lifted his glass and quickly interjected, "To the Air Nomads, may Aang be successful in his endeavors to restore their rich culture."

Sokka nodded, and they drank. It was very sweet, but Zuko could feel a lingering bite on his tongue from the alcohol. He smiled as he imagined Aang drinking way too much of it and then whirling around the room on his air scooter.

"This next one is called Dragonclaw made from the flowers of the white dragon bush," Sokka continued.

"The white dragon bush also makes really good tea." Zuko remembered his Uncle warning not to get it mixed up with the white jade bush when he'd had the misfortune of doing so on their travels in the Earth Kingdom.

"Well, so the Dragonclaw Distillery was only in operation for a short time in the Earth Kingdom before the Fire Nation shut it down. Even though the plant is native to the Earth Kingdom, it seems that the Fire Nation thought it owned the rights to the dragon name and imagery." Sokka pointed to the intricate etching of a dragon on the bottle.

"I guess that makes sense. The dragons were the first firebenders after all," Zuko said coolly.

Sokka looked at him incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"Oh. I mean, Fire Nation shutting things down and claiming things as their own. That sounds like something we would—err, um we did… hell, just pour the drink." Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. So far having these drinks had not served to relax him at all.

"I guess that explains why your father has a bottle," Sokka mused.

Zuko made a noise of frustration and drank the shot in one swift motion. He didn't take much time to savor it or note its flavor.

"OK, so from the Water Tribe…"

"Let me guess, it was specially processed by waterbenders, but production ceased because the Fire Nation invaded and captured all the Southern waterbenders, and my father received a bottle as a war trophy…"

"No, actually. Your dad doesn't have anything from the Water Tribes. I brought my own." Sokka pulled out a small flask from his tunic pocket. "It's a bit of an acquired taste…"

"Isn't everything from the Water Tribe?" Zuko felt himself let out a sigh of relief. He accepted the glass from Sokka. "To friends."

"To brothers," Sokka replied.

Zuko fought the urge to spit out the thick salty liquid he had just sipped. "Wow, that's… interesting."

"It's called Tui and La. It's brewed by churning seaweed in two different directions to release the sea salts and minerals that aid in the fermentation process. The drink is supposed to represent harmony and is often used for wedding toasts."

"So, you just keep some in your pocket in case you need to bless someone's marriage?"

"No, I just like to see people's reactions to it. You did pretty well, actually."

"Err… thanks?"

"Well, it's good to know you won't make a fool of yourself at a Water Tribe wedding at least."

"Are you planning to have one… soon?" Zuko saw the distant look in Sokka's eyes once he asked the question.

"It's… complicated. I mean, I love Suki, I really do, it's just that…" Sokka swallowed hard. "Nevermind. I'm supposed to be helping you relax here."

"No, I get it. Really, Sokka, I do."

"It's not just because we're from different nations, it's beyond that, so even though you and Katara and trying to figure out the whole Water Tribe, Fire Nation thing—"

"No. It's about sacrifice. Suki is a strong woman with a lot to lose if she leaves Kyoshi. Who are you to ask her to leave that behind? But you have responsibilities, too. So, I think we have to figure out how to love each other and align our lives in a way where mutual sacrifice occurs. You're right, it's way beyond our nationalities. It's about finding a new identity in who you are with this other person. Not in a way that you lose yourself, but in a way that you become a better version of yourself."

"I'll drink to that, hotman." Sokka's voice was barely above a whisper. "It's appropriate then that the last drink is from the Fire Nation where the Fire Lord himself sits before me doling out love advice. It's a drink of passion, made from the panda lily which grows in fertile volcanic soil. Some say that while it does not taste fiery, they can feel the fire in their blood when they drink it."

"I'm a firebender. I feel fire in my blood already. As do most people from the Fire Nation." Zuko rolled his eyes.

"Meh." Sokka shrugged while procuring the bottle. "Maybe it's a marketing gimmick for the rest of the world, then. Everyone says that firebenders make the best lovers."

Zuko took the drink but still felt quite skeptical about its claims. It tasted floral and smooth, and he imagined that Katara would probably like it. A few minutes later, though, he _did_ feel a burning sensation running through his body. He exchanged wide-eyed looks with Sokka who confirmed that he was feeling it, too.

"So, four drinks, four nations. There you have it," Sokka concluded. "I should probably add something symbolic about peace and cooperation, yada yada, but—"

"Another round?" Zuko interrupted.

"Hell yeah."

"Oh, can I get that Banyan whiskey this time instead of the salty Tui La stuff? It's related to the Water Tribes in a way… right… because Banyan trees grow in the swamp?"

"Whatever, man. You're the Fire Lord."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** In _Not Stalking Zuko_ , Chapter 10: Love and Other Tragedies, "Penguin Sledding" is a code phrase for jerking off. (Oh sorry, I suppose "jerking off" is a code phrase, too, of sorts. Male masturbation, then. Just want to make sure Ursa isn't the only one in the dark here.) I imagine that Sokka and Ursa are having a pretty normal conversation before Zuko gets there, and Sokka does this just to mess with him. Because Zuko is fun to mess with, he embarrasses easily, and there's a brotherly-type relationship forming between the two of them.

So the meat-and-sarcasm guy is also the wine-and-spirits guy. Zuko and Sokka are roughly the same age, although I'd guess Sokka's 18th birthday is sometime in the next year. So, maybe they're a little young to be kicking back with shots of high end hard liquor. In all honesty, I wish I'd staged this fic a little later and made everyone a little older. But with only two more chapters left to this story, I'm pretty committed at this point. Besides, the legal drinking age in most countries is 18.

Also, a brief explanation on the housing situation. The royal villas, as best as I understand it, are residences surrounding the palace where royal relatives and high level officials live. Apparently only the Fire Lord's immediate family and the Crown Prince live in the palace which means Zuko would have lived in a villa until his mother disappeared, and his father usurped his uncle. So, Ursa would have never lived in the official Fire Lady suite, save the past month or so, and coincidentally she has just moved back into her old room in the villa. Katara is staying in Zuko's old room, Toph is in Azula's old room, and Iroh is in Ozai's old room.


	29. Proverbial Love

"You're hungover."

"Hmmmm." Zuko groaned and frowned at Dr. Jung. Everything from the previous day now seemed like a terrible idea. Agreeing to therapy. Sampling from his father's liquor cabinet. Even training with Piandao was taking its toll with Zuko's blistered hands as evidence.

Dr. Jung let out a long exasperated sigh. Zuko buried his head in his hands to block out the offending light in the room. He'd slept through his council meeting and was now cursing himself for not staying in bed longer. He peeked through his fingers when he heard the clink of a tea cup in front of him.

"Drink. It will help."

"Can't we just do this another time?"

"We will do this plenty of other times. I hope you weren't thinking one session would be a cure-all. Now, you showing up in this condition, _that_ won't happen again. Drink your tea."

They sat in silence for several minutes while Zuko slowly sipped, and Dr. Jung shuffled through some papers. It didn't take long for the drink to take effect, and Zuko was surprised at how clear his head felt. He wondered if his Uncle knew about this blend because it had really helped sharpen his mind. In fact, the therapy session went better than he expected.

"What's in the tea?" Zuko asked Dr. Jung as he was leaving.

"It's more medicinal than it is tea," Dr. Jung replied.

"But what's in it?"

"Several things to help with low energy and, as a consequence, hangovers. I've perfected it over the years."

"OK, but what's in it?"

"Those who give away love with frivolity may find that they brew animosity. For those who truly love tea, they know when to guard their secrets."

"OK… that was… odd. But, I have a right to know what I put in my body. It just made me feel very… alert and clear-minded. I was thinking it could be very helpful at other times when—"

"No. It has not been tested for ongoing, long-term use. A similar concoction has been known to cause addiction which is why I insist on taking precautions. If you must know, the ingredients are ginkgo biloba, milk thistle, guarana, and ginseng all of which grow natively in the Earth Kingdom."

"Oh. OK. Very well, then." Zuko lamented that even though their session had ended on a softer note with Dr. Jung showing his more compassionate side, the clinical nature of the man had returned in full force. He had mixed feelings about therapy, but he might just keep coming back for the tea.

* * *

Zuko was in the middle of training when he heard the familiar sound of Appa's grunt. His eyes went immediately skyward in search of the bison. Seconds later, he dropped his swords and recoiled.

"Spirits, Zuko." Piandao hovered over the Fire Lord who was examining the fresh cut on his arm. "What… is there a lion vulture flying overhead?"

"S-s-sorry. I broke the rules. I looked away." Zuko winced as he flexed his fist and watched the blood seep through his tunic sleeve.

"Not only that, but you did it right after an attack. Which is when you should expect my counter. Very basic swordplay, Fire Lord Zuko. A very foolish oversight." Piandao sheathed his sword and pulled a strip of thin fabric from his pocket. "I'll wrap it for now, but you should go to the royal hospital for care."

Appa growled again, and four faces peered over the saddle as they flew by the training grounds. Zuko waved back and then looked sheepishly at Piandao.

"Oh. I see," the swordsmaster grumbled. "Well, my usual word of advice is fight for those you love, but in this case, perhaps I should say there is no love without pain."

"Uncle would say that love can hurt, but it also heals."

"Yes, and I've also heard, 'stay on guard in your fight, you'll walk away with your life. Let your guard down with your love, and she'll soon be your wife.'"

"Isn't there another one about keeping a strong stance and the enemy within reach, but watch out for the lover who will sweep you off your feet?"

"Hehe, yes it sounds like too many defeated swordsmen sitting around over tea…"

"Zuko!" Katara's voice echoed through the training grounds. She ran to greet him, but stopped short once she saw his arm. "What happened?"

"Oh, um, training accident?" Zuko smiled innocently and shot a sideways look at Piandao.

Katara rolled her eyes. "Master Piandao, may I have some of the water from your flask?"

"Of course, Lady Katara. And welcome back from… your travels." He shared a knowing glance with her.

Katara removed the makeshift bandage and began healing Zuko's arm. "It's been a while since you've needed a healing session from me, hasn't it?"

"Yeah." Zuko sighed. _Spirits, it feels good._

Piandao bowed to the both of them before taking his leave. "Fire Lord Zuko, it looks like your Uncle was right. Love does heal."

* * *

The rest of the afternoon passed as a blur, but everyone seemed to settle down and part ways after dinner. Iroh and Sokka had discovered their mutual interest in alcoholic beverages and retired to Zuko's study for further indulgence in Ozai's collection. Zuko caught wind of the mentioning of Whaletail Ale which he knew to be a pretty crude brew that the Fire Nation navy came up with while at sea. He also overheard murmurings about The Roaring Panda which he realized was the name of the so-called drink of passion that he had sampled with Sokka.

Ursa had seemed quite keen on striking up a conversation with Aang about Air Nomad teachings, and the young monk happily obliged. They left dinner in a deep discussion about chakras. Katara watched them leave and looked back at Zuko with an expression of concern, but he simply shrugged. He was getting closer to alone time with Katara, so he was more than happy to send his overbearing mother off with the hyperactive airbender.

"Hey, where's Toph?" Surprisingly, his concern for her absence overshadowed his anticipation of finally spending some time with his girlfriend.

"Oh. The Oyster Bay siblings are in town again. I think she's buggered off with Rozin," Katara replied.

Zuko felt a wave of protectiveness come over him. "Well, she better come home at a decent time," he said while shaking a scolding finger.

"OK, Father Lord Zuko," Katara teased. She tickled him, and he chased her all the way to the villa courtyard. They tried sparring but only managed a few sequences before they collapsed on the grass in a fit of giggles, tickles, and kisses.

Katara cut off their makeout session by gripping Zuko's chin and stroking the stubble there. "So, you didn't shave while I was gone, did you?"

"OK, Mother Katara, you got me." He joked, but Sokka's comment about Katara being like his mother came to mind.

"Well, I think it's kinda… sexy." Katara fingers danced across his cheek.

All girlfriend, mother comparisons left Zuko's thoughts immediately. He cupped her face in his hand and leaned in for another kiss.

Katara cut him off. "Do you think you'd ever grow it out? I don't know what it's called when it's all long and pointy."

"Oh, um. If you're referring to my Uncle's style, it's called koala muttonchops. The long pointy beard that the Fire Lords traditionally wear is called the phoenix plume."

"Oh."

"I can't grow the mutton chops because… well, mine would just be a chop, I guess." Zuko reflexively touched his scar, but quickly diverted his hand to rub the back of his neck. "And as it turns out, I'm not a very traditional Fire Lord."

"Hey, it's ok. All I really meant was that it tickles. When I kiss you." Katara reached out to touch his chin again, and Zuko shuddered under the coolness of her caress. Something burned in the back of his throat, but he couldn't describe the emotion if he tried. Plus, he knew he was terrible at talking about feelings. He'd start with what he knew for sure.

"Katara, I know I don't say it very often, but…"

"Hmmm?" She wrapped an arm around him and tucked her head under his chin.

 _Where she belongs_ , he sighed. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

They lay silently in each other's arms listening to the soft splashes of the turtleducks in the nearby pond until the moon rose. Katara sensed its presence and began to stretch.

"How was Teji?" Zuko asked.

"Hmm?"

"Your trip to Teji?"

"Oh. It was… busy. I don't really want to talk about it. How were things here? Did you get to spend some good time with your mother?"

"Uhhh, yeah. I guess."

"What do you mean? I figured it would be a great time for you two to catch up."

"Catch up on what exactly? The past seven years filled with joy and happiness?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

"No, it's fine. You were right, though. About me expecting things to be perfect."

"Gran Gran used to say that it's not love that hurts us. It's unfilled expectations that do."

"What is it with all the love proverbs today?"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind. I guess if I've learned anything about love recently is that it's hard."

"Oh, Zuko. It wouldn't be worth it if it was easy. The most rewarding things in life are the things you work the hardest for."

"Well, nothing has ever come easy for me." Zuko felt the burning sensation in his throat again.

Katara laughed.

"What's so funny?" Zuko snapped.

"Well, if you think about how we got together, it was definitely not easy."

Zuko softened. She was right. They were together against all odds. And it was totally worth it. In fact, if all of his other accomplishments faded away, and it was just them, there, together, he would have what he needed to face anything. For all he knew, the hardest part was yet to come. But at least he didn't feel alone or abandoned anymore.

She yawned. "So, when I left, I was staying in your room. Where would the Fire Lord like me to stay tonight?"

"The Fire Lord would have Lady Katara do as she pleases." Zuko gripped Katara's hand and placed gentle kisses on each of her knuckles. "But she is always welcome in his suite."

As they walked back to the palace hand in hand, Zuko gestured back toward the villa. "My mother has taken residence in Uncle's villa, by the way."

"Oh? She's not in the Fire Lady's quarters anymore?"

"No. So I guess that room is available now."

"Zuko, I couldn't…"

"Yeah, I guess it's not a good idea. The passageway is pretty convenient, though."

"Oh yes, the Fire Nation sure loves its secrets."

"Someday, Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, I will make you my Fire Lady. I don't think I can keep it a secret for much longer."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** OK, so Zuko has his first session with Dr. Jung, and if you want to know what they talked about, skip on over to my companion fic, _The Doctor Is In_ , where I'll record those conversations as they coincide with the plot in this story and the sequel, _Rising Tide_. Also, Dr. Jung has this special tea which essentially has the same ingredients as an energy drink. Initially I planned to make it coffee, but then I read that coffee wasn't the best for hangovers. Apparently "guarana" is the key ingredient there.

Also, for certain events in _Rising Tide_ , I've been researching burn care. Damn, Zuko. The good news is that with a burn that severe, the nerve endings are damaged, and pain is actually pretty minimal after a certain point. There is some evidence that nerve endings can grow back, though, but very slowly. I imagine that Zuko has some feeling in and around his scar, although it might be less responsive than his other skin. In the crystal catacombs scene, when Katara touches it, and he closes his eyes, you know he has to be feeling _something_.

Hair follicles would also be damaged, and these do not grow back (think laser hair removal). Hence Zuko's reference to not being able to grow symmetric sideburns. The style that old Zuko ends up with in Legend of Korra works, I guess, but I don't like it all that much. I don't really like Zuko with long hair, either. I think that since he has such a fear of becoming like his father, he would keep his appearance different. He'd keep his hair just long enough to pull up into the traditional top knot for formalities (like it was at the end of season three), and he'd never grow the "phoenix plume." I just made that up, by the way. That and "koala muttonchops." Maybe he could grow a "gorilla-goatee." Or a "dragon-moose-stache." I should stop now. Really.


	30. The Break of Dawn

A slightly inebriated Iroh intercepted them in the hallway.

"Ah, Lady Katara." Iroh hiccuped. "May I borrow my nephew for a moment?"

Zuko and Katara nodded in silent agreement that she would wait for him in his room. Zuko followed his uncle back into the Fire Lord's study where two shot glasses filled with a crimson colored liquid awaited them.

"I found this fire whiskey stashed in the very back of the cabinet. I remember hearing it was Avatar Roku's favorite, so I thought we might share a drink." Iroh handed a glass to Zuko and lifted his in the air. "To a new era of love and peace."

Zuko reciprocated feeling equally comforted and unsettled by the words from his coronation speech. The firewhiskey burned a little at first but had a smooth finish.

"It's very balanced," Iroh said. "Truly an Avatar's whiskey." The general carefully placed the bottle back in the cabinet before picking up another. "Now, this stuff here will grow hair on your chest!"

Zuko groaned and hovered a hand over his glass. "I've had enough, thanks."

"Speaking of, what's that on your chin, nephew?"

"Don't worry. I'm shaving it off tomorrow."

"Not trying to grow a hamster hawk?"

Zuko laughed as he remembered the style, a thick beard at the base of the chin with two spindly pieces growing separately from just under each nostril. "Which one of the crew members wore that?"

Iroh's belly shook as he chuckled in response. "I don't remember his name, but he always got the long pieces twisted around his chopsticks when he ate!"

"Man, that seems like ages ago." Zuko saw in Iroh's expression that they were both thinking the same thing. _So much has happened since then._

Their laughter faded.

"Zuko, did I ever tell you about the time I faced the dragons?"

"No. Probably for the same reason that I never told you about the time that I did. We were both sworn to secrecy."

"Wow, Zuko, when—"

"After the eclipse. When I left the Fire Nation to join the Avatar. Aang and I both…" Zuko wasn't sure what else to say.

"What did the masters show you?" Iroh prompted.

"I saw many colors of fire. It was beautiful. To me, it meant… harmony. And then I knew for certain that it was my destiny to help Aang restore balance to the world."

Zuko waited for Iroh to say something, but the old man simply beamed at him. After a while, it started to make him feel uncomfortable. "And you, Uncle? What did the masters show you?"

Iroh cleared his throat. "A very similar message I would say. I also realized the importance of balance, but not so much in the world, but within oneself."

"That is a good lesson. Although for some reason that sounds more daunting to me that finding balance in the world," Zuko said.

"It's interesting that I got my nickname _The Dragon of the West_ for my supposed conquering of the dragons and my aggressive war tactics. But after I visited Ran and Sha, I became more subdued, in a way. I recognized the power of quiet strength and found that humility would provide the counterbalance to keep me centered."

"I've not done a very good job at staying centered lately," Zuko confessed.

"Zuko, you have always found your own way, and I know you always will." Iroh placed a finger on his nephew's chin and tipped it toward him. "But remember you are not alone."

It was rare for Fire Nation men to show affection toward each other, and Zuko had never been hugged by his own father. There was something about Iroh's embrace that made him feel safe, respected, and loved. The burning sensation returned to his throat, and he knew what he needed to say next.

"I love you, Uncle."

"I love you, too, son." Iroh sniffed and tightened his grip. "Oh man, now you've got me crying like a baby turtle seal!"

Zuko pulled away and wiped his own wet cheeks on his sleeve. "Sorry."

Iroh laughed. "Only you would apologize in a moment like this. But hey! The real reason I brought you here was to give you an early birthday present!"

The general stuck his head out the door, exchanged words with someone, and reappeared with a box in hand. Zuko eyed the gift curiously as his uncle placed it on the desk. Zuko carefully removed the lid to reveal a bundle of black fabric. It was thin and luxuriously smooth, like silk, but not.

"It's clothes?" He examined a pair of pants and then a shirt, both solid black.

"Oh, those are just for underneath, keep going."

Zuko pulled out a black tunic of a slighter thicker material that was lined with an intricate pattern of golden embroidered flames along the collar, lapel, and front trim. On each of the bottom panels, two dragons had been stitched, mirroring one another. _Like Ran and Sha_ , he realized.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Put it on!" Iroh clapped his hands.

"N-n-now?" Zuko started to protest, but his uncle's smiling eyes made him think better of it. He removed his old sash and tunic and slipped on the new one. It was so soft and light. He could immediately tell a difference.

A glint of gold from the box caught his eye. He saw the clasp nestled in a cushion of black fabric and immediately recognized it as Iroh's crest. He ran his blistered thumb across the dragon-emblazoned medallion, and it reminded him of something. "Uncle, Lu Ten's swords…"

"They're not your size. I know."

"You do?"

"Of course. You're taller than he was at your age. I should know, I just gave a tailor your measurements! But don't worry. We'll make sure you have proper fitting swords."

 _I'm taller than Lu Ten? That's right. He left for the army when he was eighteen… and never came back. And now Uncle honors me by calling me "son."_ Zuko sighed.

"So… there's more… to your present…" Iroh urged.

"Oh, right." Zuko lifted the black cloak from the box. The same golden pattern lined the very bottom trim, but otherwise the clasp appeared to be the only ornament. _It's very simple, yet still very regal._

"This is a new… Fire Lord's robe?" he asked. Iroh nodded. As Zuko shifted the cloak to put it on, he stopped short, and they both gasped. When the light caught the cloak in a certain way, it looked patterned? No, textured? There was definitely a variation in the fabric.

"Dragon scales," he whispered.

A knock at the door caused them both to jump. Iroh answered and ushered in a guard carrying a full-length mirror.

"Seriously?" Zuko fastened the clasp and looked incredulously at his uncle.

"Well, don't you want to see what it looks like on you?"

 _No. Not really._ "Well, it feels amazing. So light weight. Loads better than the other one." Zuko reluctantly looked at the mirror and at first glance, he noted the perfect fit, everything from how it sat on his shoulders to the trim at his sides down to the length at his heels.

"What do you think?" Iroh grinned approvingly.

"It's so… different."

"Different is good."

"Yeah, but I don't want to, you know, challenge tradition."

Iroh let out an exasperated sigh. "Nephew, from what I've seen so far, you have a deep respect for tradition where it matters. War may be the Fire Nation's unfortunate history, but it does not have to be our legacy."

"I know, but I shouldn't make any changes just for the sake of change."

"Sometimes change is good. Oftentimes change is necessary. And right now, change is overdue."

"Change is also hard."

"Zuko, lighten up. We are just talking about changing your clothes."

Zuko turned and took in the full sight of himself in the mirror. The robe was amazing, in truth, it was everything he could've hoped for in new regalia. He so rarely looked in mirrors, though. After so many years of avoiding his own reflection, he just stared. It wasn't as pronounced as he remembered. Then again, this wasn't a scared thirteen-year-old looking back at him. No, he was a man, and the scar that once defined him seemed like only a shadow against the blackness of his hair and the cloak that now rested on his shoulders. What was once red and angry and painful was now just a semblance of a fading yet not forgotten past.

All of the sudden, he breathed in sharply. It was too much time in front of a mirror. Zuko looked down at his shoes and started fidgeting nervously with the hem of his tunic.

Iroh reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know what one of your greatest fears as a leader is, but I've known Ozai all his life. To compare you to him is like the difference between night and day."

Zuko stood a little taller then. He met his uncle's eyes in the mirror.

Iroh smiled at their reflection. "The dark days of the Fire Nation are over. It is the reign of Fire Lord Zuko. It is the dawn of a new era."

* * *

 **A/N:** The End! But not really, be sure to check out the sequel, _Rising Tide_. It's already up along with the WIP finale and a few other companion pieces. There are a few things that happen in between when this fic ends and the next one begins (a span of about three weeks) and those are detailed in _The Doctor Is In_ , Chapters 3-5. You don't have to follow the side story about sessions with Dr. Jung in order to keep up with events in _Rising Tide_. It is supplemental, but not crucial to the overall plot line, and whenever it is, it will appear in both places.


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